WAG Big mess before state meet this weekend:(

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Amber

Proud Parent
Feb 19, 2012
208
Region 8
Ok, dd has had a great year. Bars have been especially good, typically getting 1st or 2nd at level 7 for the past 4-5 meets. The coaches are usually laid back about States, but this year, they have really been pressuring the girls on level 7-10.

My dd works directly with HC. There is a second coach directly under, who I'll call HC #2. On Monday, she was doing bars, and HC#2 was critiquing a lot, for tiny things. And saying things like "your last bars at meets aren't good enough, you have to do better!" This goes on for the whole rotation. My dd (4th grader) starts to really doubt herself. By end of practice, she can't even get through her bar routine (which has typically scored 9.4+).

On Tuesday, HC and HC #2 start threatening her on bars. She was told if she can't do a perfect routine, she'll be kicked off team. More insults and threats. DD now can't even do a kip on bars. Instead of doing all events, they keep her only on bars. She comes home hysterically crying, with hands that look like hamburger meat.

I immediately call HC. HC is contrite, says it was an off day, but stands by critiquing on Monday. HC calls and speak to DD directly, apologizing profusely.

HC asks for dd to come in early on Wed, to work bars. Bar routine not happening, DD too scared of coach, even though coach is extremely contrite. DD does rest of events, but is shaky on one other event, where HC #2 is coaching. Another coach comes and makes real progress with DD on bars. Fear seems to be disappearing, fast! Things are looking up! But HC says DD has to work with either HC or HC#2 only, b/c only they will be at State Meet on Friday.

Practice today is more of the same. Bars is not happening. HC pulls DD and me into office, apologizes a lot, tells DD it doesn't matter what happens on bars at meet. Scratching is likely. HC#2 never apologizes, but ignores DD.

DD is a mess. I am giving her constant pep talks. Read the Doc Ali articles about fear with her. Told her I don't care about the meet tomorrow. Told her to try her best, I'm proud of her no matter what. But something seems broken in her, and it kills me. I am DREADING the meet tomorrow.

Not much to add. Last week, this kid had a level 8 bar routine down pat. Now she can't do a kip with the coaches that will be with her tomorrow. It's not vestibular. DD is a major pleaser, in 5 years of gym, never in trouble, a strict rule follower. I feel so bad for her! Just venting and sad, I guess...
 

sce

Proud Parent
Mar 11, 2014
6,149
That is so hard. I really feel kids, esp. younger ones, and I;d say a 4th grader is still in that category need specific correction. The you need to be better or else stuff makes no sense, it's just scary. Is that atypical behvior for these coaches?
 

gymdilettante

Gymnast
Nov 23, 2014
49
I would be livid. It sounds like the coaches are eager to win some hardware and don't realize that pressuring one of their best bar workers is not going to make her more likely to win (and in fact will make it less likely grrrrrr). After the meet is over I think you need to have a serious talk with these coaches. ..she is a person, not a state title winning machine, and regardless of whether these tactics would work to win state titles, they aren't respecting her as a person. I am assuming this is out of character. ..if they're like this a lot I think you need to find a new gym!
 

Amber

Proud Parent
Feb 19, 2012
208
Region 8
I've never gotten along with either HC really well, but HC has really made an effort in the last 6 months to improve optionals and even have special opportunities for my DD (with Tops/Hopes National coaches, etc). HC #2 usually is all bark and no bite, but on Tuesday, there was some things said that were personally hurtful. HC really does seem to feel very, very remorseful, but maybe damage is done? HC#2 seems like they couldn't care less:(
 

GYM0M

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2013
1,398
Anywhere in town that has an open gym like rt now? I think she needs some alone time, with no coaching, only supervision, to work through her routine. She's lost her confidence. Only she can get it back. She needs a no pressure atmosphere where she doesn't feel like anyone is watching her.
 

Amber

Proud Parent
Feb 19, 2012
208
Region 8
The worst is, the verbal stuff was yelled, everyone heard it. My DD is very well liked. It's putting a bad taste in everyone's mouth.
 

GYM0M

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2013
1,398
Take her to a jungle gym! Lol. She can do it, she just needs to show herself!!! What time does she compete?
 

GYM0M

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2013
1,398
Truth be told, everyone hovering, smoldering, apologizing, is probably just making it worse.....so sorry!!!
 

Amber

Proud Parent
Feb 19, 2012
208
Region 8
I know, it's pretty hopeless at this point. And her poor little hands look like they've been on a cheese grater...she has 6 rips:( :(
 

sce

Proud Parent
Mar 11, 2014
6,149
Take her to a jungle gym! Lol. She can do it, she just needs to show herself!!! What time does she compete?
This is a very bad idea. So not safe. Even at an open gym, she really still needs a spotter nearby.

I do agree that she needs some space to figure it out, but that may not happen before tomorrow, unfortunately.
 
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GYM0M

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2013
1,398
Prep H on her rips tonight and in the morning and at lunch. Should be feeling better by tomorrow night. I wouldn't talk about it tomorrow other than to say she's been dealt a crappy blow.
 

GYM0M

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2013
1,398
This is a very bad idea. So not safe. Even at an open gym, she really still needs a spotter nearby.

I do agree that she needs some space to figure it out, but that may not happen before tomorrow, unfortunately.
Yes, hence the lol! She just needs to swing and think and get her head straight away from her coaches. But @sce is right, no major skills, not even a kip. Just a bar, to kick and scream, or whatever makes her feel better! I tell my DD, when she deals with this kind of stuff, that these are the obstacles that build champions & to start strong, but finish stronger.
 

Amber

Proud Parent
Feb 19, 2012
208
Region 8
Thanks for listening to my sadness. I don't care how she does, but seeing her not want to go to gym in the first time in her life really affected me. I believe in tough love, but it shouldn't result in this:(
 

GYM0M

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2013
1,398
Thanks for listening to my sadness. I don't care how she does, but seeing her not want to go to gym in the first time in her life really affected me. I believe in tough love, but it shouldn't result in this:(
You are so right! This was over the top! My inner momma bear wants to give those coaches a piece of my mind and hug her really tight! I'm so sorry!
 
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