WAG Daughter’ s friends not supportive of her gymnastics

[Leila]

Hello fellow Gymnastics parents!

I’m posting this thread to get your thoughts on the topic. My daughter is 9, and and has been in JO gymnastics for the past 3 years. She has progressively gotten better, and has placed 1st-3rd AA for the last 2 competitive seasons. We live in a small community, and she has several close friends, that she has been friends with since preschool or even earlier. She also has super close friends at her gym.

Recently, I found out that my DD doesn’t share anything about gymnastics with her friends... not her competition results, or struggles, or accomplishments. I remember that even last competitive season, she used to talk Gymnastics with her friends, but not any more. She says that she didn’t want to be a bragger, and that she found no support from her friends. At school, she hides the fact that she does gymnastics from her PE coaches. She beat several records in her school’s PE class, and told them that she “trains by herself daily”, that’s how she is able to the number of pull ups/push ups, etc. that she does.

I don’t know why, but it concerns me. I am glad that she doesn’t brag, but I also think that friendships exist to support each other. For ex., she gets very nervous before meets, and her friends at school used to be very encouraging. Now she doesn’t share at all. A friend of mine said that it is not a healthy friendship, and the fact that she can’t open up to her friends, and feels “guilty” of her accomplishments, will hold her back in gymnastics, and she will not realize her full potential.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Sorry if it’s about nothing... but it got me thinking ))

 

[CLgym]

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. My DD just turned 10 years old (Level 7), and she almost never talks gymnastics with her school friends (except very occasionally with a school friend who happens to compete Xcel Gold). Like your daughter, mine reports that gymnastics talk could be construed as bragging. And, frankly, I suspect gymnastics talk might be a little boring for girls who aren't gymnasts (e.g., nobody really cares that she got her free hip to handstand -- because they don't even know that that is!) I think that your daughter is actually being sensitive to her school friends -- and that's a good thing. Her gym friends will be there to support her in the gym. I also think that, as she gets older, her friendships will possibly deepen and she may find a school friend or two that she can talk to about gymnastics. But for now, she seems to be right where mine is....

 

[bookworm]

I think it's tough for friends outside of gym to "get" the commitment needed to succeed in this sport...even Xcel kids in our old gym practiced 3-4 days a week so I'm sure if your daughter is in JO, she practices at least that, year round. Most "muggles" (my girls term for anyone but a gymnast) can't wrap their heads around a sport requiring practice 4-6 days a week for 4-5 hours at a whack,and add to that, they can't just "take a day off" for parties, dances, ball games and you have your daughter's friends thinking "why bother with Susie, because she's never around?" (that may be a bit of a harsh description but you get my drift) .

Most of my girls' friends were in the gym, mostly because they were in the gym with them for so many hours. They did have friends outside the gym but it required a lot of commitment from my girls and their friends...they were fortunate to have friends that worked their plans into my girls' availability.

One reason your daughter may be reluctant to share her success stories is that every time a gymnast does well, no matter the level, the conversation usually veers into "so you must be going to the Olympics"....and that gets old fast and kids (and their parents) tire of having to explain that she is not so you tend to share with those who get it.

If she has gym friends, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

 

[sce]

I read Shawn Johnson's book. She was very private about her gymnastics. Even leading up to the Olympics, she told her friend's and her school very little. Well, until it started to become common knowledge.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

I think it sounds kind of normal too. My daughter is 10 and a level 7. She's been competing since level 2 and has most of the same school friends since Kindergarten and she is now in 5th grade. Her friends know that she does gymnastics, but I don't think they have any idea about any of the rest of it. I don't think she talks about her training, her skills or her results with them. She talks about school stuff and slime and all that. She might tell them she had/had a competition (usually it's obvious because of her hair ), but I am pretty sure they don't know how good she is or where she placed or anything like that. And she doesn't really do gymnastics in front of them, although they do play on the trampoline when she has friends over. I do wonder why your daughter wouldn't share with her teachers though. Do you think it bothers her? My daughter seems happy to have the separation honestly. She has gym friends that she talks gym with and school friends that she talks school with.

 

[Flippin'A]

It might not be such a bad thing to keep school and gym separate. Gym can become hugely dominant in a child's life, and having school be a place where she can totally forget about it and not have anyone asking questions about meets or skills might be a relief. Having those hours every day where she can feel "normal" might be a healthy thing for her. Now if it turns out she stopped talking about it because someone at school was giving her a hard time, that would be a different matter.

 

[NutterButter]

My DD has one school friend who she shares with the ups and downs of gymnastics. This friend is a high-level athlete in another sport (D1 verbal her freshman year, national team aspirations). They both ‘get’ each other. Otherwise my DD doesn’t share too much about gymnastics with her school friends.

 

[FlippinLilysMom]

Most non-gym friends just won't get it, my daughter has very few non-gym friends, it was really hard for her at first but it became evident to her how different her non-gym friends and her gym friends were when she had a birthday party about 2 years ago,she invited both school friends and teammates and it was the worst experience ever, she felt pulled in two different directions at her own party since her school friends were in one group and her gym friends/teammates were in another group, they didn't interact at all. She still has one or two really close friends from her school days but the majority of her very close friends are her teammates. Hopefully your daughter has a good core group of teammates or gym friends that she can turn to and confide in.

 

[gymdog]

That's normal. People are super annoying about gymnastics and ask the same questions that are hard to explain, or share that they do gymnastics too but it's awkward because they really don't then you just have to awkwardly pretend you aren't very good either. You learn pretty young to just avoid it with non-gymnastics people. Luckily we have a whole gymternet now, so.

 

[amiandjim]

My daughter (9 year-old) always tells me “my school friends don’t get me, gym friends get me”. I think that’s very normal.

 

[mommyof1]

I agree that it's totally normal not to discuss gymnastics with non-gym friends. Several of my daughter's friends play club or travel sports, and they don't talk much about their sports either except to say "I've got a tournament this weekend." I don't think she and her gym friends even talk that much about gymnastics outside of the gym. They seem to talk about school and pets and making slime and Broadway musicals and ...

 

[GymDadWA]

I think like a lot of others my daughter more and more gets the guilt trip from non-gym friends on why she isn't available to do more. She has a neighborhood friend that has the worse habit of knocking on the door as we're getting ready for gym and it just launches my daughter into a fit.

 

[Rose7777]

My daughter is similar to many others- she keeps her school and gym worlds very separate. Her school friends know she’s a gymnast, but I think they’re thinking cartwheels and handstands. I think it’s very healthy- it keeps her grounded and reminds her that there’s life outside of gymnastics.

 

[John]

My daughter keeps things separate as well. I that it is that way. Both environments have their stress and detractors. Because both are separate she can use each as an escape from the other. When school is tough she has gym which feels like a second home. When the GYM is tough she has school to allow her to forget about gym problems.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

My daughter has school friends and gymnastics friends as well as a couple other sets of friends. As an adult have different types of friends. I have friends I go hiking with and friends who wouldn’t have any desire to hike.

It is actual said to be a good way to “bully proof” kids and is very healthy. By having several sets of friends and interests if one particular part of their world is not going well, it’s not their “whole” world. The other sets of friends and interests provide a safe place.

She too excels in PE. Routinely even beating the boys in challenges. There is no need to discuss her gymnastics with her teacher.

When kids from school are doing gymnastics at recess or a party, she doesn’t. When I ask her why. She is like Mom, they don’t do gym they way I do gym. I don’t need to do that. I go to gym for that. She really doesn’t like to stand out, she doesn’t need the external validation, she likes to just be one of the kids.

And she doesn’t talk about gym or meets with her non gym friends. First they don’t get it. And second those friends give her a place to not be “all gymnastics”. When she wants to talk gymnastics she goes to her gymnastics friends. They get it. She had a doctors visit to follow up on her injury. The first folks she told and messaged pictures to were her team. They get it.

 

[mls529]

When kids from school are doing gymnastics at recess or a party, she doesn’t. When I ask her why. She is like Mom, they don’t do gym they way I do gym. I don’t need to do that. I go to gym for that. She really doesn’t like to stand out, she doesn’t need the external validation, she likes to just be one of the kids.

That is my DD too! She never shows off her skills -- she used to throw a back tuck if asked because kids were amused by it. But now, the only gymnastics she does outside of the gym is teaching the little girl down the street how to cartwheel. She told me she felt like it was showing off and also prefers to blend in a bit. But I agree it is very normal to not talk about sports with non-sports friends. My DD's good friends from school are into everything from theater to travel soccer, and no one really talks about it in detail, other than "my show is on Saturday" or "can't make it; going to practice". So to the OP, it is really normal and, in my opinion, healthy, not to talk about gym in great detail with school friends.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

she had a birthday party about 2 years ago,she invited both school friends and teammates and it was the worst experience ever, she felt pulled in two different directions at her own party since her school friends were in one group and her gym friends/teammates were in another group, they didn't interact at all..

Yes birthday celebrations require balance and or choices.

If she is/was having a party with her different groups of friends we always made sure there were enough of each group so no one felt left out. And she knew she had to split her time with ALL the kids she invited.

As time has passed and she has evolved, she tends to smaller more intimate gatherings because she really doesn’t want to have to divide her time at one big gathering. So we might invite her team for ice cream and her school set for pizza and a movie. She finds its more fun for her not to have divide her time. And would rather that then a big bash.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I think like a lot of others my daughter more and more gets the guilt trip from non-gym friends on why she isn't available to do more. She has a neighborhood friend that has the worse habit of knocking on the door as we're getting ready for gym and it just launches my daughter into a fit.

The neighborhood kids know not to knock on gym days. And we know when their BMX days are lol

 

[LJL07]

I think that is very normal. Gymnastics is a unique sport in that the level of commitment requires so many days and hours of training. My girls' friends outside of gym don't get it, and honestly, I don't think the parents do either. Many of them think we are nuts. The only thing that has gradually become kind of a bummer is that the school friends automatically assume the girls are unavailable to do anything social, and they get left out sometimes. I don't think it's deliberate. I think people just give up on inviting them.

 

[CuriousCate]

Most non-gym friends just won't get it, my daughter has very few non-gym friends, it was really hard for her at first but it became evident to her how different her non-gym friends and her gym friends were when she had a birthday party about 2 years ago,she invited both school friends and teammates and it was the worst experience ever, she felt pulled in two different directions at her own party since her school friends were in one group and her gym friends/teammates were in another group, they didn't interact at all. She still has one or two really close friends from her school days but the majority of her very close friends are her teammates. Hopefully your daughter has a good core group of teammates or gym friends that she can turn to and confide in.

We had this as well. I actually for a while thought it was so odd that she didn't want to invite school friends over and I ended up making her choose a few to invite - bad on me! It was so awkward! The following year she had a gym sleepover only. As did every single kid on her team but one (who did the opposite - school friend party without teammates).

I think it is common. They don't know how to normalize their gymnastics in a "muggle world" (I LOVE THAT btw!)