Parents DD Not on Team

[EsMom]

Goodness after 4 years and no explanation other than "invite only" i wouldn't let them see another penny of my money. I realize this is going to sound like something you've clearly thought of but maybe there are other gyms to consider that you don't know about? I'm new to the sport(from a parenting standpoint) and since DD first began gym i wasn't aware of more than half the clubs around here! I had googled and searched until i thought i had exhausted all possibilities only to find out i wasn't even close! I think its time for a change, this can't be helping her self esteem

 

[Deleted member 18037]

So it sounds like the reason is that she doesn't meet the criteria for L2/L3. I'm assuming that there is no pathway for someone to bypass those levels and start at L4. .

If there is no pathway, it is a gym thing.

 

[jellybean]

If there is no pathway, it is a gym thing.[/QUOTEN

no no no no you can get invited to level 4,5, and optional team from rec classes

 

[3gymgirls]

Is a 30 minute commute a deal breaker? We live in the boonies and are centrally located between three gyms. All three are about 75 minutes from our home. I work full-time plus a part-time job on the weekends to cover gym expenses. Granted my girls are only going twice a week, but last year their schedules didn't match and I had to go threw times a week. My husband doesn't drive and no one else here has drunk the kool-aid so carpooling is not on option.

Go check out the gyms that are 30 minutes away. It might be your daughter's chance to compete.

 

[NutterButter]

Ah, ok. So she doesn't meet their criteria for L2/L3 because she is too tall. And there is also a pathway to bypass that and go directly to higher levels. But all that you've been told regarding this is that it's "invite only". Right?

I think if they are using height as a benchmark for L2/L3 then they must be really picky for the higher levels. It sure sounds like it's not going to happen with this gym. That's truly a bummer. Communicating with gyms and coaches can be very frustrating. I've seen it come up tons on threads here and my own personal experience is the same. My gym for example will tell you that it's possible to go back/forth between JO and Xcel. The reality is that it's happened just once. And the gym looses Xcel kids each year because they want to compete JO.

I still think you should give it one more shot but also realize that it's time to seriously consider a new gym. This time make sure you are very clear in what you want. Use as simple language as possible and be very direct. Please don't be offended by this because I mean it in the most sincere way...we are 20+ responses into this thread and I'm still not 100% sure why your DD can't get on a team. It could also be a communication thing where the gym doesn't realize how committed your DD or your family will be. Write out what you want to know in advance. Practice it. Then have the conversation with them.

Good luck. I hope your DD finds a team.

 

[jellybean]

Ive been thinking but my and my husb. both work full days 5 days a week and the thirty minute drive is just hard. We drive about 10 minutes. The one gym i like and DD also does she feels like she will be with younger girls because she always sees level 9 and 10s on the website. The facility is three stories ( ones preschool though) and it's just huge. Its just a very hard drive, plus dropping her off, going home & cooking, going back, then bringing her home is 2 hours of driving her to and from gym.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Ive been thinking but my and my husb. both work full days 5 days a week and the thirty minute drive is just hard. We drive about 10 minutes. The one gym i like and DD also does she feels like she will be with younger girls because she always sees level 9 and 10s on the website. The facility is three stories ( ones preschool though) and it's just huge. Its just a very hard drive, plus dropping her off, going home & cooking, going back, then bringing her home is 2 hours of driving her to and from gym.

Again it seems you have made your decision. No travel, rec it is.

 

[bookworm]

Would she consider another sport,such as acro, T and T , cheerleading etc...where she could still do "team" but height wouldn't knock her out? Given the situation you describe in how you've been treated, I couldn't imagine giving them another nickel but your 10 minute commute is unlikely to be duplicated and give your daughter the team aspect she wants....

....either accept that she's never going to be on team in your current gym and if she wants to continue rec classes, it is what it is......or cut your losses and move on to other more welcoming things for her...

 

[momnipotent]

Ive been thinking but my and my husb. both work full days 5 days a week and the thirty minute drive is just hard. We drive about 10 minutes. The one gym i like and DD also does she feels like she will be with younger girls because she always sees level 9 and 10s on the website. The facility is three stories ( ones preschool though) and it's just huge. Its just a very hard drive, plus dropping her off, going home & cooking, going back, then bringing her home is 2 hours of driving her to and from gym.

So your decision is made then-the drive is not worth it for you and there is no pathway to team for her at her current gym. At this point I think you need to come to grips with that decision-there's nothing wrong with not wanting to do more than you do already and I totally get it-my husband and I both work full time too (but opposite shifts) so I work 7:30-3:30 and he works 3:00-11:00 (and doesn't cook) so I am in charge of getting the boys out of the house in the morning, including breakfast, packing lunches (because of food allergies, one always has to bring lunch), dropping off, picking up, shuttle service 4 nights a week (because of course they can't practice the same days), making dinner, supervising homework, bedtime routine, etc. It's a lot, and I am TIRED most nights but I do it for my kids because I see what a difference gym (and especially team) has made in their lives and it is worth the extra effort and inconvenience for me.
If you want to make it work for your kid, you can and do make it work-I don't drive back and forth because with a 30+ minute drive it just isn't worth it, so I either stay at practice and work or help the non-practicing child with homework, run errands (thankfully have been able to schedule music and art classes in the same area for the child who isn't at practice, so I do more mom taxi service) but I also can get grocery shopping done-I bring insulated bags or a cooler so frozen stuff doesn't melt on the drive home. For Saturday when they are both at open gym, I go to the gym-if you only have the one child, perhaps that's an option for you-join a gym in the town where she practices and get your workout out of the way. For meals I make lots of crockpot meals and will put things together on the weekends so I can throw them in the oven or on the stove when we get home and they can do homework in the kitchen while I cook.

 

[GYM0M]

Are there other programs at the gym, I.e. A competitive cheer team, etc.? If they are strict on height, they are probably strict on skills, too. Is the one skill that's on/off a lvl 4 gateway skill, like a kip??

 

[duyetanh]

We will be driving a solid hour plus a few minutes one way come spring. No other choice. It is either that or quit for us. For my daughter, quitting is not an option.

How badly does your daughter want this is I guess what I am curious about...if she wants it bad enough, perhaps she can get over the dislike of the other gum. I know mine would if it was the only option, as gym is a huge part of her soul...

 

[beachgirl]

I'm just trying to think of logical reason why your daughter wasn't invited to the team. I know that at our former gym girls with good skills and proper form often weren't asked to join the team because of attitude or focus issues. Could it be an issue not related to gymnastics? A 30 minute commute isn't all that far, especially if she really wants to be on the team and it isn't happening where you are at. Our commute is 30 minutes and we bypass 3 other gyms on our way

 

[strawberries]

May I suggest scheduling a tryout at the other gym(s) just for the experience? Even if you are 99% sure the drive is too far, it is always a good thing to be exposed to other coaching styles, new feedback on the same skills, other gym cultures. I agree that a camp environment is not a good measure of a gym's regular practices, and it would probably be helpful for you to have more information about why your daughter might or might not make their teams as well, and it is never bad to have more full picture of your daughter's ability level, and strengths/weaknesses. I think coaches are often willing to give more feedback after an evaluation than your regular HC might.

And...you just might be surprised at how much you like one of the places

There is no downside to trying.

 

[2G1B]

I agree with trying the other gyms if for no other reason than to know if it is just your gym that says "no team" for her.

For my now 11 yo DD, when she was younger, she wanted to be on team. DS was on team; but she hadn't been invited. I mentioned to her actual coach that she wanted it and I kept being told she wasn't ready. She ended up taking a cheer tumbling class that was taught by the gym owner. He asked her to join the gym's cheer team, no trying out, she was on if she wanted it. She said that she didn't want to do it because she loved bars and beam and didn't want to basically just do floor. He took that well and then looked a little confused at us and asked, "If she wants to do gymnastics, why isn't she on our competitive team?" I said, "Because her coaches have said she wasn't ready..." He said, "What?! No, she is ready. If she wants it, her practice starts tomorrow at X time." She moved to pre-team the next day (was the end of season, so couldn't go on the actual competition at that time). A few weeks later levels were decided and she was put on the higher of the two levels that the pre-team fed.

I guess that what I'm saying is that sometimes, you just haven't been asking the right person. You don't want to be a pest; but as a 4 year customer you should be able to get an answer for what she needs to do to move to team since that is what she wants. Now, it is possible that you aren't seeing what the coaches see and maybe she isn't quite ready for level 5 (I honestly haven't seen many rec kids, even 4 years of rec) who are able to do all of the level 5 skills (I see a lot who have the floor; but definitely not the bars...). Does she have her kip? Even if she DOES have ALL level 5 skills, she will have to do level 4 first since it is required. If she has her kip then ask why they won't let her do level 4.

I will also say that we have some gyms in our area who absolutely do say that the kids have to meet certain criteria from pretty young and if you aren't level 4 by 8 years old (at the oldest) then you are NEVER going to move to their JO team. It just isn't going to happen. They have other options available for girls who don't meet their physical requirements or who are older; but it will never lead to JO. On the flip side, we have some gyms in our area that absolutely will give older girls a chance. Sometimes it is just checking out all of the gyms. And honestly, a 30 minute drive just doesn't strike me as that big of a deal. I get that it is tough with your work schedules; but I bet that you could possibly set up some carpooling. But, I live in an area where you pretty much factor 30 minutes for even short drives.

 

[thefellowsmom]

I am just going to be a downer here too and say that if you are struggling with a 3o minute commute at this stage when she is just starting out on the possibility of a team path then the JO path in this sport may be more than your family can handle. I know some will bash we for saying these things, but I am a firm believer that you can't just let a kid set their heart on this sport and then take it away down the road because your family can't handle the commitment. I wish that someone had told some of the parents at our gym what this would look like six years down the road when we started so they could have made a more educated decision.

My dd is now in the gym 25 hours a week, five days a week. She has early release from school and we travel to 3-4 meets per season that require plane tickets and that is not counting post season. Regionals, westerns, nationals all require additional travel on top of that should they qualify to whatever applies at their level. Just managing her nutrition and her aches and pains takes significant time and effort and appointments and money. Between both my kids I spend more time in the car than I can even comprehend. We are lucky we live close to our gym, but there are families that travel and hour each way, sometimes more if traffic is bad to get to our gym.

This path in this sport is not the the faint of heart, time or pocketbook. It takes serious commitment and sacrifice from the entire family and the passion and the commitment from gymnasts just grows over time. It becomes part of their souls. I hear parents all the time saying we would never do this or that and then two years later they are knee deep in the thick of things with the rest of us. And also those that didn't think it all through and find themselves in difficult and often heartbreaking situations down the road.

I am not saying this to scare you off, gymnastics is by far the best thing that ever happened to my child and has been very rewarding for our family because we have embraced it. In your situation though it sound like if your dd is passionate about giving team a try then really finding a gym that will put her on team is the only option. Level 5 skills really mean nothing. There are many rec kids at our gym (we have a HUGE rec program) who can do some of these skills (as 2g1b states, I have rarely seen a rec kid who can touch this level on bars) but would never be considered for team and our team is very open and inclusive. There is something they are seeing that you are not. It really is that simple. I am so sorry that they aren't willing to tell you what that is. That is very unprofessional and sucky.

But different programs have different requirements and different coaching styles and different cultures. It is all about finding the right fit for your child and your family. I would definitely say to give each of the other possible gyms a chance,. Have your dd attend a team tryout/evaluation/practice at all that may be an option. Each program within a gym will have a different vibe as well. Find out what each gym offers and figure out the best fit for your dd and your family. Just because she hated one camp or 30 mins seems a long way to drive you may be surprised at how you feel about it after seeing what their programs have to offer day in and day out or what they drive actually feels like daily.

Sounds like Xcel might be the perfect fit for her and for your family too as it requires less hours and is more inclusive of all age level and types of gymnasts with differing levels of commitment. Is there are gym that has an xcel program near you? Have to researched that at all. It is a wonderful program with a full team experience on less hours and commitment.

Good luck and sorry you are struggling with all this. Four years is a long time to commit to something without the result you are looking for. I really hope you find a way for your dd to continue to pursue this passion in a way that works for her and your family.

 

[Aussie_coach]

How tall is your DD? I have never heard of a gym having a specific height limit, but many gyms will knock a gymnast back from the team if they are too tall.

It's possible that they don't want too much of a height variance between the kids in the tram so they don't have to constantly change heights and setting of equipment, this is a poor reason, but it may be their reason.

Also how tall are the coaches? Often coaches are ex gymnasts, and gymnasts do tend to be on the shorter side, perhaps they feel they don't spot her safely if she gets to tall.

Her age may also play a factor, is she starting to go through puberty, or looking like she is about too? Girls bodies go through a very intense period of change from about the age of 11-13 and they are at their most vulnerable for injuries.

This is why teams will often prefer to take younger girls, making the transition from a low number of hours in a less intense training program of a rec class to a significantly increased number of hours and significantly increased level of intensity can exacerbate that issue and lead to many injuries.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

People, gyms have standards, they are allowed to do so. Without knowing or seeing the child in question, I think it unfair to jump on the ban wagon to bash a gym for not allowing a child on team. Every team only allows a few each year out of a very large pool of children. I can't imagine the owner of our gym having to meet with each child parent that is not accepted on team, it would be in the hundreds each year!

 

[Dr Maleficent]

People, gyms have standards, they are allowed to do so. Without knowing or seeing the child in question, I think it unfair to jump on the ban wagon to bash a gym for not allowing a child on team. Every team only allows a few each year out of a very large pool of children. I can't imagine the owner of our gym having to meet with each child parent that is not accepted on team, it would be in the hundreds each year!

People are not saying that the gym should put the OP's daughter on team, just that they explain their reasons - this is not unreasonable, it is good communication and better for the dd who will at least have a chance to understand. This doesn't have to be done by the owner- the child's coach should've able to spend 5 minutes to share this information. Gyms cost big bucks, a little communication shouldn't be too much to ask.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

People are not saying that the gym should put the OP's daughter on team, just that they explain their reasons - this is not unreasonable, it is good communication and better for the dd who will at least have a chance to understand. This doesn't have to be done by the owner- the child's coach should've able to spend 5 minutes to share this information. Gyms cost big bucks, a little communication shouldn't be too much to ask.

I agree, and the op stated that she has had conversations on several occasions with the coaches.

 

[GymAuntie]

I'm just trying to think of logical reason why your daughter wasn't invited to the team. I know that at our former gym girls with good skills and proper form often weren't asked to join the team because of attitude or focus issues. Could it be an issue not related to gymnastics? A 30 minute commute isn't all that far, especially if she really wants to be on the team and it isn't happening where you are at. Our commute is 30 minutes and we bypass 3 other gyms on our way

With all due respect to the op I wonder if her apathy shows through and that's what is keeping dd off the team. The reality here is we have an apathetic parent. She wants her daughter on team but doesn't want to do what is needed to make it happen (driving half an hour each way to a gym that wants her or putting her into a gym that's just too big nearby). I don't mean to be harsh, but some coaches take parental apathy into consideration when making team choices, and this goes for any sport. If I were a coach I would bypass a talented athlete with an apathetic parent unless I was desperate to fill my team because I don't know if the parent has the conviction to see it through. It makes zero difference if the kid has talent if the parent is going to quit when making it to practice or meets gets too hard.

Your daughter has her own set of apathy because there is another gym nearby that she doesn't want to attend. However if a child told me it's because she ended up in pain because of equipment, I wouldn't want her there either. Now if the reason is the size of the gym and not bad equipment, then your daughter doesn't want it either.

But the bottom line in my opinion is op isn't convicted enough to get her daughter into a gym where she can compete without equipment that hurts her. Some parents are just not that committed to their kids interests. It does happen more than it should and maybe there is truly a valid reason for it (and no I'm sorry but "it's just too hard" doesn't work for me). It's hard when a kid really wants something but the parent doesn't. I hope your child is able to find something you're both committed to because it is obvious to me that it is not gym. The current coach probably instinctively knows that and isn't having any part of it.

I'm in no way attacking you as a parent, but I'm trying to show enough respect to tell you why I think you're seeing the issue. You may not mean for them to know but I'm betting they do. If you really are committed and she is to, why not take her for a tryout at the gym 30 minutes away and then decide? Maybe knowing she can make a team will be good enough for her and she will move on. Or maybe you will figure out a way to make the commute work. My mother drives my niece 45 minutes each way to gym. She doesn't complain about it or make excuses about why it's a bad thing or hard. She just does it because my niece loves it. In the end you really only have 3 choices - stay in rec and make excuses about why she's not competing, commute and give it a try, or quit all together. Personally l hate excuses almost as much as I hate apathy so I know what I'd be doing.