Parents Article on why parent's shouldn't watch practice

[Jenny]

yes I agree, Raen should not be posting in this thread as a 'bench coach' or 'judges eyes' as that is off topic. While it seems strange and unusual to us this role obviously works for her her, her HC and her step children. However the thread is about parents being 'just' parents watching not anything else. She should stick to posting about watching practice as a parent on this thread.

 

[COz]

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No one including myself indicated or intended to say that this person had no right to post here. (although looking back I can see how someone might take my post as such)

I did misinterpret that as your intention.

Lastly, am I to understand that you are defending a person who is not a parent but is a coach on the parent forum , and at the same time questioning if my comments are legit based on the fact that I am a parent and a coach???? Ironic isn't it?

I am defending her right to post here, yes, because like you I believe she is posting her opinion in both a 'parent' and 'coach' capacity because I interpret 'parent' in this case as a more general indication that this is where 'relative's' of gymnasts should post things that are not just straight gymnastics questions, perhaps I am wrong about this and the intention is that only parents are allowed to post there at all?

I wasn't questioning the legiticimacy of any of your opinions. I may well agree with almost everything you say. I was questioning whether your opinion was as a coach or parent though, that was correct. Thank you for the clarification.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I did misinterpt that as your intention.


I am defending her right to post here, yes, because like you I believe she is posting her opinion in both a 'parent' and 'coach' capacity because I interpret 'parent' in this case as a more general indication that this is where 'relative's' of gymnasts should post things that are not just straight gymnastics questions, perhaps I am wrong about this and the intention is that only parents are allowed to post there at all?

I wasn't questioning the legiticimacy of any of your opinions. I may well agree with almost everything you say. I was questioning whether your opinion was as a coach or parent though, that was correct. Thank you for the clarification.

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Understood.

 

[raenndrops]

You are not a parent and are even considered a coach, not the same. Sorry.

Ok. I get the part about being considered a coach making it not the same... but as far as ANYONE knows when they meet us (and even years later for some), they all think I AM the mother.

And I was at every practice even before I got the coach designation.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I can assure folks adoptive parent is a parent.

And "like a parent" is not a "parent".

The article and discussion is about actual parents. As is this room.

 

[raenndrops]

If you are not a parent, it is irrelevant. I am a great aunt, and my nieces and nephews place a lot of weight on what I say and the conversations we have. And I am not their parent.

I am also a stepparent as well as a parent. And I can tell you I love my stepson as if he were mine, but in the scheme of things I more like the queen then the prime minister. I mostly get to wave nicely.

I can assure "like a parent" is in no way an actual parent.

And you can not possibly get that until you are a parent.

So... they have lived with me... I have been in their lives since birth... they go to my family functions with me... I got them into gymnastics because they were climbing MY walls in MY house and always flipping around... they go on family vacations with me and my brother and sister... they call my parents their grandparents... I take them to doctors and dentists... I stay up with them when they are sick... I worry about them when they aren't here... I make sure they brush their teeth... I make sure they take their meds (including filling their prescriptions)... I cook for them... I make sure they have clothes to wear that fit... I have taught them right from wrong... I help them with their homework... I have NEVER missed a gymnastics meet... I have NEVER missed a school performance... I took OG to kindergarten screening and to her first day of school... I was waiting for the bus when she came home that day... Same for YG (minus the bus because my brother and I picked her up at school)...

So, other than actually giving birth, what am I missing? As I said, I am LIKE a parent. It takes people YEARS and NUMEROUS conversations before it really sinks in that these girls who love me and whom I love are not, in fact, my daughters.

 

[raenndrops]

Ok. I get the part about being considered a coach making it not the same... but as far as ANYONE knows when they meet us (and even years later for some), they all think I AM the mother.

And I was at every practice even before I got the coach designation.

I didn't become a coach until October 2012. NOTHING has changed since then except that we come to practice early now (and that is only because of step-sis having an earlier class start time, which started in August 2014).

Everything I do now, I did before... it is one of the reasons that I AM a coach now.

And I was posting my experience AS a parent, not a coach... and I know several other parents that stay, as I said before... and know that it depends on the individual child.

 

[raenndrops]

yes I agree, Raen should not be posting in this thread as a 'bench coach' or 'judges eyes' as that is off topic. While it seems strange and unusual to us this role obviously works for her her, her HC and her step children. However the thread is about parents being 'just' parents watching not anything else. She should stick to posting about watching practice as a parent on this thread.

I did not mention being a bench coach in my original post on this topic... because I didn't think it was relevant until I was specifically asked.
As for my "judges eyes," that IS something I do as a parent... they have me record them doing something and either later at home or on a break, I show them and point out where the judges could take deductions. If it is before practice, YG will ask me to call our the deductions as she does her bar routine or beam routine.
DURING practice, I am still JUST a parent unless HC or one of the other coaches needs me to do / watch/ record/ say something.

 

[skschlag]

Do they let her on the equipment without a coach? At our gym, they cannot get on equipment unless a coach is with them.

 

[raenndrops]

Do they let her on the equipment without a coach? At our gym, they cannot get on equipment unless a coach is with them.

As long as you have coach's permission, you can be on the equipment before practice (the high school team is practicing when we arrive, but they are a small team this year too so there is equipment available).
She gets permission from the Assistant HC to use bars and beam. Since she is an Optional gymnast and is only doing skills that she HAS and does not need a spot, she is allowed.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I did not mention being a bench coach in my original post on this topic... because I didn't think it was relevant until I was specifically asked.
As for my "judges eyes," that IS something I do as a parent... they have me record them doing something and either later at home or on a break, I show them and point out where the judges could take deductions. If it is before practice, YG will ask me to call our the deductions as she does her bar routine or beam routine.
DURING practice, I am still JUST a parent unless HC or one of the other coaches needs me to do / watch/ record/ say something.

Wow, pretty much the worst thing you can do to a gymnast... Better stop now before the second one quits as well...

 

[cbifoja]

I'm a little scared to wade in here because I'm afraid this thread is going to go south but in the name of living recklessly..... LOL

I'm a big believer in each family doing what is best for their situation. I am at the gym a lot. I watch some. As my daughter is maturing, I leave more but am still the mom who is there the most. However, I also work 3 to 4 days at the gym in the office and am a booster club officer. There is really only about one day a week that I'm not there in some sort of "official" capacity. On that one day, sometimes I stay, sometimes I don't.

DD prefers me being there. We are very close (single mom/only child) and she likes to sit with me during break and tell me about her school day. Given how little time we spend together during the week, this can be a time of the most deliberate conversation we have until the weekend. When I don't stay, she tells me it makes her sad. I encourage her to sit with her teammates but they are teenagers and a ten year old just doesn't care about boys in that way yet. I have heard some people on this board make comments about it being unhealthy for kids to be that close to their parents. While I respect their right to hold that opinion, I have to think of some pretty extreme circumstances for that to be true.

In the past, my daughter had some health issues that could have caused social embarrassment. This, and our commute, is what started my pattern of staying. I've built a nice carpool circle over the years with some of the other families who share my hometown so the commute is no longer much of an issue. Her health issue has mostly resolved itself so now, I mostly stay because of my responsibilities and my desire to spend time with my beautiful child.

That being said, I don't coach the kid. If I tried, she would suck! I'd be all like "point your elbow and flex your eyebrows"! I don't pretend that my five years riding the lobby bench instills ANY expertise or even practical knowledge. I like to listen sometimes and watch sometimes because I find the sport fascinating and I just like to know things. I'll help my daughter with her flexibility and at home conditioning WHEN SHE ASKS and with ballet because I do know about dance. However, if she doesn't ask, I don't offer and if she tells me her coach says something different, I tell her to definitely listen to her coach! And I want to reiterate, this is only when she requests. She knows what home assignments she has been given and has been told why she has the assignments. But I don't nag her (or even remind her). She owns it and if she chooses not to do it, she only answers to her coach, not her mom.

 

[cbifoja]

I also wanted to add that DD can't see me from the training floor even when I'm watching her. I'm behind glass and closed doors and the glass is a mirror on her side. For most of the time I'm there, I'm not even in the lobby but rather in the reception area where I can't even see that much of her. But on the day that I don't work and choose to stay, even then, she can't see me so I definitely can't influence her with my body language or facial expression.

 

[raenndrops]

Wow, pretty much the worst thing you can do to a gymnast... Better stop now before the second one quits as well...

Rude much???
Older Gymmie is TAKING a BREAK because of family drama you could not possibly fathom!
I ONLY use my "judges eyes" when they ASK me to... they WANT to get better. They can't see what they are doing when they are out there doing it. YG has had 4 personal bests in her last 2 meets... and the meets were back to back weekends... AND she only practices 4 hours a week (5 MAX).
There aren't enough coaches to give each girl one-on-one and I can do that for my gymmie.

What we do works for us. Every family is different.

 

[Jenny]

How do the parents of the other gymmies feel about you giving the gymmies you know 1-1 and not the others?

I am absolutely astounded that you gym allows it. I am glad it works for you but if your gym doesn't have enough coaches and that causes a problem it must be hard for the other families to sit and watch their kids get less. It sounds like your gym needs better and more coaches if the girls you know are asking you how to get better. They should be asking their coach.

I am also astounded that your gym allow girls to train without a coach. That is a big no here. It would negate all the gym and gymnasts insurance. I know you all have paid medical insurance there. Have you checked that the insurance would cover the costs of, say a broken arm slipping from bars, while training without the supervision of a coach.

But then coaching by an unqualified coach here would also negate everything. Perhaps it is much stricter in the UK. I do find your system and ways of working quite confusing sometimes.

 

[B.Gold]

Rude much???
Older Gymmie is TAKING a BREAK because of family drama you could not possibly fathom!
I ONLY use my "judges eyes" when they ASK me to... they WANT to get better. They can't see what they are doing when they are out there doing it. YG has had 4 personal bests in her last 2 meets... and the meets were back to back weekends... AND she only practices 4 hours a week (5 MAX).
There aren't enough coaches to give each girl one-on-one and I can do that for my gymmie.

What we do works for us. Every family is different.

It sounds like you are giving these girls opportunities and support that goes way beyond gymnastics. They are very lucky to have you around.

 

[raenndrops]

How do the parents of the other gymmies feel about you giving the gymmies you know 1-1 and not the others?

I am absolutely astounded that you gym allows it. I am glad it works for you but if your gym doesn't have enough coaches and that causes a problem it must be hard for the other families to sit and watch their kids get less. It sounds like your gym needs better and more coaches if the girls you know are asking you how to get better. They should be asking their coach.

I am also astounded that your gym allow girls to train without a coach. That is a big no here. It would negate all the gym and gymnasts insurance. I know you all have paid medical insurance there. Have you checked that the insurance would cover the costs of, say a broken arm slipping from bars, while training without the supervision of a coach.

But then coaching by an unqualified coach here would also negate everything. Perhaps it is much stricter in the UK. I do find your system and ways of working quite confusing sometimes.

I give my gymmie one-on-one before and after practice. The other parents don't have a problem with it.
The gym doesn't have enough coaches for a 1:1 ratio. I don't know ANY gym that has ONE coach for EACH gymnast. We can't afford 43 coaches for the 43 gymnasts.
When I put my "coach" hat on, I am willing to help anyone on team... but this post was as a PARENTAL figure.
Other than MY gymmies, the girls that ask for my help do so at breaks or as they are going to an event... "When we go to floor / beam / bars, please watch my routine and tell me what I can fix / do better / change." I will then watch them and take mental notes or record them for review at the next break. ... it is kind of like what I do for my friends on here... I will look at video and offer suggestions, help, etc.
I am willing to watch any girl that asks, I talk to them all before practice and on breaks if they talk to me. Our team is very close. These OTHER team girls have known me for up to (almost) 9 years. They know that I am there for them AS A FRIEND / mentor.
There are coaches around. The coaches are just working with other gymnasts. She has permission from a coach (which means that coach has taken responsibility, so gym insurance is fine). It is no different than a coach setting up side stations while she works with gymnasts on something else. Her "side station" for before practice is full routines on bars and / or beam while HC and Assistant HC work with the High School team.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

It sounds like you are giving these girls opportunities and support that goes way beyond gymnastics. They are very lucky to have you around.

This point I agree with 100%. To be a "big sister" is an amazing opportunity and a selfless act and the girls are certainly lucky to have someone like raendrops in their lives.

That being said, the gymnastics side of all this still sends up huge red flags for me. It sounds like the issues lie mainly with an inadequately staffed program, both in numbers and experience. I'm still not clear as to whether you are an actual certified coach, or just assist from the stands as someone who has just put in a lot of hours watching and has experience that way.

Why not get out on the floor and be an actual coach? It sounds like the program could use you, and perhaps the other girls would like to benefit from what you are currently only offering to your own girls.

The whole dynamic of moving around in the bleachers all session still seems so odd to me, but then I can't picture a gym set up in a high school gymnasium either.

Edited to add a question. I have never heard of any 1:1 ratio for gymnastics either. Can I ask what the gymnast coach ratio is?

 

[raenndrops]

This point I agree with 100%. To be a "big sister" is an amazing opportunity and a selfless act and the girls are certainly lucky to have someone like raendrops in their lives.

That being said, the gymnastics side of all this still sends up huge red flags for me. It sounds like the issues lie mainly with an inadequately staffed program, both in numbers and experience. I'm still not clear as to whether you are an actual certified coach, or just assist from the stands as someone who has just put in a lot of hours watching and has experience that way.

Why not get out on the floor and be an actual coach? It sounds like the program could use you, and perhaps the other girls would like to benefit from what you are currently only offering to your own girls.

The whole dynamic of moving around in the bleachers all session still seems so odd to me, but then I can't picture a gym set up in a high school gymnasium either.

I started as someone who watched from the stands and did a lot of research. Then I got my USAG Pro membership and took classes. I worked with HC on spotting techniques. She is willing to work with me on anything else I want to learn.
I don't get out on the floor because I am out of shape, have no cartilage in either knee, and back and shoulder issues.
I offer the same to the other girls... I am there, if they ask, I will help them - but that ventures into the COACH side of things, and I am trying to stay on the PARENT side to stick with the forum's designation.
I have always moved around the gym. I used to do the team video (started that in 2009). In addition to wanting to be able record, I have ADHD and can't sit still. I can see all events from ANY of my seats, but the best recording views are from "my designated event" seats.

ETA: Remember, I am only there 2 (or sometimes 2.5) hours a day, 2 days a week. I also chit chat other parents while I am there.

 

[profmom]

I just think it is very important to keep the roles separate. One of DD's coaches has two girls on the team, and over the years, I have seen what a terrific job she does in making sure her daughters understand when she is wearing her coach hat as opposed to being their mom. Because the gym does event coaching, she has coached them both on her event all the way up.

Over the years, I've come to believe that for kids to succeed and be healthy in this sport, the parental role is as important as the coaching role, but it is quite distinct. As a parent, my role is to support and encourage my child, to help her/him keep some perspective on the role of gymnastics in her/his life, and to serve as a sounding board or reality check when it's helpful. It is also my role to keep an eye on things in the gym to be sure that my child is being treated appropriately and that the program itself is continuing to be broadly functional, training and retaining good kids to reach relatively high levels.

I'm an insatiably curious and analytical type, so I've learned a lot about the sport and can talk somewhat knowledgeably with the kids and their coaches about what they're doing. However, I make it quite clear that it is NOT my role to critique or make suggestions about gymnastics skills or how the coaches teach them. The coaches need to have that clear and unambiguous line of authority to my child, and the child needs to understand that they are the experts here and that Mom and Dad are not the places to look for approval or suggestions. The relationship between the coach and the kid has to be direct, and I have no place in the middle of it or even on the side. While I will give advice on how to handle a coach in a bad mood or negative feedback if one of my children wants it, I am very careful never to undermine the authority of the coach as an expert on teaching gymnastics skills, and I say explicitly that the coach is the expert here, not me. My role in my kids' gymnastics is just as important, but it is very different. I think that it would be very hard to perform that role as it should be performed if I were sometimes acting as a coach without really being a designated coach for my child, and if I were a designated coach, I'd want to be really explicit and clear about when I was a coach and when I was a parent.