WAG And the drama continues

cogymmom2dd

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I have posted a few times about my DD2 and the drama that she has had with her school ‘friends’ over gymnastics.
A little background info: In 2019 and into 2020, DD2 was XS. A group of her friends that she has been tight with since kindergarten are also gymnasts at another local gym who tries to pride themselves as ‘elite’ and they were all L3 at this ‘elite’ gym that actually only has one elite gymnast who was already elite before she transferred due to a parent relocating to our area for work. They haven’t ‘raised’ any elites. They at one point had my daughter singled out and down on herself because they told her over and over again that she wasn’t a real gymnast because XCEL gymnasts aren’t real gymnasts.
All gyms and schools were shut down for about 4 months and everyone kind of kept to themselves at the peak of the school drama. Once gyms reopened, their gym decided to create XCEL teams to make their JO teams a bit smaller. 1 of her friends was able to move to L4 because she scored well in the few meets that happened before the pandemic. The others were placed on XS because they didn’t score well and didn’t make the repeat L3 team due to some L2’s that needed placement.
So, the girls that just told my daughter that she wasn’t a real gymnast because she was XS were now competing at that level and my DD moved to Gold.
DD2 has thrived on Gold this season, not scoring below a 37 at any meet and has snagged 1st place AA’s at nearly every meet this past season, was a regional qualifier.
We have been on a very odd mixed school schedule this year, with her attending in-person and doing online schooling on alternating weeks. These ‘friends’ of hers were largely on the opposite schedule as her. The friend who was L4 was the only one in her cohort and they weren’t in the same classes, so they only saw each other at recess each day and that’s it. No drama between August to March.
Well, now everyone is back to school full time since March 1 and it has been nothing but drama since day 1 now that they are all back.
My DD hurt her foot at practice last week and was walking with a bit of a limp. We had her foot wrapped and had planned on getting X-rays later that day. She came home from school in tears because she said that her ‘friends’ didn’t believe that she was hurt so they forced her (at recess) take her shoe off to prove that her foot was bruised (badly sprained) and one of them stomped on her already bruised foot.
Mama bear came out and contacted this girls mom, the teachers, the principal, and the school counselor about this but, it all boiled down to this- according to this girls’ mom, she (the kid and likely the mom too) is ‘under a lot of stress right now’ because she really wants to compete L4 next year but the gym announced that only 2 of the XS girls will move up to 4 and the rest will repeat L3, so basically zero mobility for 3 consecutive seasons. She said that they are doing privates to get her L4 skills and that is what the other 3 are also doing. She said her DD is jealous of anyone her age that ‘brags’ about gymnastics, has anxiety, and sees a therapist.- so basically blaming my DD for ‘bragging’ and blaming her DD’s actions on gymnastics as a whole.
When I asked my DD2 if she was bragging to her friends (we have been very firm about keeping gym and school separate), she said no mommy they only asked me what level I am going to try to practice at this summer and I told them that I already know I am moving to L6, which is the truth. Our gym already has summer practice levels, groups, schedules, and camps set. Their gym has a few month period between state meets in March and May where they focus on uptraining and place summer practice groups accordingly and they are given a week’s notice as to what that group is going to be- and it’s not guaranteed that you will compete at that level, they have another roster that is made for September-May and those are the competition groups.
I am so over this drama. The silver lining in all of this is that we are in the process of building our dream home on land out in the country and we won’t have to deal with any of this drama after school is out in May. We are moving locally and DD2 will actually be at school with one of her best friends from the gym and when they are together, they play non-gymnastics things like typical 9 year olds should be doing.
Sorry for the long post, just needed to vent to some people who might understand.
 

rjb123

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I forget what age your DD is, but I am just going to say it- girls are horrible and frankly this sport can bring out the WORST in girls and their parents. Sending you a big virtual hug and calming breaths to get through this drama. Hugs.
 

cogymmom2dd

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I forget what age your DD is, but I am just going to say it- girls are horrible and frankly this sport can bring out the WORST in girls and their parents. Sending you a big virtual hug and calming breaths to get through this drama. Hugs.
Shes’s 9 and most of her friends are around the same age. She’s the youngest in her class so some have already turned 10. They are a group of 7 girls and most of them are gymnasts, she is the only one at a different gym so sometimes gets singled out for that alone, the other girls are all in the same levels but seem to be causing 100% of the drama.
 

GymDadWA

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Sorry your family is going through this, my DD's gym started doing a grouping thing to help isolate kids during the pandemic but quickly realized it was sort of creating a mini rivalry in the gym and had to squash that quickly.

Sounds like the other girls are coming to grips with the fact that they might not be the next Olympian. Like has been pointed out so many times on this forum how quickly or slowly someone progresses through levels does not not indicate long term success and those girls/families really should just worry about themselves and not what someone else is doing.
 

cogymmom2dd

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Thats just crappy parenting. If my kid did what that girl did I would be horrfied and apologize profusely. Explaining if my kids has issues for context is one thing but implying well your kid shouldnt brag is another. Ugh sorry you had to deal with this.
Exactly! My DD only said that because she was asked. I know that she wouldn’t just stroll up to her friends at recess and randomly start bragging about going to L6. We have known the summer groupings and practice schedule since the end of March and all of this drama has happened in the past week, so the timing is off for her to be ‘bragging’. She simply answered a question and this other girl didn’t like the answer.
 

Mommysunshine

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That is hard. Kids can be mean. Sounds like they are girls your daughter should not make an effort to be close friends with anyway.
I hope your daughter has good friends at her gym and can just focus on her own gymnastics journey.
There is a good chance in another year or two only one or two of the girls including your daughter will still be doing gym. If your daughter is the last one continuing, the other girls will probably brag that their new activities are so much better than gymnastics. There will always be something to be snooty about.
Hope your daughters ankle gets better quickly.
 

PreciousJ

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Thats just crappy parenting. If my kid did what that girl did I would be horrfied and apologize profusely. Explaining if my kids has issues for context is one thing but implying well your kid shouldnt brag is another. Ugh sorry you had to deal with this.
Also shows that the girl, and her mom, could benefit from learning coping skills. You do NOT react that way out of frustration.
 
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cogymmom2dd

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These girls are not her friends. Please encourage your daughter to try to find some new kids to hang out with. Maybe help her look for some friends that share her non gymnastics interests.
I absolutely agree. I am hoping with the move, she is able to find a new tribe. We are only moving 10 miles away but to a more rural area where there likely aren’t many gymnasts and hopefully more kids that are more down to earth and less competitive.
 
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cogymmom2dd

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Also shows that the girl, and her mom, could benefit from learning coping skills. You do NOT react that way out of frustration.
The mom and I do not see eye to eye on a lot of things and I don’t let my DD over to her house to hang. I am 99 percent sure that this mom is one of those suburban housewives with a prescription drug problem, so yeah there is a lack of coping skills for everyone in that household. I have worked in emergency medicine in some capacity for 16+ years and when you know, you know.
 

cogymmom2dd

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Just be careful your coping strategy does not include badmouthing the other gym or parents. Even if it is true.
I’m stating facts. Now, the stuff about the mom doesn’t get discussed around the kids at all except for maybe with my husband in private or via text message, not not during casual family dinner table conversation. The stuff about the other gym is all fact based. I don’t see how it’s ‘badmouthing’ if it’s stating facts about their operations.
Needless to say, May 20th can’t come soon enough and we are onward to our next chapter.
 

Gymx2

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Good luck. It sounds like there should be far less gym drama in the future, and once she’s out of this very dramatic group I can’t imagine there could possibly be another school group like this group again.
 

Pineapple_Lump

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I'd really just teach your kid to avoid these people. Sounds like they were enticed onto the crazy train awhile back with talk/lies of hopes and dreams.
 

ProudGymnast

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Ugg... sounds like the girls are jealous. Jealousy, gymnastics, and girls is not a good combo... and I am speaking from experience lol. Frankly, competitive gymnasts can be simply spiteful and catty to each other if not taught right. The things I have experienced are crazy! I would just advise her to steer clear from the girls and do her best to stay out of the drama. If your moving soon it shouldn't be to much of a problem for much longer, and thats good news!
 

CoachPow

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I have posted a few times about my DD2 and the drama that she has had with her school ‘friends’ over gymnastics.
A little background info: In 2019 and into 2020, DD2 was XS. A group of her friends that she has been tight with since kindergarten are also gymnasts at another local gym who tries to pride themselves as ‘elite’ and they were all L3 at this ‘elite’ gym that actually only has one elite gymnast who was already elite before she transferred due to a parent relocating to our area for work. They haven’t ‘raised’ any elites. They at one point had my daughter singled out and down on herself because they told her over and over again that she wasn’t a real gymnast because XCEL gymnasts aren’t real gymnasts.
All gyms and schools were shut down for about 4 months and everyone kind of kept to themselves at the peak of the school drama. Once gyms reopened, their gym decided to create XCEL teams to make their JO teams a bit smaller. 1 of her friends was able to move to L4 because she scored well in the few meets that happened before the pandemic. The others were placed on XS because they didn’t score well and didn’t make the repeat L3 team due to some L2’s that needed placement.
So, the girls that just told my daughter that she wasn’t a real gymnast because she was XS were now competing at that level and my DD moved to Gold.
DD2 has thrived on Gold this season, not scoring below a 37 at any meet and has snagged 1st place AA’s at nearly every meet this past season, was a regional qualifier.
We have been on a very odd mixed school schedule this year, with her attending in-person and doing online schooling on alternating weeks. These ‘friends’ of hers were largely on the opposite schedule as her. The friend who was L4 was the only one in her cohort and they weren’t in the same classes, so they only saw each other at recess each day and that’s it. No drama between August to March.
Well, now everyone is back to school full time since March 1 and it has been nothing but drama since day 1 now that they are all back.
My DD hurt her foot at practice last week and was walking with a bit of a limp. We had her foot wrapped and had planned on getting X-rays later that day. She came home from school in tears because she said that her ‘friends’ didn’t believe that she was hurt so they forced her (at recess) take her shoe off to prove that her foot was bruised (badly sprained) and one of them stomped on her already bruised foot.
Mama bear came out and contacted this girls mom, the teachers, the principal, and the school counselor about this but, it all boiled down to this- according to this girls’ mom, she (the kid and likely the mom too) is ‘under a lot of stress right now’ because she really wants to compete L4 next year but the gym announced that only 2 of the XS girls will move up to 4 and the rest will repeat L3, so basically zero mobility for 3 consecutive seasons. She said that they are doing privates to get her L4 skills and that is what the other 3 are also doing. She said her DD is jealous of anyone her age that ‘brags’ about gymnastics, has anxiety, and sees a therapist.- so basically blaming my DD for ‘bragging’ and blaming her DD’s actions on gymnastics as a whole.
When I asked my DD2 if she was bragging to her friends (we have been very firm about keeping gym and school separate), she said no mommy they only asked me what level I am going to try to practice at this summer and I told them that I already know I am moving to L6, which is the truth. Our gym already has summer practice levels, groups, schedules, and camps set. Their gym has a few month period between state meets in March and May where they focus on uptraining and place summer practice groups accordingly and they are given a week’s notice as to what that group is going to be- and it’s not guaranteed that you will compete at that level, they have another roster that is made for September-May and those are the competition groups.
I am so over this drama. The silver lining in all of this is that we are in the process of building our dream home on land out in the country and we won’t have to deal with any of this drama after school is out in May. We are moving locally and DD2 will actually be at school with one of her best friends from the gym and when they are together, they play non-gymnastics things like typical 9 year olds should be doing.
Sorry for the long post, just needed to vent to some people who might understand.
I'm going to be very honest with you. I didn't read even half of your post because I've heard the same song and dance a few hundred times. I've gained a little insight after nearly two decades of coaching... A) This type of drama happens in literally every gym at literally every level. Not excusing it, but it is a predictable product of the highly competitive nature of the sport, combined with subjective nature of judging and progression, mixed with preteen and teenage girls. Anyone that plans on participating in this sport needs to develop ways to cope with that extreme pressure and avoid the drama and those that cause it. B) Often the gymnasts involved-and their parents-seem to thrive on the drama. Bullying absolutely happens, but most of the time it seems to get fueled in some manner from both sides. We have called parents in to talk countless times only to be told that "my daughter would never say anything like that" even after hearing their "DD" literally yell those words across the gym. My advice to these girls (delivered a few thousand times, for certain) is that there is literally nothing your competitors (or teammates!) can do to affect your scores and progression-there's no defense in gymnastics. Learning how to ignore the background noise and focus is a very essential skill for any gymnast. Running from this isn't always the best answer. Learning from it and using it may prove more beneficial in the long run. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck in the new locale, but don't be shocked if there's drama and high competition in every gym into which you set foot... P.S. if you find a gym where the girls are all best friends, get along 24/7 and sing Kumbaya in their spare time, let me know and I'll throw in my application tomorrow!
 

cogymmom2dd

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I'm going to be very honest with you. I didn't read even half of your post because I've heard the same song and dance a few hundred times. I've gained a little insight after nearly two decades of coaching... A) This type of drama happens in literally every gym at literally every level. Not excusing it, but it is a predictable product of the highly competitive nature of the sport, combined with subjective nature of judging and progression, mixed with preteen and teenage girls. Anyone that plans on participating in this sport needs to develop ways to cope with that extreme pressure and avoid the drama and those that cause it. B) Often the gymnasts involved-and their parents-seem to thrive on the drama. Bullying absolutely happens, but most of the time it seems to get fueled in some manner from both sides. We have called parents in to talk countless times only to be told that "my daughter would never say anything like that" even after hearing their "DD" literally yell those words across the gym. My advice to these girls (delivered a few thousand times, for certain) is that there is literally nothing your competitors (or teammates!) can do to affect your scores and progression-there's no defense in gymnastics. Learning how to ignore the background noise and focus is a very essential skill for any gymnast. Running from this isn't always the best answer. Learning from it and using it may prove more beneficial in the long run. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck in the new locale, but don't be shocked if there's drama and high competition in every gym into which you set foot... P.S. if you find a gym where the girls are all best friends, get along 24/7 and sing Kumbaya in their spare time, let me know and I'll throw in my application tomorrow!
Thank you for the insight.
These girls are not at the same gym as her, so she only experiences this drama at school, not the gym.
We are only moving about 10 miles north of where we are now, but it’s another town and school district. We don’t have to switch gyms, but the gym isn’t the issue. In fact, the girls on her team are all really good friends. We have vacationed together with some families. The parents and the kids all get along very well. She has one gym friend who will be at her new school, but in the same grade level as my DD1 but will be a familiar face nonetheless.
Now, I am sure that there has been drama inside the walls of the gym at practice that I just don’t know about, but at this point the gym drama hasn’t been relayed to me as a parent nor has it resulted in the physical abuse of my daughter. The school drama, on the other hand, has.
 
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duyetanh

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Exactly! My DD only said that because she was asked. I know that she wouldn’t just stroll up to her friends at recess and randomly start bragging about going to L6. We have known the summer groupings and practice schedule since the end of March and all of this drama has happened in the past week, so the timing is off for her to be ‘bragging’. She simply answered a question and this other girl didn’t like the answer.
I get it, I really do....but I probably would have front loaded my kid on this one and had her prepared to say something general like "I'm not sure yet, but I'm not worried about it." That would actually be honest. Because with coaches and programs, you truly never know 100 percent what is going to happen until it does (how many times have we seen on this forum people posting about how they had been told their kid was moving to this or that group and then when push came to shove it didn't happen). Your daughter's situation definitely sounds legit, but knowing how kind and loving these girls are (sarcasm) I would have definitely frontloaded her on this one.....and I would frontload her in the future to be sure. Because obviously the school has made out the other girl to be the victim so you will get no support there. Hang in there and be glad you are almost out of there. Hope your child's foot is ok.