For Parents Am I asking to much?

[Flip4funmom]

This might end up all over the place so I apologize in advance.

Weslan has been training with team about 2 months now, things were going great, I was seeing great progress he loves going. He had no problem listening and taking directions until.... The gym got this 'coach' to help with the rec kids and younger team kids. She's never coached before , still competes herself (I have no problem with that his head coach does as well). Well she has no control over the kids she goes from letting them do whatever they want to flipping out and making them sit out (like 30 minutes). Since he's been spending time with her his progression has slowed, he has started having problems listening (still does great with the head coach), almost every night when I come back to practice (about half way through) he's sitting out. Tonight I watched he spent 20 minutes sitting out playing with a bucket of chalk. He only got back into practice because I asked if I should just take him home. This happens often with this coach, and once on a while with the head coach. I have spoke with the head coach before explaining the lwngth of time sitting and doing nothing is my concern, he's only 5 after about 10 minutes you lose the effect of them sitting out. They forget what they did wrong. I'm just frustrated. Did I put my son into a situation he isn't ready for? Physically he's fine. He trains t&t level 5. But mentally/ emotionally what have I done? Is it even my son or is it the inexperienced coach? I have a wonderful relationship with the head coach, he has a long term plan for my son if he chooses to stick with it, so I don't want to jeapordize that or anything he would do for my son but I'm frustrated, I'm not happy and I'm not sure what to do about it. I mentioned my concerns to the gym owner and he didn't seem concerned.

Am I putting to much pressure on my 5 year old?

 

[mommyof1]

Do you have other gym options? In our family's experience it's asking too much of a brand-new coach, especially a high school kid, to coach preteam or team without close supervision and mentoring from an experienced adult.

 

[Tuppy]

If it's someone young, she could be returning to school/college so it could be resolving itself very soon. But I'd stop and ask the HC about your son's progress and also discuss you noticing that your son has been sitting out as you talk. Get some feedback. Go from there.

This might end up all over the place so I apologize in advance.

Weslan has been training with team about 2 months now, things were going great, I was seeing great progress he loves going. He had no problem listening and taking directions until.... The gym got this 'coach' to help with the rec kids and younger team kids. She's never coached before , still competes herself (I have no problem with that his head coach does as well). Well she has no control over the kids she goes from letting them do whatever they want to flipping out and making them sit out (like 30 minutes). Since he's been spending time with her his progression has slowed, he has started having problems listening (still does great with the head coach), almost every night when I come back to practice (about half way through) he's sitting out. Tonight I watched he spent 20 minutes sitting out playing with a bucket of chalk. He only got back into practice because I asked if I should just take him home. This happens often with this coach, and once on a while with the head coach. I have spoke with the head coach before explaining the lwngth of time sitting and doing nothing is my concern, he's only 5 after about 10 minutes you lose the effect of them sitting out. They forget what they did wrong. I'm just frustrated. Did I put my son into a situation he isn't ready for? Physically he's fine. He trains t&t level 5. But mentally/ emotionally what have I done? Is it even my son or is it the inexperienced coach? I have a wonderful relationship with the head coach, he has a long term plan for my son if he chooses to stick with it, so I don't want to jeapordize that or anything he would do for my son but I'm frustrated, I'm not happy and I'm not sure what to do about it. I mentioned my concerns to the gym owner and he didn't seem concerned.

Am I putting to much pressure on my 5 year old?

 

[M2Abi]

I would have an issue with that. My 5 y/o son has a very good coach that I really like and I still regularly remind him that he's only 5.

 

[triplethreat+1]

I would definitely not be ok if my 6yr DD had to sit out for more than 10 minutes. What the heck is the point of that?
Admittedly, it can be hard to focus in the summer, so maybe your son is having a harder time focusing than normal.

 

[Madden3]

I do not know how t and t works level/skill wise, but in my experience with MAG, for a kid this age esp a boy, it is all about how long and how active the practice is. How long are the practices and how many a week?

At our gym even main floor Rec does not start until age 6. The kids are in the kiddie gym with 50 minute classes until then. There are preteam options, not sure when they start but I think 4 or 5 for boys, and it is like twice a week, 2 hours -(maybe less, not sure.) And they MOVE. Constantly, the whole time. I get exhausted just looking at them, but this prevents these little high energy kids from getting bored and into trouble. They spend lots of time working simultaneously so there is very little having to wait in line for their turn, etc. Trust me that (the waiting for turns) is the time kids get into trouble- even much older kids. Also, these classes are always taught by the male coaches. I am not saying a girl could not do it, but she has to get how little boys work and be willing to do what it takes to keep them engaged.

If the HC really has long term plans for your son, they should realize a situation where a young child is being repeatedly sat out is one that is going to scuttle those plans as the kid will learn to hate gym. Unless you child is a regular trouble maker (and I very much doubt that) this is clearly a failure of meeting the kids where they are.

 

[LLmom]

Ask for active stations for your son while he "waits" for his turn...25 tuck jumps, straddle stretches, wall jumps, etc. It will keep him moving (as said above) and keep him from getting in trouble with new coach...plus gives new coach some ideas of how to keep little boys engaged without you having to outright tell her that she isn't doing a good job. It could be pretty easy to say "I noticed that he often sits out for talking/messing around/causing distraction, whatever...would you consider trying this to keep him focused and having fun?"

 

[Flip4funmom]

Thanks for all the help. He trains 3 days a week for 2 hours a night. He also has the option to go on Saturday for up to 3 1/2 hours for more fun/team bonding. I typically only let him go for about 2 hours on Saturdays though.

 

[acam1103]

I agree with Madden3. At our gym the "advanced" younger kids have their own preteam group that practices two times per week for an hour each time. My 5 year old was just bumped to this group and it's perfect for him. They are learning routines/skills equivalent to level 4 but in a way more age appropriate manner to get them ready for team by 6 or 7. He would be a train wreck with the large team full of older kids and longer practices and he's a well behaved kid. Also, an experienced male team coach coaches them. It would be chaos with anyone else.

So, I wouldn't be okay with how the coach is handling it but I also don't think it sounds overly developmentally appropriate which head coach should know.

 

[Madden3]

Thanks for all the help. He trains 3 days a week for 2 hours a night. He also has the option to go on Saturday for up to 3 1/2 hours for more fun/team bonding. I typically only let him go for about 2 hours on Saturdays though.

Ok so it is 4 days, 2 hours each...that just might be too much for this age. It would not mean he is not devoted or does not love the sport or is not talented... It would just mean it's too much to expect of him right now. Perhaps better he went less but was able to focus more. But even with less hours, if he is like the vast majority of boys this age, it is important he be actively engaged, doing something all the time basically so there is no time to mess up.

But also I forgot to ask what your son is being disciplined for when he is asked to sit out. Do you know? Rereading your OP, it really sounds like the coach is in over her head. It might help to ask the HC if you can please have in writing an explanation of what behavior constitutes a child being asked to sit out, and for how long, and at what point you would be called to pick him up, etc. I am not saying they even have to have a written policy, but they do need to have clarity on this themselves so that you and your son have clarity, and it sounds like they may not.

Also, is this a mixed group....boys and girls?

 

[Flip4funmom]

Ok so I spoke with the coach in question for a bit tonight. She wasn't to thrilled to talk to me but I didn't give her a choice. She said one thing she gets frustrated with is she tries to give multiple directions and he doesn't listen to them all then ends up off task. I explained to her how I understand where she's coming from but he is still young and she can't expect the same level of attention as the older kids. I have no clue if it will make a difference, only time will tell. I did speak with my son when we got home about listening to the ENTIRE directions and not assuming he knows what's going on.

 

[Madden3]

My daughter recently turned 5, and she has way more on the ball than my sons ever did at that age, and in her gym class yes they give them a (short) circuit to do, but the coach is constantly having to remind them what is next. This is normal for this age. Kids should be able and willing to understand and follow directions (otherwise it would not be safe for them to be on the gym floor.) But remembering long lists of instructions without being reminded? Not age appropriate. Maybe your son can do it, but one thing I told my daughter was that when she forgot what was next, she should ask!

Maybe your son could have an older buddy who rotates with him and helps remind him what he is supposed to be doing?

 

[strawberries]

Yeah, the coach's expectations are totally developmentally inappropriate for a 5-yr old boy. For him to remember a list of instructions, especially over the time period it would take to complete one, then the next, then the next is something I would struggle with. And doing 10 time outs that are 30 seconds each would be far, far more effective than a 30 minute one. I agree its best to take him home if that happens again.

 

[skschlag]

I think working with your son is one thing, but really, in the long run, it is going to frustrate him more. He is 5, and the coach is expecting some things that are not developmentally appropriate. Now, this could come down to the class not being developmentally appropriate, but let's not go there yet.

You can play games with your son to work on waiting, remembering things, etc. That would make it more fun, and maybe give him some tools to use. But also give the coach some tips for your son. Like "I know he seems to have a lot of energy and not listen well. At home, it helps if I ......" then it is more about your boy and less about her coaching, and maybe she will not be as defensive.