Parents Being mean to new girls

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Jan 9, 2008
Now usually I am the mom who does not believe in getting involved in the girls catiness. My daughter who is 9 practices with girls who are between the ages of 8-11, they have a small group who they practice with, the girls fight one minute then are best friends the next so I usually find it best to stay out of it.
So my daughter comes home last week is very exciting because a new girl joined the team who is her age and will be competing with her.
Then she later mentions that one of the girls was making mean comments about the new girl to one of her teammates. The next day I asked my daughter about the new girl and she was not at practice(I am not sure why the week she started was their last week of summer practice so it maybe that she will start regular practice with her group in the fall). Then one of the older girls who I drive says she probally quit since they were so mean to her. Now my daughter says she is pretty sure the new girl heard the comments and my daughter yelled at the girl making the comments then took the new girl aside and said don't let it bother you they do that to everybody, she will not be competing with us. Apparently the coaches were on the other side of the gym when this was going on so they do not know.
I am hoping that they did not scare the new girl away since my daughter was so happy to have her join them since one of her other friend just left.
I do not know if I should say something to the coaches(the head coach would be really mad but they would be told that this is not acceptable behavior). The other problem is the girl making the comments is also a friend of my daughters. I quess my options are to wait and let it die down, I could also say something to the girls mother I think she would correct her daughter. I am just hoping that the girls returns when they start fall practice. I am also angry since the girl making the comments is the next level so she will not even be competeing with the new girl just practicing with her. In my daughters level she has only one other girl who she competes with so the new girl will make 3.
This is a tough one. As you mentioned in your post, girls this age have new BFF's every 10 minutes. My daughter's group goes through this type of nonsense every few days it seems like. My advice is to let it go for now. As long as she has a few people (your DD namely) who are being nice to her, it will be fine. Make it a point to find her mom and welcome her as well. I find, sometimes, that moms can be as anxious as their gymmies in new surroundings as well.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck and hopefully this new girl is back for fall schedule.. Let us know what happens... Thanks,

I agree that this is a tough one. My dd's team is around the same age range 8-12, and this seems to be somewhat common with this age group. The best thing to do is maybe have the coach have a "good team spirit" talk with the team and "remind" them about good sportsmanship, teamwork, and overall good behavior during practice. A situation of brattiness/cattiness happened last year on dd's team and the coach handled it pretty well. My dd's team still needs to be reminded every so often by the coach on teamwork and watching what you say, because this age group can be very hard. They have feelings of jealousy and frustration when their teammates are getting new skills and they aren't, but they haven't really learned the proper way to channel those feelings into a positive way--that is where a good coach comes in, IMO. So, you may want to mention it to the coach and let them handle it.

You should be very proud of your daughter for standing up and befriending this new girl and taking her under her wing. Her behaviour is the example that we want to see in the gym! Good job to your dd!!!
This is a tough situation as that can be a normal thing for the tweens ( 9 - 12). I think if it really bothers you I would mention something to the gym not saying who is saying what but maybe they could do a "we are all a team let's treat eachother with respect" speech.
You might mention something to the coach that the girls were talking about some nasty comments made to a visiting gymnast. Thing is its really all hearsay. This girl may have been there just to try the gym out and it came out she was going to join the team, compete with them. She may not have come back for many other reasons. The coach may know more about why this girl decided not to return to your gym than you do. Then again, you might see her pop up again in a week or so after checking other gyms.

Sounds like with the fall practice schedule starting, might be good time for the coach to have a little sit down talk with all the girls and talk about supporting each other.

Kudos to your dd for trying to make this girl feel welcome and standing up!
I would absolutely stay out of it. First of all, you have no idea why the new girl missed practice. If she quit due to some nasty comments, I would think that it would be up her parents' to address the issue.
I disagree with mtbmom, I think that you should bring this up.

I don't think that this is acceptable behavior. Not only is it bad for the girls, it is bad for the business.

If my daughter had a tryout with a team, came home and said that I don't want to go back because the girls are mean, I think that I would tell the owner/coach. Not all parents would be comfortable doing that.

The gymnastics world is small. Owners wouldn't want word to get out that the girls at their gym are 'mean'. KWIM?
I think I would stay out of it. I would make sure to tell your DD how proud you are of her for standing up for the new girl. You can't be sure why she didn't come back. If she does come back and it keeps happening, then I might mention it to the coach, but without naming names, so then they might have a chat about being nice to each other, etc. Tough situation to be in. I am a chicken though, maybe it should be brought up. I am glad it isn't me that is in this situation.
I would tell the coach but leave it up to him or her to decide what to do with it.

I think negative "socialization" needs to be corrected so that positive socialization can take place.
Now my daughter says she is pretty sure the new girl heard the comments and my daughter yelled at the girl making the comments then took the new girl aside and said don't let it bother you they do that to everybody, she will not be competing with us.
That is my kind of kid!!! She makes a friend worth keeping. She probably will not make a good politician though.

As for the situation, I would check back with your daughter after giving it some time, if her stories persist then you can choose to raise it up with the gym. Good coaches usually can pick up things like that and act on them but occasionally they miss. Especially, if the kid is acting out of "character".
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Thanks for all the comments. They are on break this week I think I will just wait till they come back to practice. Hopefully the new girl will be back and maybe they will be nicer and hopefully everybody will adjust I will just wait and see what happens.
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