First off, I know this is L2.....it doesn't matter....it won't matter in the long run. Got it. I really didn't think she'd be on the team for another year anyway. However....it does matter to a 6 year old.
My daughter has really enjoyed competing and this point I feel like she's earned this. She has worked really hard and has accomplished way more than anyone has expected. So here we are, knowing that a gym switch would be inevitable. We thought we could get through compulsories but I really don't think that will happen.
We have 1 coach (not her only coach) who I have some issues with. Things didn't use to be like this and then there was a big change. Attitude, yelling, belittling.....This isn't coming second hand knowledge, as after this coach decided to bend down, get 3 inches from my daughters face and yell and belittle her – I WILL NOT LEAVE MY DAUGHTER AT THE GYM ALONE any longer. The way this was done, gave me the feeling that it could have easily been turned into a physical grabbing of her. I know this is red flag #1 and we should have been gone already. Really hard decision when it is just 1 coach, the rest are fine and a lot of times we have Jekyll and Hyde. This coach can walk in the gym and she just looks angry and like she doesn't want to be here....Way before the girls even have a chance to do anything wrong. The very first direction of the day can be yelling and demeaning.
The yelling and belittling has been escalating and we know it'll be time to leave soon. So then on Monday, things definitely crossed the line – the girls were called sloppy pigs and told they were not worth coaching. Did they really do anything wrong that would warrant this? - no. They did what they always have done because nothing is ever expected of them or it's not expected of them consistently, and they weren't messing around. I don't believe that this should be acceptable under any circumstances even if they were seriously messing around. Another young team member was almost called stupid the other day. The coach got to “why are you so stup...” must have actually realized and stopped. Usually there is no stopping point. And I could go on. I also have safety concerns with this coach.
I don't know how the hc has not addressed this with this coach (except this coach is the favorite and gets away with a lot that the others don't)....you can hear her through the entire gym and over everyone else. It is one thing to be loud – it is another to be yelling and mean, especially for no reason. Tuesday was a complete 180. This coach came in nice and attempted to be motivating. There was no yelling and no belittling. There was the start of something and it got nipped right away. I find it hard to believe that this coach has made this change on her own, so I can only assume that the HC had enough / the wool was removed or another one of the girls parents heard what happened and called. I was ready to address it on Tuesday, and then everything was different. I really feel it has to be handled carefully because of the coach it is....although being asked to leave because of this at this point really wouldn't be a big deal anymore as we know we will be going sooner or later. Today seems to be on the same page.....maybe this coach was hit over the head and is changing. Guess we'll see. If the change is permanent, great...we can MAYBE stick around a little longer, but I'm skeptical. Also, it will take some time for the confidence to be rebuilt. I think it will take some time at a new gym too.
This used to be the kid that couldn't wait to get in the gym and never wanted to leave. That spark is diminishing. There have been a lot of tears on the way home, usually I can't get a real answer out of her what is wrong. We've now had a few questions in the past couple weeks of why she isn't good enough or why coaches say certain things (the belittling and mean things that she knows she is not allowed to say). She has started to shut down with this coach. I would also say that most, if not all, the girls struggle working with this coach. They just do not have the same confidence. She walks away or another coach comes up and they are completely different.
Here is my dilemma, again I know this is L2 and if she continues in this sport it won't matter in the long run, but to a 6 y/o it is important. I know that this is taking a toll and we need to get her out while she has some confidence and self-esteem left. She needs to leave before bad attitude and treating others unacceptably is continuing to rub off on her. Don't get me started on the attitude she thought would be acceptable to bring home. “But X talks to us like that.” So if we move her now in the middle of the season it is unlikely she will be able to continue to compete....that's fine, no big deal. She would have a hard time with it but we can help her through it. The harder one is that if we move her and we move to a gym that doesn't compete L2 she is unlikely to even be able to practice with their team and moved back. I understand this and it would be okay. I don't want to bring her in and cause any turmoil of why she gets to, but others don't or take extra time away from coaches and it seen as special treatment. How do I explain to a young 6 y/o that is already struggling with why a coach says she's not any good and not capable of anything that no only are we moving her for her well-being but now you can't be on the team. I think that this could also be damaging to her along with all the confidence crushing that has already gone on. I think I could explain til I'm blue in the face that this gym doesn't have a L2 team and not being on the team is not a reflection of her at all, only the way the gym levels things. I can pretty much bet on that she would put this on herself too. Her confidence and self-esteem is wavering and do I let something like this possibly add to it to not have another gym switch in a few years. *sigh I believe that if a gym would give her a chance with their L3 team, she would quickly catch up and work hard to...but the controversy over her not being at their level would probably not be worth it. They are given VERY LITTLE opportunity to do any uptraining right now.
I really thought we could stick it out until the end of the season at least- 3 months isn't that long, but when we are talking about a child's confidence and self-esteem it is an eternity. If things stay the way they are for the past couple days, then it would be ok....Another Monday and I couldn't bring her back.
****dunno, waiting on your response. LOL You know a bit about this situation, well, before Monday's incidents. I have an msg to the gym you believe we should try to go and watch a practice. I know with the holidays that it will likely be next week before I get a response. Would also love to hear your opinion on whether on top of these self-esteem issues, moving to a gym that she could not be part of a team and possibly feeling “demoted” in a sense would be further damaging. If yes, maybe a couple more options for me to check out that do have L2 teams. One thing I forgot to mention before is that our gymnast:coach ratio is really high. Typically around 12-15:1, sometimes more. Knowing more, would your opinion of when to leave remain the same?
Like I said, I thought we could wait some of it out. I just feel that Monday was a big line crossed. Other days have been too, but other coaches have made up for it. I don't know if this can be recovered from.
Thanks in advance!
My daughter has really enjoyed competing and this point I feel like she's earned this. She has worked really hard and has accomplished way more than anyone has expected. So here we are, knowing that a gym switch would be inevitable. We thought we could get through compulsories but I really don't think that will happen.
We have 1 coach (not her only coach) who I have some issues with. Things didn't use to be like this and then there was a big change. Attitude, yelling, belittling.....This isn't coming second hand knowledge, as after this coach decided to bend down, get 3 inches from my daughters face and yell and belittle her – I WILL NOT LEAVE MY DAUGHTER AT THE GYM ALONE any longer. The way this was done, gave me the feeling that it could have easily been turned into a physical grabbing of her. I know this is red flag #1 and we should have been gone already. Really hard decision when it is just 1 coach, the rest are fine and a lot of times we have Jekyll and Hyde. This coach can walk in the gym and she just looks angry and like she doesn't want to be here....Way before the girls even have a chance to do anything wrong. The very first direction of the day can be yelling and demeaning.
The yelling and belittling has been escalating and we know it'll be time to leave soon. So then on Monday, things definitely crossed the line – the girls were called sloppy pigs and told they were not worth coaching. Did they really do anything wrong that would warrant this? - no. They did what they always have done because nothing is ever expected of them or it's not expected of them consistently, and they weren't messing around. I don't believe that this should be acceptable under any circumstances even if they were seriously messing around. Another young team member was almost called stupid the other day. The coach got to “why are you so stup...” must have actually realized and stopped. Usually there is no stopping point. And I could go on. I also have safety concerns with this coach.
I don't know how the hc has not addressed this with this coach (except this coach is the favorite and gets away with a lot that the others don't)....you can hear her through the entire gym and over everyone else. It is one thing to be loud – it is another to be yelling and mean, especially for no reason. Tuesday was a complete 180. This coach came in nice and attempted to be motivating. There was no yelling and no belittling. There was the start of something and it got nipped right away. I find it hard to believe that this coach has made this change on her own, so I can only assume that the HC had enough / the wool was removed or another one of the girls parents heard what happened and called. I was ready to address it on Tuesday, and then everything was different. I really feel it has to be handled carefully because of the coach it is....although being asked to leave because of this at this point really wouldn't be a big deal anymore as we know we will be going sooner or later. Today seems to be on the same page.....maybe this coach was hit over the head and is changing. Guess we'll see. If the change is permanent, great...we can MAYBE stick around a little longer, but I'm skeptical. Also, it will take some time for the confidence to be rebuilt. I think it will take some time at a new gym too.
This used to be the kid that couldn't wait to get in the gym and never wanted to leave. That spark is diminishing. There have been a lot of tears on the way home, usually I can't get a real answer out of her what is wrong. We've now had a few questions in the past couple weeks of why she isn't good enough or why coaches say certain things (the belittling and mean things that she knows she is not allowed to say). She has started to shut down with this coach. I would also say that most, if not all, the girls struggle working with this coach. They just do not have the same confidence. She walks away or another coach comes up and they are completely different.
Here is my dilemma, again I know this is L2 and if she continues in this sport it won't matter in the long run, but to a 6 y/o it is important. I know that this is taking a toll and we need to get her out while she has some confidence and self-esteem left. She needs to leave before bad attitude and treating others unacceptably is continuing to rub off on her. Don't get me started on the attitude she thought would be acceptable to bring home. “But X talks to us like that.” So if we move her now in the middle of the season it is unlikely she will be able to continue to compete....that's fine, no big deal. She would have a hard time with it but we can help her through it. The harder one is that if we move her and we move to a gym that doesn't compete L2 she is unlikely to even be able to practice with their team and moved back. I understand this and it would be okay. I don't want to bring her in and cause any turmoil of why she gets to, but others don't or take extra time away from coaches and it seen as special treatment. How do I explain to a young 6 y/o that is already struggling with why a coach says she's not any good and not capable of anything that no only are we moving her for her well-being but now you can't be on the team. I think that this could also be damaging to her along with all the confidence crushing that has already gone on. I think I could explain til I'm blue in the face that this gym doesn't have a L2 team and not being on the team is not a reflection of her at all, only the way the gym levels things. I can pretty much bet on that she would put this on herself too. Her confidence and self-esteem is wavering and do I let something like this possibly add to it to not have another gym switch in a few years. *sigh I believe that if a gym would give her a chance with their L3 team, she would quickly catch up and work hard to...but the controversy over her not being at their level would probably not be worth it. They are given VERY LITTLE opportunity to do any uptraining right now.
I really thought we could stick it out until the end of the season at least- 3 months isn't that long, but when we are talking about a child's confidence and self-esteem it is an eternity. If things stay the way they are for the past couple days, then it would be ok....Another Monday and I couldn't bring her back.
****dunno, waiting on your response. LOL You know a bit about this situation, well, before Monday's incidents. I have an msg to the gym you believe we should try to go and watch a practice. I know with the holidays that it will likely be next week before I get a response. Would also love to hear your opinion on whether on top of these self-esteem issues, moving to a gym that she could not be part of a team and possibly feeling “demoted” in a sense would be further damaging. If yes, maybe a couple more options for me to check out that do have L2 teams. One thing I forgot to mention before is that our gymnast:coach ratio is really high. Typically around 12-15:1, sometimes more. Knowing more, would your opinion of when to leave remain the same?
Like I said, I thought we could wait some of it out. I just feel that Monday was a big line crossed. Other days have been too, but other coaches have made up for it. I don't know if this can be recovered from.
Thanks in advance!