Parents Daughter quit gymnastics this week .............

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wigymmom

Proud Parent
My daughter has been competing in gymnastics for the last three seasons and she is 10. At the end of last season we moved to a different gym. Her prior gym only trained the daughter of one of the other coaches and gave no feedback or training to the rest of the girls. They would talk while the girls practiced. Also the old gym had the girls compete level 3 when none of them were properly trained or ready and most of the girls did terrible. They had the team repeat Level 3 the following year. They said it wasn't uncommon for girls to repeat a level. I didn't think much of it. I wish I realized after Level 2 that the coaching at the old gym wasn't great. Actually there have been several girls from her old gym move to her new gym. At the new gym, they take the opposite approach and will only let them compete the next level if they have all the skills down so they will score well. So instead of putting them in a level they will not do well at they have them repeat a level they will do well at. Right after state my daughter broke her finger at gymnastics so that delayed her from stating at the new gym. Her coach looked at it and told her to get back to class. She tried to do gymnastics for another 1.5 hours with a broken finger. The coach never told me she was hurt. We actually ended up transferring two weeks later to the new gym because my daughter was so frustrated with the old gym. About 1.5 months after she started her new gym the cast came off and she had to get back up to speed since she lost some muscle tone in her wrist. It took her a little while but she did get her skills back, and learned her new LV 4 vault and was doing even better than at her old gym. She loved the new girls on the team. She loved the feedback from the coaching, and they helped her correct some minor form issues that her old gym never told her because the coaching would chit chat so much. She still needed to work on two other skills in order to be ready to compete at her new level. Well she started the summer training and on Mondays they had 1 hour dance and 3 hours of gymnastics, 2 hours of strength and conditioning on Tuesday and 3 hours of gymnastics on Wed and Thurs. At her old gym, classes were still held at night so she could enjoy her summer. At her new gym they are held late morning and early afternoon so she really couldn't do much Monday to Thursday. One week after the summer schedule started, my daughter was fooling around at home and broke her big toe. So now she would be out again and wouldn't be able to focus on her two skills that she didn't learn yet since she was injured earlier in the year.

Well my daughter refused to go to class because she can only work out about 1 hour and can not do much. She later decided that she was done with gymnastics. She says that she is bored with gymnastics, it is too huge of a time commitment:( and she has a small fear of injuries. I was surprised because this was her passion and even when I wanted to have her try other sports she refused. I am trying to figure out why in the last two months she has been thinking about quitting. I understand that gymnastics training can be extremely repetitive and you slowly add new skills. She is about to start middle school next year at 5th grade in our district. I think she was tried of giving up so much other stuff. She sees her friends with more free time. She couldn't do sleepovers on Friday nights because during the year she had practice till 9. She was thinking about ski club but I said you probably won't be able to or you would have to skip gymnastics practice. She said she was wondering how she would get her homework done and do practice. I told her that her brother takes his sweet time so if she is focused, it wouldn't take her as long. She now admits that she wasn't putting her full effort in unless the coaching were watching.

I am disappointed that we spent time and money for her to do something that was her passion but now she wants nothing to do with it. I did tell her that after her foot heals, if she changes her mind, she could go back. I don't want her to have regrets but I do know if she lost her passion, then she is likely done.

Anybody else experience their daughters going from loving it to hating it? I wonder if I should have made her think about it more before she quit. She said she has been thinking of it for several months. Another parent at the gym said, at least she is letting you know now since there have been other girls who compete much longer and are not happy before they quit with many more years and money spent.

My only concern is that she finds something else to do. She is an extremely high energy kid and I would hate for her to sit around without much to do.

We told the gym that she is done so as of right now she has officially quit.
 
Awwww!!! I feel for you! My DD quit this Spring. She was going into 7 th grade, but expressed concern about getting schoolwork done. Also, gym was no longer "fun". She is now ice skating and trying archery.

I'm sure your daughter will find a new passion. She's still young.
 
It does sound like a pretty clear message from your daughter that she is ready to move on. She sounds mature in that she expressed having given it thought over some time, and not simply reacting to the annoyance of a new injury.

My daughter is also 10, and though she is currently still gung ho, we have noticed this is the time many of her friends are starting to drop out. Even before the next 'wave' of dropping out at 12-14 when puberty wreaks the full extent of its havoc.

Of course there are many reasons (like the ones you stated about homework concerns, sleepovers, time with friends...), but another one I tend to see at this age is that they start to understand the 'reality' of the day-in, day-out 'work' of gymnastics. When they are little 4-8 year olds, they all dream big - from rec kids to TOPS kids - everyone is still 'going to the Olympics' someday, everything is still new, new skills come more quickly, first competitions leotards are all sparkly, and school cares aren't front and center... Then as they get to be 9, 10, 11, they start to see they aren't actually going to the Olympics.. new skills take longer... conditioning is harder with a growing body.... they see younger girls who are more advanced or advancing quickly getting the "oohs" and "aahs" they might have once gotten... They aren't the cute little new one anymore, and they've likely had at least one injury requiring a boot, sling, cast... The sky is no longer the limit - they begin to feel and face some of their own, real limits. The honeymoon phase is over. What's left is just hard work. Hard, unending, unforgiving work.

And that's when we truly know if our love for something is enduring - when the starry eyes and magical dust settle, and the day to day reality of commitment and sacrifice are left.

(ok reading back, that sounds way more morose and deep than I planned in my head, but hope it added something!)

May your daughter become starry-eyed again for whatever is next!!
 
Sasha, as usual that was eloquent and poignant! I couldn't agree more. Gymnastics is a hard sport and I have said many times that *I* certainly wouldn't have what it takes to persevere in gymnastics! It gets harder and harder, requires more and more time, effort, commitment...

OP, I think your DD sounds like she has thought it through. There's nothing wrong with realizing this is not the sport for you!!! It's always somewhat of a sense of loss when things end (especially if you may have transferred some dreams of the sport/activity for yourself). It becomes a family commitment many times and it's OK to feel a little sad when it ends (or jubilant depending on where in this journey you are, lol!).
In the end though... It's her sport. Her choice to move on. All you have to do is accept it and support her in her next endeavor! Best of luck to you both! :)
 
I wonder if she was already feeling done before the new gym and injuries. But before deciding she gave the new gym a try. All the best to her as she heals and takes on new adventures
 
I am disappointed that we spent time and money for her to do something that was her passion but now she wants nothing to do with it
Don't be disappointed that you were able to support her financially and time wise doing something that she was passionate about, be proud of what she accomplished and what you did to support that.
She has, I'm sure, gained so many memories, skills, strength, conditioning, mental skills etc from her time in gymnastics that she can bring to the rest of her life.
I hope your dd finds something new to be passionate about soon.
Nothing lasts forever, its what we take from each experience/stage in life that matters.
 
This is my biggest fear for my DD. She has loved it since the day she started and has always been willing to give up anything that gets in the way of gym time. She requires more gym time to get skills clean. We are in a low hour gym and the HC always says she worries about burn out with too many hours (lvl 3 trains 4-6 hours and it shows). So for all of you out there how do you find a balance between enough hours to do well without burnout. My DD choose to train 24 hours/week this summer and what an amazing difference! Would love some advice so that I am not writing this next year.
 
We have recently gone through this (mine just quit this month at age 12). She doesn't "hate" it but she became less passionate about it in the past year. Last summer, she had briefly considered quitting after level 7 but wasn't quite ready- her teammates are like her sisters. I encouraged her to give it one more season since she was so unsure. She did and decided a month ago after her level 8 season to walk away. Honestly, I feel good about it with no regrets. She quit because she was ready to move on, not because of fear or injury- for that I am grateful. Gymnastics has taught her so much that I never feel that any of the last 6 years has been wasted. She's happy and ready for new experiences (has played some basketball this summer, planning on trying out for soccer this fall). All I would suggest is finding other activities for her to try. Mine is high energy too and I have tried to keep her busy since she can drive you crazy otherwise. Good luck!
 
@consig - to be honest, it's my personal belief that it's a bit of a crapshoot. Kids with obsessed parents who push do stick with it and super talented kids whose parents don't push and who do other things just decide they're done one day.

That said, encouraging them to have some outside interests (even if it's reading/hiking/etc) and keeping parental distance from the gym seems to help. Have her identity be more than the gym and gymnastics... if for no other reason than when she's done someday (and someday, she will), she's not lost at sea.

In the gym, let her drive the bus. She needs to initiate going to open gyms, clinics, camps, etc, and she needs to WANT to increase hours.

It's the cumulative over time that seems to drive them away. To listen to my DD - it isn't missing Susie's bday party - it's missing Susie's, and Sammy's, and Emma's.... It's years of strength and conditioning while your friends are at the beach, and going back to practice when you're finally getting over a cold instead of snuggling under a blanket with mom when still you feel a little off. It's constantly having to dig deep to find the drive even when you're in a rough patch. All these add up.

Mostly, having an identity other than "gymnast" seems quite important. My own DD gets frustrated with her grandma (my mom) because the only thing my mom talks to her about is gymnastics ALL THE TIME and literally nothing else, despite me outright explaining to my mom (repeatedly) why that is a terrible thing. Stuff like that is what you want to avoid, for sure.
 
@consig - to be honest, it's my personal belief that it's a bit of a crapshoot. Kids with obsessed parents who push do stick with it and super talented kids whose parents don't push and who do other things just decide they're done one day.

That said, encouraging them to have some outside interests (even if it's reading/hiking/etc) and keeping parental distance from the gym seems to help. Have her identity be more than the gym and gymnastics... if for no other reason than when she's done someday (and someday, she will), she's not lost at sea.

In the gym, let her drive the bus. She needs to initiate going to open gyms, clinics, camps, etc, and she needs to WANT to increase hours.

It's the cumulative over time that seems to drive them away. To listen to my DD - it isn't missing Susie's bday party - it's missing Susie's, and Sammy's, and Emma's.... It's years of strength and conditioning while your friends are at the beach, and going back to practice when you're finally getting over a cold instead of snuggling under a blanket with mom when still you feel a little off. It's constantly having to dig deep to find the drive even when you're in a rough patch. All these add up.

Mostly, having an identity other than "gymnast" seems quite important. My own DD gets frustrated with her grandma (my mom) because the only thing my mom talks to her about is gymnastics ALL THE TIME and literally nothing else, despite me outright explaining to my mom (repeatedly) why that is a terrible thing. Stuff like that is what you want to avoid, for sure.
I really have to fight the urge to talk gymnastics constantly with my new teen. So much of her life is gym. So hard to find topics she will talk about. Will keep working at it. I think it becomes second nature. Especially during meet season.
 
It might help you to make a list of things that will improve now that your DD has decided to walk away. I use this strategy with big life changes that are causing me anxiety. If I were making a "DD quit gym" list I would have things like:

1. Less chaotic evenings
2. More time to cook healthier meals
3. More family time
4. Can finally do the car trip across the country summer trip
5. Time and space for DD to discover new talents
6. More money in the bank

Stuff like that. I actually did a list like this when I was going through my divorce and it helped me SO much when things got bad.
 
This is my biggest fear for my DD. She has loved it since the day she started and has always been willing to give up anything that gets in the way of gym time. She requires more gym time to get skills clean. We are in a low hour gym and the HC always says she worries about burn out with too many hours (lvl 3 trains 4-6 hours and it shows). So for all of you out there how do you find a balance between enough hours to do well without burnout. My DD choose to train 24 hours/week this summer and what an amazing difference! Would love some advice so that I am not writing this next year.
We are a low hour gym and that works for my daughter and our family.

She was a strong level 4, not top of the podium every meet kid. Now if she went more hours she would of been top of the podium every meet kid and with more hours she would also have likely been done with gym and not gone further than L4.

So now she is going to L6 still low hours (10 during the school year, avg 22/wk in summer). I don't consider it taking "more time" to get skills. Does she get them as quick as some and as quick as girls who go more than her? No. But she gets them in her "own" time. She probably get them in the same amount of hours as a girl who goes more hours it just takes her longer on the calendar.

She is on her own timeline, not anyone else's.

As for what I am paying for. Its not gymnastics. Its the work ethic, the friendships, the conditioning, the strength both physical and mental, learning that effort and hard work pay off, that you can accomplish some pretty impressive things when you work for it and practice. Gymnastics is the added bonus. So any money we have spent has been well spent and she has gained things she will be able to carry over to whatever else she chooses to do and she will be able to apply these things for the rest of her life.

If it ended tomorrow, there has been no money wasted. And because her gym is low hours, she really hasn't lost time. Because she still has time to do other things.
 
1. My daughter has been competing in gymnastics for the last three seasons and she is 10.

2. I am disappointed that we spent time and money for her to do something that was her passion but now she wants nothing to do with it.

3.Anybody else experience their daughters going from loving it to hating it? I wonder if I should have made her think about it more before she quit. She said she has been thinking of it for several months. Another parent at the gym said, at least she is letting you know now since there have been other girls who compete much longer and are not happy before they quit with many more years and money spent.

.

A couple of thoughts here:

Point #1: She's done this activity for 3 years , from ages 7-10 , and now decides she wants to do something else, or just not this. She gave it enough time to decide that it really wasn't the sport for her so it's not like she tried one month and you had paid for a year and she bailed ...she did it for 3 years. She's 10, she'll find something else.

Point #2: Don't even go here....if you only want to spend time and money on sports and activities they will continue into adulthood , you will have a lot of disappointment as your child goes through the years finding her niche. My NCAA athlete did ( in no particular order) soccer, tball/baseball, gymnastics, scouts, dance, chorus...and ended up continuing only in gymnastics as she got older. Was I "disappointed in the time and money we spent for her to do something that was not her passion"? No, I considered it part of her childhood and with that came the freedom and support from her parents to try new and different things , as well as maybe develop a passion for something.

Point #3: She's been "thinking about it for several months" ( to me , defined as 4-5 months)....she's thought about it enough, almost half the year so you don't need to "make" her think about it more...she gets it and she doesn't want to do it anymore or the regimen associated with this particular sport. She's done and it's time to move on.

I get where you may be baffled that this has all come about, and even the timing of it but like I've said before, when it's time, it's time, and they know it...
 
This is my biggest fear for my DD. She has loved it since the day she started and has always been willing to give up anything that gets in the way of gym time. She requires more gym time to get skills clean. We are in a low hour gym and the HC always says she worries about burn out with too many hours (lvl 3 trains 4-6 hours and it shows). So for all of you out there how do you find a balance between enough hours to do well without burnout. My DD choose to train 24 hours/week this summer and what an amazing difference! Would love some advice so that I am not writing this next year.
What level is she? That will help answer the question.
 
Well......I can't offer any written advice of comfort other than I'm sorry.....she will find something that she enjoys.
 
I went through similar feelings when dd10 quit ballet in December. She loved it, was very talented, and an absolute joy to watch on stage. I tried to hide it from her, but it was hard when she quit. I felt like we had invested so much time (as a family) and money on what we thought she loved. For a little bit, I worried that it was all "wasted". It wasn't. Though she isn't in ballet anymore, she gained so much from her years of classical training in terms of work ethic and seeing the outcome of hard work pay off and in many other ways.

That same month she started gymnastics and fell in love with it. Her ballet background has really helped her with gymnastics. She has just joined team, but I am much more cautious now to keep boundaries there. It's HER thing, not OUR thing, you know? She has to want to do it or else, what's the point?

Anyway, just wanted to say I feel for you but also point out that all of her training will serve her well, even if she is no longer at the gym.
 
My daughter's team is losing a girl this week who has struggled over her commitment to gymnastics. It's a sad thing to see for the girl and her parents and for her teammates.
 

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