Parents Am I overreacting?

[Gymnastmama]

Okay so there is a gym mom who every year gives "goodie bags" to only the gymnasts who qualify to state. But I notice she only does this when her daughter makes it, which has been the past 2 years. These bags have very basic things like socks, hair ties, candy, etc... Anyway maybe it is just me but I find this incredibly annoying because she is treating the team like individuals and is leaving the girls who did not qualify for state out. Everyone in the gym works really hard (my coach has actually told me on several occasions my daughter is the hardest worker on the team ) and come the end of the season if they don't get the qualifying score it is devastating to them. My daughter who was incredibly close to making it, (only .2 away to be exact) was left out while her 8 other teammates qualified in at least one meet this season. She told me when that mom handed out the bags she felt really bad and it was just "another reminder that she didn't make it to state". That broke my heart to hear. I just don't understand why that mom couldn't have just given everyone on the team a goodie bag as a celebration for their hard work at the end of the season and maybe just throw in something extra for the ones who did qualify? This really bothered me! Maybe I'm overreacting but I do know if I would have given out bags myself I would have given them out to all the girls on team. I would have felt horrible leaving just 1 or 2 girls out! Everyone wants to feel included instead of feeling left out. I do know the mom has been talked to in the past about this but she obviously didn't take the suggestion to hand out these bags to the entire team seriously. What do you think, am I overreacting?

 

[Alibri]

I don't think you are overreacting at all! It is definitely insensitive, especially if she has been talked to about this before. I don't know why she couldn't see that leaving out one or two girls from an entire team is not a good idea. I agree that rewarding the hard work is a better idea, and I also don't see much wrong with your thought about just adding a little something extra for the girls who qualified. That is so sad that your daughter felt left out, and it's really just salt in a wound!

 

[skschlag]

I guess at our gyms, the booster club has always done a gift for making state. It really is a "congratulations on making state" gift. Now for the boys, that is everyone, but we have had kids who didn't compete one year, and they did not get one. Same for the girls. Now, we do hand them out at the state meet, so only the kids at the meet get it.

 

[duyetanh]

No, because of how it was handled. Could have been handed out a different time way.
This said, sometimes it stings and life lessons happen that we have enough to deal with. At state they handed out the regional shirts....my kid got one...there were kids who didnt...it sucked! But that's the way it went.

 

[GymDad9.9]

No, because of how it was handled. Could have been handed out a different time way.
This said, sometimes it stings and life lessons happen that we have enough to deal with. At state they handed out the regional shirts....my kid got one...there were kids who didnt...it sucked! But that's the way it went.

I went through a whole "why wasn't I invited to Susie's birthday party this weekend" with my daughter. My daughter was on the same team as this child for two years but has since moved into a different group compounded by not being in the gym for the past few weeks. It hurt for a bit but then I took her and her brother to the Children's Museum and it seemed to help.

 

[Flyaway]

It was definitely insensitive. Of course there are great life lessons to be learned through this, but that doesn't change the fact that it could have been handled differently to begin with. My dd was in the same position as yours a few years ago, and I can say with certainty that it ALREADY stings to be one of just a couple that don't qualify to state. Being reminded of that in such an upfront sort of way is unnecessary. There are ways to reward the girls that make state that don't alienate or isolate those that don't.

 

[BachFlyer]

I agree it was not very sensitive… At bare minimum they could have handed them out at state. I tend to be the kind of person who gets Hurt feelings easily, and I get them Easly on behalf of my kids, too. And gymnastics has been a hard sport for me as a parent in that way, More so I feel like that than others. After 10 years, I'm no better at my initial reaction, but I get over it a lot faster. No matter how much I try to wish the unfairness away, something comes along to remind me that it's inevitable, especially in this sport, and I'm always blown away by how tough my kiddos are because ultimately they don't let it stop them from coming back for more.

 

[kayjaybe]

First - I'm over the excessive goodie bags, so I think the fact that she did them at all is just ridiculous. Why do kids need a goodie bag for every occasion?

Second - totally insensitive to handle it this way. The girls not going to states are already dealing with that disappointment. No need to rub it in. If she really wanted to give them out, I agree it should have been done at states.

 

[momstrong]

Yuck! You're not overreacting! Ugh, we aren't on team yet, but I sure hope we don't run into moms like this! You feel this way because you are a thoughtful, sensitive person that cares about how other people (children!) feel. This mom cares about winning and is insensitive. Are you close with other parents on the team? I would think someone else would've noticed this?

 

[amiandjim]

That's just terribly rude! I cannot imagine as a parent doing such a thing. It's own thing to be a meet and qualify for regionals or whatever and others not, but to hand out goodie bags to some girls and not others at practice is just mean. Our gym had a state send off celebration last night and all the girls got a sweatshirt and a couple other things but they all qualified for state so it's a totally different situation.

 

[Bug's mom]

First - I'm over the excessive goodie bags, so I think the fact that she did them at all is just ridiculous. Why do kids need a goodie bag for every occasion?

Second - totally insensitive to handle it this way. The girls not going to states are already dealing with that disappointment. No need to rub it in. If she really wanted to give them out, I agree it should have been done at states.

^^^^ This first point though!!!

 

[amiandjim]

Off topic but seriously, why in the world do we have to buy children a goodie bag for coming to a birthday party we paid for?? I will never understand that one!

 

[SMH]

At our gym, parents all donate one item to 'state' bags that each level opens the practice right before their states. Every kid receives a bag, even if they didn't qualify for states. They should maybe call them 'end of season' bags. But I'm sure watching your teammates go off to states without you stings enough without having to watch them all open a special gift that you don't get. I'd be fine with no bags at all, but the kids get really excited about picking the item they put in the bag for their teammates.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I think going to states IS the reward. And the medal is the reward for doing well at states. And that is what I told my kid when she thought she should go out for ice cream for qualifying.

But then I think the everybody gets invited and getting something for every little thing should end in kindy.

Yet I also think if you can't include everyone, then it's not the place to do whatever.

So at school, if you are having a party you don't have to invite everyone AND you can't handout the invites at school. As it should be.

I would tell her (the parent) that it was rude and since she didn't include everyone she should of waited for states. You know do the that was such a nice gesture and I'm sure you didn't realize how hurtful it was..... thing. And if you are uncomfortable with that perhaps ask the coach to do it.

There is an outside chance she doesn't get it. But likely she does and doesn't care.

So you are going make it a can't stop people from being rude lessen for your girl. It stinks though.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

We had a mom who handed up birthday invites at practice -- for a gym party/sleep over. Every girl except mine. Who was standing right there while invites were give out over her head. She's old enough to be mostly OK with "I wasn't invited" but that was over-the-top mean in my opinion. So sorry your daughter had to deal with this!

 

[momstrong]

We had a mom who handed up birthday invites at practice -- for a gym party/sleep over. Every girl except mine. Who was standing right there while invites were give out over her head. She's old enough to be mostly OK with "I wasn't invited" but that was over-the-top mean in my opinion. So sorry your daughter had to deal with this!

What??? That is beyond mean! Was it expected? Does your DD not get along with mean mom's daughter? What age group of girls?

 

[Anna's_Mom]

What??? That is beyond mean! Was it expected? Does your DD not get along with mean mom's daughter? What age group of girls?

No, it was a surprise. Birthday girl had been talking for weeks about party and how the whole team would be included. As I understand it, gym had a limit on number of guests that was a few shy of the entire team. So mom decided exclude the handful of girls that were a little older than her child. Just happened that DD was the only one of those girls there that day. Not that this was explained at any point, mind you. I actually called the mom because it seemed so crazy that DD had been excluded and this was the excuse/reason I was given. Didn't help. I wouldn't normally had called to ask at all, but it seemed entirely possible that she just had skipped over DD in the gaggle of girls surrounding her. Her child was turning 10, DD was 12. So old enough to understand that you don't always get invited, but also old enough for the exclusion to run right into pre-teen anxiety about everything in the world. Ugly, all the way around.

 

[amiandjim]

That is just sad!! I cannot imagine ever doing such a thing. DD turned 8 in February and we had a sleepover party so couldn't invite even all the girls in our gym carpool. We were very careful to hand out the invites in privacy and to not discuss the party at all in front of the other girls.

 

[AWOL]

Yes you are. I think that it is great that this mother is doing this for the State girls. This is a great accomplishment and should be celebrated.

 

[duyetanh]

Off topic but seriously, why in the world do we have to buy children a goodie bag for coming to a birthday party we paid for?? I will never understand that one!

Oh this!!!!! And if you don't have one, the kids are like wth? Look you greedy children...it was my kids first b-day party and I had no idea it was now a requirement. I paid for skating, pizza, etc. Get over it.
Um...rant over. Back to original topic...oops...