Parents coach doesn't believe child is injured - is this common?

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First time posting. Not sure what type of response I'm looking for, just needed to air instead of keeping it inside. A little background - my dd has competed for 3 years and has never complained of any injuries. Recently she sprained her ankle (hurts to run, jump, any impact). Two coaches have been very concerned wanting to ensure it heals and does not get worse. Third coach does not believe dd is injured and vocalized this to other parents. Third coach routinely tells my dd that she is not as good as other coaches think she is. It doesn't seem to bother my dd as she says she would rather receive negative feedback than be ignored. It does bother me and many times I have had to repeat to myself to trust the process. This coach has been coaching for 20+ years and has seen multiple gymnast succeed. I guess third coach's style is designed to toughen up the kids?
 
You mean the coach has told other parents that they don't think your dd is injured? How and why would that even come up? And how do you know? Did the other parents tell you?

There's no reason for a coach to discuss your dd's injury with any other parent.

My husband overheard the coach talking to other parents "see, xx looks fine, she's not injured" to which my husband cut off the conversation as he asked the coach to stop talking. He had to ask her twice before she would stop. Coach was watching the gymnasts with the other parents.
 
I’ve been there and we put up with it a few times, but it was building the pile of resentments that eventually pushed us to leave. A coach who acts like that is not a good coach, and a coach talking about an athlete to parents that are not the child’s is totally unprofessional.
 
My husband overheard the coach talking to other parents "see, xx looks fine, she's not injured" to which my husband cut off the conversation as he asked the coach to stop talking. He had to ask her twice before she would stop. Coach was watching the gymnasts with the other parents.

That is incredibly unprofessional and cause for concern. Do you have other gym options?
 
That is incredibly unprofessional and cause for concern. Do you have other gym options?
Based on the reputations, the other local gyms would not be a good fit for my dd. Also, I don't want to think that the grass is always going to be greener ... there is another gym about an hour away with what seems to be a good program, looking from the outside in, but I'm sure each gym comes with its own unique challenges.
 
Absolutely, each gym comes with its’ own set of challenges. And each family has to weigh their decisions based on their individual circumstances. However, your gym has red flags! Multiple red flags! So I would be looking elsewhere.
 
Ouch on the third coach. Sorry to hear this is happening. I am glad to hear she has the of the two coaches... I am sorry I have nothing to add but I wish her all the best...
 
When I was young I dealt with a coach who used many of the same tactics. Everyone was lying about or exaggerating injuries to get out of working. It wasn't to toughen anyone up, it was so we would stop telling him when we were injured, which is not okay. Forcing gymnasts to cope with pain or risk ridicule is absolutely a form of abuse and it causes gymnasts to lose their voice and feel as though they can't speak up. And honestly, it should bother your DD. It's admirable that she can let it roll off her back, but this is not constructive criticism that will make her better, this is bullying. This coach has no right to talk to others about your child's health, and they have no right to degrade your DD's confidence. There's isn't an easy solution to this, but hopefully making it clear to this coach that they are not allowed to treat your DD this way would be a start. This is not part of the process you need to be trusting, this is the time to step in and advocate for your child. Don't let others around you or this coach's track record convince you that their tactics are acceptable.
 
First time posting. Not sure what type of response I'm looking for, just needed to air instead of keeping it inside. A little background - my dd has competed for 3 years and has never complained of any injuries. Recently she sprained her ankle (hurts to run, jump, any impact). Two coaches have been very concerned wanting to ensure it heals and does not get worse. Third coach does not believe dd is injured and vocalized this to other parents. Third coach routinely tells my dd that she is not as good as other coaches think she is. It doesn't seem to bother my dd as she says she would rather receive negative feedback than be ignored. It does bother me and many times I have had to repeat to myself to trust the process. This coach has been coaching for 20+ years and has seen multiple gymnast succeed. I guess third coach's style is designed to toughen up the kids?
Please don’t take this wrongly, but the fact that you kid adores a coach who routinely tells her she is not as good as the other coaches say she is? That to me is the biggest red flag of all, and I would not keep her at the gym, even if it meant driving as far as you say to another gym that could work. Actually, I DO drive as far as that five days a week, and it is worth every penny because the program is excellent and the coaches help their athletes believe in themselves and the coaches believe in the athletes and don’t belittle them. Think about if a teacher told a student she was not as smart as other teachers said she was. Would that teacher still have a job? Would you (I know this sounds extreme but here me out- I am making a point here) want your child with a man who said she needed to get a boob job or wear more makeup in order to be attractive to him, or that if she didn’t have sex with him he would leave her? You might think these are all different situations, but from my counseling background trust me...they are all intertwined and related and it will not help empower your child for the future. On that note, I am so so sorry you are going through this, and I hope you find a solution. Because staying there is not the answer.
 
Red flag. This is likely an ongoing thing for the coach. We experienced similar and would frequently hear all about all of the girls business through the grapevine because of just one prominent coach with a penchant to overshare and stir up trouble.

So and so isn't really hurt... so and so has too many fear issues to ever be a level ten... so and so thinks they have a shot of competing college hahahaha never! Add in frequent gossip about the owners. Seriously toxic to the club in general.
 
Please don’t take this wrongly, but the fact that you kid adores a coach who routinely tells her she is not as good as the other coaches say she is? That to me is the biggest red flag of all, and I would not keep her at the gym, even if it meant driving as far as you say to another gym that could work. Actually, I DO drive as far as that five days a week, and it is worth every penny because the program is excellent and the coaches help their athletes believe in themselves and the coaches believe in the athletes and don’t belittle them. Think about if a teacher told a student she was not as smart as other teachers said she was. Would that teacher still have a job? Would you (I know this sounds extreme but here me out- I am making a point here) want your child with a man who said she needed to get a boob job or wear more makeup in order to be attractive to him, or that if she didn’t have sex with him he would leave her? You might think these are all different situations, but from my counseling background trust me...they are all intertwined and related and it will not help empower your child for the future. On that note, I am so so sorry you are going through this, and I hope you find a solution. Because staying there is not the answer.

Thank you for your honest and candid response. I feel sick to my stomach thinking what have I taught my child to endure over the last three years in the name of "trusting the process" and "trusting the coach." Coach's mentality is, if I don't pick on you, then that's when you should be worried because I've given up on you. So that is why my dd thinks the behavior is ok as she would rather be seen than ignored. I have told my DD if the coach is giving corrections that's because they believe in you and want to help you improve; that the coach is not trying to be mean. But I'm now trying to separate the corrections from the "abuse" if that's what it is.

I'm not quite sure what the plan will be moving forward. I plan on speaking with the owner to come to some resolution before having to look at other gym alternatives. I have never been one to say I want X coach for my kid, but it looks to be that time.
 
Red flag. This is likely an ongoing thing for the coach. We experienced similar and would frequently hear all about all of the girls business through the grapevine because of just one prominent coach with a penchant to overshare and stir up trouble.

So and so isn't really hurt... so and so has too many fear issues to ever be a level ten... so and so thinks they have a shot of competing college hahahaha never! Add in frequent gossip about the owners. Seriously toxic to the club in general.

This is EXACTLY what it's like. hmmm... are we at the same gym, lol
 
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Thank you for your honest and candid response. I feel sick to my stomach thinking what have I taught my child to endure over the last three years in the name of "trusting the process" and "trusting the coach." Coach's mentality is, if I don't pick on you, then that's when you should be worried because I've given up on you. So that is why my dd thinks the behavior is ok as she would rather be seen than ignored. I have told my DD if the coach is giving corrections that's because they believe in you and want to help you improve; that the coach is not trying to be mean. But I'm now trying to separate the corrections from the "abuse" if that's what it is.

I'm not quite sure what the plan will be moving forward. I plan on speaking with the owner to come to some resolution before having to look at other gym alternatives. I have never been one to say I want X coach for my kid, but it looks to be that time.
Before you plan on speaking to the owner, can I kindly suggest you have another plan in mind in case the plan does not go according to plan? Because there is a very real chance he or she will say sorry, we get your concerns but no dice (and they might even take offense to it all)...and you will then be shown the door or faced with compromising your beliefs to stay there. Just my two cents. Backup plans are worth their weight in platinum imho.
 
First time posting. Not sure what type of response I'm looking for, just needed to air instead of keeping it inside. A little background - my dd has competed for 3 years and has never complained of any injuries. Recently she sprained her ankle (hurts to run, jump, any impact). Two coaches have been very concerned wanting to ensure it heals and does not get worse. Third coach does not believe dd is injured and vocalized this to other parents. Third coach routinely tells my dd that she is not as good as other coaches think she is. It doesn't seem to bother my dd as she says she would rather receive negative feedback than be ignored. It does bother me and many times I have had to repeat to myself to trust the process. This coach has been coaching for 20+ years and has seen multiple gymnast succeed. I guess third coach's style is designed to toughen up the kids?
There is a difference between negative feedback and abusive statements. Being told you are not as good as others say you are is abusive. Parents, please stop excusing abuse as toughening kids up. it does not toughen them up, it hurts them! it is totally unprofessional that the coach is discussing your child with other parents. As well, disbelieving that she is injured is awful. There are big problems here.
 

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