Parents Lacking Team Support

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

YES. There is usually a long-established clique of moms, and your child will struggle to build relationships with teammates if you aren't friends with their parents. What can make things even worse is if your child is the youngest--then she will likely have no power and become the punching bag for the older girls. Double worse if your daughter is talented.
Wow, you hit the nail on the head. My daughter is not the youngest but everything else you posted = 100%.
 
Just chiming in to say that as a coach, I have missed awards exactly once in over 10 competitive seasons, and it was at state last year because the first session ran extremely late. My co-coach and I were in a position where only one of us could go to awards because we had a full group in the next session, which started on time (2 minutes after the last athlete in the first session finished! It was bonkers). Because we were on my events first, I coached the warm up and first event and she went to awards and texted me the updates so I could read them on my watch!

Your awards must also be different, because the team award for us is always after the last age group, so unless it is an emergency, no one would even want to leave. It's also not only rude to their teammate, but to everyone in that age group.
You sound like a really nice coach. But, no, our awards aren't different. My daughter went up to get our team award with one other girl who lingered around (but left the area where the gymnasts sit). My daughter was also thoughtful enough to get the medals for the girls who didn't stick around for their own awards (if you can believe that).
 
So we have exactly the same situation.

Our gym has a few locations, we were at one that was outrageously far but my daughter was friends with the girls (she was mid age range there) and I was friends with the parents. I couldn’t keep doing the drive though, so we moved to a closer location.

The coaches are great but the girls are HORRIBLE. One girl, who is repeating our level and bitter at life, is just beyond nasty to my daughter and another girl who moved to the gym. She herself has only been at this gym for a year, but two of our teammates came over from the same gym as her a year before her, then another one came and they formed their own clique (understandable as they’ve known each other since level 1). But she goes out of her way to make sure none of the other girls talk to my daughter. On the days she’s not there, my kid is happy, laughing with the other girls and socializing. On the other days… they literally won’t talk to her. I talked to the coach when this girl made a fat joke about my kid (who… is not far but is at that age where those comments stick in the brain), he talked to her and made it clear he’s not here for that bull****, and she’s left my daughter alone for now, but she’s still isolating the girls from her.

For an 11 year old, this kid is so freaking vile, the things she says about other kids and parents is so nasty it’s unbelievable. I don’t get to vibe with the parents for the most part and the girls are all middle school age and just… awful. They feel a certain type of way about my kid asking to do more reps of skills, or completing all of conditioning when they go play in a corner. The parents don’t help when they tell their kids they should work as hard as mine, it makes the other girls even more resentful.

Sorry to hijack, but this topic is stressing me out so hard. I’ve also thought about moving but no guarantee it would be any better at this age (my daughter is the second youngest one in optionals right now), and she loves the coaches.

Btw I don’t see coaches not going to awards as a red flag, ours might pop their head in and say good job but that’s it - they need to grab food between other sessions or they want to go home, I don’t blame them, awards are long as hell
 
I don't see coaches not attending awards as a problem. Our coaches rarely attend, they are coaching all day (usually a long day) and need to eat between sessions, if they have time, and they deserve a few minutes of down time. They will sometimes pop in to get a photo or will have one of us take a photo & send it to them. However, if they ever heard that some of the girls left before the entire awards ceremony was over, they would not be happy. It has been clearly stated to all parents and gymnasts that you do not leave before the very last award is given, to anyone, not just athletes from our gym. It is incredibly rude when athletes get up & leave once they get their award. Our girls are also required to be in the competition area until the very last girl, from any gym not just ours, has finished competing the very last event. No leaving & going to the awards area early, every athlete deserves that respect.
 
So we have exactly the same situation.

Our gym has a few locations, we were at one that was outrageously far but my daughter was friends with the girls (she was mid age range there) and I was friends with the parents. I couldn’t keep doing the drive though, so we moved to a closer location.

The coaches are great but the girls are HORRIBLE. One girl, who is repeating our level and bitter at life, is just beyond nasty to my daughter and another girl who moved to the gym. She herself has only been at this gym for a year, but two of our teammates came over from the same gym as her a year before her, then another one came and they formed their own clique (understandable as they’ve known each other since level 1). But she goes out of her way to make sure none of the other girls talk to my daughter. On the days she’s not there, my kid is happy, laughing with the other girls and socializing. On the other days… they literally won’t talk to her. I talked to the coach when this girl made a fat joke about my kid (who… is not far but is at that age where those comments stick in the brain), he talked to her and made it clear he’s not here for that bull****, and she’s left my daughter alone for now, but she’s still isolating the girls from her.

For an 11 year old, this kid is so freaking vile, the things she says about other kids and parents is so nasty it’s unbelievable. I don’t get to vibe with the parents for the most part and the girls are all middle school age and just… awful. They feel a certain type of way about my kid asking to do more reps of skills, or completing all of conditioning when they go play in a corner. The parents don’t help when they tell their kids they should work as hard as mine, it makes the other girls even more resentful.

Sorry to hijack, but this topic is stressing me out so hard. I’ve also thought about moving but no guarantee it would be any better at this age (my daughter is the second youngest one in optionals right now), and she loves the coaches.

Btw I don’t see coaches not going to awards as a red flag, ours might pop their head in and say good job but that’s it - they need to grab food between other sessions or they want to go home, I don’t blame them, awards are long as hell
This is such a relevant topic when it comes to gymnastics, because most girls end up in levels with large age spans and girls pick up on things from older girls and their siblings in ways they wouldn’t at school or in an age-specific sport. I don’t think it is at all gymnastics-specific but it is magnified by the “objective” comparisons made possible by different levels and ages working out at the same time and in the same competitive environment. Other sports (with the exception of swimming and diving?) rarely combine age groups or levels at the same workout.

I don’t have good advice but have appreciated learning about the idea of “relational aggression” as well as the validation in the following books:

Little Girls Can Be Mean
Odd Girl Out
Untangled
Under Pressure

My daughter is younger and has learned a lot from the American Girl friendship book- it looks cheesy but has helped her sort out some complicated school and team dynamics.
 
In my experience (just my opinion)... booster clubs cause / create cliques.

Again... just my opinion (from years of experience)... if a booster club does not believe this and create events to combat it... then they are just part of the problem.
You could not be any more on target with that one. Booster clubs give the insider parents further opportunity to connect and look awesome to the gym and coaches. Meanwhile, they often drive new or passive parents further into the periphery.
 
So we have exactly the same situation.
In my experience, "crappy kids" = "crappy parents"

I can sympathize with you/your child. There was a NASTY girl at my daughter's old gym. Of course, her primary caregiver was also totally awful. One terrible kid made practice suck. A team of kids like that would be hard to deal with.
 
You sound like a really nice coach. But, no, our awards aren't different. My daughter went up to get our team award with one other girl who lingered around (but left the area where the gymnasts sit). My daughter was also thoughtful enough to get the medals for the girls who didn't stick around for their own awards (if you can believe that).
I cannot believe they left in that case! It's written into our team handbook, at the end of which is a commitment agreement the athlete, parents, and coach all sign, that the expectation is to be at every meet and that everyone stays for the entire awards ceremony unless there is some schedule conflict that has been discussed previously - and those are very rare circumstances!
 
I cannot believe they left in that case! It's written into our team handbook, at the end of which is a commitment agreement the athlete, parents, and coach all sign, that the expectation is to be at every meet and that everyone stays for the entire awards ceremony unless there is some schedule conflict that has been discussed previously - and those are very rare circumstances!
Oh, it's in our team handbook too - along with other guidelines for etiquette that are ignored.
 
I'm going to throw this one out there in plain site for everyone to see as well...

In my experience (just my opinion)... booster clubs cause / create cliques.

Again... just my opinion (from years of experience)... if a booster club does not believe this and create events to combat it... then they are just part of the problem.
So what do you do when the booster club already exists in full force with complete support from the program director?
 
So what do you do when the booster club already exists in full force with complete support from the program director?

If you can't beat em'... join em'. Get in the clique.

We ended our booster club as the need was just no longer there.
 
My daughter was also thoughtful enough to get the medals for the girls who didn't stick around for their own awards (if you can believe that).
Then clearly it wasn’t personal against your kid if they couldn’t even stay for their own awards.

And I double down on that is a culture that is accepted by the coaches/owners.
Shame on the gym.

And at our gym It is expected everyone stay for awards. Even coaches. Exception for coaches, 1- if they have another session starting immediately or 2- it’s a late ending session and they have an early session start, the next day.
 

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Gymnaverse :: Recent Activity

College Gym News

Similar threads

A
Replies
11
Views
844
Anonymous (82b3)
A
A
Replies
13
Views
594
Anonymous (ed02)
A
A
Replies
13
Views
907
Anonymous (3716)
A
A
Replies
3
Views
679
Anonymous (003b)
A
Back