Anon Coach hit daughter

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Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Hi there,

I wrote a post a few days ago. If you haven't seen it, here's a quick gist:
DD just started gymnastic classes at 12. She's wanted to join a gymnastics team, since 2019. But then, covid. When it got better, I just didn't have the time to let her join because a teen starting high school and taking care of an 8 year old is a little hard. But we moved to another state, so I signed her up for a class beginners class, which is now on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Apparently, in a class, the coach raised his voice pretty loudly at her. "I know you've been practicing at home. You're ruining your skills. You're throwing your head back in your tuck."
DD said that she just nodded and tried again.
Then when a girl around her age tried her tuck, he said "Good, but you're throwing your head back. Try again," She says that her coach always congratulates, smiles and claps for others, but when it comes to her it's as if the sunny weather was suddenly replaced with thunder and lightning. Now, my DD is pretty sensitive. I think she let his words get in her head, because she cries when she talks about it. This is the only gym with competitive gymnastics around us, so there's not really a choice to move. DD really, really wants to have fun and do competitive, but I couldn't see her cry anymore. There was a similar, but minor situation like this the class before.

The people who responded mostly told me to watch the class, so I did. They allow us to go to this room that's right next to their front desk without really asking.
DD was trying to catch the higher bar but she kept falling.
She was slapped.

I am absolutely so disappointed and just angry right now and I know that I'm probably going to later on regret posting this on a website that doesn't really deal with this kind of stuff and I apologize.
I walked through the door (in the watch room there's a door that leads to the beam) and took her out of the classroom. I know that some other parents did the same or yelled at the coach.
She knows that there's no more gyms around us and she says she wants to stay at the gym! I was aghast- did she realized she was just slapped?? All I know is that I'm 100% contacting law enforcement.

Here are my questions:
-Any similar situations? How did you deal with it?
-What do I tell DD? I know that if I try to put some common sense into her I'll just end up making her stressed. I need to cool off.
-Is there a way to delete posts when I knock common sense into myself and realize I shouldn't have posted this?

Thanks.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Woah! I'm so sorry that this happened and I'm SO GRATEFUL that you witnessed it happen and acted on her behalf.

Here are my questions:
-Any similar situations? How did you deal with it?

If I ever saw anyone at all, ever, anywhere hit my child, I would immediately pull my child out of there and report to authorities and SafeSport. Do you know the other parents who witnessed this happen to your daughter? If so, I would make sure they are willing to corroborate your story, at least to the gym owner and hopefully to authorities as well.

-What do I tell DD? I know that if I try to put some common sense into her I'll just end up making her stressed. I need to cool off.
You tell her that no one has the right to hit her or ever touch her against her will, in an unwelcome way, or in a way that causes her to feel shame or embarrassment. You remind her that everyone, especially adults paid to work with children, are expected to be able to control their emotions. Let her know that even though she may love gymnastics, this is not a safe environment for children and that your job as a parent who loves her is to keep her safe above all things.

-Is there a way to delete posts when I knock common sense into myself and realize I shouldn't have posted this?
Why would you want to delete? Folks on CB are will offer you nothing but support in a situation like this.
 

gymgal

Gold Membership
Proud Parent
Aug 22, 2008
4,660
Very sorry she experienced this. You need to know if she has experienced this before - either herself or seen someone else. I would discuss with her expectations in terms she might understand better - teachers for example. Kids expect schools to be safe spaces. To have a teacher slap a student would be crossing a line and they would be punished for it. The same holds true for coaches.

Alert the authorities and safesport. Figure out which parents observed the incident so you have names to provide as well.

And please do not delete this post (yes, admins have the ability if you really want to). It is important that others read this and know it's not OK. Could be gymnast lurking, looking for info. Could be another parent who isn't ready to post about their experience.
 
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rlm's mom

Proud Parent
Aug 21, 2021
308
39
As above you definitely have to get your daughter out of the gym. It’s a shame there are no others in your area. I wonder if there are any cheer teams or t&t in your area. Do either of those interest your DD? And as above , File a complaint with safesport.
 
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Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
DD just started gymnastic classes at 12. She's wanted to join a gymnastics team, since 2019. But then, covid. When it got better, I just didn't have the time to let her join because a teen starting high school
Sorry about this part- she was 12 when she started classes, just turned 13, and she skipped a grade, so she is starting high school.

Thanks for all the responses, I really do appreciate them, and thank I want to provide an even bigger thanks for those who told me to watch the class, I am so grateful for those people, they have no idea how much that helped, and i have no idea what could've happened if I wasn't there.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!
Also, I believe I was also a witness. I don't want to give away too much information but..
-Chicago?
-Purple and yellow?
-Yesterday?
If so, I was there, and I don't have any words to explain the violent flow of emotions
Surprise, shock, anger.. trying to hold myself back, I did yell at the coach, I admit and I snatched my daughter out of there.
I asked her if the coach had done anything to her and her response made me feel like I hadn't been a good enough parent right then. She'd been going to the gym since the mommy and me classes! How could I have missed it?
Right, right, this post isn't about me. I also contacted law enforcement and https://uscenterforsafesport.org/training-and-education/safesport-courses-for-all/ .
I'm so sorry that your daughter was the victim. Please don't return to the gym. I will see if I can private message you my email or number, but I'm new to this community so I don't know.

Once again, I'm so sorry.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!
Also, I believe I was also a witness. I don't want to give away too much information but..
-Chicago?
-Purple and yellow?
-Yesterday?
If so, I was there, and I don't have any words to explain the violent flow of emotions
Surprise, shock, anger.. trying to hold myself back, I did yell at the coach, I admit and I snatched my daughter out of there.
I asked her if the coach had done anything to her and her response made me feel like I hadn't been a good enough parent right then. She'd been going to the gym since the mommy and me classes! How could I have missed it?
Right, right, this post isn't about me. I also contacted law enforcement and https://uscenterforsafesport.org/training-and-education/safesport-courses-for-all/ .
I'm so sorry that your daughter was the victim. Please don't return to the gym. I will see if I can private message you my email or number, but I'm new to this community so I don't know.

Once again, I'm so sorry.
I don’t know what’s crazier. Gymnastics being such a cesspool that two kids get slapped by their coach on the same day, or an actual witness being on here. What an awful mess.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
I just want to encourage the original poster as well as the other parent who witnessed what happened that you absolutely did the right thing, and you have nothing to be sorry for. I am a child abuse medical provider (and gymnast mom), and the stress of such an event can make adults question themselves. You both acted as the protective parents that you should be and are advocating for your children. You did the right thing; you don't need to delete your post. Heartfelt hugs to you and yours.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Here is SafeSport...


Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!
Also, I believe I was also a witness. I don't want to give away too much information but..
-Chicago?
-Purple and yellow?
-Yesterday?
If so, I was there, and I don't have any words to explain the violent flow of emotions
Surprise, shock, anger.. trying to hold myself back, I did yell at the coach, I admit and I snatched my daughter out of there.
I asked her if the coach had done anything to her and her response made me feel like I hadn't been a good enough parent right then. She'd been going to the gym since the mommy and me classes! How could I have missed it?
Right, right, this post isn't about me. I also contacted law enforcement and https://uscenterforsafesport.org/training-and-education/safesport-courses-for-all/ .
I'm so sorry that your daughter was the victim. Please don't return to the gym. I will see if I can private message you my email or number, but I'm new to this community so I don't know.

Once again, I'm so sorry.
Yes, actually, that is pretty accurate. I'll try to contact you.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Yes, actually, that is pretty accurate. I'll try to contact you.
The thing that makes me so angry is that absolutely nobody said anything! I don't watch the classes very often so maybe it's the same with the others, but still?!
And how did he not realize we could be watching?
 

Savvannah

New Member
Sep 27, 2022
2
22
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!
Also, I believe I was also a witness. I don't want to give away too much information but..
-Chicago?
-Purple and yellow?
-Yesterday?
If so, I was there, and I don't have any words to explain the violent flow of emotions
Surprise, shock, anger.. trying to hold myself back, I did yell at the coach, I admit and I snatched my daughter out of there.
I asked her if the coach had done anything to her and her response made me feel like I hadn't been a good enough parent right then. She'd been going to the gym since the mommy and me classes! How could I have missed it?
Right, right, this post isn't about me. I also contacted law enforcement and https://uscenterforsafesport.org/training-and-education/safesport-courses-for-all/ .
I'm so sorry that your daughter was the victim. Please don't return to the gym. I will see if I can private message you my email or number, but I'm new to this community so I don't know.

Once again, I'm so sorry.
Also, I'm now not posting anon so you can contact me.
 

RTT2

Proud Parent
Oct 9, 2015
863
Wow. I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. And, crazy that someone else here was a witness! Hope this coach suffers some real consequences!
 
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Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
I'm going to try and be the moderate voice here, why come here on a message board to announce this? This is a very serious allegation and while it may be true, it may be false, it may be a misunderstanding. It could be a number of things. I appreciate that you are posting this anonymously so in theory, both parties cannot be harmed by this. But still, let's not all rush to judgment here and sharpen the spikes and light the torches. This is an allegation that should be played out through the proper channels and authorities (safe sport, law enforcement). Only after, and a conviction has been made or the coach banned would I start posting here.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Only after, and a conviction has been made or the coach banned would I start posting here.
No way. That's some Nasser-level nonsense. If I saw a coach hit my kid, an anonymous post on a random message board would be the least of that coach's and gym's problems.

This is a parent saying "thanks for telling me to go watch, here's what I saw." If the coach, who an unkind person might suspect is you, has something to say about the incident they can step forward.

Waiting for safesport to do anything being speaking up is honestly one of the dumbest things I've seen posted online. It can take them years to rule on an allegation made by a national team member. How fast do you think they're going get to dealing with an allegation made by a nobody at some random gym?
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
Firstly I’m sorry that this happened to your daughter.
As someone who has experienced abuse from a coach my advice is that your daughter will need lots of reassurance and support.
Children and young people don’t necessarily make the same logical connections we do.
Your daughter may have feeling of guilt - if I didn’t mess up the skill then the coach would not have hit me and wouldn’t be in trouble
You daughter may feel like she’s being punished - a desired activity being taken away
These are some of the reasons I didn’t speak out at the time, I desperately wanted to keep training. Much strength to your daughter at this time
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
573
I'm going to try and be the moderate voice here, why come here on a message board to announce this? This is a very serious allegation and while it may be true, it may be false, it may be a misunderstanding. It could be a number of things. I appreciate that you are posting this anonymously so in theory, both parties cannot be harmed by this. But still, let's not all rush to judgment here and sharpen the spikes and light the torches. This is an allegation that should be played out through the proper channels and authorities (safe sport, law enforcement). Only after, and a conviction has been made or the coach banned would I start posting here.
This is terrible advice for this situation.
Whilst context can be all important with deciding if something is verbal abuse there is no context where an adult hitting a child or young person is acceptable. This cannot be misinterpreted. And depending on the country is illegal. The OP has witnessed the event there’s nothing alleged. It’s anonymous. And I’m sincerely hoping that if you had witnessed your gymnast being assaulted you wouldn’t keep sending them to that coach until there was a ban or conviction
 

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