Parents Balancing academics with training and... life

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TherapistDad

Proud Parent
Would love to get some feedback. DD just finished her first year of serious gymnastics, she's in L3 right now and is just turning 8 later this month and will be participating in competitions this year for the first time. She has been identified by the owner and coaches of the gym with loads of potential (despite starting "late"), and she has been selected to work more closely with the owner. DD loves gymnastics and has lofty goals, but at times also wants skip practice because of sore muscles and stuff like that. At this point, she will be training 4x a week, 14 hours in total.

At the same time, she is entering Gr3, and there is a homework requirement (albeit only 30 minutes max a night) but it's time nonetheless. Her training ends late on certain days of the week, and if she needs to complete homework, it will mean that the cumulative effect is that it could cut in on her sleep. It is of vital importance in our family that our children get enough sleep -- I believe that getting enough quality sleep is a non-negotiable at this age, as that sets the table in all other areas of her life (academics, recovery, muscle-building, social, etc). So we aren't sure whether this training requirement will also bump up against the requirements for school, and with sleep. We are fighting to ensure that she gets a solid 10 hours of sleep a night.

So would love to get some feedback from you guys. How have you managed to balance academics with training and other areas of life? What areas have you felt you could push back on. How have you managed to help your child keep up academically while dealing with an increased training schedule? And how about a social life?!
 
Mine just turned 10 yrs old and just started 5th grade. She is L7 and trains 21 hours/week (most nights 4-8 PM). Thankfully, so far, schoolwork has been relatively easy for her. A few strategies that have helped us: We will often save the math homework (usually just one page) for the morning when she is fresh. She works so much faster when she is not tired. And, of course, if you have time between school and practice, definitely get work done then. (Unfortunately that is not an option for us; DD barely makes it to the gym on time as it is.) Also, I talk to DD's teachers every year about getting homework in advance so she can work ahead on her days off (she has one weekday off + Sunday). An accommodating teacher can be super helpful.

Regarding social life, I almost always allow (and even encourage) my DD to miss practice for special social activities (e.g., birthday parties, school functions, etc.). I know there are parents who disagree with this approach (e.g., my DD's gym was open on Halloween night last year and there were several of her 9yr old teammates at practice while mine was dressed like a zombie and trick-or-treating), but as a parent I have decided that maintaining social connections with school friends is a priority. We also do a lot of play dates on her one weekday w/o practice.

It is definitely manageable. At least so far. Good luck!
 
My ds is 16 and L10. He does 20 hours a week, but has an hour drive on either side of that.

Make sure you talk to teachers. Much homework is busy work (I am a teacher and am not a fan of homework at this age at all.). My son was able to do books on tape at that age for his reading requirements, and woudl get most homework ahead of time so he could do it. In elementary school, there are many ways that it can be done, so get creative and talk to the teachers about your concerns.

Now in HS we have had to do a few different things.
 
My dd is a level 10 jr in high school. Time management is super important. She needs her sleep but also works out 20 hours a week plus homework. Any free time during the day she uses for homework (her school has a crazy schedule but can give them free time during the day). She prioritizes and determines the must do for tomorrow against the can wait til the weekend. She has to stay on top of everything since falling behind will be a nightmare.
In saying this I don’t really know what she has due when for school. She is 100% self driven and makes sure she gets done what she needs to get done. I guess I got lucky with that!
if nothing else my kid has mastered time management!
 
My DD is 11 6th grade level8. I will be frank and say that if gymnastics is to continue one of your values mentioned will have to suffer. DD has always gotten straight A's and does well at gymnastics. She does not socialize with girls outside of gymnastics even when pushed, I am failing here. She practices 5-9pm Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday morning 8:30-12:30. 8 hours of sleep is the norm, failing here. But the sacrifices she makes are for something she loves. We adjust and sleep when we can.
 
I have four kids. My eldest just graduated from college and was a fencer. My second child was a soccer and track player. My third is my gymnast and my youngest is in competitive dance but now focuses just on ballet. They all did exceptionally well in school. They all have long practices even my dancer. When she did it competitively, she would come home around 9:30 and not have had dinner yet or have done her homework. Their school always had them do a ton of homework. None of them went to bed before 10. And when you are in high school and taking AP and honors classes, they slept even later and even later if there was an exam.

To get in a good college, they needed to maintain a 4.0 GPA with a challenging schedule. To be looked at by colleges for their sport, they need to be in the top of their game. To make sure they are not left out and still maintain friendships, they need to make time for that. Then there is family time. Some schedules are crazier than others. And I wish I could tell you your daughter could do it all and have 10 hours sleep a night. But the reality is in this day and age it is tough to excel in school, excel in your sport, keep friendships, eat well and sleep enough. Only you can determine where you can cut corners. But you will need to if you want it all. It seems to me your best bet is to consider getting your daughter in a less demanding program since sleep and academics are non-negotiable.
 
We manage to do it all (DDS have a 4.0 and my kids have had time for friends, demanding sport schedules, other activities, sleep, and friends), but only because we homeschool. Honestly, that’s not why we homeschool, but it wouldn’t be possible inna regualr high school.
 
Your DD is young and still training at a low level. You have some time before you will truly be bumping against your family/parenting values regarding the sleep and life balance. My suggestion for right now is to let your DD's teachers know about her schedule and see if there is any flexibility with the homework. Unless you are willing to homeschool and/or have a very flexible school district, it will be very difficult to not sacrifice sleep when she is older and/or training more hours.
 
There is the OP's answer. Homeschooling. It certainly can free up some time. For us, sleep suffered. Btw, I find the more kids do, the more they become proficient in time management. I don't know how my kids did it all, but they did. And I always felt bad seeing them up studying and getting very little sleep because I know sleep is important. But they managed with flying colors.
 
OK. Just gonna put a little more out there to take the pressure off....

1st, my oldest, non gymnast did not have good grades and got into a very good school. (and I mean bad grades). So a kiddo with good grades will do fine.

2nd. My son does not sacrifice. HE goes to dances, bonfires, football games, etc. He keeps a 3.7 GPA. (he does not take the most AP, Honors, most challenging classes. Those are great, but are not necessary for all kids). He has a girlfriend. He participates in family events/vacations . He actually keeps a fairly normal life, is competitive at the national level in gymnastics, has very good grades, all at the same time. He also gets about 9 hours of sleep a night.

If homeschooling is right for your family, fantastic. IF honors classes are right for your kiddo, great! If your kiddo is at the top of her class, and the best gymnast, wow. If your kiddo is not, and these things are not for you, wonderful. Those things are great, and some kids need all of that. I will not criticize anyone who loves that. My kid takes challenging but not honors classes (This year he has algebra, geometry, cell biology and biotechnology, world history, French 3 and World Literature.) He will maintain a 3.7ish gpa. And odds are, he will get into a good school and do what he wants to do, and hopefully, do gymnastics.

Good luck!
 
I suggest you have a chat to her teacher when you can and let her know that your Dd is a gymnast and the schedules. Where I live teachers are usually quite accomodating of busy schedules. The kids who are involved in extra curricular activities like gymnastics are often excellent students, they are committed and driven and all the gymnastic simproves their learning ability, concentration and memory. These kids often end up doing better academically by doing gymnastics and skipping the homework, than they would if they did the homework.

Research shows that 30 minute homework a night at the third grade level, in fact, has zero impact on their academic outcomes, versus students who do none.

Also at this level and age, the vast majority of gymnasts really don't have a problem. They can handle the 4 days training, school work, sleep and still have time for family and friends without an issue. Kids quickly adapt and become organised, when they have limited time to get things done, they tend to get them done.
 
I’m also a huge proponent of proper sleep for children and teens. Some can get away with less than others, but my kids have always needed the max suggested.

It may not be neccesary yet, but I would suggest look into the possibility of homeschooling. Depending on where you live there may be multiple supports for homeschoolers including classes and socialization opportunities, even funding. It is not right for every family, but in general homeschooling has moved more into the mainstream in many states.

Currently I homeschool a 12 yo gymnast who trains 20 hours a week and his life has little stress, he has plenty of friends, and he is doing well academically. He also plays piano seriously, plays ukulele for fun, is active in boy scouts and gets plenty of sleep.

On the other hand, his older brother (former gymnast) just started high school and trains cross country 12 hous a week, and the stress that school plus practice is putting on him and the rest of the family is very difficult. He is doing well academically but he had to quit piano, may have to quit Scouts, his sleep definitely suffers and it takes a toll.
 
We manage to do it all (DDS have a 4.0 and my kids have had time for friends, demanding sport schedules, other activities, sleep, and friends), but only because we homeschool. Honestly, that’s not why we homeschool, but it wouldn’t be possible in a regular high school.

Yep. I wouldn't suggest homeschooling for gymnastics, especially in level 3. But we homeschool and DD happens to do gymnastics and it is the only thing that keeps the academics/social/gym/sleep in balance for her. Right now, if we weren't homeschooling, it is sleep that would suffer with her schedule, but as she moves up levels, it would be everything. I know so many gymnasts successfully go all the way through without ever homeschooling, but for our priorities, and for my kid, there's no way she could handle school+homework+intense training+ no downtime and be happy. Her anxiety would be through the roof.

Plus homeschooling means she gets to keep her social life. Instead of having our days blocked out with school and gym and trying to fit family and homework in the cracks, we block out her gymnastics and social activities (she's involved in a very active homeschool girl scout troop among other things) and then block out her school hours around them. When our practices shifted late this year, I shifted her bedtime and wake up time later. The freedom is amazing.

I know this is not the right answer for everyone, or even an option for everyone, but it's the only way I can see to have it all.

I also agree about letting her skip for important events in her life. We skip for major Scout events, good friend birthdays, and vacations. If your DD stays in for the long haul, she won't be looking back at level 3 or 4 thinking, man, I wish I had been in the gym instead of at my best friend's party.
 
Hi OP sorry for assuming you were in US- when I posted before I was on my phone and could not figure out how to see your expanded profile. I know nothing about homeschooling in Canada.

I will add that before we started homeschooling, we talked to the teachers about accommodations, for example at times my sons had to leave school slightly early a couple days a week for practice. They were somewhat accommodating, but this was a Waldorf school and there is typically no or very little homework before middle grades anyway.
 
For those of you who homeschool- are you intensively teaching your child/children all day? Do they have other homeschooling kids nearby to hang out with? I've toyed with the idea of homeschooling for reasons other than gymnastics, but don't know if I could handle being a teacher all day long and I worry about the social ramifications.
 
For those of you who homeschool- are you intensively teaching your child/children all day? Do they have other homeschooling kids nearby to hang out with? I've toyed with the idea of homeschooling for reasons other than gymnastics, but don't know if I could handle being a teacher all day long and I worry about the social ramifications.
My girls are older, because we didn’t start homeschooling until high school, but they take their classes at community colleges, online, and in co-ops. There are very few classes that I teach, and those do not require much actual teaching- just conversing and assigning/grading. I’m not sure it would’ve been right for us in the younger years either. The social aspect has been OK though. There are lots of homeschooling groups near us, and my girls have even gone to homeschool dances. My daughter is even going to be a part of a homeschool graduation in May. Socializing is definitely not a problem for us.
 
My sons started homeschooling in second and fifth grade, respectively. And it was not at all because of gymnastics, but homeschooling has certainly made life with gymnastics way easier.

It is the one who started in fifth grade that decided to go to a "real" high school this year (he is a freshman.) I have a younger child too who was a toddler when we began homeschooling. Because she is exceedingly social and crafty (and I am only social ;)) she has been at a public Waldorf methods school for K and now for 1st.

For those of you who home school- are you intensively teaching your child/children all day?
No. My kids have no learning issues, so it might be different where there are issues. My oldest has anxiety and that can make learning difficult, but for that being out of the classroom setting made a huge difference. So, my kids have stayed comfortably at or above grade level with an average 1.5 to 2 hours of instruction (and not really intensive instruction) a day. (In fact my oldest was falling behind in math while in school and we got him solidly back to grade level while homeschooling. His freshman math teacher told me there are a few homeschoolers in her classes this year, and they are all doing very well including my son.) The rest of the day is enrichment of one kind or another (including just playing) or independent study. Direct one on one instruction is soooo much faster than classroom learning. They also take classes here and there for things I am not so great at teaching, like art and music.

One thing that I think helped our family as homeschoolers is that we have always lived a pretty low media lifestyle. If the most interesting things in the house are the piano, books and paper, then the kids are more likely to practice piano and read books, journal, or draw without complaint.

Do they have other homeschooling kids nearby to hang out with?
Easy driving distance nearby, yes. We belong to a homeschool group that meets once a week at a park, and also does some other events and field trips. I tried belonging to two groups, but found it was too much. One unexpected aspect of homeschooling is how busy you can get if you are in an area with lots of homeschoolers.

Also both my sons have kept up friendships with a couple former school friends each via play dates and scouts.
 
The VERY general rule of thumb for elementary is one hour a day per grade level. So 3 hours in 3rd grade, 4 hours in 4th grade. We have found this to be pretty accurate so far. I am not "intensely" teaching her so much as giving her the lesson or guidelines and then being "around" to peek over her shoulder and answer questions. Often I set her in motion and then work with my Kindergarten kid. That's the intense teaching age.

The social opportunities available vary widely based on where you are. I am in a major metro and there came a time in second grade where we had to make a conscious decision to STAY HOME sometimes because she needed more time for academic work. There are endless social opportunities here. In some very rural areas, not so much.

For my kids, we have a co-op (group learning situation) that meets once a week for 3 hours and then playtime. It has been just enrichment in the past but this year we're doing two core subjects there. She is in a homeschool scout troop (which builds playtime into the meetings since it is a major social outlet for most of the girls), she does summer league swim team, and she's in gymnastics. Between these things she has a great group of friends she sees weekly (the swimteam friends we have to make playdates with!) And when we head out for a field trip or a day at the beach or whatev, I put out the APB and very frequently one or more of our homeschooling friends will join up with us.

But there's homeschool chess and "tween hangout" groups and park days where dozens of kids meet up, I could go on forever. It *can* get harder when they're older and more and more kids go to public school, but in the K-5 set, lack of socialization is a big myth. It does look different though. You don't see the same kids every day for 30 minutes for lunch and recess, but you see different friends at different activities, usually for big chunks of time.
 
Are any of those training hours on the weekend? That can help with the schedule and sleep.

Honestly, I don’t know how dd (16 and a junior in HS) does it. Thankfully she is self-motivated. She currently practices 18 hours/week, She works 6-10 hours/week. She goes to public school and has 2 honors and 2 AP classes and currently has a 4.3 GPA. She participates in a school club, is class secretary, and on the student council. Plus, she has an active social life both in and out of the gym. (Thankfully no boyfriend....yet.)

She works hard to prioritize her time. Some days she has very little down time. She works ahead on schoolwork whenever she can. 8 of her practice hours are on the weekend, so that helps a lot.

But sleep does suffer. She makes up for it on the weekend and by going to bed earlier on the 1 weekday when she doesn’t have practice.

Of course, she didn’t start out this way with so much going on! The key is to start good habits now, while she is young. Working ahead on schoolwork is a great habit to get into. Another good one is if they get free time in class, don’t waste it goofing around but instead get some homework done.

I also wanted to add - academics is the top priority in our family. If she has a big test or report, she will sometimes miss practice. This doesn’t happen a lot —- maybe 3-5 times/year.
 
I don't think my DD would have ever survived her gym schedule/intense sleep needs (11 hrs/night is best, she usually gets 10) if it weren't for school concessions such as:
- Getting homework in advance to do on Sunday
- Late school start time
- Excuse from PE
- Excused from doing HW that was busy work for her (math worksheets generally)

I am grateful for these. None were easy to come by but with advice from this board we have made it happen.

I think my DD saves time as well by not having a phone/texting/social media. I hear other girls in 7th grade get hundreds of texts/day. She has a pretty full life without that.
 

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