WAG Big mess before state meet this weekend:(

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headoverheels

Proud Parent
Jul 21, 2013
109
No. Just no. She's in 4th grade, right? So almost the same age as my daughter.

The FIRST time a coach repeatedly berates my daughter and sends her home crying hysterically with her hands ripped to shreds will be the LAST time. You can forgive someone who has apologizes profusely (HC#1) but that does NOT mean you have to subject your child to any possible chance that it will happen again.

Maybe they've done the same thing to other gymnasts in the past, and those parents either never knew the extent of it or just quietly walked away, but this Mama would not go down quietly. I would detail the abuse (because that's what it is) in an email to the HC and owner so that they can never say they didn't know. And then I would run as fast as I could to another gym or maybe even another sport. As far as your daughter wanting to stay there, I would remind all of us parents that it is our job to guide and protect these little ones from dangers they may not see. If you do not stand up for your little girl here you are telling her that it's okay for people to treat her this way, and it is absolutely not.

Abuse is abuse, and the HC who apologized but didn't do anything to stop the abusing while it was in progress is aiding and abetting.

Apparently we have been spoiled by good coaches who know how to inspire our daughter in positive ways that build up her confidence instead of destroying it.
 
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headoverheels

Proud Parent
Jul 21, 2013
109
Also, your daughter is a rock star! Any kid who has been emotionally beaten down by her coaches and not only manages to get on the bars, but fall off and get back up and finish the routine - that kid has my undying respect. I wish I lived nearby so I could take her out for ice cream, but that might feel a little creepy. Bless her little heart! What a trooper!
 

gymdog

Coach
Jul 5, 2007
5,120
Well, in the gyms defense, we don't know what is going to happen yet. I can see why Amber doesn't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. What if HC/owner fires the other coach now that season is over? This has all happened over a short period of time leading up to a state meet so a staffing reorganization wouldn't really be likely. Now I understand the argument that the head coach "let it happen." That may be true but isn't even 100% sure, was HC standing right there for all of it? It sounded to me like HC just heard the first part about needing to be better than a 9.4 at states which frankly seems realistic and not at all inappropriate for me. So I guess it depends what else the good HC knew and how they reacted to that.

IF nothing further is done, then that is much more concerning. But I can understand taking a week or two to figure out the next steps. It doesn't seem like Amber is being negligent about this at all, she is keeping her daughter out until she sees what happens. It sounds to me like if nothing happens then they will leave, I can support that approach.
 

Ali'sMom

Proud Parent
Feb 20, 2014
3,116
Your daughter is awesome!!!
I'm so glad the meet turned out okay. I wish she could have gotten her worthless 9.4 though!!! But honestly, the fact that she did so well on bars under those circumstances is even better! What a little trooper you have there :)
 

bookworm

Gold Membership
Proud Parent
. Now I understand the argument that the head coach "let it happen." That may be true but isn't even 100% sure, was HC standing right there for all of it? It sounded to me like HC just heard the first part about needing to be better than a 9.4 at states which frankly seems realistic and not at all inappropriate for me. So I guess it depends what else the good HC knew and how they reacted to that.
.

Go back and read the OP's first post where most of it says "HC and HC #2 said...." throughout much of it ...that's why I say HC aided and abetted this whole debacle and showed his/her true strength of character by not defending his gymnast...doesn't matter to me that "it's the first time" ...in my book, with the results that this kid ended up with after training a whole season and doing well and to to be basically reduced to the bar routine she had BECAUSE of them, I would be done with them....you wouldn't get a second chance to screw with my kid like that...
 
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jen0423

Proud Parent
Mar 19, 2013
25
I am so sorry you daughter was treated so poorly and by adults who she should be able to count on as a role model. Not to mention the amount of money you are paying to have that adult spend time and instruct your daughter! Perhaps an adult shaming email directly to HC#2 copied to HC and owner will at least help you with some closer. This is a child and though gymnasts are mentally tough (your DD proved that just last week putting up with this) they are still CHILDREN and it is their obligation as a coach to not only teach them gymnastics but to nurture them and help them grow into fine adults. If they cannot find the balance perhaps they should find another line of work.
 
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GYM0M

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2013
1,398
I don't know the right choice here. I'm definitely on the side that said they WOULD NEVER allow this to happen to their child a second time. But I think the OP is trying to stress that there are not any other options for her DD. This kid's got some heart and spirit, despite the witch(es). She should have never had to, but look how far she came?!?! That's spunk! If mom pulls her from gym all together, think about the little one then. She's just been tossed about by her coaches and then her mom pulls the rug from the sport she loves. Yes, we as parents must monitor our children's environments, but I think that right now is not the time to drop a bomb and further hurt the gymmie. @OP, at the very least, HC#2 needs a self help book for inflection as to why she feels the need to bully the young gymnasts. Stupid bleepity bleep! I'm still just as mad as I was on Thursday night when I first chatted with you on this! Again, I'm so sorry.
 

COz

Proud Parent
Jan 21, 2014
1,484
Thank you OP for taking all of our little rants in the spirit in which they were intended. We're all upset on behalf of you and your daughter and if you were a less strong person, less comfortable with your own judgement, may have chosen to misinterpret the passion shown here as personal attacks and this thread could have deteriorated.

We're all hoping for the best for your daughter. Hoping she rests and recovers and gets some time off. You too.
 

gymdog

Coach
Jul 5, 2007
5,120
Go back and read the OP's first post where most of it says "HC and HC #2 said...." throughout much of it ...that's why I say HC aided and abetted this whole debacle and showed his/her true strength of character by not defending his gymnast...doesn't matter to me that "it's the first time" ...in my book, with the results that this kid ended up with after training a whole season and doing well and to to be basically reduced to the bar routine she had BECAUSE of them, I would be done with them....you wouldn't get a second chance to screw with my kid like that...

Well, if the concerned HC was that involved then the OP does have a bigger problem, personally I'm not sure it's that clear (secondhand story from upset child) the involvement of the other coach and their subsequent behavior is much more clear, but maybe that coach is going to go. I don't think it's right for posters here to make the OP feel like a bad parent when she is keeping her daughter out for a week or toe and seeing what happens while she addresses it with the coaches.
 

Amber

Proud Parent
Feb 19, 2012
208
Region 8
I understand all the passionate replies. We are all parents and that instinct to protect little kids is a strong one! Gymnastics is different from most sports, because, especially at higher levels, your kid lives in the gym. Your child's coach may be with your kid the same amount or even more than you see them!

So I have been asking a coach that used to be at our gym for input on gyms in the state. What she told me makes me sick. At one gym (thankfully too far for us), the coaches throw things at the kids while they are practicing! At another gym, the HC has a lawyer on call (?!?) to deal with parents! The closest gym (45 min+) I haven't found out too much info, but some say that the parents there are not friendly with each other. Worrisome! The gyms where everything is rainbows and sunshine don't have coaching capability for my dd (excel only, no optional coaches).

DD is happy again. Having sleepovers with gym friends (who have been super supportive for her the whole time). We don't bring up gym. Just happy to see her eating, sleeping, and smiling again.

And let me tell you, there has been a very small minority who have told me her reaction to this shows she's not mentally tough enough for this sport! ( ex coach) grrrrr
 
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MomIdidit!

Proud Parent
Aug 4, 2014
331
51
Amber-did the HC tell you Dd is not mentally tough enough for gymnastics? I only hope that my 6yo Dd can be half as tough as your little girl. Your Dd has been through an emotional roller coaster on the expense of two adults with huge ego issues. Your girl is a hero in my eyes....not only did she show up, she did it with grace, maturity and strenght. I am just a mom with hardly any gymnastics experience but if the HC is telling you your daughter is not tough enough for gymnastics, then I don't know who is.

I am very happy to read that your daughter's spirits are high!! Good thoughts are being sent your way.
 
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Amber

Proud Parent
Feb 19, 2012
208
Region 8
Everybody in the gym is upset about this. Except for HC#2, who still couldn't care less. So I have been getting a lot of inquiries seeing if DD is ok. But one excoach told me that this is your typical "tough love" scenario. Makes you a "better competitor". To which I replied "BS"!
 

MomIdidit!

Proud Parent
Aug 4, 2014
331
51
I coach my son's travel soccer team...we just took first place in two different leagues and second place in sportsmanship this past Fall. I am definitely a tough coach but there is a difference between "tough love" and being mean. It sounds like HC#2 was beyond mean and NOBODY won in this situation.
 
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