Parents Am I being "that mom"?

[Mrs Vins]

Mt daughter age 3 just started gymnastics in a 3-5 age group and is the youngest in her class of 4 to 5 little girls.

She is smart, loving, eager to please- but also strong willed and independent.

I don't feel like the coach is giving her enough attention to encourage her to participate to the best of her ability- when my daughter gets off task the coach allows her to wander, run, climb, and even hide where ever she wants and only brings her back to the group as its convenient to her...long enough that I'm on my way down from the viewing gallery to get her myself- gyms can be dangerous.
My sweet sensitive girl is so excited to go to class then after seems so unhappy and stressed out, she tries her best but without one on one interaction and praise she sees no incentive to stay with the group or even try some stations

My husband says she's too young yet for the class, but I think it's a coaching issue. I know, I know coaches can't cater to one student but is it normal for a coach behave like this? And if it's not normal how do I broach the subjet without being labeled as the meddling mom? The coach assured me after a few classes kids usually get the rythm and my daughter should be fine.

 

[phenom_dad]

I can't comment on the coaching with out seeing it first hand but Your daughter sounds just like mine when she started rec classes. She wandered, flopped around on the mats, ran, climbed, and watched the optionals with mouth agape. She is in 9th grade now and second year level 10. Enjoy the ride!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She's doing what 3 yr olds do. Since the coach, deals with littles, the coach knows that.

 

[caligymdad]

Ahhhhhhhh. The smell of fresh meat!!!! . The journey is long grasshopper. No need to jump on the coaches back at this age nor not allow your 3 year old to be 3. As others have said, the journey is long. Too early to stress now.

 

[Madden3]

I agree with your husband. For a dozen reasons with a very young child it is important that any class they are in be age appropriate and there is a world of difference developmentally between 3s and 4s. At our gym the "littles"
classes are either 3s OR 4-5s and this is very smart. If that is not an option, I suggest be patient as the coach has suggested. Gyms are usually very overly stimulating places. It takes time for a child to settle down, focus at all and figure out what is expected of them. If she continues to be unhappy after class and there is no other class or gym option, I would suggest find a dance class or something else that is geared for 3 year olds specifically and try gym again later.

But it is NOT acceptable if your daughter is running free to the point she is putting herself or anyone else in danger. Gyms are dangerous places and little kids who cannot be expected to be safely aware of their surroundings should not be able to get anywhere close to where the bigger gymnasts are working ever. Also mat piles can topple etc. so hiding can be a problem too. So if that is happening, that is an area where I think it is appropriate to express concern.

 

[Danaj226]

Any immediate safety concerns should be addressed. Beyond that, there probably isn't anything to address with the coach. I do think it's odd to have 3-5 year olds in one class together, as the maturity between a 3 year old and 5 year old can be very different. Are there any 3 year old classes at your current gym or an option for one in your area?

 

[notthatmom]

I would definitely be worried that the coach just lets her wander around. That isn't safe at all. I would ask to put her in either a class with a different coach, or a class with more kids her age. 3 is very very young, and 3 year olds need much more constant attention than a 5 year old does.

 

[Mrs Vins]

Thanks for all the support! Good to hear that this is normal. Sometimes it's just good to hear that everything is fine from an objective

I thought it was a weird age grouping too, we'll stick it out for now. The only other class offering is for age 18 monthes to 3 years, but there I worry she would object to being with "babies" since her little sister arrived she's very sensitive to the idea of being and "big girl" instead of a "baby"

Just hope the coach continues to be understanding as well, I'm terrified she'll ask us to not return, which would break our heart.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Yes, as some said, the wandering around is not good. She must be made to stay with her class for her safety and the safety of others. Expectations for 3 year olds should be that they can't stay on task and that's ok. Our gym has 3-4 year olds in the same class and it works just fine. They keep the class at 6 members. But the hard and fast rule is no running off, they must stay with the coach.

 

[MILgymFAM]

When she's wandering around, is it in a separate gym (or part of the gym) meant only for littles? We've commonly seen the preschool gymnastics area completely separated from the rest of the gym. If that's the case, I would guess it's a safe place for her to wander and hide. If the class is taking place in the regular gym filled with much bigger kids I would definitely voice that safety concern. Otherwise I bet she's fine and the coach is used to dealing with little ones' short attention spans.

 

[2gymmies]

if you aren't above bribery, maybe you could reward her with something for staying with the class or "punish" her by being done for the day with class whenever she wanders off (maybe one warning or redirect). Is she in preschool? Does her teacher in preschool let her just wander off also?

 

[Lilou]

Are their any classes where the parent stays with the child? We have parent and child classes for those ages. You might want to see about that until she's a bit older and can stick with the class. Otherwise, I'd be worried just like you that she hurts herself on something, or gets in someone else's way. And I think it's totally normal at that age that they want to explore, they're excited, they want to try it all, etc...

 

[gymdog]

It sounds like your daughter isn't ready for an independent class. You can try a parent/tot class. I teach many preschool classes. If the child is unable to remain with the class through verbal instruction, I get their parent. I agree it could be unsafe although without seeing the set up its also possible this is fairly benign. Maybe this coach is young or doesn't feel comfortable telling people that or the gym doesn't allow them to, but if your daughter refuses to respond to their verbal directions, they have few options. Coaches can't drag a kid and I direct new staff not to pick up a kid who will not take your hand and walk with you. This is a normal developmental stage though and kids will outgrow it at different times but generally for sure by 4. There isn't a lot you can do in my opinion to "make" her listen, if anything at all. So I agree with your husband. I would try the parent/tot. As long as you're excited and don't imply directly or indirectly that the class is for babies, she will most likely enjoy being in there with you.

As far as the age those are just guidelines. 3 years old is a standard start for independent classes and preschool, however it doesn't mean that's the best age for every child. It's up to you as a parent to decide if this class is beneficial to your daughter or not.

Of course it could also be the class structure so you could try another instructor. However, just make sure you're really reflective about whether that is the case. In general it would be best to move directly to the parent/tot where she can be successful rather than let her continue to have bad experiences. That might cause her to refuse to participate completely.

 

[sce]

She's doing what 3 yr olds do. Since the coach, deals with littles, the coach knows that.

I agree and the coach can't always stop and redirect one child. She has other children to teach as well. If you are truly concerned, check in with the coach about how your dd is doing in the class. It is possible that she is not ready for the structure. Too much being forced to listen and follow directions could make it even worse.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I agree and the coach can't always stop and redirect one child. She has other children to teach as well. If you are truly concerned, check in with the coach about how your dd is doing in the class. It is possible that she is not ready for the structure. Too much being forced to listen and follow directions could make it even worse.

Yes this.

The only other class offering is for age 18 monthes to 3 years, but there I worry she would object to being with "babies" since her little sister arrived she's very sensitive to the idea of being and "big girl" instead of a "baby"

Congrats on number 2. Its always an adjustment for siblings when the dynamic of the family changes. And while she may think she is a "big" girl she is not and should be in a class that is age appropriate for her abilties, not only physical but emotional and mental.

Perhaps there are 3 yr olds who do OK with 4 and 5 yr olds, I don't imagine there are a lot. That is quite the age span, it encompasses a 36 month old to an almost 6 yr old. What they can do, how they can listen and focus is huge. And it really isn't the gyms focus to make her feel like a "big" girl.

Even in the 18 month - 3 yr old class, she is still a "big" girl to compared to her new sister. Her new sister can't go to gym at all.

 

[sce]

I thought it was a weird age grouping too, we'll stick it out for now. The only other class offering is for age 18 monthes to 3 years, but there I worry she would object to being with "babies" since her little sister arrived she's very sensitive to the idea of being and "big girl" instead of a "baby"

Just hope the coach continues to be understanding as well, I'm terrified she'll ask us to not return, which would break our heart.

If she is in the group the gym placed her in then it should be he right group. if you are concerned about how the coach feels, ask her. Communication is a good thing. The coach may be totally fine with her, knowing she is younger than the others. You may also need to be fine with what she is getting out of it right now too though. Now if the gym says the 18mo to 3yo class would be best, then how your dd responds to that is in a large part based on how you present it. It is not the baby class. Altogether, gymnastics st this age is just about having fun. No 3yo should be serious about the sport. She needs to be in a class where she is having fun.