Parents Comments about body shape on 8 year old

[Deleted member 14190]

A coach has NO business. Zero. Zilch. NONE. Speaking to me or my child about her body, or her diet. Sure, coachp's list seems reasonable. Until you realize that it's next to impossible to raise a child without a Gatorade once in awhile, or some birthday cake for crying out loud. Saying "NO" sugar is teaching disordered eating, plain and simple. Teaching moderation is a sustainable option. However, as 99.9% of coaches are not nutritionists or dietitians, and even if they are, unless they are MY kid's dietitian or nutritionist, there is no room for commentary on this. As parents, we need to stop asking coaches what to feed our kids. They are experts in coaching gymnastics. Until they have gone to school for nutrition science and know my kid's dietary and medical needs, step out. Period.

And any comment along those lines will be dealt with swiftly by me as a parent. These are impressionable kids and HIGHLY susceptible to eating disorders simply by nature of their sport, we don't need coaches adding fuel to the fire by talking about things they have no business talking about.

Just to be clear , my post says no extra sugar , then lists examples . Eliminating all sugar is probably impossible.

 

[twinmomma]

Just to be clear , my post says no extra sugar , then lists examples . Eliminating all sugar is probably impossible.

Are you a parent? Unless you grow it all yourself, no "extra" sugar is impossible as well.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Are you a parent? Unless you grow it all yourself, no "extra" sugar is impossible as well.

Yea I am , and you should go back and read my post again. Clearly you skimmed over it and missed parts.

 

[twinmomma]

Yea I am , and you should go back and read my post again. Clearly you skimmed over it and missed parts.

No. I didn't miss anything. The reality is that your proposed "no added sugar" is a precursor to disordered eating. And unless you are the athlete's parent or doctor, you need to stay out of their diet. I have a perpetually underweight, sensory/texture sensitive kid. It's not her coach's business what she eats. Yesterday, she had a headache she couldn't shake, so after her advil, I had her drink half a soda, right before practice (GASP!!!!). Guess what? Headache cure. I'm a migraine sufferer and this remedy is doctor recommended. If all you as her coach saw was her drinking a dr. pepper right before practice, I can only imagine what you would think. Despite having my kid many hours a week, it doesn't make you an expert on HER needs or HER nutrition.

 

[Midwestmommy]

Coaches have no business commenting on a healthy 8 year old's butt size. Period.

Just last week my daughter tearfully asked me what she should say to a friend who is throwing her lunch away at school and who she thinks has an eating disorder. Her mom is very fit and militant about nutrition. My daughter suspects her friend has gone from really thin to an eating disorder. Frankly I was at a loss about what to say. We decided she should tell her it will be hard to concentrate without eating lunch.. Surly the family can see what is happening, I hope.

Gymnastics coaches have a huge amount of authority and influence over young children training huge hours. It should be about the whole child and their well being, at all times.

I know of an NCAA team (not gymnastics) where five of the kids are in a nutrition plan. They are all over 18 and it is very carefully worded as a nutrition and healthy eating plan with fitness and strength as the goal and they leave off the body shaming part. They are really careful even with 18 to 22 year olds.. I can't imagine the risk to an 8 year old who is powerless and trying to please all the adults. Tread very very carefully..

 

[Deleted member 14190]

And no one is going to get an eating disorder by not stocking the house with the items I listed...

No. I didn't miss anything. The reality is that your proposed "no added sugar" is a precursor to disordered eating. And unless you are the athlete's parent or doctor, you need to stay out of their diet. I have a perpetually underweight, sensory/texture sensitive kid. It's not her coach's business what she eats. Yesterday, she had a headache she couldn't shake, so after her advil, I had her drink half a soda, right before practice (GASP!!!!). Guess what? Headache cure. I'm a migraine sufferer and this remedy is doctor recommended. If all you as her coach saw was her drinking a dr. pepper right before practice, I can only imagine what you would think. Despite having my kid many hours a week, it doesn't make you an expert on HER needs or HER nutrition.

explain why on earth I or Any coach would be having a conversation with you regarding any of this in the first place. The whole subject is dedicated to a small group of parents... I explained that as well. Clearly you didn't read it, because I am repeating myself at this point....

 

[2gymmies]

this is tough... I have a high schooler that is struggling at this point in her career because I didn’t help her enough when she was 8 (or whatever age) to understand the implications to gymnastics and life when you don’t understand how what you consume matters. It is so much harder to make changes in eating habits as they get older than it would have been when she was younger. She struggled to get her kip and her giants when she was younger and I told myself that it just takes some kids longer... what I wish someone would have told me was the truth, that it’s harder for her because she is a little more “stocky” and that tightening down her portions or sugars or whatever would set her up for much less stress post puberty. Because it truly is awful seeing the frustration she faces now... bodies change and when you haven’t been raised to be aware it is doubly hard. And it’s not just gymnastics... my dds friend that plays volleyball recently faced something similar in that she was getting injured and losing her “quickness” post puberty... a sports med doc/nutritionist all but blamed it on the cumulative affect of years of carrying extra pounds taking a toll on her knees and ankles (and we are talking 5 to maybe 10 extra pounds).

I’m not saying this is the case for the OP but I’m just saying that it’s not always inappropriate to have a tough conversation.

 

[John]

this is tough... I have a high schooler that is struggling at this point in her career because I didn’t help her enough when she was 8 (or whatever age) to understand the implications to gymnastics and life when you don’t understand how what you consume matters. It is so much harder to make changes in eating habits as they get older than it would have been when she was younger. She struggled to get her kip and her giants when she was younger and I told myself that it just takes some kids longer... what I wish someone would have told me was the truth, that it’s harder for her because she is a little more “stocky” and that tightening down her portions or sugars or whatever would set her up for much less stress post puberty. Because it truly is awful seeing the frustration she faces now... bodies change and when you haven’t been raised to be aware it is doubly hard. And it’s not just gymnastics... my dds friend that plays volleyball recently faced something similar in that she was getting injured and losing her “quickness” post puberty... a sports med doc/nutritionist all but blamed it on the cumulative affect of years of carrying extra pounds taking a toll on her knees and ankles (and we are talking 5 to maybe 10 extra pounds).

I’m not saying this is the case for the OP but I’m just saying that it’s not always inappropriate to have a tough conversation.

I like this. I also like giving my DD the truth. I also feel as her father it is my duty to set her up for a successful life. If these means teaching her how to eat and telling her the truth, in an age-appropriate manner, then that is what I must do. This does not mean shaming or being a food Nazi. It might simply mean saying you already had a glass of soda today, please have water now.

 

[sce]

My question was hypothetical based on what the OP says she was told by the coach. Coachp you are making assumptions about the coach’s intention or even assuming what the coach said was different than the OP states. It is really possible the coach said the 8yos butt was too fat. Changing the child’s diet when it sounds like she is actually pretty low in body fat, can’t have 6 pack with body fat, is not nevessarily healthy. I do believe that there is no one size fits all diet for anyone. I also agree that there is a lot of sugar and crap in many foods people see as healthy. I do think only 1 piece of fruit a day is too restrictive for most growing kids. I happen to have 2 kids though that are in need of calories to maintain weight and growth. If a coach told me to cut out certain high calrie foods I would just laugh. My kids need to maintain their weight, and get enough calories so that they can grow.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

OP is in the UK

We don't have a corn lobby like you do so there is less "added sugar" in out food. In fact, unless its imported from the US we don't have corn syrup in anything !

As a parent I would have a tough time with anyone telling me what to feed my children. Kids need sufficient calories, vitamins and minerals to metabolise, repair and grow. This means they need a different diet from a sedentary adult.

Mine get whole milk ( ours does not have any hormones in it and is grass fed in the field as standard), yoghurt, fresh fruit and vegetable ( as much as they want), meat, fish, cheese, chicken and eggs ( home grown). They have packed lunches for school.

They also have cake/pudding (home made) at least 3 times a week, ice cream and chocolate at the weekends, cream, clotted cream, butter.

They don't have fast food, fizzy drinks or sweets (candy).

Last timer she was measured Pink had 11% body fat.

 

[l.c.o]

As a mom with a child who has gone through some amount of therapy and has seen a nutritionist due to eating disorder concerns, this thread is making me cringe a bit.

@coachp - I have a lot of respect for you on this forum. And I respect your opinion in this, but I have to say I disagree. Simply, it's impossible to really know what the kid/family eats or is doing at home. Yes - it's entirely possible the child is completely unaware of the conversation and perhaps there is zero real consequence to the child... Maybe the child was overeating just a bit and mom cuts back on a bit of sugar, and the tush issue is 'cured'.

Or maybe mom pulls the kid.

Or take into consideration an average "well-meaning gym mom" who is buying a home bar set, a full-size beam, and a backyard trampoline... This could go wrong here. Mom restricts calories, lets DD know it's "for gymnastics". Best-case child quits to eat some snacks. Worst-case is a lifetime of issues.

I get that Americans eat too much sugar as a whole. But I have argued this point here before and will continue to defend it. Each child is different. No two people have the same physiology or metabolism. My DD far out eats my DS. She also out-lazies him by miles - he's very active outside the gym whereas she is not (if he's not running cross country or at baseball, etc, he's running around outside with friends). She drinks Gatorade in the gym, he drinks plain water... And it is DS who (gymnastically) probably would be considered to carry a few extra pounds. By looking at them, which would you think the coach would recommend changes to?

Anyway, WE KNOW just by general common sense that this does not help DS's gymnastics in any way. But when it comes down to it, the nutritionist is pleased with his (and his sister's) diet. YES - by cutting out his daily serving of pretzels and substituting it with a bag of carrots... or subbing his yogurt for boneless skinless chicken breast, he could lose that ~2-3 pounds and his gymnastics may possibly improve. But would a nutritionist agree that it's what's healthiest for him in the long run? I dunno - I didn't ask as I didn't have to. My point is that one can be healthy while maybe not being gymnastics-optimal.

I think that sometimes on this board we're talking two slightly different things?

All it took was one coach asking DD and her group what they ate for breakfast and discussing calories to start the process which tipped her over toward eating disorder territory. Yes she's one kid, but it's hard to tell which kid it could be.

We've been advised to never discuss which foods are "healthy" vs "bad" as it sets up an overall negative association with food. I'm trying to remember the nutritionist's exact words, but if you force them to only eat labeled "healthy" food, and restrict all "bad" foods, it has a psychological effect where they not only crave the restricted "bad" foods, but associate the good foods with negative feelings - "ugh I want pizza but I have to eat this salad". Then eating pizza becomes a goal of sorts.

Anyway- sorry for the novel if anyone is still reading. It's a bit of a touchy subject for me.

 

[raenndrops]

The conversation was between coach and parent, So Its not body shaming in my opinion. Understand that having limited information (being it all from one side) about this case leads me to believe that the coach was possibly reaching out to the parent to suggest a more healthy diet. As for me and what I would say to a parent. I would stress that excessive weight is limiting skill progression and increasing the likelihood of injury. Because it does....

But according to OP, her child doesnt have "excessive weight," the coach said she is "carrying too much fat around her bottom."

My daughter is a competitive gymnast and is 8 years old. She isn't tiny - but her BMI is on the lower end of normal range. She has a fab six pack and is very muscular but her coach has made a comment (only to me) about her carrying too much fat around her bottom.

There is a difference. If she is on the lower end of the BMI normal range AND she has a 6 pack, then she doesnt have excessive weight. In which case, coaches shouldnt be saying anything. about her shape.

 

[sce]

I find that teaching my kids balance is best. Make sure you eat a wide variety of foods, fruits vegetables, carbs, protein. No food is bad in itself but too much of any one thing can be. I also help them understand their body’s. Which foods help them maintain energy during practice and meets. What do they need to not be hungry an hour after a meal. (This is tricky with a kid who has multiple growth spurts a year).

 

[RTT2]

What I find illuminating is the way male coaches in this thread have jumped in to defend a male coach who said an 8 yo child's butt doesn't look "pretty" for competitions.

 

[MILgymFAM]

And no one is going to get an eating disorder by not stocking the house with the items I listed...

explain why on earth I or Any coach would be having a conversation with you regarding any of this in the first place. The whole subject is dedicated to a small group of parents... I explained that as well. Clearly you didn't read it, because I am repeating myself at this point....

That’s right, because you’d only be having conversations with parents like me, who have overweight kids. Except it’s still not your place. Not a bit. You get to decide if you want a team of sticks- and accept girls to team accordingly, but you do not get to talk about it after they’re on your team. My girl was told unequivocally that she was too big for artistic. We took it as the blessing it was in that she doesn’t belong on a team ran by someone who thinks that way. Even though I found t both rude and wrong, I accepted the honesty at the onset. Had she been there awhile I would be honestly baffled as to why the coach would bring it up. Clearly they saw my kids body type before adding her to a roster.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I just want to add that I know that this has all gone afield of the OPs original question, ie why would a coach say something like that to a normally built, not overweight gymnast. I can understand how that is especially aggravating, but I think it belies that fact that little girls who aren’t going to college or the Olympics or even level 10... who may be *gasp* actually overweight.. can still safely progress and find joy in gymnastics. I am eternally grateful that T&T was more accepting than artistic, but am also sad that it had to be a diversion. When my girls were both in rec my heavier girl was more naturally talented, and strong, and flexible, etc.. she could’ve easily competed Xcel. I rarely see bigger girls in artistic though, and I think it’s a shame. I know that CoachP hit a button of mine... people ALWAYS make wrong assumptions about my DD- but everyone who knows her knows better so I should just stop letting it bother me, right? I’m working on that part..

 

[gymmomx2]

I like this. I also like giving my DD the truth. I also feel as her father it is my duty to set her up for a successful life. If these means teaching her how to eat and telling her the truth, in an age-appropriate manner, then that is what I must do. This does not mean shaming or being a food Nazi. It might simply mean saying you already had a glass of soda today, please have water now.

It's appropriate....because you're her parent.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

As a mom with a child who has gone through some amount of therapy and has seen a nutritionist due to eating disorder concerns, this thread is making me cringe a bit.

@coachp - I have a lot of respect for you on this forum. And I respect your opinion in this, but I have to say I disagree. Simply, it's impossible to really know what the kid/family eats or is doing at home. Yes - it's entirely possible the child is completely unaware of the conversation and perhaps there is zero real consequence to the child... Maybe the child was overeating just a bit and mom cuts back on a bit of sugar, and the tush issue is 'cured'.

Or maybe mom pulls the kid.

Or take into consideration an average "well-meaning gym mom" who is buying a home bar set, a full-size beam, and a backyard trampoline... This could go wrong here. Mom restricts calories, lets DD know it's "for gymnastics". Best-case child quits to eat some snacks. Worst-case is a lifetime of issues.

I get that Americans eat too much sugar as a whole. But I have argued this point here before and will continue to defend it. Each child is different. No two people have the same physiology or metabolism. My DD far out eats my DS. She also out-lazies him by miles - he's very active outside the gym whereas she is not (if he's not running cross country or at baseball, etc, he's running around outside with friends). She drinks Gatorade in the gym, he drinks plain water... And it is DS who (gymnastically) probably would be considered to carry a few extra pounds. By looking at them, which would you think the coach would recommend changes to?

Anyway, WE KNOW just by general common sense that this does not help DS's gymnastics in any way. But when it comes down to it, the nutritionist is pleased with his (and his sister's) diet. YES - by cutting out his daily serving of pretzels and substituting it with a bag of carrots... or subbing his yogurt for boneless skinless chicken breast, he could lose that ~2-3 pounds and his gymnastics may possibly improve. But would a nutritionist agree that it's what's healthiest for him in the long run? I dunno - I didn't ask as I didn't have to. My point is that one can be healthy while maybe not being gymnastics-optimal.

I think that sometimes on this board we're talking two slightly different things?

All it took was one coach asking DD and her group what they ate for breakfast and discussing calories to start the process which tipped her over toward eating disorder territory. Yes she's one kid, but it's hard to tell which kid it could be.

We've been advised to never discuss which foods are "healthy" vs "bad" as it sets up an overall negative association with food. I'm trying to remember the nutritionist's exact words, but if you force them to only eat labeled "healthy" food, and restrict all "bad" foods, it has a psychological effect where they not only crave the restricted "bad" foods, but associate the good foods with negative feelings - "ugh I want pizza but I have to eat this salad". Then eating pizza becomes a goal of sorts.

Anyway- sorry for the novel if anyone is still reading. It's a bit of a touchy subject for me.

I totally get that some people could go overboard etc. but I think the restrictions I listed along with the bold words that kids don't need to eat less, are pretty safe. But yes I agree that some people are cray cray.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

What I find illuminating is the way male coaches in this thread have jumped in to defend a male coach who said an 8 yo child's butt doesn't look "pretty" for competitions.

If the coach said that to the child I would absolutely shun the coach. So let's not clout the subject

 

[gymisforeveryone]

We just today had a two hours long lecture for us coaches about nutrition and eating disorders by a doctor of nutritional sciences and eating disorder associations' advocates. The parents and gymnasts already had their lecture last week. The parents were given information about nutrition and balanced diet. I have been very careful to comment anything about what the kids bring in for snacks or what they eat during travel meets and stay away camps (we usually travel and eat together as a team). I don't think it's coaches' place to comment their snacks or their food choices, it's their parents job. We offer the lectures for free and they have a chance to ask questions and discuss about the topics that they want to know more of.

Our club has stated some general rules for camps and travel meets when the kids are under our watch. These rules were approved by the nutritionist that gave us the lecture. The rules are these: you should not come to practice hungry. You should primarily drink water at practice. No candy or other junk food before a meet. After a meet you can have a small treat but before that you have to eat a healthy meal that helps you to recover physically. At camps they can have one class of juice and one dessert in a day. These are the common guidelines that we have to have in place in order to our kids do well at meets, camps and practice and have enough energy. There are no forbidden foods. The people from eating disorder association said that this is an important point.

The coaches have rules too. We don't comment body shape, weight or talk about grams, kilos or calories. We make sure that we set a good example for the kids and at camps and meets choose healthier options. We focus on coaching and remember that we are not nutritional specialists. If we notice that some of the kids loses weight and starts to change in some way, we bring it up with the gymnast and the parents. But still, we don't talk about weight and size, we talk about behavioral chances, mood and disordered demeanor.