Parents Advice:commitment letters

[Tootsmom]

My dd told me that one of the coaches pulled her and 2 other teammates aside tonight and let them know that they were the only ones in their group moving up. My dd and her friend have been together since they were 5 (they are both 9 now), friend is not moving up. So here is my ? Dd gets in the car tonight all excited, but suggested that when commitment letters come out (in about 2 weeks) maybe she should lie about level placement. I told her no need just restrain her level of excitement. Friend will be very upset and feeling let behind. And suggestions?

 

[meganliz77]

My dd told me that one of the coaches pulled her and 2 other teammates aside tonight and let them know that they were the only ones in their group moving up. My dd and her friend have been together since they were 5 (they are both 9 now), friend is not moving up. So here is my ? Dd gets in the car tonight all excited, but suggested that when commitment letters come out (in about 2 weeks) maybe she should lie about level placement. I told her no need just restrain her level of excitement. Friend will be very upset and feeling let behind. And suggestions?

I would agree.... No need to lie and it would probably make the other girl feel even worse about things once she found out. This is just part of this sport, for what it's worth and the friend (and your DD) will need to learn to cope with these situations... It's hard to see any kiddo disappointed. Sounds like your DD Has a great sense of loyalty and a big heart. I think your advice was spot on though. Good luck!

 

[ProudDad]

Same thing happened with DD and her best friend last year. Odds are that her friend will be really excited for her and it won't be a big deal to either of them. What will be harder is that being in different training groups really changes the time they spend together. DD and friend still do warm-ups next to each other and talk at break and spend time outside of the gym together. The friendship is still very strong and they have a blast together, so I wouldn't worry too much.

 

[flippin out]

agree with those above.......but would add that not only is it not necessary to lie about moving up, but it's hurtful to do so. Friend will find out soon enough if she lies and that will only hurt her more. Go with telling the truth and let friend know that she's happy to be moving up, but sad that her friend is not. No reason they can't celebrate one's achievement AND commiserate the fact that they both don't get that opportunity all at the same time

 

[Flyaway]

Agreed with above. Important life lesson to be learned here. And congrats to your dd!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Truth is the way to go, it's not like her friend won't find out.

 

[sshreed]

True friends would be honest from the start. Feelings are more hurt by deceit. Sure the friend will be sad, but she will also be proud of her friend.

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

Here the girls are instructed not to open their letters until they are in the car or at home. It gives everyone a chance to celebrate genuinely or be upset for a whole night or weekend before they need to come back and face their peers. I think it's a really good policy.

 

[skschlag]

If she lies now, it will actually hurt more in the end. Friend will get excited that they get to stay together, and when she finds out that they actually don't, it will be worse. I would wait until the letters come out, and let her friend be happy for her, and disappointed at the same time. They will work thru it.

 

[rjb123]

Im not trying to sound dense, but what is a commitment letter? Is this a "thing" that a lot of gyms do? I have never heard of it.

 

[NutterButter]

Im not trying to sound dense, but what is a commitment letter? Is this a "thing" that a lot of gyms do? I have never heard of it.

We don't have them either but I get the gist of what they are. (This would be reason #289 on why I love my gym.) Sounds very stressful.

 

[flippin out]

Im not trying to sound dense, but what is a commitment letter? Is this a "thing" that a lot of gyms do? I have never heard of it.

We don't do them, but I'm assuming that it's just a letter stating what level a gymnast will be for the next season.

When my oldest was in volleyball they did letters after tryouts to notify if you made the team or not. Always saw it as a cop out ....like coaches were too chicken to have meetings and tell the girls face-to-face if they were cut or didn't make varsity.

 

[mommyof1]

We don't do them, but I'm assuming that it's just a letter stating what level a gymnast will be for the next season.

When my oldest was in volleyball they did letters after tryouts to notify if you made the team or not. Always saw it as a cop out ....like coaches were too chicken to have meetings and tell the girls face-to-face if they were cut or didn't make varsity.

At Tinker Bell's gym level placements come in a letter each year and there is zero discussion with the gymnasts or parents either before or afterwards. Kids are instructed not to open the letters until they get to the car. I understand why they do it this way and much prefer it to the old gym's approach of telling the kids every single day that they were moving up but never actually moving them, but I would really like it if there were little "parent-teacher" conferences with the coach in advance. I also wish that kids repeating levels would get an individual pep talk with the coach instead of just getting slammed with a form letter that says "you are assigned to [same level]." We'll see how things go down when Tink is notified next month that she is repeating...

 

[AgingHippie]

I wouldn't like the commitment letter either. Our gym does the parent teacher 5 to 10 minute meeting, depending on the coach your gymnasts may or may not attend. You get your level and coaching assignment at that time and can ask questions.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Our kids after the season get kind of a slash designation. So they are now L4/6. During the summer they track the skills and that gets posted. They and us parents know what they will need to move up and we can see what they have and don't. No letters, no special conferences, with a not moving exception. If they want to hold them back they will have a conversation with the parent. Parent gives input, decisions are made. There have been cases were parents with on the cusp kids, wanted kids moved and made a good solid case and the coaches moved them and kids did fine. it is really more about the coaches setting the expectations so the parents know what to expect. Sort of you kid does this level, she will have some struggles. If she stays her you can expect this. And we uptrain. Cases where the parent didn't want them moved so no move. So basically if you as a parent haven't had the coach chat with you or felt the need to chat with the coach, your kid moves up.
If your absolutely doesn't have the skills to be safe, you can insist all you want a move won't happen.

No drama, no pins and needles, they get told and back to business as usual.

 

[Flyaway]

We have a coach-gymnast-parent conference at the end of summer training. Usually we have a idea of where everyone is going to land based on summer training groups, but nothing is confirmed until the conference. Parents are not included in decisions unless they push to be. A letter would be a nice formality, but redundant for us.

 

[Jazzjerz]

We get a placement letter emailed to us a week or so after the final meet, and have about 2 weeks to respond, along with signing the contract for the year. This gives the parents time to talk about it with their child, as well as ask any questions of the gym, if needed.

 

[ProudDad]

We can pretty much tell based on training groups as well, but there are no guarantees. The paper we get has the level on it, but it's really the new draft authorization form...

 

[gymmomtotwo]

All I can think about these letters is how wildly impersonal it is. We have a coach, gymnast, parent mtg for placement. I feel like the coaches are totally invested in the kids, and this sort of thing would never be done in a letter. They get written evaluations, but it is all discussedright there in a conference. Is it just a formality, and it has already been discussed? Hope so.

 

[Jazzjerz]

We have more formal meetings about 3 other times throughout the year. They are 45 minutes with the coach, and are very informative with lots of detailed info. We can also request meetings as needed other times. I like the emailed letters, as everyone receives them at the same time, and we are given a chance to digest the information before speaking with the coaches if needed. It also takes away from any temptation by the parent to try and influence level assignment, which would not fly in our gym. I believe that if a child did not move up with her group, that would not come as a complete shock at assignment time.