Parents Training alone

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It is hard. There's one girl on my daughter's team in particular who is really hurtful. It breaks my heart because this girl has ADHD and two sisters close in age and I think this factors contribute. Please forgive me parents if I'm wrong in thinking this, but I've wondered if ADHD may weaken her "filter". I feel like perhaps she just blurts things out without thinking about it first. I also mentioned the siblings because I imagine with three preteen to teen girls there is likely some sibling rivalry that carries over into her behavior with friends. Know what I mean? Like she doesn't differentiate between how she can talk to her sisters vs. her friends.

This particular child does end up getting left out of things because of these traits. It makes me sad for her and I am uncomfortable with it. But, when she brings my child to tears I can't force the friendship. I really like this child's mother and I have knocked around the idea of talking to her mom about it but I can't come up with a way to do it without the mom possibly getting angry or hurt. And I'm not sure the mom could do anything to really change it so then all I would have accomplished would have been confirming she is intentionally being left out. :(
 
This. This is what we are dealing with. My dd is surpassing the highest level and oldest girls in the gym with less hours. Right now she's number two but it's only a matter of time. It's throwing everyone for a loop. How did you and your dd navigate the teen drama? Some days they cheer for her and some days they talk behind her back.

Ah, the delight of the mama drama and her offspring...I remember it well. Many years ago, back in the day, my daughter arrived at the new gym I made her switch to as a 7 yo and within 2 months, they decided she would be fast tracked so she quickly passed many older and established gymnasts at this gym and did well....and yes, we heard the snide remarks , with one of my personal favorites being "well your daughter is able to land the back handspring layout on the beam all the time because she has small feet " (she was a 10 yo level 10 at the time and the mom making this comment had a 17 yo "level 10" who never even made regionals so you can imagine her skill set) so I replied "so was Heather landing the handspring layout when she was younger and had smaller feet?"

My daughter made some great friends even when "training alone" when she did elite...which as txgymfan pointed out, was "never good enough, mum, never"...so she dropped back to 10. Her best friend to this day was a gymnast she just clicked with, who is 5 years older than her....my daughter was always kind of an old soul so it worked.

Don't despair but do remember the mean girl in level 4 will still be the mean girl in optionals, especially if she's being parented to feel that's ok, when it's not....and steer clear of them as they're not worth your effort.
 
And my husband used to always say abut all this "just remember that even though people say they're rooting for her, they're not all rooting for her to do well" ...and I seriously think there are nasty people out there that root for kids to fail or at least not outscore their kid....and make no secret of it.
 
Ah, the delight of the mama drama and her offspring...I remember it well. Many years ago, back in the day, my daughter arrived at the new gym I made her switch to as a 7 yo and within 2 months, they decided she would be fast tracked so she quickly passed many older and established gymnasts at this gym and did well....and yes, we heard the snide remarks , with one of my personal favorites being "well your daughter is able to land the back handspring layout on the beam all the time because she has small feet " (she was a 10 yo level 10 at the time and the mom making this comment had a 17 yo "level 10" who never even made regionals so you can imagine her skill set) so I replied "so was Heather landing the handspring layout when she was younger and had smaller feet?"

At least once a year I get the comment that my daughter is good on beam because she has small feet. Lol, ok people, if that's what it takes for you to feel better about things, then whatever!
 
I just told her to be supportive of her teammates, no matter what. That she cannot control the actions and attitudes of others. And to stay focused on her goals when the atmosphere was rough.
 
It is hard. There's one girl on my daughter's team in particular who is really hurtful. It breaks my heart because this girl has ADHD and two sisters close in age and I think this factors contribute. Please forgive me parents if I'm wrong in thinking this, but I've wondered if ADHD may weaken her "filter". I feel like perhaps she just blurts things out without thinking about it first. I also mentioned the siblings because I imagine with three preteen to teen girls there is likely some sibling rivalry that carries over into her behavior with friends. Know what I mean? Like she doesn't differentiate between how she can talk to her sisters vs. friends.

Ha! Sometimes it might, but it's not intentional. And if it's done spontaneously, it might not be received as it's intended. Meaning if it's the ADHD weakening the filter, she may not be trying to be mean. For example, I was in a restaurant one time and the server came over to our table, which I assumed was to ask if we needed anything. I wasn't paying attention so when she was finished speaking, I just said no thank you and she walked away. My husband and kids were horrified because apparently she asked if we wanted to hear a story about how her finger got pinched while preparing something, I dunno, again I wasn't paying attention......and I just said no thank you.....lol!! But if the girl is trying to be mean, it's probably not because of the ADHD and she might just be a mean kid. But then again hurtful comments don't always come from mean-spirited people.
 
My DD had a rough go of it for a while last year and it appeared that it was bad enough that the coaches were really all aware of what was going on and how the kids were treating her. HC sat her down one day after one girl was particularly ugly and said "you can't stop them from talking about you. Let them. Who cares what they think! People talk about me too, I don't care what they say- why should you! You just keep doing what you are doing and forget what they say." Strangely enough it worked better than anything I could have (and had) been saying to her. She has always been very shy and the youngest by a year or two. She tells me (now) that everyone gets along, but she does ignore the "drama" that rears its head. She also has changed her expectations for certain girls. It used to shock her when certain kids would behave in certain ways, now she is grateful when they are kind, and when they are not she just says "well that is X. That is just how she gets" and moves on.
 
Please forgive me parents if I'm wrong in thinking this, but I've wondered if ADHD may weaken her "filter". I feel like perhaps she just blurts things out without thinking about it first.
This is definitely true of many kids with ADHD and it can get them in a lot of trouble. I have a child (not gymnast) with ADHD and his lack of a filter has been a major problem for several years. He is a teen now and is learning to compensate but it still is tough for him. He is not intentionally being mean - he just doesn't have that social awareness of what is appropriate.

As to the original question - I am not sure I understand the situations you all are describing. At dd's gym, the training groups for optionals contain multiple levels and change based on what they are working on, what coaches are available, etc. So they are used to working on their own skill sets within their groups.

Can someone give examples of how their own gymnasts are training "alone" and why - as in why they can't be with another group working the same events? Is it because they are training elite and just really need those exacting corrections, which requires undivided coach attention or significantly higher reps?
 
My ds had his first session training alone yesterday. So far, not many people know it is happening. I wonder what will happen when they realize it. Right now, we are just keeping a low profile, but I do wonder. Hopefully they will continue to be supportive. (and we have only been at the gym for less than a year, so I get it.). we have been on the other side of this equation, so we understand, and hopefully just work to be supportive of everyone!
 
With our new fall schedule my dd is somewhat training alone. All girls training level 10 either went to the school or moved to go to the school that would allow them to be at the gym by 3. We are not switching my dd school and she gets out at 3 so starts at 3:30 with lower level group. She feels alone at the moment and hates the new schedule. It's been only a couple weeks so we are seeing how it plays out
I think for her the issue is not having the team around her to push her during practice. She's doing bhs lay lay on beam and the rest of the girls are working bhs bhs.
Fingers crossed it gets better for her. I just tell her it doesn't matter the group but how hard you work.
 
As to the original question - I am not sure I understand the situations you all are describing. At dd's gym, the training groups for optionals contain multiple levels and change based on what they are working on, what coaches are available, etc. So they are used to working on their own skill sets within their groups.

Can someone give examples of how their own gymnasts are training "alone" and why - as in why they can't be with another group working the same events? Is it because they are training elite and just really need those exacting corrections, which requires undivided coach attention or significantly higher reps?

DD trains in a homeschool group...so there are not a lot of people practicing at that time.
 
In our instance my kiddo is the only one at her level and is the highest level in the gym. Therefore she will start practice alone with her coach after 2 hours she joins in with another group that is close enough in skill level and can work with her coach while she coaches them as well. If her coach is coaching or a lower level group my DD just follows her coach around the gym and her coach works with her at whatever event they are at.

Our situation may get hairy because we start this year and she is my kid "the gym owner". I am hoping people don't think she is getting special treatment in anyway. She is just at that point that it is time to do this for this child. It just happens to be mine:/
 
In our instance my kiddo is the only one at her level and is the highest level in the gym. Therefore she will start practice alone with her coach after 2 hours she joins in with another group that is close enough in skill level and can work with her coach while she coaches them as well. If her coach is coaching or a lower level group my DD just follows her coach around the gym and her coach works with her at whatever event they are at.

Our situation may get hairy because we start this year and she is my kid "the gym owner". I am hoping people don't think she is getting special treatment in anyway. She is just at that point that it is time to do this for this child. It just happens to be mine:/

If she's the only one at that level, I can't imagine people would be upset. Then again, gymnastics can make crazy people crazier.
 

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