How do you not hate this sport?

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So my daughter was very quiet in the car coming home from gym a few days ago and it took me about 15 minutes to realize she was sitting in the dark crying. I asked her why she was upset and she said that her coach told her, "If you get 8's in gymnastics you are failing". My daughter, who gets 8's way more than 9's has always known she wasn't a superstar, but she's never thought she was a failure, until now. And I may just be a stupid gym parent, but getting through levels 4-6 without repeating and moving to L7 training by age 10 doesn't seem like failing to me, regardless of what her scores are.

So now I have a kid making the jump to optional gymnastics feeling like she's spend the last 3 years failing. I've never seen her so defeated and that is saying a lot considering she's been kicked by this sport continuously since she started. She had a different coach tell her the night before States last year that she was "wasting her parents money being in gymnastics" so literally, she's been kicked and kicked hard.

Does it ever get any better or is my child just going to suffer through inconsiderate coaches and barbed comments until she eventually quits. Though maybe that's the point of the comments, to try and push my daughter who gymnastics will always be a struggle for out of the sport to make way for a natural talent. But then just tell me that. Tell me you don't want my child on your team instead of making her feel like crap.

Is it too dang much to ask for a program that can push a child AND support a child without isulting a child? Is it too much to ask for a program that will look at what my daughter CAN do and appreciate her strengths and her ferocious desire to do this sport, instead of just seeing a horribly inflexible kid who is a failure?

How can I not hate this sport? And how come my daughter has to love it so much...
 
OMG!!!! If both of these comments came to your DD from the same gym I would get her out and do it quick. Damage from words to self esteem will last way longer than any sadness leaving friends or adjusting to a new environment. I am sure there are other places that will appreciate and encourage your DD to be all she can be without tearing her down to get there.
 
A meeting with the coaches is in order ASAP. FInd out exactly what was said, the context, etc. Let them know your dd cried all the way home because of the comment. And yes, there are lots of programs that can push a child, support them and not insult them. You need to find one. Training L7 at age 10 is a huge accomplishment!!
I would hate this sport too, if that was happening to my daughter.
 
Ok, this did it...this post made me finally come out of lurkdom! Please do not hate this sport because of the experiences that you've had from the coaches you've encountered. Please try to find a new gym with new coaches ASAP. This is just my opinion and I am not a "gym hopper", usually I am a quite loyal person, but this type of "motivation" should not be tolerated! And, you will never be able to change the philosophy of a coach, much like you shouldn't marry a person thinking you can change them.

It really hurts for us parents to deal with some of the crap that our kids go through, I know. A little background... we switched gyms not too long ago from a gym with not great coaching and not a very positive atmosphere to one which is almost like heaven on earth. I have a daughter who is much like yours, a very hard worker who pushes herself hard to just "keep up" with the other gymnasts. She gives everything she has to this tough sport to get 7's and 8's. When she gets high 8's it is truly an accomplishment. At our new gym the coaches are so very supportive. They are tough and they aren't all "warm and fuzzy" all the time, but they are truly supportive, and my daughter is thriving! Not based on scores...her scores have improved, but still high 8's and an occasional 9.0 on her strong events if she is lucky. She is thriving based on the improvement in her self esteem and her outlook on life. We still have our emotional struggles, but I can see her becoming a stronger young woman every day.

So, sorry for the lengthy reply, but please look around for some supportive coaches. They are out there and they are exactly what you and your daughter need to harness and support that great work ethic and help her develop into a strong young woman who will be ready to go out and conquer the world. And really, why should we be paying good money to have someone berate our children. There are random people out there who are happy to do that for free.
 
Those comments are nuts. Around here (Florida), there are very few 10 year old L7 gymnasts. 10 year olds are more common at L4 and L5. If those are coming from her coaches, perhaps a different gym would be better. You might find that she thrives in a different environment.

You might also find that a year of repeating the same level takes some pressure off and allows her to refine and perfect her skills rather than constantly working new skills. My DD repeated a level and became confident and happier. Was she disappointed to not move up? Sure, but she's now thrilled with what it did for her.
 
Those comments are nuts. Around here (Florida), there are very few 10 year old L7 gymnasts. 10 year olds are more common at L4 and L5. If those are coming from her coaches, perhaps a different gym would be better. You might find that she thrives in a different environment.

DITTO!

Signed, Mom of gymmie who scored 7's-8's few 9's through Levels 4-6, and did a complete turnaround as a 10 yr old Level 7 and just finished L8 at the top of her game, due to NEW GYM AND AWESOME CARING COACHES!!!
 
Mom to a 10YO L6 who will likely repeat but who is also training L7 skills here.

If your coaches do not have a thoroughly convincing explanation for what happened that includes a sit down with your daughter to clear the air and reassure her, it's time for a new gym. Scores really should not be a big issue or concern, particularly in compulsories. She must be doing a heck of a lot of things right to be moving toward L7 at 10.

My DD just had a meet at which she notched her first ever 8 on bars at L6. After her routine, her coach congratulated her warmly for doing the best routine she's ever done and for improving on several points that have bedeviled her all year. At the same meet, my beloved child fell on her front tuck (with which she has also struggled mightily). DH caught her coach standing by the floor waiting to rotate just afterward, and he told DH that he expects her to have an easier time with the front handspring-front tuck than with the solo tuck, as some kids just can't get the power and rotation without something in front of the tuck.

This is what supportive coaching looks like. Your daughter deserves it.
 
:grouphug: Group hug to you and your DD. Now go find a gym where your daughter is a person... a young, hard-working, dedicated, passionate person, and not a score.
 
Uhm ... Don't even waste time in a meeting with coaches! Find a new gym ASAP! Way overdue!!

OMG was all I could think while reading this.
 
Those comments are nuts. Around here (Florida), there are very few 10 year old L7 gymnasts. 10 year olds are more common at L4 and L5. If those are coming from her coaches, perhaps a different gym would be better. You might find that she thrives in a different environment.

You might also find that a year of repeating the same level takes some pressure off and allows her to refine and perfect her skills rather than constantly working new skills. My DD repeated a level and became confident and happier. Was she disappointed to not move up? Sure, but she's now thrilled with what it did for her.


I agree and getting in the 8's is not a failure at all

If that coach were my dd's coach she would be in for an earfull thats for sure. NO teacher, coach or other adult should ever say a child is a failure they should be encouraging the positives and growing self esteem!! That would make me have a meeting with coach AND owner together to see why they would say such a thing and if the answer weren't positive I would be looking for another gym.
 
Uhm ... Don't even waste time in a meeting with coaches! Find a new gym ASAP! Way overdue!!

OMG was all I could think while reading this.

I agree totally with rcafamily...don't even bother with a meeting with the coaches as coaches who behave in the manner you describe will be all defensive about what was said and somehow it will be all your daughter's fault in their eyes ("she doesn't do what we say" "she doesn't make the correction so of course she gets 8s" "she's XYZ you name it" ) ...and where will that get you? Move her sooner than later ...the season for compulsories is over so there's no reason to stay and pay for this abuse...take your money elsewhere...and notify them AFTER you move , by email.
 
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. An 8 is not a fail, it is a good solid score which shows a good mastery of the level requirements.
 
IF these statements are true, then you need to get her out of that gym asap. But as you will see here on posts from time to time. Girls who are upset don't always hear or recall things correctly. If you are otherwise happy with her training, you owe it to the coaches to get both sides of the story. Having done that, you be able to make a better decision.

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RUN AND DON"T LOOK BACK.
Don't EVER put up with behavior or actions that you don't feel comfortable with.
Your child's health (both mental & physical) is your first priority - in this sport or any sport.

These individuals you describe are NOT coaches. Real coaches CARE. These folks you describe sound like idiots (and that's my nice word, not the word I would actually want to use).

Good luck in finding a positive environment for your DD.
 
IF these statements are true, then you need to get her out of that gym asap. But as you will see here on posts from time to time. Girls who are upset don't always hear or recall things correctly. If you are otherwise happy with her training, you owe it to the coaches to get both sides of the story. Having done that, you be able to make a better decision.

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I completely agree. Which is why I suggested you meet with the coaches. You will quickly get a sense of if it was miscommunication or if it is a coaching philosophy/personality that will not be changed. THis is IF you are otherwise happy with the gym and if this is out of character with what she experiences from the coaches on a day to day basis.
My dd is very hard on herself and sometimes the translation I get of things that are said are different from what was actually said after it is processed in her mind. It is not exaggeration or lies, it is just that emotions run high and after she has had time to "dwell" on what was said, it sometimes comes out different. I have also known kids to totally miss a sarcastic comment and take it for real... Was this said to her, to the group or overheard being said to another gymnast?
 
Time to go. Run. Double middle fingers and don't look back (all great Chalk Bucket suggestions!)...

On the eve of my kid's first L4 meet, her former coach sneered about her floor routine, "You'll be lucky to get a 6 on that." We stayed for two more years.

Stupid. We only moved after it got really ugly and our DD was beginning to hate the sport and feel bad about herself.

She is now competing with a gym where she gets a lot of 8s and a few 7s, with girls who are mostly making 9s. No one -- not the great gymnasts, not the mediocre ones -- gets berated, belittled or otherwise trashed by supposed adults. She is confident, fulfilled in her sport, challenged, happy.

There are so many good coaches out there who look at the whole gymnast and not just her scores. Go find 'em now!
 
This is so sad. You have gotten lots of good advice and I have nothing to add there but just want to send some good vibes your way. I am sure hearing this from your daughter will help you make the right choice for her.
 

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