Parents Weight issues - advice needed!

[mommyof1]

This discussion is mostly about teenagers. They should be able to plan and prepare most of their own breakfasts, lunches, and snacks and should be learning to self-regulate.

 

[mommyof1]

I’m surprised that so many are just bc allowed to snack without permission.

Regardless of our age growing up, the rules always were if you want a snack you ask first. Then you are told what you can have.

There was a bowl of fruit or similar on the table and that was the only thing that was allowed to be touched without explicit permission.

The parents control the food that comes into the house and what/when it’s available.

It is difficult and exhausting to supervise exactly what and when a teenager eats. I feel like I spend half my time doing that, and I am still not successful. There is only so much a parent can do while working full time. At some point you have to try to teach them to prepare their own meals and self-regulate.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I’m surprised that so many are just bc allowed to snack without permission.

The parents control the food that comes into the house and what/when it’s available.

I’m surprised how many don’t practice what they preach……

Because how else does the stuff get into the house.

Nephew and niece would have their mother pack the fun food when they would come stay with me for the weekend because Aunt M doesn’t have a good junk drawer.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

JMO, a protein bar is not necessarily healthy.

When I think healthy, I think whole food, a piece of fruit, veggies, a slice of Turkey, chicken, some cheese, some healthy fats, nuts, avocado

Low to no added sugar, high in fiber

 

[Deleted member 18037]

My kid will have a carbfest, of pasta or bread……

And whatever sugar my husband brings in…….. oy

 

[Aussie_coach]

Just because we were raised that way doesn't mean it was the right way. So many examples but I don't want to get this thread off topic. Children need to learn to listen to their own bodies, fuel it when needed and learn moderation in their food choices, which can only be done by having a variety of foods available to them.

Absolutely agree. But so many of today’s foods are designed to be highly addictive and mask a persons ability to understand the difference between hunger and a craving.

Definitely don’t think kids should be refused food if they are hungry. It’s a check, how long until dinner, are we making good food choices, are we getting the variety we need, were those snacks bought for a different occasion etc.

Today’s kids face much bigger challenges in learning how to correctly feel their body, with just so much food choice and so many addictive foods. It’s going to take a lot of guidance.

 

[ReluctantGymMom]

I’m surprised that so many are just bc allowed to snack without permission.

Regardless of our age growing up, the rules always were if you want a snack you ask first. Then you are told what you can have.

There was a bowl of fruit or similar on the table and that was the only thing that was allowed to be touched without explicit permission.

The parents control the food that comes into the house and what/when it’s available.

I think it might be a culture thing - I’m not American and I just realized my daughter always asks before she takes a snack unless it’s fruit. It’s just how everyone does it in Europe? Like it’s not a hard set of rules you sit and teach kids, it just naturally happens?

Its a practical thing for weekends and holidays especially - I might say no to eating specific snacks that are intended to last throughout the week to be taken to the gym, or if she’s already eaten one protein bar because I’ve bought enough to last till the next time we go shopping and she’ll end up running out too fast so she needs to pick something else. Sorry, my pantry isn’t free reign! Fruit runs freely though, eat it before it goes off lol

 

[gymgal]

I think it might be a culture thing - I’m not American and I just realized my daughter always asks before she takes a snack unless it’s fruit. It’s just how everyone does it in Europe? Like it’s not a hard set of rules you sit and teach kids, it just naturally happens?

Its a practical thing for weekends and holidays especially - I might say no to eating specific snacks that are intended to last throughout the week to be taken to the gym, or if she’s already eaten one protein bar because I’ve bought enough to last till the next time we go shopping and she’ll end up running out too fast so she needs to pick something else. Sorry, my pantry isn’t free reign! Fruit runs freely though, eat it before it goes off lol

I don't think it's a cultural thing. More of a parenting style. I know lots of families who have a much stricter policy on food and discipline in general here in the US, though it has been less so over recent years as we have learned more about how children need to learn to regulate themselves in all areas of life. Of course, it becomes a problem when parents just assume the child will learn it on their own and doesn't help guide them from a young age. And yes, bringing into the house too much "junk" food and not enough high energy food doesn't help the situation.

 

[ReluctantGymMom]

I don't think it's a cultural thing. More of a parenting style. I know lots of families who have a much stricter policy on food and discipline in general here in the US, though it has been less so over recent years as we have learned more about how children need to learn to regulate themselves in all areas of life. Of course, it becomes a problem when parents just assume the child will learn it on their own and doesn't help guide them from a young age. And yes, bringing into the house too much "junk" food and not enough high energy food doesn't help the situation.

That’s where I think it’s cultural - we don’t see it as stricter or a discipline thing, literally everyone does it the same way, across multiple countries we lived in, and you’d just be baffled if a kid strolled up and took whatever they wanted. More of a… you didn’t buy this, and you didn’t ask when lunch is, what on earth are you doing right now kind of thing. Because they still have access to other foods, just not random snacks.

my daughter is very confused when she goes to her friends houses and there’s an open snack pantry lol. It’s just… not a thing I’ve ever seen done before

 

[QuietColours]

and you didn’t ask when lunch is, what on earth are you doing right now kind of thing

This is another cultural/parenting difference--by the time I was 9 or 10, it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask when lunch was, because lunch was when I made it. Mom made dinner (although we were expected to be able to help out if we were around and asked), but we prepared our own breakfast, lunch, and snacks by fourth grade or so. It was always weird going to friends' houses where lunch was prepared by parents and done as a served meal.

We weren't totally unmonitored--we'd hear about it if we started snacking near dinner time, we (usually) asked if we wanted to make something particularly big or unhealthy as snacks, and we were limited on sugary drinks (pop for my sister, hot chocolate for me). But once we were old enough to make our own sandwiches, heat up leftovers or canned soup, assemble fruit and cheese, etc., we were old enough manage our own food schedules as long as we sat down to dinner hungry at 7:30.

 

[ReluctantGymMom]

This is another cultural/parenting difference--by the time I was 9 or 10, it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask when lunch was, because lunch was when I made it. Mom made dinner (although we were expected to be able to help out if we were around and asked), but we prepared our own breakfast, lunch, and snacks by fourth grade or so. It was always weird going to friends' houses where lunch was prepared by parents and done as a served meal.

We weren't totally unmonitored--we'd hear about it if we started snacking near dinner time, we (usually) asked if we wanted to make something particularly big or unhealthy as snacks, and we were limited on sugary drinks (pop for my sister, hot chocolate for me). But once we were old enough to make our own sandwiches, heat up leftovers or canned soup, assemble fruit and cheese, etc., we were old enough manage our own food schedules as long as we sat down to dinner hungry at 7:30.

This is like mind blowing to me - I’m from the Middle East, with Eastern European parents and we lived in Europe most of our lives so our expectations of food are just so different…
due to gym schedule, we don’t really have a lunch, but for example I was hesitant about school lunches this year (it’s her first year being at a school with a cafeteria), we go through the menu over the weekend and she picks out what she wants to eat and on what days she wants me to pack her a lunch (ie, when they’re serving corn dogs because 4 years of living here and we’re still baffled by this item).

My daughter is in 4th grade and she LOVES food, if it’s the weekend and she wants lunch before I’m ready to make lunch, she’s free to make it. She’ll generally make herself a salad or some scrambled eggs.

It’s interesting how different cultures treat food because ours treat home made food as a big BIG deal and we feel like we’re doing a generally terrible job when we get home at 9 pm from the gym and are like… **** it, let’s get a pizza. Both my husband and I can like hear our grandmothers judging us.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

This is another cultural/parenting difference--by the time I was 9 or 10, it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask when lunch was, because lunch was when I made it. Mom made dinner (although we were expected to be able to help out if we were around and asked), but we prepared our own breakfast, lunch, and snacks by fourth grade or so. It was always weird going to friends' houses where lunch was prepared by parents and done as a served meal.

We weren't totally unmonitored--we'd hear about it if we started snacking near dinner time, we (usually) asked if we wanted to make something particularly big or unhealthy as snacks, and we were limited on sugary drinks (pop for my sister, hot chocolate for me). But once we were old enough to make our own sandwiches, heat up leftovers or canned soup, assemble fruit and cheese, etc., we were old enough manage our own food schedules as long as we sat down to dinner hungry at 7:30.

This was us growing up. We knew shopping got done once a week. If we ate our snack allotment by Monday, oh well.

Kind of the same with my kid. A bit more of a family effort though. So if she is actually cooking/preparing something for lunch and we are all home the expectation is she ask if we want some and cook accordingly, just like we would ask her if my husband or I were cooking. That’s just polite and the right thing to do when you live with other people.

And she has a say in what kind of food/snacks come in the house. So if they are done before the week is out, oh well.

Same with foods or snack stuff. It’s community property, unless otherwise noted. And basic courtesy, don’t eat the whole box, package, bottle of some without offering some to others…..

This is a family culture thing that started when she was an itty bit.
Seriously, how many snacks do you need for preschool, itty bit…

 

[NutterButter]

(ie, when they’re serving corn dogs because 4 years of living here and we’re still baffled by this item)

This made me LOL. Yes, corn dogs are baffling....

 

[Aussie_coach]

I don't think it's a cultural thing. More of a parenting style. I know lots of families who have a much stricter policy on food and discipline in general here in the US, though it has been less so over recent years as we have learned more about how children need to learn to regulate themselves in all areas of life. Of course, it becomes a problem when parents just assume the child will learn it on their own and doesn't help guide them from a young age. And yes, bringing into the house too much "junk" food and not enough high energy food doesn't help the situation.

I feel it may be cultural. We had these expectations that you asked before eating anything but I had very laid back parents. In general very few rules, very few consequences. The absolute opposite of strict.

 

[mommyof1]

I’m surprised that so many are just bc allowed to snack without permission.

Regardless of our age growing up, the rules always were if you want a snack you ask first. Then you are told what you can have.

There was a bowl of fruit or similar on the table and that was the only thing that was allowed to be touched without explicit permission.

The parents control the food that comes into the house and what/when it’s available.

I was raised this way too, except that I had to fix my own breakfast and lunch and ask whether it was OK to have what I was fixing. Controlling access to food like this only works if you have a full-time stay-home parent.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I was raised this way too, except that I had to fix my own breakfast and lunch and ask whether it was OK to have what I was fixing. Controlling access to food like this only works if you have a full-time stay-home parent.

Granted I did have a full time stay or home parent. Certainly no criticism to those who do it differently, very much an expression of surprise as o had thought it was how it was in most households, due to my own experiences.

 

[Gym Parent]

I personally struggled with weight gain as a gymnast so what I can say is encourage her to eat healthy and get rid of the junk food in the house. If it isn't there, she can't eat it. Also make sure she is drinking water. When I was younger, I barely drank water. Drinking water will speed up her metabolism if she hasn't been drinking enough. Do not mention her weight to her though, leave that up to the doctor. If she begins to feel insecure about her weight then she could develop unhealthy eating habits.

 

[SupportingHerDreams]

I personally struggled with weight gain as a gymnast so what I can say is encourage her to eat healthy and get rid of the junk food in the house. If it isn't there, she can't eat it. Also make sure she is drinking water. When I was younger, I barely drank water. Drinking water will speed up her metabolism if she hasn't been drinking enough. Do not mention her weight to her though, leave that up to the doctor. If she begins to feel insecure about her weight then she could develop unhealthy eating habits.

I've also heard that our bodies will mistake thirst for hunger, so making sure she stays hydrated is important in a lot of ways!

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

(ie, when they’re serving corn dogs because 4 years of living here and we’re still baffled by this item)

I've lived in USA my whole life (34 years and counting), and I'm baffled by corn dogs as well

 

[Fina]

such a tough position to be in... if she is overindulging in the snacks and junk food, denial is just as destructive as leveling with her about her weight. old school thinking, perhaps but i think it has merit. Everyone should know their reasonable weight range - both minimum and maximum weight. Anything out of that threshold needs to be considered for health's sake. Anything in that range is not worth a thought or concern.