Parents, what do you wish you knew then that you know now?

[jsfofec]

One thing I always tell my dd when she gets out of the car for practice - have fun! I've said it as a level 5 and I still say it as a 2nd yr 9.... If you're not having fun, what's the point???

that's the exact same thing I say!

 

[jsfofec]

One thing I might add, I think it may have been mentioned...when you pick your DD or DS up from practice, don't ask how practice is or ask anything at all about gymnastics. It may sound weird, but if they want to talk about it they will. Let them bring up the subject. If they just had a rough practice for the last 4 hours, the last thing they may want to do is relive it again.

Same thing for meets. On the way home, don't start talking about the meet or their performance. Leave it at the meet. If they want to talk about the meet, they will. So often athletes are asked, what was the worst part about competition, and the answer quite frequently was "the ride home".

Talk about the weather or the latest sale...let them take the lead on any type of gym talk.

 

[NewtoGym]

You need "feel the love for level four". This would work for any team parent. Does anyone have that?

 

[NewtoGym]

You need "feel the love for level four". This would work for any team parent. Does anyone have that?

Here it is! Originally posted by Megley

1. Love the one you're with. We all know that there are nasty
parents in our midst. As hard as it is, we must co-exist with them.
One of the mothers I was in mortal combat with when our dds were L4
became a very close friend of mine over the years. Only the other
gym mothers really understand what we are going through and we have
more in common with them than not. If someone is really horrid,
ignore them and rest assured they will get over themselves as the
years go by.

2. BFF. I don't care who you are, we all know it's hard not to
compare your child to her teammates as they compete against each
other OVAH and OVAH again. These girls, however, are your dds best
friends or at least they could be in the right environment. Don't
pit them against each other in any way or even let a comparative
thought seep in (gotta watch that karma!). A super L4 gymnast is
not necessarily a super L5 gymnast. A child who gets their kip last,
may get their kip best.

3. 24 hour rule. People get emotional at, during and right after
meets. It's really hard to suffer through your dd falling three
times on beam and it's really hard to not feel like the cat that
swallowed the canary when your dd does well. After a meet, zip your
mouth to anyone whom you cannot completely trust. Believe me, you'll
say things you wish you didn't. Find a TRUE best gym friend, post on
a message board (like this one!), find a great friend in another city who's also a gymmom, but don't share your personal thoughts with other members of
your dd's club (coach, mom, or whatever) until you've composed
yourself the next day and have had more time to reflect. Btw, this
rule comes from my years teaching law school. My students were never
allowed to talk to me about their grades until 24 hours after they
received their papers back. ;-) Works wonders.

4. Don't party with the coaches. Some of us may truly like our
dd's coaches as friends, but they are not our friends, they are our
dd's coaches. If someone is your friend, it's hard for you to
understand why they may hold your child back, yell at them on
occasion, not pick them to be the special girl in the Christmas show,
etc. Believe me, it's much, much easier to be respectful, but not
hang out in the hotel bar with them at night. I've seen it – it's
not pretty!

5. Keep your eyes to yourself. Every gym has favorites. Don't
watch the favorite, watch your own dd. If she is getting what she
needs, then it's ok that someone else gets different or more. Most
of the kids who are getting different or more have trouble as they
get older because they feed off that attention and cannot learn to
self-motivate. Really. You just have to wait it out. I did.

6. Team Spirit. The leotard will be ugly and expensive, you will
wear matching team clothes like elves, the parent you dislike the
most will be in charge. Accepting this now will make it much easier
during the season.

7. Do they think I'm stupid? Well, yes, they do. All coaches
think parents don't understand gymnastics and, heck, most of us
don't. That doesn't mean that you can't be practical and figure out
what's best for your child. That doesn't mean you SHARE your
opinions with your dd's coaches, but it's important to know what your
dd needs and if her coaches are providing it.

8. Get to know your dd. Gymnasts are as mentally different as they
are physically and your child in the gym may be different than your
child at home. Although I hate the phrase because it connotes that
coaches know best, the saying that "Parents know their daughter, but
coaches know their gymnast" is not untrue. With that in mind,
parents, YOU get to know YOUR gymnast. Some girls are motivated by
winning, some are motivated by tricks, some are motivated by
friendships, etc. Find out what makes your dd happy in this sport
and RUN WITH IT. If the gym doesn't provide what juices your dd,
then find another gym for her.

9. Feel the love for Level 4. Gymnastics could end tomorrow, or it
could end in 10 years, but it will end. Enjoy every last meet,
travel trip, crazy mom and cute little girl. It will be over before
you know it.

 

[gymmomof1]

Newtogym I really agree with all you wrote (taken from Megley). It says it all lol

 

[Natasha]

Here it is! Originally posted by Megley

1. Love the one you're with. We all know that there are nasty
parents in our midst. As hard as it is, we must co-exist with them.
One of the mothers I was in mortal combat with when our dds were L4
became a very close friend of mine over the years. Only the other
gym mothers really understand what we are going through and we have
more in common with them than not. If someone is really horrid,
ignore them and rest assured they will get over themselves as the
years go by.

2. BFF. I don't care who you are, we all know it's hard not to
compare your child to her teammates as they compete against each
other OVAH and OVAH again. These girls, however, are your dds best
friends or at least they could be in the right environment. Don't
pit them against each other in any way or even let a comparative
thought seep in (gotta watch that karma!). A super L4 gymnast is
not necessarily a super L5 gymnast. A child who gets their kip last,
may get their kip best.

3. 24 hour rule. People get emotional at, during and right after
meets. It's really hard to suffer through your dd falling three
times on beam and it's really hard to not feel like the cat that
swallowed the canary when your dd does well. After a meet, zip your
mouth to anyone whom you cannot completely trust. Believe me, you'll
say things you wish you didn't. Find a TRUE best gym friend, post on
a message board (like this one!), find a great friend in another city who's also a gymmom, but don't share your personal thoughts with other members of
your dd's club (coach, mom, or whatever) until you've composed
yourself the next day and have had more time to reflect. Btw, this
rule comes from my years teaching law school. My students were never
allowed to talk to me about their grades until 24 hours after they
received their papers back. ;-) Works wonders.

4. Don't party with the coaches. Some of us may truly like our
dd's coaches as friends, but they are not our friends, they are our
dd's coaches. If someone is your friend, it's hard for you to
understand why they may hold your child back, yell at them on
occasion, not pick them to be the special girl in the Christmas show,
etc. Believe me, it's much, much easier to be respectful, but not
hang out in the hotel bar with them at night. I've seen it – it's
not pretty!

5. Keep your eyes to yourself. Every gym has favorites. Don't
watch the favorite, watch your own dd. If she is getting what she
needs, then it's ok that someone else gets different or more. Most
of the kids who are getting different or more have trouble as they
get older because they feed off that attention and cannot learn to
self-motivate. Really. You just have to wait it out. I did.

6. Team Spirit. The leotard will be ugly and expensive, you will
wear matching team clothes like elves, the parent you dislike the
most will be in charge. Accepting this now will make it much easier
during the season.

7. Do they think I'm stupid? Well, yes, they do. All coaches
think parents don't understand gymnastics and, heck, most of us
don't. That doesn't mean that you can't be practical and figure out
what's best for your child. That doesn't mean you SHARE your
opinions with your dd's coaches, but it's important to know what your
dd needs and if her coaches are providing it.

8. Get to know your dd. Gymnasts are as mentally different as they
are physically and your child in the gym may be different than your
child at home. Although I hate the phrase because it connotes that
coaches know best, the saying that "Parents know their daughter, but
coaches know their gymnast" is not untrue. With that in mind,
parents, YOU get to know YOUR gymnast. Some girls are motivated by
winning, some are motivated by tricks, some are motivated by
friendships, etc. Find out what makes your dd happy in this sport
and RUN WITH IT. If the gym doesn't provide what juices your dd,
then find another gym for her.

9. Feel the love for Level 4. Gymnastics could end tomorrow, or it
could end in 10 years, but it will end. Enjoy every last meet,
travel trip, crazy mom and cute little girl. It will be over before
you know it.

THANKS! This was GREAT!!!

 

[wallinbl]

8. Get to know your dd. Gymnasts are as mentally different as they are physically and your child in the gym may be different than your child at home. Although I hate the phrase because it connotes that coaches know best, the saying that "Parents know their daughter, but coaches know their gymnast" is not untrue. With that in mind, parents, YOU get to know YOUR gymnast. Some girls are motivated by winning, some are motivated by tricks, some are motivated by friendships, etc. Find out what makes your dd happy in this sport and RUN WITH IT. If the gym doesn't provide what juices your dd, then find another gym for her.

This more than anything else in this thread. Every kid is different. Universal statements about not asking about gymnastics on the ride home or anything else run the risk that they don't work for your kid. If I don't ask, DD thinks I don't care about gymnastics anymore. Despite comments in the other thread where some coaches think parents shouldn't be able to watch, DD told my wife yesterday she was sad that neither of us had watched her practice in three weeks. We've been busy and we didn't prioritize it as much as we should have. There are probably kids that would prefer not to be watched or wouldn't care that they weren't, but DD wants us to watch and wants us to ask about it. She loves to talk about it, but she's shy and doesn't always start the conversations she wants or needs to have (gymnastics or otherwise).

 

[Gymdad2]

Wallinbl makes a very good point, and it can be applied to coaches as well. Dd has had same hc for 12 years and we have traveled together, partied together, and argued about gymnastics together too. He is like a memmber of the family now, so as Wallilnlbl says, every situation is different.

 

[ARKGYMMOM]

I think all new gym parents should get a link to this forum so that they can learn about all of this. I feel lucky that I found this place by accident years ago. I have learned so much more than the other gym moms. They all think I am so smart when in reality I am just quoting someone on here 90% of the time.

 

[Bajanswife]

I think all new gym parents should get a link to this forum so that they can learn about all of this. I feel lucky that I found this place by accident years ago. I have learned so much more than the other gym moms. They all think I am so smart when in reality I am just quoting someone on here 90% of the time.

So true! I have learned so much here, to the point where the other moms cannot understand how I know so much, and I'm kind of embarrassed to say that I've been hanging out on an internet forum.

 

[iwannacoach]

I gotcha...just venting...I feel like she's always getting weird looks and I'm always saying, "don't worry, she's not contagious..."

One thing that can be contagious, and almost alway is......progress! Have faith in the positive, contagious effect of progress on any child's part. Not only will it spread to the entire group, it's a good indicator the coach/coaches are on the right track! So be excited when any child leads the way, and be patient for your childs "moment" to arrive.

 

[Natasha]

One thing that can be contagious, and almost alway is......progress! Have faith in the positive, contagious effect of progress on any child's part. Not only will it spread to the entire group, it's a good indicator the coach/coaches are on the right track! So be excited when any child leads the way, and be patient for your childs "moment" to arrive.

So true! I remember back when my dd's ENTIRE group got their kips all in the same week! And when it was time to start training giants, I didn't think my dd would do it because of fear, but as soon as she saw everyone else doing it she was ready to try too.

That is really great advice for parents to help them see the positive and put an end to the green jealousy monster.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

That working through pain does not get you bonuses.

Not to compare the progress of your child to her team mates, or others in the gym.

To ask questions, do not gossip in the veiwing area.

Be interested and involved, understand how the sport works.

Do not give you child the third degree after every class. Let them share, ask if they had a good class, but don't grill on skills, hers or other girls.

Get your kid to the gym on time, well rested and prepared to train.

Pick up you kid on time.

Do not try to tell your kid what to do in the gym. That is the coaches job.

If your kid has a fever, or a runny orifice of any kind, keep them home until it is cleared up. Same for odd rashes.

Oh stop me now, I could go on for days!

Everything Bog said PLUS:
Dont question them about practice when they hop in the car, they need that downtime!!!

Do not obsess about meet scores - see Bog's comment about gym. being a marathon and not a sprint!

I could go on and on too, but I'll stop now.

 

[Natasha]

THanks everyone for all the great input, reminders and new thoughts! Lots of great things to think about. The hardest part now will be prioritizing the information! I am now thinking of doing a general orientation meeting when they first start team in June and then in the fall perhaps hosting a "parenting your gymnast" workshop. We are also planning a hairstyling training (For those of us who are severely challenged at this!) and we will do our "what to expect at meets" workshop right before their first meet.
I would also love to do a "parent olympics" this summer where the level parents compete in teams against each other, having to complete different challenges at each event (walking on beam on tiptoe, rope climb, tap swing on bars into the pit, etc.) The gymnasts would be the judges. We have talked about doing this for a while as a "parent" team bonding activity and also to give parents a taste of just how hard the skills really are to learn. There seems to be a few parents every year who just think that the coach can just tell or show their child how to do the skill and their child should be able to do it.
I really do love this time of year when we have a whole new group of parents.

 

[CoachGoofy]

Second this DO NOT JUDGE SOMEONE ON A COUGH!I get a shocking cough every year around the same time and it lasts for months It is not contagious but it sounds like i am on the brink of death. I don't miss practice for it the only time I have missed practice for it was when I was physically exhausted from coughing to much,
\

Funny story.
Well, not funny. Sad.

A family at a gym I used to work for, they brought pertussis (aka whooping cough) to the gym. They'd not been to a doctor, they "weren't contagious".

Except they were. Almost every coach caught it-vaccines wear off after 10 years or so-& a couple people's baby siblings caught it & were in ICU for over a month.

So until I see a doctor's note that says "not contagious", I've got the whole once bitten twice shy thing goin' on with coughs. Worst. Three. Months. Ever. (And if *I* was that miserable, I can only imagine the babies...it's a miracle that they all survived mostly ok).

 

[shelovestoflip]

With the exception of elite, everyone ends up at 10 - some get there quicker than others, but they all end up the same place! Then when they get to that level you are happy they are still in the marathon and not focused on how fast they are running it!

One thing I always tell my dd when she gets out of the car for practice - have fun! I've said it as a level 5 and I still say it as a 2nd yr 9.... If you're not having fun, what's the point???

I say the same thing to my daughter when she gets out of the car (Level 7 now...long gone are the days that I might have actually walked in to the gym with her!) And when she gets back in the car at the end of practice...."Did you have fun?"

Yes...I know they are working hard....that is a given! But she is still having fun!

As for the poster who said she doesn't like the "I'm proud of you....."

I'm always proud of my daughter....proud that she is working hard through injury rehab and standing tall even when she missed half her season. I'm proud that she stuck with it and went to every meet as the team cheerleader. I'm proud that she didn't miss a practice for months when all she did was condition!

So, I think if we tell our children we are proud of them and even tell them what they did that was so amazing (well, besides the leaping and flipping on beam and swinging off bars) then they will grow and know they should be proud of themselves, too!

As many have said, it's a journey....it's a marathon....it's not spring softball or fall soccer.....they need to work hard, have fun and be proud that they are as amazing as they are!

 

[MaryA]

Those are all great ideas! I wish I had gotten hair training. I've gotten much better over the years though. If I was at your gym, I could teach the "cool stuff to do with your daughter's hair if you can't French braid" portion of the class!

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

I would also love to do a "parent olympics" this summer where the level parents compete in teams against each other, having to complete different challenges at each event (walking on beam on tiptoe, rope climb, tap swing on bars into the pit, etc.) The gymnasts would be the judges. We have talked about doing this for a while as a "parent" team bonding activity and also to give parents a taste of just how hard the skills really are to learn. There seems to be a few parents every year who just think that the coach can just tell or show their child how to do the skill and their child should be able to do it.

DD's coach requires all new team parents to come down to the gym floor, remove their shoes and then suggests that they mount and then walk across the beam. Some of the parents refuse, most of them struggle to even climb onto the beam, there is the odd ex gymnast parent who does it easily ... but for the rest it gives a great understanding of how hard gymnastics actually is.

 

[stargazer]

I really like the idea of the 'parent olympics', I think it sounds like a great way for the parents to get to know each other and experience gymnastics for themselves. I go to a terrific gym and everyone I have come across is very supportive, but especially for parents who think gymnastics is easy or who are doubting their child's coaches, this sounds like just the activity to give them a bit of perspective. gymtigermom I hope you are able to organize it, I'm sure we'd all love to hear how it goes when/if it does happen

 

[Wanona]

I loved reading what everyone wrote. I would just add that I think all parents should have Doc Ali’s Top 10 Parents Code of Points. It can be found in the Parents Forum.