Parents Booster Club Issues

[TagMomof3]

We have just began our second year as a booster club and it has been nothing but a headache. I have never been part of an organization that has parents who go so far out of their way to make other parents miserable. Our president has worked really hard and we have had very little help or support from our gym owners and coaches. They are very much not wanting to be involved with the booster club in the sense that it's ours and our responsibility. But we have 2-3 parents that have a personal issue with our president and they seem to be able to influence the gym owner and coaches every time the booster club plans a fundraiser, or something nice for the girls.
I guess I may just need to vent after a stressful day at the gym with another failed attempt to do what's best for our girls. I am so frustrated I'm ready to hang up my officer position and wash my hands of the situation. Anyone else delt with difficult parents who may have some advice for us? Thanks.

 

[skschlag]

That is a tough situation. I am sure some will say booster clubs are not worth it, but I have to say, ours is, and we couldn't do waht we do without it. But there are always some bad apples. Here is what we have done, and like you, we are a completely separate entity from the gym.

We have a boys team rep and a girls team rep (actually 2), and they handle all communication to the coaches. They keep coaches up to date with BC stuff and vice versa. This keeps the channels of communication open, and makes sure that things are communicated timely and correctly.

Sounds like the 2-3 parents are really just trying to make the president look bad which is sad. What I would do is try to have someone talk to whomever needs to be talked to before they can. This will get the positive information out quickly, and maybe prevent some of this from the 2-3. That, and if you have enough parents that want things to happen, motivate them to help.

No matter what, booster club or not, you will always have those 2-3 parents that are difficult to work with!

 

[gymgal]

What exactly do you mean by 'influence the gym owners'? That might help us personalize the answer better. Also, have you had these parents attend abc executive board meeting to address the issue? Perhaps they would like to be part of the board to have more say in the events? I am assuming you have non-profit status and can't kick them out of the bc?

 

[TagMomof3]

Two of them are part of the BC board of directors, the one that got angry today hasn't come to the last two board or general membership meetings. Claims no one tells her what is going on and has no input on any decisions.
We are going to a Disney meet 1600 miles away from our gym, under the suggestion of this parent. (It was made an optional travel meet and all had the option to not attend the Disney meet.) This was not presented to the BC, but presented privately to the coach who sets the meet schedule. There was no discussion with other parents until the schedule was set this Aug. Our gym is pretty small, only 22 gymnast on our competitive team, this starts our 5th year on comp. team and none of meets have gone farther than 500 miles and that one was last season.
Plus this parent has three gymnasts on the team and spends a lot of money on weekly private lessons with all three of their girls.
No this isn't about money I am glad they are able to do so much for their girls. It's about showing favoritism and more attention to this family than any other.
This parent has a personal issue with our BC president and refuses to be in the same room with the BC president. Today's issue was about putting our own crystals on the backs of our girls meet jackets. The crystals have been donated by a parent and parents have volunteered to work together to put them on with a pattern our president created. This was something that was discussed last year in order to save parents the cost of having it done at a t-shirt place to the tune of about $100 per jacket. Then it took so long to get our jackets in and embroidered the parents decided to wait until after the season was over due to not having enough time to do all the jackets before our first meet.
This morning this parent took her kid's jacket today and refused to bring her older girls jackets in to be done with the others. When the parent picked up the jacket today nothing was said in person about not having it done or not being included in the decision to have the crystals put on. Also the president had showed the majority of the parents a picture of crystals laid out on her daughters jacket of several different patters and all of them said it looked nice. Including this parent. Nothing was said about not wanting it done when the president personally talked to several parents during practice. So after a lengthy and confrontational phone conversation the parent had with the president, I was in the room, president was shocked by what the parent was telling her and overly apologetic about the confusion. HC immediately back pedaled when the president called her to figure out what to do and how to proceed since one jacket was already done by this time. HC said it was up to parents and she didn't ask for it. Which the president talked with HC last week about it and was upset it hadn't been done yet.

the jackets.

 

[gymgal]

Not really sure what to say about the relationship b/t the parent and the hc. Are they friends outside of the gym? Or is the parent just a really pushy one who has no problem butting in? Definitely seems like there is a power struggling going on b/t this parent and the pres. that needs to get ironed out because the bc needs to work as a cohesive unit to be successful. What do the other members think? And if this parent is not coming to the meetings b/c she won't be in the same room with the pres., that sounds like grounds for removal... She says she has no input. Do you make all the decisions during the board and/or general meetings? If so then she has no basis, but if you are doing things more informally through emails and calls, etc and she is not able to voice her opinion, then she has a reason to fuss. Regardless, this obviously needs to be addressed in a board meeting.

I know the other two are likely just examples of a bigger issue but just to address them -

Your bc definitely seems to have a lot more decision making power - or at least input - than most I have heard of. Meets are typically decided by the hc and so are uniform choices. While a HC might entertain suggestions (That's a big 'might', but you are in a smaller gym so that is more likely), they are going to make the final decision. Most hc would not allow the bc to bling their own competition warm-ups just to save some money. It is considered the cost of being on team. And yes, blinging warm-ups and leos are very expensive.
The Disney meet - from what I have heard, it is a really good meet and allows the team to bond with a special trip. Many gyms try to do at least one of these types each year. 1600 miles is a long way, though for a regular season meet, presumably for lower levels given the number of team gymnasts you have in the gym? But also, here's a question. If it had been any other parent who had made the suggestion (on or off the board), would you all have been as irritated? maybe yes, maybe no...

 

[TagMomof3]

Not really sure what to say about the relationship b/t the parent and the hc. Are they friends outside of the gym? Or is the parent just a really pushy one who has no problem butting in? Definitely seems like there is a power struggling going on b/t this parent and the pres. that needs to get ironed out because the bc needs to work as a cohesive unit to be successful. What do the other members think? And if this parent is not coming to the meetings b/c she won't be in the same room with the pres., that sounds like grounds for removal... She says she has no input. Do you make all the decisions during the board and/or general meetings? If so then she has no basis, but if you are doing things more informally through emails and calls, etc and she is not able to voice her opinion, then she has a reason to fuss. Regardless, this obviously needs to be addressed in a board meeting.
I am not sure if they are "friends" outside of the gym, but there is a relationship there. We meet as officers and try to meet once a month as a general meeting. The board last year that was voluntary did not want to be included in the officer meetings. Some of them claimed they didn't know they were on the board, but they were there the day they were elected last Sept. I believe a lot of this is a personal issue with the President. She is a strong personality and at first I didn't care for her much. But, after working with her for a year now she has done a good job, and handled all the bad attitudes well. It's like the pres. cant get a break with this parent and a couple others in the gym. Today she was not treated with kindness at all and brought to tears because of the conversations being a personal attack.

I know the other two are likely just examples of a bigger issue but just to address them -

Your bc definitely seems to have a lot more decision making power - or at least input - than most I have heard of. Meets are typically decided by the hc and so are uniform choices. While a HC might entertain suggestions (That's a big 'might', but you are in a smaller gym so that is more likely), they are going to make the final decision. Most hc would not allow the bc to bling their own competition warm-ups just to save some money. It is considered the cost of being on team. And yes, blinging warm-ups and leos are very expensive.
Yes, hc make the meet schedule totally get that. Last year was her first year at this gym as hc, she coached as assitant the year before. hc is good really like her coaching and her attention to the girls as individuals. Yes, the blinging of our own warmups is not normal practice, and I wish now it would have never been discussed and regret anyone putting any effort in to it.
The Disney meet - from what I have heard, it is a really good meet and allows the team to bond with a special trip. Many gyms try to do at least one of these types each year. 1600 miles is a long way, though for a regular season meet, presumably for lower levels given the number of team gymnasts you have in the gym? But also, here's a question. If it had been any other parent who had made the suggestion (on or off the board), would you all have been as irritated? maybe yes, maybe no...

I understand most gyms do a travel meet and it is an opportunity for a fun time for the girls. If my gymmie didn't go to Disney she would only compete in 4 other meets two out of state, two in state, before our state meet. Plus my question would it do to the bond of those girls who don't go to Disney? How would the one or two girls feel if they were the only one or two who didn't go, and then during the weeks of practice after they hear every day for multiple days a week how much fun they had and all they did?
I agree the President and this parent have a personal issue that needs to be ironed out. We have just last month adopted a policies and procedures manual that was written in house, mostly by me over the past year by info from documents found online. This task took most of the year, and my only motivation for offering to create this document came from all the quarreling during our beginning year as a bc. We are still a work in progress, and I try to remind everyone when I can that we need to work together and that it's for the girls. I am the VP of the bc and it seems like it is still very hostile, and I am constantly playing "fireman" putting all of the fires between parents and the bc. Very frustrating and I am afraid it won't get better any time soon. I guess I am asking when do you step down and just be a member for a while? Technically I am an officer until June of 2017. It was so bad today I was ready to clean out my daughters locker and look for a new gym, but not just because of the parents. We are having coaching frustrations too. I don't want to get into that. Thank you for your time and input, I m still trying to figure out if I should resign and focus on an alternate way to support the bc, or do I keep putting out fires?
Please forgive me if I am not doing the reply thing right, I have not been on here long, Im still learning. Thank you!

 

[gymgal]

New boosters are really hard to get off the ground if they don't have someone well versed in them to help out. Kudos to you for working so hard on getting it all organized and yes, a policies and procedures is very important. Given all you have talked about, I would be tempted to step down too, especially if the pres and this parent can't work out their differences. hopefully others will post with more ideas.

 

[skschlag]

Sounds like some good things are getting put into place. P&P will help alot. One thing we did in our club was shorter terms as officers. IT sounds like you are in for 3 years...that is a long time and can leave some parents feeling out of the loop. We do it yearly now.

Is this mom one you can sit down and talk with? See what her agenda is?

Our BC has no say in meets, uniforms, etc. We just pay lol. That helps a lot. It makes some of that drama go away. We still have some from time to time, but usually not this bad. It usually boils down to what we can/can't pay for.

As for the disney meet; the first year our gym went, d did not go. We could not make it work. He never felt left out at gym or anything. at our gym, when you get back from one meet, you are prepping for the next. And the gymnasts are good about moving on to the next thing. This is true wtih travel meets and camps.

 

[Seeker]

Yes -- shorter terms is a must. We have a max of 2 yrs for any officer, but some turn over after a year. It is important for many reasons, but you can already see why it is necessary in your situation.

Question -- how do the gymnasts get along? Does some of this BC animosity carry over to the team?

 

[TagMomof3]

With the P&P we did 1 yr terms but it was already sept so decided to leave officers as are and elections in June.

I personally have sat down and had conversations with three different parents including the parent I have given the most recent example of. At some point I can't do much more until they chose to change or at least be civil with each other and no one seems to want to give in any directions.

The girls do get a long well, but this past year has been a little more challenging with some of them and I can see it's the same girls whose parents have trouble working together.

I am continuing to feel like it's time for me to step down. It has become a burden more than an opportunity to grow a booster club. But then I feel like I'm giving up and letting everyone else down who hasn't caused trouble.

 

[gymmomtoo]

Our booster club had two year terms for president and VP--alternating (so when a new president was being elected, the VP was in their second year). The rest of the positions were for one year only.

And it really sounds like there's an issue with the HC as well--if they discuss something with the BC or BC president, then they should stick with that--not be back pedaling when one parent comes to them.

I don't understand what the jacket issue was--if all parents like the jackets except the one, then have all the jackets done with crystals except the one parent. She's only hurting her own daughter by having hers be different.

 

[TagMomof3]

Our booster club had two year terms for president and VP--alternating (so when a new president was being elected, the VP was in their second year). The rest of the positions were for one year only.

And it really sounds like there's an issue with the HC as well--if they discuss something with the BC or BC president, then they should stick with that--not be back pedaling when one parent comes to them.

I don't understand what the jacket issue was--if all parents like the jackets except the one, then have all the jackets done with crystals except the one parent. She's only hurting her own daughter by having hers be different.

I agree there is a issue with the HC playing favorites and hope this is addressed or maybe I need to address it?

I did resign as VP today and was offered the president position and the current president offered to step into the treasurer role. But at this point I am just stepping down and hoping I can still continue to encourage the group to work together.

Yes the one parent is only causing trouble for her girls with the jacket issue and it was just the most recent example of troublemaking with this parent. The thing is the HC has said everyone or no one gets bling. Our BC has said if the majority of parents want it then we are going to do it. Plus offering the pattern to anyone who wants to have it done else where at their cost can have the pattern after the club is done with it.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. I'm so glad to have found chalk bucket.