Parents Bad meet behavior/sore losers

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I know I posted about DD's very first meet and how one of the parents was kind of ugly and said some not so nice things to me. At the second meet this parent was pretty nice because her DD had a really good meet. At this last meet things got ugly again and at this point I'm thinking this parent is just really a sore loser. First of all, our DD's don't even compete against each other because they are in different age divisions. Second, they are teammates. Aren't we supposed to be cheering for each other? Third, aren't we supposed to be setting an example for our children with our behavior? Is it any surprise that her DD is in tears throughout the meet and after because she's focusing on her scores after every event rather than how she did her routine? I did tell this parent that it's better to not even look at scores or worry about them. She should tell her DD to focus on doing her best routine and that's it. She said something like that's easy for you to say because the judges just love your DD and give her good scores no matter what. :mad:

After every routine I'd get a little comment about how my DD was overscored because she's cute and the judges aren't holding her to the same standard as everyone else. This parent actually threw up her hands and said she was done when my DD got an 8.8 on beam with a fall and and her DD got a low 8 without a fall. She said the judges must not have counted her fall. This is so frustrating. I take the route of silence and just smile, but really it makes me so mad. I want to tell her what I really think. Really? Every judge at these different meets is just out to get your DD, but is giving mine extra points? It can't possibly be related to the actual routine she's doing? It can't be that she keeps her legs straight and pointed on everything? Doesn't she realize that every little thing is a deduction? Just doing the skills without falls is not all that goes into a score.

I am going to avoid sitting with her at all costs, but that would force me to isolate myself from the entire team. As I posted in another thread I'm very stressed out at meets and I really just can't deal with this additional stress. I'm having a hard enough time enjoying myself as it is.

During awards she was upset and her DD was upset and then I felt bad, but really it's not my fault. I felt like I couldn't even be happy for my DD because they were upset. Like I said before, they aren't even in the same age division at meets. It's not like my DD placing kept her DD from placing. I actually feel really sorry for her DD because she was sobbing after awards because her parents had promised her a puppy if she got all 9's. They are sending her the wrong message! It's not about scores. Now, I don't think a little treat is a bad thing, but at least focus it in the right direction. Don't focus on scores. I told DD she could get a doll leo at the end of the meet for trying her best. It wasn't really related to any specific thing and it's not like I think she tried harder because of that and I'd have let her get the doll leo even if she fell 10 times on every routine.

Ugh. I'm just so frustrated. Maybe when the season starts in the fall they'll compete in different sessions or maybe I'll bring a bunch of family so there are no available chairs near me.
 
I went through this with my now 14 year old. When she was 8 she was very successful and one particular set of parents (mom and dad) could not get why DD scored better than their child. Same thing, mine fell off beam and got a 9.4 and hers stayed on and got a 9.4, they both placed 1st, but the parents were furious. They did not get the scoring or the deductions. AT one meet they actually stormed the judging table at bars and demanded, loudly, to know why their kid had been scored lower than my kid. I coul've died of shame. The judge sent them packing and gave a our coach the once over.

THey eventually took their kid out of the sport. I sat away from them, often on my own, as it just wasn't worth the strain. My dd was doing her best, as was their child. Their behavuoir took away from the perforamnce of both girls.

THere is little you can do. If you are up to it I suggest saying to the mom that if she really thinks her dd is underscored she should talk to the coaches and say you do not understand why it is your problem as you feel your dd is being judged and deducted fairly. THis takes some guts, but it may just shut her up.
 
Those type of parents just need to be ignored. They are not having fun, their gymmies are not having fun.....and long after they have quit, you will still be cheering on your DD.....glad you are keeping quiet...no need to express how you "really" feel...that would only enable her more. Just know that you are the bigger person, as I'm sure most of the other parents already are aware. These parents may have people talk to them and sit with them, but believe me, they are feeling the same way as you are behind the scenes...Try sitting next to a different parent at the next meet...you should not have to isolate yourself, because that would probably make you look bad, not her.
 
Your support and understanding is so encouraging. I know I will just be silent. It's not in my personality to say anything. There's just so much more than I'm even posting here. She said just wait until DD grows and starts losing her baby teeth and doesn't score as well when she goes through that akward stage. As I type it that actually makes me laugh. As if my DD is getting scores because she still has cute little baby teeth. I keep trying to figure out if she really thinks that or if it's just to make herself feel better. During awards when her DD didn't place and cried she told her my DD was just in an easier age group. Actually DD's age group had the most kids and the highest scores. I mean DD's AA total was 2 points higher, but I would never point those things out. When at dinner someone congratulated DD for winning bars and this mom had to chime in and say that actually she only tied for first place, which is true, but they broke the tie by AA total and gave DD the gold medal and the other girl silver. It doesn't diminish her accomplishment at all to me, even if she had lost the tie breaker and ended up 2nd I'd be thrilled. I was just so thrilled that DD hit her bar routine. To me the placements and scores are just icing on the cake. It's just so frustrating. I'm glad someone else has been there. I try to be as humble as possible and I assure you DD is humble because she's clueless. When someone asks her about her meet she tells them what she got to eat out of the goody bag. That's her main concern. And I hugged her sobbing child and told her she did a wonderful job. That's all I can do.
 
I was, you know, kind of wanting to find excuses for her last time but I'm about over her now. I think the HC or gym owner needs to have a little chat with her about what is allowed re: comments about meet results.
 
I really dont get some people. Like you have some control over the judging. And I just about fell out of my chair about the baby teeth thing. I was thinking..having adult teeth throws your gymnastics off? (ugh..ignore me..lol). Some people say the darndest things. At one of Kadee's meets she had the most "complete" routine she has ever done. Might not have been the prettiest, but she completed everything the first time. Which she had never done before. But she got the lowest score she has ever gotten. I leaned over to my husband and Im like..I jsut dont get it..the best she has done..but the worst score". Then in my head i told myself "shut the heck up..what is wrong with you?" Her base score for her routine was the highest she had ever gotten, but because they had them salute from the side, walk to the middle then wait for the music to start, instead of going out to their start spot, salute and start. Kadee salutes..then proceedes to skip and hop and jump her way to her starting spot, then once there she swings her arms, twists her body..lol. Once the music started it was all business, but not before. And the HC said afterwards that that judge was a stickler for for not "fooling around". She got nailed to the wall for her added "dance elements"..lol. Oh well..once it was over she skipped and hopped her way back off. So be it. She had fun. But I did have that momentary "OMG..WTH" moment. But I checked myself before anyone but my husband heard me. I would have never said to another kids parents esp a team mate.."how did Kadee score lower than your daughter who fell?" Then you have the others who are nice but a little OCD. I have a hard enough time, trying to watch, video, take pics, and record Kadee's scores in her program book...i dont have time for anythings else. Some parents write down all the kids in their childs age/level scores. When Kadee got 1st AA at her last meet I felt horrible for the little girl who got 2nd because she was consitantly ahead of Kadee on all but bars. (coach said Kadee scored a full point higher than the others..which bumped her into 1st AA). I FELT AWFUL. I just assumed their daughter was going to get it.
I apologized. They said..no thats okay..we knew Kadee got 1st...we had already figured out everyones AAs. Nice people..but way to much time on their hands..lol. I write Kadee's down in her program and put that program in her hope chest for her future if she ever wants to look back. But other than that I dont write anything down. I felt so stupid at her fist meet. I was looking through the program..and i looked at my husband and said. "wow..looks like every single girl from L2 to L10 will be doing all events..no one scratched anything." He just shook his head and he wrote down her scores that meet. Thats how i learned to even do that. I am always learning something new...bahaha. I just say try and put some distance between you and her. Sit at the opposite end of the "group". Dont distance yourself from the group unless thats what you really want to do (not that you feel you have too). Just try to avoid her when possible. And kill her with kindness when you cant.
 
Yikes! Negative people can really suck the fun out of everything, can't they? Didn't know kids could get "cute" points-if that was the case, my DD would've been scoring 9's in everything. LOL! As you say, you can't control what others do or say. It sounds like it would be best to just steer clear of this person. I have a feeling you won't have to deal with her for too long. Her daughter will probably end up quitting soon if this mom does not lighten up. It's compulsories for goodness sakes! This being my girl's 1st season, I was just thrilled when she got all the skills and remembered the routines. :)
 
No wonder you get nervous for her meets! What a disaster those parents are!!!

You know you might have just given me a little clue to my anxiety during meets. I feel like this parent is rooting against my DD and that makes me nervous for her. Then I remind myself that she can root against her all she wants and DD will never know. She's just out there doing her best oblivious to the junk amongst the parents. I think I'm feeling like there's pressure on her to do well because this parent is just waiting for her to fail and wants her to fail. How sad to feel that way on your own team.
 
I really dont get some people. Like you have some control over the judging. And I just about fell out of my chair about the baby teeth thing. I was thinking..having adult teeth throws your gymnastics off? (ugh..ignore me..lol). Some people say the darndest things. At one of Kadee's meets she had the most "complete" routine she has ever done. Might not have been the prettiest, but she completed everything the first time. Which she had never done before. But she got the lowest score she has ever gotten. I leaned over to my husband and Im like..I jsut dont get it..the best she has done..but the worst score". Then in my head i told myself "shut the heck up..what is wrong with you?" Her base score for her routine was the highest she had ever gotten, but because they had them salute from the side, walk to the middle then wait for the music to start, instead of going out to their start spot, salute and start. Kadee salutes..then proceedes to skip and hop and jump her way to her starting spot, then once there she swings her arms, twists her body..lol. Once the music started it was all business, but not before. And the HC said afterwards that that judge was a stickler for for not "fooling around". She got nailed to the wall for her added "dance elements"..lol. Oh well..once it was over she skipped and hopped her way back off. So be it. She had fun. But I did have that momentary "OMG..WTH" moment. But I checked myself before anyone but my husband heard me. I would have never said to another kids parents esp a team mate.."how did Kadee score lower than your daughter who fell?" Then you have the others who are nice but a little OCD. I have a hard enough time, trying to watch, video, take pics, and record Kadee's scores in her program book...i dont have time for anythings else. Some parents write down all the kids in their childs age/level scores. When Kadee got 1st AA at her last meet I felt horrible for the little girl who got 2nd because she was consitantly ahead of Kadee on all but bars. (coach said Kadee scored a full point higher than the others..which bumped her into 1st AA). I FELT AWFUL. I just assumed their daughter was going to get it.
I apologized. They said..no thats okay..we knew Kadee got 1st...we had already figured out everyones AAs. Nice people..but way to much time on their hands..lol. I write Kadee's down in her program and put that program in her hope chest for her future if she ever wants to look back. But other than that I dont write anything down. I felt so stupid at her fist meet. I was looking through the program..and i looked at my husband and said. "wow..looks like every single girl from L2 to L10 will be doing all events..no one scratched anything." He just shook his head and he wrote down her scores that meet. Thats how i learned to even do that. I am always learning something new...bahaha. I just say try and put some distance between you and her. Sit at the opposite end of the "group". Dont distance yourself from the group unless thats what you really want to do (not that you feel you have too). Just try to avoid her when possible. And kill her with kindness when you cant.

Yes the teeth thing is quite funny. I guess this mom doesn't think her DD is very cute since she's not getting any cute points. I wouldn't even be bothered if she said something in regards to her own DD's score without comparing her to mine. It's one thing to say "wow that's lower than I was expecting" and a whole other story to comment on another child's scores. If I were sitting next to you and you said that about your DD's score I wouldn't be offended. It's an honest question.
 
I was, you know, kind of wanting to find excuses for her last time but I'm about over her now. I think the HC or gym owner needs to have a little chat with her about what is allowed re: comments about meet results.

Yes I found excuses for her last time and ended up feeling bad for them because I understood they were frustrated by their child competing all season and my DD being younger and just coming right in and doing pretty good. Now I just feel like they are mean, jealous, spiteful people. I thought about going to the coach and telling her that they were saying this things, but then I thought better of it. I'm just going to concentrate on my DD and vent here and leave it at that. I'm definitely not going to sit around them at the next meet. I'm going to find some way to sit away from them and avoid even being part of that whole competitive mess. I just want to go and enjoy my DD. I don't want to worry about what they think or feel.

I do have the option of not having her compete and that would get me away from this person in particular. DD is in the level 5 group and this child is in the Level 4 group and I was told that she doesn't have to compete Level 4 in the fall if I don't want her to. She can just focus on Level 5 and getting ready to compete that next January. I wanted to let her compete because I think it's a good experience for her. She enjoys it and I think she'll place very well. I don't think she'll have a problem working only level 5 and learning those routines and then competing different routines. Then if she competes Level 5 next Spring and scores well they'll let her move to Level 6. I don't think DD will have trouble with level 5 on bars, beam and floor. She can do those skills already though not consistently. Vault I don't know about because they do mostly drills at this point, not actually vaulting on the real table and I know that's tough for the little ones. I don't want to not have her compete just to avoid these people though.
 
It's not just her though, if you can do it anonymously it might really help her daughter if the coach explains that the meets are not what she thinks they are.
 
Yes I found excuses for her last time and ended up feeling bad for them because I understood they were frustrated by their child competing all season and my DD being younger and just coming right in and doing pretty good.

The nature of gymnastics is that gymnasts will develop and progress at different rates, there will always be gymnasts that come in, catch up to your dd or ds, do well in competition and then move on to the next level. Is it hard to watch another gymnast do really well when you feel that your child is not doing as well? I think if we are all honest with ourselves the answer is yes. Does it excuse bad behaviour, rude and mean comments and putting that gymnast down? Never!
 
The nature of gymnastics is that gymnasts will develop and progress at different rates, there will always be gymnasts that come in, catch up to your dd or ds, do well in competition and then move on to the next level. Is it hard to watch another gymnast do really well when you feel that your child is not doing as well? I think if we are all honest with ourselves the answer is yes. Does it excuse bad behaviour, rude and mean comments and putting that gymnast down? Never!

I can relate this. DD has a teammate in her training group who has been awkward and a little uncoordinated at times, but two events really came together for her at the last meet and she got 2 medals - her vault score was 9.7 - none of us knew she was that good! It was tough to see her whizz right by DD when DD was outshining her in the practices leading up, but at the same time I was pleased for the girl. Obviously I only spoke my congratulations out loud and kept any niggling disappointment for DD's issues at the meet to myself. It helps that I do understand a fair bit about the scoring, and I knew why that girl was able to score as she did and why my DD wasn't. And I know there's way more to gymnastics than a score on a particular day, especially when it's her first meet at Level 4 and only 3rd meet ever in her life (they are all inexperienced, and therefore inconsistent). But I still admit to a few uncharitable thoughts here and there. I think it's natural when you care about your child's success and you are so hoping to see her hard work pay off in a tangible way, and instead you have to watch other girls shine. I know DD was disappointed in the mistakes she made on bars and beam, and that's what made me feel bad for her.
 
I can relate this. DD has a teammate in her training group who has been awkward and a little uncoordinated at times, but two events really came together for her at the last meet and she got 2 medals - her vault score was 9.7 - none of us knew she was that good! It was tough to see her whizz right by DD when DD was outshining her in the practices leading up, but at the same time I was pleased for the girl. Obviously I only spoke my congratulations out loud and kept any niggling disappointment for DD's issues at the meet to myself. It helps that I do understand a fair bit about the scoring, and I knew why that girl was able to score as she did and why my DD wasn't. And I know there's way more to gymnastics than a score on a particular day, especially when it's her first meet at Level 4 and only 3rd meet ever in her life (they are all inexperienced, and therefore inconsistent). But I still admit to a few uncharitable thoughts here and there. I think it's natural when you care about your child's success and you are so hoping to see her hard work pay off in a tangible way, and instead you have to watch other girls shine. I know DD was disappointed in the mistakes she made on bars and beam, and that's what made me feel bad for her.

I think all your feelings are perfectly normal. I feel the same way when DD makes mistakes. She's so good on bars and does beautiful bar routines in practice and made mistakes at both of her first meets. It's frustrating as a parent. You just act like an adult and smile. The thing I don't understand about this parent is that her DD has actually been doing much better. She competed a season of Level 4 already and scored 31-32 range. At the last 2 meets she has scored a 35! That's a huge improvement. The girl never makes a bar routine in practice and reallly has trouble with the FHC and Mill Circle. Yet at both meets she's made her entire bar routine. She doesn't score super high because she's sloppy, but gosh she made her routine! How about being proud of your child for a job well done rather than comparing her to everyone else? She struggled to do her ROBHS without a spot last season and she has done beautiful ones at her last 2 meets. Where is the excitement over that? To me their focus is very off. You don't focus on what your child does compared to someone else, especially at this low level, you focus on what your child has done and their improvements. You find something to be proud of. I said to my DD, sure you fell off beam, but you held your dismount for 2 seconds before falling, that's awesome! Next time you'll hold it and not fall the wrong way.

They feel an unnatural competitiveness between our girls I think because they started at the same time and at the same gym. DD was invited to move up a level and their DD wasn't. They pitched a fit and got her moved up. Fastforward 6 months and DD was invited to Level 4 and their DD wasn't. They pitched a fit again and the gym said "sorry, she just doesn't have the skills right now." They were furious and told me and everyone who would listen that their DD was just as good as mine and she was getting special favors. They left for a new gym and she has improved leaps and bounds there. Really they should be so proud of how far she has come. So we moved to this gym later and again DD was moved to level 5 and their DD wasn't and that brings us to present day. So I know there's a history there and they feel the need to compare our girls. I don't feel the need at all. Just let your kid be! It's not a constant competition. And most importantly, if you feel this way, be adult enough to keep it to yourself.

Through all of the drama at the other gym and after they left I have remained friends with these people. I just try to never talk about gymnastics with them. And besides the gym drama, they are very nice people. The girls really like each other and so I just avoid the subject. I feel like in the end I'll feel good about the way I've carried myself and surely she must know she's being ugly. Like I said I'm hopeful that maybe with the age difference they'll be in different sessions next fall.
 
It is very tough to be around someone who would begrudge someone else's child success! I would lay low unless the negativity starts to directly affect your daughter. It may not make it easier to be around them right now, but try to remember that most of these parents will either mellow out or fade out (for various reasons) as the levels get tougher and the skills get bigger. Sounds like you and your daughter are conducting yourselves in a graceful manner--unfortunately, that is all you have control over.
 
Well, you are a better woman than me, b/c I would have had a VERY hard time keeping my cool.
You know, if someone thinks the scores are unfair or that their dd is being unscored fairly, I am more than happy to listen to them and let them get their frustrations out, or possibly even commisserate with them if everyone is getting low scores. But, drag my dd into it and things might get ugly! I can't help it, my mama bear comes out if someone is being mean to my babies! =)

I think you handled yourself very well. In the interest of keeping the peace, I would try to sit as far away from her as possible and maybe even mention it to the coach. However, if she persists, I wouldn't hesitate to let you know how you are feeling. You don't have to go off on her (even though i would be tempted.) Sometimes just a simple, "You know, that is really hurtful and unfair to my daughter, I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about her that way" can do the trick.
 
I think I might just put my mommy up to the task of saying something to her. She was at all 3 meets and couldn't believe this woman. We were talking about it today because we didn't get a chance to talk about it after the meet. I make sure I never, ever discuss these things in front of DD. She listens to everything, even when you think she's sleeping in her carseat. I'll be talking on my phone and think she's alseep in the backseat and then days later she'll repeat something she heard me say. They are sponges! So neither one of us had talked about it until today when we were alone. My mom's attitude was that they are just little kids and she needs to get a grip.
 
What a nightmare! So sorry you have to go through this every meet. It's bad enough to deal with anxiety on watching your gymmie compete but the added anxiety of whether this parent will say something. This is the type of person that will carry on as long as they think it is acceptable, imo.

I'm painfully shy but when it comes to my kiddos I'm overly protective and could not stand to listen to this meet after meet. I can't tell you what to do only offer an opinion on how I would handle it if I were in your position. I would turn around to the parent the next comment made about my child and politely say "if you don't mind I really don't want to hear any more comments about my daughter's performance. I have a hard enough time getting through these meets and these comments aren't helping matters."

I wouldn't leave any doubt in her mind that the comments are unwelcomed.

Or a fall back:
"you sound like you really want to be a judge. Why don't you go test for it then you can judge for yourself"

lol. just kidding on that last one :)
 
I can relate! My DD is not usually top of the podium but I have overheard comments from time to time about her getting scored easier because she is so pretty. It makes me want to scream!! Really? They all look the same to me out there, in fact sometimes I don't know which kid is mine!! LOL. I am also very shy and would prob choose to sit elsewhere rather than end up in a confrontation. But thats just me!!
 

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