Parents At a meet, would it bother you

[momnipotent]

if a coach from another gym took your child by the arms and physically moved them over for no reason other than that they wanted their athlete to have more space on the runway? Coach did then speak to the child for a second and give a high ten. Full disclosure-not my child, but the whole situation rubbed me the wrong way and I think if it had been my child I might have complained to the meet director. Posting to see if I would have been overreacting.

 

[M2Abi]

Hard to say without actually seeing the situation. Did the coach ask her to move first and she was oblivious? Was her coach not around so that the other coach couldn't ask her coach to have her move? How old was the child in question?

 

[wandrewsjr]

Just an FYI, if you are bothered by something that happens at a meet, talk to your kid's coach first.

Edit: I meant before going to meet director, not before coming on here! That ok, lol.

 

[momnipotent]

Child was young, 9-10 year old age group I think. I don’t know if the coach was around. It didn’t look like he asked first, just turned around and grabbed the athlete. Meet director would have been our coach-I wouldn’t have gone over anyone’s head-I just would have made it a more “formal” meet director complaint instead of a “hey, did you just see what happened” kind of thing.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I would have to seethe specifics.

At my kids level, the kids are pretty aware of letting athletes have their space. And she is good about corrections. So based on your description and assuming that if the coach had asked my daughter to move she would have. I would bring it to our coaches attention. Mostly to tell them to tell my kid to keep away from the other coach. Then I would have a conversation with the offending coach/gym during the week following the meet

 

[MILgymFAM]

I’m not sure. Knowing how informal T&T meets are, it would really depend on the specifics of which athlete and coach, and if the child seemed upset or bothered. On its face it seems a little odd for a coach to pick up a kid they don’t know, but then it always seemed that there really were no strangers at T&T meets.

ETA: not pick up- I misread, but still- to physically move would be the same.

 

[mommyof1]

It could be mortifying for the child, but I wouldn't complain about it. At least the coach had a positive interaction with the kid after the fact. I can see how it would be very easy for a coach to do this without thinking first and then realize, oops, that wasn't my athlete and maybe I shouldn't have done that.

I did witness this sort of thing happen at a meet once, but the coach was from a different group at the same gym and the child had been goofing off and was not listening. The kid appeared completely unfazed (in fact, I'm not sure she even noticed she'd been taken by the shoulders and guided into place), but I know my kid would have been super embarrassed to be corrected so obviously by a coach who wasn't her own.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Timed out for edit. Whether I took it further after the meet would depend on what my kid said happened

 

[momnipotent]

I’m not sure. Knowing how informal T&T meets are, it would really depend on the specifics of which athlete and coach, and if the child seemed upset or bothered. On its face it seems a little odd for a coach to pick up a kid they don’t know, but then it always seemed that there really were no strangers at T&T meets.

ETA: not pick up- I misread, but still- to physically move would be the same.

I think you pinned it down-I’m bothered by the way this coach interacts with his own athletes-lots of not so nice comments and physicality I don’t feel is appropriate-always a little too aggressive and always from a place of upset/frustration so perhaps that’s why I’m so bothered by this.

It could be mortifying for the child, but I wouldn't complain about it. At least the coach had a positive interaction with the kid after the fact. I can see how it would be very easy for a coach to do this without thinking first and then realize, oops, that wasn't my athlete and maybe I shouldn't have done that.

I did witness this sort of thing happen at a meet once, but the coach was from a different group at the same gym and the child had been goofing off and was not listening. The kid appeared completely unfazed (in fact, I'm not sure she even noticed she'd been taken by the shoulders and guided into place), but I know my kid would have been super embarrassed to be corrected so obviously by a coach who wasn't her own.

I think this is exactly what happened-he did it without thinking and was like “ooops”. He did obviously try to make it better, but I still wonder when that’s your first response instead of just asking the kid to move.

 

[2G1B]

I was at a meet recently where one team's kids were doing their warmups in the open warmup period. They looked to be doing what they were supposed to do, not taking up too much room, and staying on task. Their coach looked to be talking to someone from the host gym about something and one of the older kids was leading warmups. Another coach, who I previously have noticed to NOT be someone I'd personally want working with my kids, apparently decided that he wanted the space that these kids were in for HIS team. He came over and told the original group to all move and directed them to an area where they were honestly quite cramped. He did not talk to that team's coach before doing this. He then took over the now open area for his team's warmups. I'll be honest, it totally rubbed me wrong and reaffirmed to me that I would never want any of my kids with that coach. I didn't actually say anything to anyone official about it, just made my own mental note.

 

[raenndrops]

My brother and I discussed it (he is my "driver" to meets and we often debate different things). We agreed that if that happened to YG, that we would be upset. My brother doesn't get mad easily, BUT... He admitted that he would probably get removed from the meet if it happened, lol.

 

[acam1103]

Hmm, our coach did this to a young boy at regionals this weekend and I didn't bat an eye. The kids in question were 8 years old - one from our gym one from another. The meet was FLYING. Tons of kids to get through. One vault after another. He scooted them aside by holding their shoulders and guiding them and said "let's give (so and so) some more space." It looked totally appropriate to me. I guess he could have just said it first but with the pace and chaos it didn't seem a big deal. The kids didn't seem phased.

 

[MeetDirector]

... Posting to see if I would have been overreacting.

In my opinion, a bit of an over-reaction. I have seen this and similar things happen all the time; most likely the one being moved didn't even know that they were too close so the coach was trying to ensure that his athlete was safe. There is so much noise and other activity on the meet floor that it is not hard at all to see why this was necessary. My dd was "moved" several times during her career by her coach and other coaches; not in a mean way, just in a friendly way.

... I might have complained to the meet director.

As a meet director, what would you have complained to me about? Further, how would you have complained to me? The meet director is not accessible to spectators/parents during a meet and, to be frank, I don't pay a lick of attention to spectators during a meet other than to get them to stop using their blasted flash on their cameras. The meet director's job is to ensure a safe meet and to ensure the rules are followed, not to respond to spectators.

 

[duyetanh]

Especially because the other coach appeared to realize it might have been a bit too forward and then tried to fix it?
I would have been fine.
We actually have seen this more than once at the meets we go to, but it definitely isn’t coaches manhandling the kids. Now we did also experience a situation almost exactly like someone above where a coach from a team with very nose in the air girls moved our girls when our hc was literally turned to quickly take off a jacket....that didn’t go over well with our hc but the high road was taken....and I got great satisfaction when we were paired with their girls and our girls kicked their cocky hineys.

 

[MILgymFAM]

As a meet director, what would you have complained to me about? Further, how would you have complained to me? The meet director is not accessible to spectators/parents during a meet and, to be frank, I don't pay a lick of attention to spectators during a meet other than to get them to stop using their blasted flash on their cameras. The meet director's job is to ensure a safe meet and to ensure the rules are followed, not to respond to spectators.

It’s really different in T&T vs artistic, at least in the state where the OP competes. Parents have access to coaches, athletes, even judges during competitions. It’s all much more relaxed and informal. I believe she also stated that they were the host gym. It would be easy to assume that she was then actually on the floor- most team parents are also volunteering on the floor at some point or participating as judges. Artistic to T&T is apples to oranges in terms of behavior and expectations at meets.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I see much of the world in gray. But somethings need to be more concrete. Raising a child, especially a female child.

I teach my kid that its her body and she decides who gets to touch it and how. She gets her coach, her doctor has to touch her and under what circumstances. She doesn't have to hug any one and everyone who would like. She gets to define who gets into her personal space.

You don't touch kids that you don't know. You don't touch kids you don't have permission to touch.

My kids coach needs to physically move her or he put his hand on her shoulders as they are walking back from the vault. Fine.

A stranger. The answer is no. You have a problem with a child (that is not your team) on the floor. Speak to the child, speak to the child's coach. If her butt needs to physically moved he'll do it. Don't touch the child.

And I get that age and circumstance is a factor. But really when in doubt, don't. And that would be the conversation I would have when I called the gym, if I had one at all.

 

[Really]

Depends on the coach. I would also give somewhat more leeway for coming from a different culture, which might have different norms on personal space and whether it's okay to physically handle children.

 

[spider_monkey]

I personally witnessed a couple of girls not paying attention to where they were walking almost collide with another girl (on their own team) as she was going down the runway full speed competing vault. It would have been a pretty bad situation if they had collided. It ended with the girl who was vaulting in tears and very shaken up, then having to compete in a state like that. Very bad. The girls who almost caused the collision are 12-13 years old. They got a serious butt-chewing from the coach.

In this kind of situation, especially looking at it from the point of view of the coach or mom of the competing gymnast, I would have no problem with said coach pulling the child out of the way- even if it was my own child they were putting hands on. Safety has to be top priority, and I'd much rather a coach touch a gymnast to move them back than risk a full-speed collision.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Safety has to be top priority, and I'd much rather a coach touch a gymnast to move them back than risk a full-speed collision.

Again the situation/context matters. I’d be ok with someone pulling my kid out of the way moving truck too.

 

[Annikins]

I personally wouldn't have a problem with this at all. If it was done roughly, or nastily, then yes of course. Or if the physical contact was more than I thought necessary to achieve the aim (ie moving child out of the way). But gentle hands on shoulders to guide them the right direction, no I would be fine with that, especially with the chat and high ten after. My children, by the way, also know that they don't have to hug or kiss anyone they don't want to. But I see this differently - it's not personal contact, just practical... Just my view, though!