Parents Choosing to stay L3 and not move up...

[annemurphy4]

Hello - I'm a new poster but have been lurking for quite a while

This past Monday during my DD's L3 class, the coaches let us know who will be moving up to L4 and who is staying another season for L3. My DD was one of the ones moving up to L4....but after a conversation with the coaches afterwards, we dropped a bomb (that's what the reaction was) that we agreed (daughter and I ) that she would like to stay at L3 one more year. I wasn't prepared for the weird reactions from the coaches and many of the parents.

My kid is not your normal gymnast. She is non-competitive and is there to learn new skills and to participate in something that she enjoys. Last meet season this past fall was fun, she paid no attention to scores and going to state didn't really phase her. I am looking to the future and would like to see longevity in this sport and not for her to burn out by the time she's 12...and that's why I'm encouraging her to stick with L3 another year. The regular training hours for L3 in our gym are 9 hrs a week. My daughter goes 5 (we skip the third day and I pick her up early the other two nights) one coach feels we are being disrespectful by not showing up "like everyone does for the 9hrs" and I feel that I am doing all I can to keep my daughter interested in the sport she likes (but does not love) He was almost angry the other night when my kid is the only L3 doing kips over and over - or cartwheels on the beam. I'm not sure how to swim through this weirdness - I think that because the skills come easy to her (she is 7 ) the coaches and some of the parents are confused or resentful that she doesn't put in the same time, yet she has mastered the skills asked of her.

She started out going 3x a week for 3 hrs and she hated it. She wanted to still go to brownies and play outside with the neighbor kids so....we cut back hours....and she is just as successful - even moreso. There is no way she wants to spend 12-16 hrs in the gym right now & with summer coming up. Am I out of line here? I thought it was the athletes/parents decision how "in" they want to be in the sport?

 

[MILgymFAM]

In our gym, if you didn't want to put in the hours set forth in the team handbook, you wouldn't be allowed on the team. A child can get skills and enjoy the sport on the rec side. To me, team is a commitment. Not necessarily to moving up, but to doing the things required of all team members. If your daughter doesn't love the sport, and will not be interested in more hours, or even the ones already required, may I ask why you haven't considered rec classes (you can advance and do as many hours as you like- my DD does more hours in rec than yours does on team), or xcel, or another less time consuming team option?

 

[annemurphy4]

There isn't a rec option at our gym. All the rec options are for the beginning levels. No excel either. Since she is only 7 and in 1st grade, I don't expect her to want to be all consuming with gymnastics - she happily competes and goes to class. All classes at the gym lead to the team and the team only.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I would honestly be looking for another gym in that situation. How long do you reasonably think you can keep her in at five hours? People will be resentful and believe she isn't committed to the team, and she has skills higher than L3 already, so continuing to train that level seems a service to no one.

 

[2G1B]

Honestly, I think it is totally OK for a 1st grader to want to have other options of doing things and to only be in the gym 5 hours per week. You could look for another gym that is more flexible with hours... Our old gym was very flexible with us over the summer for hours. I have 3 kids in the sport and between the 3 of them we were supposed to be at practice 6 days per week that summer. In the summer we actually live at our "cabin in the woods" rather than in town and it was just too much to get down there every single day but Sunday (a 90 mile drive each way). We ended up going M/T/W. EAch kid was there one day that their team didn't practice and they did a private on that day.

 

[raenndrops]

She is young. She isn't ready for more hours. The gym needs to understand that. If they would allow her to go fewer hours and still move up, would your daughter want to do that? Maybe she could go up to 6 hours a week and do L4? I fully understand not wanting a ton of hours at 7 years old.
Both of my gymmies go about 4 hours a week (if I am lucky at this point). They are L3 (after 2 years at old L4 - Age 9) and Xcel Gold (after 2 years Old 4, 1 yr Old 5, 1 year Old 6, and 1/2 a year Xcel Gold - Age 12). Both are supposed to be moving up.
They are supposed to be there 7.5 hours a week, but with our drive, we leave a 1/2 hour early on the days we go and they tend to not be able to go all 3 days

 

[onebusymama]

If she is happy competing L3 over then that shouldn't be a problem IMO. You can do a kip in L3 bar routine (at least in our area). She is still very young. My only concern would be her getting board doing the basics of L3 over & over again.

 

[onebusymama]

Is it 9 hrs for L3 or for L4? That seems a lot for L3.

 

[lhmom]

I am another one who thinks you should check out another gym who may be more "relaxed" about team hours. DD started at the old level 4 (new three) at age 6. Her gym also went 9 hours 3 days a week. But she was fine with it because on her days "off", she got to play another sport. However, she's one of those kids that thrived on being very busy with sports! Not every kid is and it would be nice if your daughter was at a gym that could respect that. However, every gym have their guidelines and rules and if it doesn't fit what you both are looking for, might be time to look elsewhere.

 

[lhmom]

Is it 9 hrs for L3 or for L4? That seems a lot for L3.

That is the hours for the JO programs in our area (Excel goes less).

 

[emorymom]

Can you find a sport your daughter loves? What else have you looked at and why do you think gymnastics is the way to go for her teen years? Training competitive gymnastics is a bit much for a child who doesn't love it. Also in my opinion they don't usually "burn out" by twelve but some make rational decisions at 12 that they don't want to be doing bat crap crazy bone breaking tissue tearing stuff 25 hours a week, and transition to varsity track and all star cheerleading and that is normal and good. The ones who stay are the ones with the crazy passion for it ... and/or ones like my daughter who might not make optionals before age 14, but still loves gym, and may never get to bat crap crazy skills.

If she was ready to move up to L4 only training 5 hours/week as a six-seven year old, she's probably one of those kids that can sit out team completely for a year and get back to where she was (rising L4) after two weeks back in the gym. Have you thought about taking a year off? That may go over better with her coaches than what you're suggesting. Then see if absence makes the heart grow fonder, or if she falls in love with diving, tennis, archery, golf ...

 

[flipflopsalto]

I think the gym brought the issue upon themselves...If you were not going all of the hours at level 3 why did they mention moving to 4 did they expect you to want to double her hours...that doesn't make sense. My dd same age same grade did 9 hours for about a month and did not do well with the increase and she loves gym. I think repeating is the right move, she should still be able to uptrain and you can slowly increase her hours as you feel she can handle it. The gym should respect your decision.

 

[LJL07]

I don't think it's a fair to skip the third day and get picked up early on the other days. What if everyone on team wanted an exception made like that? It's not sending a very positive message to the rest of the kids on team who are showing up and putting in the hours. It sounds like she's very talented, but I'd choose another gym with less hours or xcel. Or what about cheerleading or tumbling? If she doesn't love it, why do it? It's such a huge commitment for families!

 

[CanAmGymMum]

I'm sorry, but your post rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps, something was lost in translation over the internet, but, you and your daughter shouldn't get to "agree" what level she will compete. Level placement is a coaching decision and I feel you are overstepping your boundaries. I realize your daughter is young, and perhaps the hours are simply too much. If you can see her eventually building up to regular team hours, then this is something that can be addressed with the coach and a mutual agreement can be reached as to what will best benefit your daughter this year. Maybe it's level 3, maybe it's level 4. Also, make sure that the getting to go to brownies and play more outside, etc. are her desires and not your influence rubbing off on her. It could be she just needs a year or two of maturity to fully commit to the sport, and if the coach is willing to accommodate that, then that's ok. Many 7 year olds aren't able to truly correlate the many hours of practice with success in the sport. The amount of work she's willing to put in may change as she gets older. However, if you are not willing to commit to the competitive program at this particular gym, you need to be looking elsewhere.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I agree with aandasmom, it's not really fair to expect special treatment and pick her up early (and not go one day). That would never fly at our gym! It's wonderful that her coaches see something in her and wants to move her up, but only based on what you have said I would find another gym where she can do less hours (high level rec or Xcel) until she is ready to make a bigger commitment. That way she can still have fun with it!
Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[gymgal]

I think there are times where talking to a coach about how too many hours is affecting a young child is the right thing to do, and adjusting hours as needed, but usually this stems from a parent noticing fatigue, grades dropping, irritability. It's not usually the child complaining they don't want to be there. Usually it's the opposite. They get angry with the coach/parent for pulling the hours. it sounds like (correct me if I'm wrong) you took it upon yourself to make that decision without the coach, which may be what is irking them because it shows a lack of respect for their expertise and lack of commitment from your family.

I guess I am not seeing the issue of 3x a week. That leaves 4 days for her to do whatever she wants. (Though i could understand 3 hours a day could be too much at that age for some girls). How old is the rest of her team? 9 hours a week for level 3 is pretty typical.

I know it seems ridiculous at this age and level to be so concerned about hours. You think, well if she is getting the skills, who cares - especially if she is ahead of everyone already. And she is young. Holding her back to mature is not a bad thing. but the hours thing is an issue. most girls want to be in the gym more hours, not less, and if she is already complaining of too many hours, it's a sign that she doesn't love gymnastics. And if you don't love gymnastics at a young age, you don't last long in the sport. watch the higher level girls sometime. Watch the torture they put themselves through mentally and physically to learn and perfect skills. You can't do it if you don't love the sport and from watching lots of girls come/go in the gym for 9+ years, I can tell you that isn't something that grows with maturity, it is something that is in the child from the start.

So if she is already complaining about the hours, and you want her to stay in the sport, then team likely isn't the best place for her. Not everyone with talent it's cut out for team. You have to want it. And right now, she doesn't. She likes learning skills but does not want to commit to the hours. That doesn't mean she has to quit gymnastics - just look for a better suited program - a gym that has more flexibility, perhaps an Xcel team, in house team, or just higher level rec classes.

 

[mommyof1]

There is no way I would let my daughter continue on the JO track if she only liked it and didn't love it. It just takes too much money, too much sacrifice of the parents' time and work schedules, too much lost family time, too many lost educational opportunities for it to be worthwhile unless the kid is truly passionate about the sport and will not be happy unless she lives in the gym. It doesn't sound like your current gym is a good fit for your family's goals and level of commitment, and you'd probably be happier in a program with fewer hours and different expectations. Instead of holding her back in L3 to repeat the skills she has already mastered, you could put her in an Xcel program where she could continue to make some forward progress on fewer hours.

For what it's worth, my 7-year-old will soon be training somewhere between 9 and 10.5 hours a week and will still be able to pursue three other extracurricular activities. It will be at least another year, possibly two or three, before she has to make a choice.

 

[Midwestmommy]

Oh for heavens sake, come on everyone! She will be in second grade next year, right? Second grade!! It's way too early to tell whether she wants this long term. 6 hours a week and level 3 is perfectly reasonable for a second grader. find a gym who will let her do that and reevaluate after next year. Not very many second graders commit to than two days a week of any activity. Have her do some other stuff next year too and see what she really likes. If she is talented (sounds like she is) doing another year of doing basics won't hurt her and shear be able to test out of 4 and go right to 5 the following year. I would say a 7 year old not wanting to do 12 to 15 hours a week is an indicator of a kid with a healthy perspective. I would say too early to pull her from JO, see how she feels after another year.

 

[LJL07]

Oh for heavens sake, come on everyone! She will be in second grade next year, right? Second grade!! It's way too early to tell whether she wants this long term. 6 hours a week and level 3 is perfectly reasonable for a second grader. find a gym who will let her do that and reevaluate after next year. Not very many second graders commit to than two days a week of any activity. Have her do some other stuff next year too and see what she really likes. If she is talented (sounds like she is) doing another year of doing basics won't hurt her and shear be able to test out of 4 and go right to 5 the following year. I would say a 7 year old not wanting to do 12 to 15 hours a week is an indicator of a kid with a healthy perspective. I would say too early to pull her from JO, see how she feels after another year.

Agree, so find another gym with 6 hr/week level 3. It's not fair to the other kids at the current gym who are committed and going the 9 hours/week. Fwiw, I have a just turned 7 year old too. our level 3's go 9 hrs/week. I completely understand that's a lot of hours for a little one.

 

[2G1B]

Some kids just can't make all of the hours. Gymnastics is not fair. It isn't "fair" that some kids get to just do score out meets while others have to compete an entire season at each level. It isn't "fair" that some kids pick it up easily while others work their tails off and struggle. But life isn't fair either, so people shouldn't stress about gymnastics not being fair. As parents, we are absolutely "in bounds" when it comes to something like the amount of time our child is in a sport. My 7 year old doesn't LOVE gymnastics, at least not as much as her older sister; but she really likes it and doesn't want to quit. But if she were one level ahead of where she is then we would have to do something to adjust hours. Because the level 4s go until 8:30 and there is no way that SHE can go that late. And for my other two, should we choose to do public school for middle school, then they will be having to have their hours cut a little short at the gym because gym practice starts 15 minutes before school even gets out and from school it is a 30 - 45 minute drive to the gym.

As for level placement, I again think that the parent should have some say. Especially when the parent is asking that the child go slower than the gym is asking. I can see the coach having final veto in if the kids move UP; but if a parent wants a child to repeat the parent should have a considerable amount of say there. It could be financial reasons, maturity reasons or simply that we know our children the best and know that sometimes they can't handle the hours. The coaches don't have to deal with these little kids the day after a long practice normally since practice is most often every other day at this level. The parents are the ones who see what being overly tired does to the kid through the next day. Well, the parents and the teachers.

Our current gym, while not as accommodating as our old gym on the summer schedule, is still very accommodating. They understand that there is an issue with the middle school kids' school schedule. Their start and end times are a compromise since on the flip side, the elementary kids at that level have to be at school very early each day and can't possibly go as late as would be needed if practice didn't start until like 5:00. For us, older DD does chorus every Monday. This has meant that younger DD has had to be late to practice every Monday because there is just no way to get her to practice on time and still pick older DD up from chorus AND get HER to practice at all. (sure, I could have older DD do after school program on Mondays so that she could just do that after chorus; but that would then mean that older DD would miss ALL of her gymnastics practice on Monday.) I'm sure glad that we have not found ourselves at a gym that is completely unwilling to be accommodating with practice hours.