Parents Another thread about blocks

[MILgymFAM]

I know that wasn't your question but..View attachment 6618.

Am I the only one baffled by this?

I was baffled, but then again I usually am- I am not so good with insight into coach's decisions. It sucked too because she was still crying from tramp when she had to compete double mini a couple minutes later. Usually she wins double mini but she came in fourth. She was definitely off her game and it made her even sadder, to be honest. I was mad at her coach in the moment, but let it go- it just isn't productive going forward. There are three weeks until states though, and there is absolutely no way in hell she is competing tramp unless she says she is ready. I will not put her through that again.

 

[jenjean70]

I'm not really asking a question here- more like venting. My YDD is 13 and L7 on trampoline, and she's having a seriously rough time. She started out losing a single skill (back tuck to stomach) that she used to think was amazingly fun, and it's slowly spread. Yesterday she couldn't even make herself go for a back tuck in a belt (on the trampoline), or with a spot, or even with her coach physically throwing her around the skill. She is suddenly terrified of all skills going backward. Her baranis, which used to be so scary to her, are suddenly a breeze just because they are forward flips.

Her coach doesn't want to scratch her, and has said she'll be on the tramp at meets even if it's to get a zero. This strategy surprisingly worked in the last meet, which is the only time she has ever done the whole L7 routine. Never before and not since. She has another meet Saturday morning and the stress is really, really breaking her down. She's cried more in the last 2.5 months of blocks than in the rest of her life combined.

I have offered to have her switch to rec, or to quit altogether, and she's having none of it. She says she loves it and she just wants to get past her fear but she doesn't know how. Her coach does seem to have an infinite amount of patience with her, but in his opinion if you don't go for it you aren't trying and that makes her feel even worse.

Anyway, not really looking for advice so much as commiseration.

My son went through this before the season and a little bit during the season and I know he'll probably go through it again next season....He got scared of skills because he was being pushed to do things that he could do physically but wasn't ready to do mentally. It eventually bled from one event to all of his events and he started losing skills. The coaches felt that he was being defiant when he would "freeze" and not "go for" skills. Some of them felt it was an insult to them because he didn't trust them enough to keep him safe. I had a member here suggest a book about this phenomena and how to deal with it called Brainspotting. I talked to the coaches about what I read and gave them a copy of one of the books and they were very open and accepting. The coaches and I talked and got input from my son and we decided that staying at level 7 for a third year would be a good idea. Well it was the best decision ever! Almost immediately he began to do skills he was afraid of just days before. During the season he still got a crazy fear block on a dismount he had been doing for years but the coaches dealt with it and with him in a different way and were able to work him through it. It took a couple of months but the fear of that skill has gone (for now)....He recently got 3rd in state and he's got more confidence than I've ever seen him have. He actually comes out of practice excited and he's doing new and harder skills because HE wants to. I love seeing how happy he is now.

 

[QueenBee]

So I may be way off base with this, but here goes. I thought the biggest advantage of TnT was the fact that the events are not 'connected' to one another so a gymnast can compete each event at their own level and can choose which events the gymnast will compete each meet. If your daughter isn't ready to compete trampoline at the next event, why is this even an issue? Why can't she compete tumble trak & double mini? Or why can't she drop down a level in trampoline competition until she is over this block?

Am I missing something super obvious to TnT parents?

 

[LizzieLac]

She really need to have this one taken off the table for as long as she needs. Forcing, coercing, pushing, even with the best of intentions, is and will backfire. Her fear/block needs to be thought of as an injury. Mentally, she is protecting her injury, like when you hold your arm after smacking in into a door. Only she will be able to decide when she no longer needs to hold that arm. Continuing the analogy...she might try to bend it a little or pick something up and when she finds it doesn't hurt so much any more, she becomes willing to use her arm more. Does that make sense?

My DD went through this with her giant. She needed to decide to work on it little by little. It took months.

 

[MILgymFAM]

So I may be way off base with this, but here goes. I thought the biggest advantage of TnT was the fact that the events are not 'connected' to one another so a gymnast can compete each event at their own level and can choose which events the gymnast will compete each meet. If your daughter isn't ready to compete trampoline at the next event, why is this even an issue? Why can't she compete tumble trak & double mini? Or why can't she drop down a level in trampoline competition until she is over this block?

Am I missing something super obvious to TnT parents?

Kids can compete different levels (most do- my ODD is an exception, but not my YDD). They can compete only select events. There are gyms here that specifically do not train or compete all three. My YDD already doesn't compete tumbling because she injured herself so many times in only a year and a half that we called a stop to it- that was one of the driving forces behind her gym switch. Old gym refused to let her train only two events, even for a year. She absolutely *could* compete only double mini. Sometimes her coach is ok with that though, and sometimes not.

 

[MILgymFAM]

She really need to have this one taken off the table for as long as she needs. Forcing, coercing, pushing, even with the best of intentions, is and will backfire. Her fear/block needs to be thought of as an injury. Mentally, she is protecting her injury, like when you hold your arm after smacking in into a door. Only she will be able to decide when she no longer needs to hold that arm. Continuing the analogy...she might try to bend it a little or pick something up and when she finds it doesn't hurt so much any more, she becomes willing to use her arm more. Does that make sense?

My DD went through this with her giant. She needed to decide to work on it little by little. It took months.

I understand and mostly agree. Unfortunately the back tuck is the foundational skill for everything on tramp and she can't do a single routine- even if she moved down a level- without it. No coach will back off entirely. Out choice is a coach who wants to work it or one who would've washed his hands of her altogether- heck he did that just because she wasn't progressing fast enough (read multiple levels per season).

 

[mariposa]

My comment to parents of gymnasts frustrated or mad at their kids with blocks (and I seriously want to scream it at some coaches, too) is this:

Do you really think the kid WANTS to be afraid of whatever they are afraid of? Do you think they like standing there, frozen, unable to go even when they want to? Do you think they want to scratch an event at a meet? I mean seriously!?! They spend hours dedicated to their sport and you think they want to have a fear/block? Noooooo, they don't. If they could do the skill they would.

I've seen my kid deal with blocks over the years. This year was the worst and it snowballed across all events for a few weeks. She has gotten back most of the skills now, but one one, you can literally see the block just stop her. It's actually scary. She goes for it in full swing and then her mind must just pull a full stop on her. I worry she'll get hurt just trying to force herself to do the skill because you can see she has no control over it. She's trying with all her heart, but her mind is stopping her. I can guarantee she doesn't want these blocks. And I get angry when people actually seem to believe they have control over it.

To the OP - Hugs to your daughter and you. How awful for her to be subjected to that and for you to have to watch. And then endure dad being irrational about it.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Do you really think the kid WANTS to be afraid of whatever they are afraid of? Do you think they like standing there, frozen, unable to go even when they want to? Do you think they want to scratch an event at a meet? I mean seriously!?! They spend hours dedicated to their sport and you think they want to have a fear/block? Noooooo, they don't. If they could do the skill they would.

This is basically what I said to my hubby. I tried everything to make him get it, but he doesn't. He's firmly stuck on "there must be a reason she doesn't want to, because if she really wanted it she'd do it". Massively frustrating. Luckily he has backed off forcing her to quit and hasn't spoken to her about it. If he could see how over the top excited she was just to do the skill without a mat and with a "bogus" spot (her word- means her coach was on tramp but not touching her). She was SO happy today just for that little step forward. Three months ago she would never have even believed she could be here... back tucks were like breathing- easy and done without a thought. I'm glad everyone here gets it.

 

[flippingtogether]

She really need to have this one taken off the table for as long as she needs. Forcing, coercing, pushing, even with the best of intentions, is and will backfire. Her fear/block needs to be thought of as an injury. Mentally, she is protecting her injury, like when you hold your arm after smacking in into a door. Only she will be able to decide when she no longer needs to hold that arm. Continuing the analogy...she might try to bend it a little or pick something up and when she finds it doesn't hurt so much any more, she becomes willing to use her arm more. Does that make sense?

My DD went through this with her giant. She needed to decide to work on it little by little. It took months.

I understand and mostly agree. Unfortunately the back tuck is the foundational skill for everything on tramp and she can't do a single routine- even if she moved down a level- without it. No coach will back off entirely. Out choice is a coach who wants to work it or one who would've washed his hands of her altogether- heck he did that just because she wasn't progressing fast enough (read multiple levels per season).

I will share more of my own DD's story to give others hope.

Having lived through my DD's horrendus block - @LizzieLac, you and I could probably swap stories - it took my daughter 2 YEARS to get her giant. I kid you not. 2 years. Lots of progress, then going backwards. Then slow progress forward and repeat the cycle. After getting close to getting it on her own - then another HUGE block sets in - a lot of frustration and tears at first, and then everyone luckily stepped back. Us parents (worried and frustrated at first) said we will offer love and hugs and no questions (and we both completely backed off). Coaches and said we cannot push it, took it off the table completely for some months, and said it had to be something SHE wanted. Coaches then figured out how to take it back to where she was comfortable (spotted giants on the low bar, and heavily spotted giants on the single rail over a pit.) Months and months of slow, patient non-progress at practice. More months and months of this.

But what about at meets and during the competition season for 2 years?? The giant is a foundation of optional bar routines. She was a superstar compulsory gymnast - made no sense to do L5 again, and our gym doesn't do 6. So this was tricky. DD is a talented kid who progressed very nicely on all other events. The gym and coaches thankfully decided for her L7 year NOT to require a giant (usually their rule) - so she did 2 free hips and scored fine in the mid 8s - not ideal, but by states she was over a 37 AA.

THEN....still no giant the summer after L7. What to do with this kid for the following year, when she was ready for 3 events for L8 - seems crazy to let a kid go to 8 without giants, right?? Who would let a kid do that? Would this block EVER end?? Luckily our coaches decided to figure out a way. Scratched bars first half of season, and then competed a routine with a low bar, bent knee giant - yes, she never had a 10 start value since she didn't have all the required elements, BUT the head coach wanted her competing something, as ridiculous as it looked compared to other routines out there. DD qualified for L8 states as soon as she competed bars, so that was a confidence boost. (again, this was a crazy looking routine she competed).

THEN....all of a sudden, as we come up on 2 years of no giant, and with L8 states right around the corner, something clicks. Not idea what, but confidence set it. A huge desire on the part of my DD to do well on 4 events instead of 3, and a desire to qualify for regionals paired with PATIENT and encouraging coaches who never gave up on her (we were beyond lucky for the coaches).
And here is the last part of this story for now - DD got her giant by herself on competitive bar set (and on high bar) for the first time 7 days before she was to compete at states. One week before L8 states, where most kids can do this skill in their sleep, DD finally gets a critical skill. DD practiced hard all week finally pushing herself, and went from feeling comfortable to doing this with one specific coach standing nearby as she did the skill, to allowing any of a number of other coaches to stand under the bar. Then she went to states and hit 4 for 4 on her routines. It was crazy unexpected....here is a kid who really seemed like she would have quit a year ago. The celebration could have been multi-fold, but was completely focused on my DD overcoming her block and her major fear and never giving up over the 2 years that this took.
However, the real awards should also go to the coaches who helped her through this block of all blocks, never giving up and never threatening her at all.

Again, I share this to give home to others who hit frustrations with major fears and blocks. There is hope. THERE IS! (anyone else out there with a kid taking 2 years getting a giant??!!)

 

[flippingtogether]

My comment to parents of gymnasts frustrated or mad at their kids with blocks (and I seriously want to scream it at some coaches, too) is this:

Do you really think the kid WANTS to be afraid of whatever they are afraid of? Do you think they like standing there, frozen, unable to go even when they want to? Do you think they want to scratch an event at a meet? I mean seriously!?! They spend hours dedicated to their sport and you think they want to have a fear/block? Noooooo, they don't. If they could do the skill they would.

I've seen my kid deal with blocks over the years. This year was the worst and it snowballed across all events for a few weeks. She has gotten back most of the skills now, but one one, you can literally see the block just stop her. It's actually scary. She goes for it in full swing and then her mind must just pull a full stop on her. I worry she'll get hurt just trying to force herself to do the skill because you can see she has no control over it. She's trying with all her heart, but her mind is stopping her. I can guarantee she doesn't want these blocks. And I get angry when people actually seem to believe they have control over it.

To the OP - Hugs to your daughter and you. How awful for her to be subjected to that and for you to have to watch. And then endure dad being irrational about it.

This is so well said, and I'll share more info on this as I have done A LOT of research on this. NO GYMNAST wants to be afraid, or tries to be afraid. The reasons why fear/blocks set in aren't always clear, but it does make sense to think about the unique aspects of the sport of gymnastics.
The following is from Dr. Alan Goldberg - my DD LOVES the CDs he does to help gymnasts work through fears and blocks (he was also available to talk to me via phone as a sounding board when my DD's giant block looked like it had absolutely no hope and I didn't know if his tools would be helpful or not - he does have a helpful website by the way):

In everything that we do, we learn by making mistakes and failing. In most other sports, this learning process is non-eventful. You miss a shot, hit a ball into the net, strike out, or drop the ball, etc. In gymnastics, however, when you make a mistake, there can be scary consequences! You can have a scary fall, get banged up or bruised, or sustain an injury. In this way, Gymnastics is a unique sport because there is always the potential of getting hurt. Add to this, the fact that as you progress up through the levels in this sport, the degree of skill difficulty rises and so also does your chances of sustaining an injury. As a consequence, fear is almost a constant companion for the competitive gymnast. Whether it's a fear of a release move, going backwards on floor or beam, a new vault or a dismount, I know of no other factor in this sport that can kill an athlete's joy, drive a coach to distraction and totally confound the athlete's parents than the fear-driven loss of skills.

WHY GYMNASTS LOSE THEIR SKILLS

Every time a gymnast experiences something physically and/or emotionally upsetting in the gym, they will automatically memorize this experience and everything about it, keeping it in their mind and body, long after the event has been consciously forgotten. Scary falls, close calls, injuries, watching other gymnasts fall or having a coach angry, frustrated with and yelling at you all get memorized and stored in the gymnast's nervous system. Later on, when the athlete is in any way reminded of that past upsetting event, i.e. the gymnast has to go backwards again, or he/she is under pressure, then components from the original scary event (images, emotions, fear, negative thinking and physical tightness) begin to bubble up into consciousness and what the gymnast mainly becomes aware of is FEELING UNSAFE INSIDE. When this happens, BIOLOGY TAKES OVER!

WHAT CAUSES BALKING

When our nervous system (our brain and all of our senses) senses danger, we will reflexively respond the way all mammals do, by protecting ourselves. If you are standing at the beginning of the vault runway or getting ready to mount the apparatus for the start of your event, you can't really protect yourself the way most mammals do by fighting or fleeing! In this situation a third, survival option automatically kicks in: The FREEZE RESPONSE. The gymnast suddenly can't get themselves to go for the skill! The gymnast has no conscious control over this. This is, instead, a biological response to danger. It doesn't matter if a parent or coach reassures the gymnast that he/she is safe! It doesn't matter if the gymnast reassures him/herself. Because survival is the number one priority for us as mammals, the FREEZE response pushes any trained performance skills offline! The gymnast will not be able to regain his/her skills until their danger response of freeze is effectively dealt with!

SOURCES OF FEAR/DANGER IN THE GYM

Often times the gymnast can't even clearly articulate why they can't go for their skills or what they're even afraid of. Whether the gymnast is aware of these or not, there are four major sources of fear in the gym which feed balking and lost skills.

#1 - PAST SCARY PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL EVENTS IN THE GYM - Injuries, hard falls, scary close calls or seeing other gymnasts get hurt or upset fuel this sense of inner danger.

#2 - THE COACH'S RESPONSE TO THE STUCK GYMNAST - Often times coaches will get frustrated, impatient and angry with a gymnast who has suddenly lost their skills and won't go. They will say mean things, punish the gymnast, tell them that they "Don't want it bad enough," "Aren't trying hard enough," or "Don't care" or kick them out of the gym. They'll refuse to spot them telling them that they don't need a spot and that this will simply make them more dependent. Since every gymnast needs to trust their coach and feel safe, this coaching response further contributes to the gymnast's sense of inner danger, making them more stuck.

#3 - THE GYMNAST'S OWN RESPONSE TO THEIR STUCKNESS - Most gymnasts are PERFECTIONISTS and when they mysteriously lose their skills, they become incredibly frustrated and impatient with themselves. They pressure themselves to go, and when they don't, they get really angry at themselves. This kind of impatient, frustrated response will make the gymnast feel that much less safe inside, further contributing to their performance block.

#4 - THE PARENTS RESPONSE TO THEIR SON/DAUGHTER'S BLOCK - It is very difficult to understand why your child is suddenly having trouble doing skills that he/she has done forever. As a parent you just want to help. Unfortunately, often times your help involves making suggestions about what the gymnast needs to do in order to get over the block. When the athlete is not able to use your suggestions, it's not uncommon to become frustrated yourself and want to say to them, "Just do it! You know how to do this! Just go for it!" Because our kids are hard wired to make us proud, when they struggle, they feel that they are disappointing us. If your son or daughter picks up on your frustration, impatience or emotional over-involvement in trying to get them unstuck, they will respond by feeling less safe because they feel that they're making you unhappy. This further fuels their sense of inner danger.

When unchecked, fear can spread like wildfire from first one skill to another, one event to the next until the gymnast is so ruled by fear that he/she can't even make it to the gym anymore. When not successfully worked through, a gymnast's fear can easily drive them out of the sport.

(Above all from Dr. Alan Goldberg - a very helpful guy!)