Parents DD only one not allowed to do certain skills

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SHELOVESGYM

Proud Parent
Jul 7, 2015
205
DD (8) was so upset after practice tonight. She rarely cries about things like this but she was just heartbroken and devastated and couldn't fight back the tears. She has a new coach and the coach wouldn't let her do several skills that all of the others were allowed to do. DD is definitely one of the less strong/advanced members of her level 3, training level 4 group. Apparently (I wasn't there) everyone else was allowed to do front tucks into the pit, ariels into the pit and work on kips and she kept being told "that's too advanced for you, do a straight jump." When she did the tuck on the first try she was reprimanded for doing a skill too advanced for her. She used to do all of these with her old coach. I understand that HC is trying to keep her safe and perhaps thinks she's not ready for this. But for DD it was tough to be singled out. I think her old coach probably would have just spotted her on these things rather than telling her not to try at all. Any thoughts? Should I talk to the coach about it? I try not to be "that mom" -though this sport usually leads me to be "that mom."
 
This seems very strange to me. How can she get better or learn if she can never do anything. A straight jump is a level 1 skill, it seems demeaning. Of course, I'm not there or the coach, so just my opinion. But I would definitely have a meeting to see what's going on and what they're thinking. Even the weakest gymnasts at my dd's gym gets to try new things and uptrain so that they can improve and move up. I'd cry to, I think. How frustrating.
 
Unless you have reason to believe it's personal in some way, I would let it go.

My YDD (T&T) is training L7. Sometimes her HC goes a little weird and won't let her do anything past back drops, which are about a L2/3 skill. He says she's not ready. Other times she has been told she may not do certain skills at open gym because she's not doing them correctly even though plenty of kids "chuck" funky skills at open gym. It most certainly hurts her feelings. We've just taken the tactic that the coaches must have a reason and it's not a bad thing for them to have high expectations for her form.

I completely understand why both our DDs were upset by this treatment, but I used to try and talk to the coaches about it and I can say it went over like a lead balloon.
 
What happened to the old coach? Is he/she still around?
I have had to let it go, to quote the Frozen movie. Coaches know way more than I do about this crazy sport. Doesn't mean it doesn't bug me at times though, but the times it has happened, my kid actually gives me the reasons why unprompted.
 
It could be one of three things:
1. the coach is a jerk and does not like your daughter.
2. Your daughter is not ready for the skills the coach is having the other girls do and does not want your daughter to do them until she is ready for safety concerns.
3. Your daughter is telling you a version of the truth.

I would watch practice for yourself and if you are still concerned have non-confrontational talk with the coach. Good luck.
 
Did you wind up switching gyms?

If it is a new coach, I would try to take a deep breath and relax. Give the coach some time to get to know the capabilities of the group. That doesn't guarantee that your DD will be allowed to work these skills. It may be that the new coach has different expectations than the previous coach.

If your DD is in a group training for L4, the coach is almost certainly working on kips. It may be that your DD is not ready to work the actual skill, but she is likely working progressions so that she will be ready when the time is right.

DD has had coaches who let all the kids throw skills and she has had coaches who walk the girls through progressions and only let them move from basics to more advanced skills as they can show the coach that they can do that particular progression safely. If they cannot, they continue to work foundational skills and, in time, they all improve and eventually work those fun skills.

I am sorry your DD was sad. Try to manage her expectations and definitely take deep breaths yourself. Also, it is entirely possible that she feels like she was the only one, but there may well be teammates in the same boat with her. I know that my DD rarely notices what her teammates are working on, unless there is a specific reason for her to be watching. Otherwise, she is too focused on what she is doing to watch the other girls.
 
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What a bummer. My daughter is doing the same stuff these days and she said the coaches do not stop girls from working on those skills. I have seen them working on them at the pit and some girls can certainly do the skills better than others but no one seems to be stopping them.

Perhaps it's something your daughter can discuss with her coach directly and explain to him these are skills she has been doing prior with the old coach.
 
When my DD was 8 and training level 4, I remember also having these same feelings on certain days - "Why don't they think my DD is ready to do X?? Why is Susie getting to do that any not my DD??" Believe me, I questioned it in my mind. Fortunately, I didn't say anything to my daughter or the coaches. But I read lots of advice on here, and probably vented on here, too, in my well-meaning, but understandable naïveté!

I have now been in gym world long enough to realize that my DD was only doing straight jumps into the pit a zillion times because there was something small wrong with some part of her form (that I could not see as a parent) that, if she were allowed to advance past straight jumps, would build into form issues with the next level skill. Perhaps it was her power, timing, angle of entry, arm position or speed, leg tightness, who knows. But I do know she did tons of straight jumps into a pit for probably weeks or months, and they go back to straight jumps frequently for drills to focus on fundamental shapes (I'm guessing).

If you have a coach that is NOT letting your DD (or any gymnast) do higher skills before she is looking great on the 'building blocks' of those skills (like all the shapes in a straight jump, hurdle, round off, whatever..), count yourself lucky. You probably have a technically proficient coach with a great eye who sets a high bar for form and safety, and aims for girls to reach high levels of gymnastics success.

If you would prefer a coach who lets kids 'chuck' skills before perfecting the shapes and fundamental elements, there are plenty of those programs, too, and that's OK if your daughter would ultimately like that better.

Sure, as others pointed out, it could be this coach is blind, a jerk or idiot, or dislikes your DD in some way, but before I jumped to that conclusion, I would strongly consider the more likely case that the coach is mindful of every detail and working in your daughter's long term best interest.
 
How long has new coach been there? Maybe things will improve over time. I would be as encouraging as you can be with your child, because our kids take our cues from us....my dd had a level 2 coach that didn't honestly believe in her....but I never let her know how I felt about it, and always encouraged my child....we now talk about it and she knows there could possibly be times in the future I disagree with how coaches handle things as well as her not being happy, but overall, they do have her best interest at heart (and if I truly felt they did not, for ex, if they were being verbally abusive, well then we would switch gyms pronto). Luckily, she loves her gym. And to be honest, she has had to do building blocks for ages to correct crappy form and I am thrilled....I know it sounds harsh, but I really only care about my own child. And it has long been ingrained for her to only care about herself. She understands why she has had to backtrack at times, and wow is the end result so worth it!!!! :) :)
My two cents is to give it time and be patient. Good luck.
 
And I will add that pretty much any kid pulled from a playground can "do" a front 'tuck' (flip) into a pit (or into a pool or onto a bed..), or even some kind of aerial. Doing them with precision is the goal in competitive gymnastics, and precision means dissecting and working on all the tiny parts to perfection.

Even for kip, it may be that the glide swing or toes to bar action isn't up to par yet, and this coach doesn't want ugly bent-arm kips to result. I've noted very different methods of training kips, and lots of that discussion on here. Some coaches take the 'just keep trying it until you get a bent-arm one and then we'll work on straight arms' while others take a different path with more drills, but when the kip happens it is straight arm much sooner. Could be you have a coach of the latter variety...
 
And I will add that pretty much any kid pulled from a playground can "do" a front 'tuck' (flip) into a pit (or into a pool or onto a bed..), or even some kind of aerial. Doing them with precision is the goal in competitive gymnastics, and precision means dissecting and working on all the tiny parts to perfection.

Even for kip, it may be that the glide swing or toes to bar action isn't up to par yet, and this coach doesn't want ugly bent-arm kips to result. I've noted very different methods of training kips, and lots of that discussion on here. Some coaches take the 'just keep trying it until you get a bent-arm one and then we'll work on straight arms' while others take a different path with more drills, but when the kip happens it is straight arm much sooner. Could be you have a coach of the latter variety...
This. Omg the time my kid spent on the glide swing...I probably could have got my master's degree....:confused:
 
If I heard this story from my daughter, I would be almost 100% certain that what had really happened was that the girls had been required to do a straight jump into the pit that met some requirements for form, amplitude, etc. before working on front tucks, and my daughter had failed to meet those requirements. Pretty much every time she comes home from practice complaining that "it's not fair" or "Coach thinks I am no good," it turns out that some variation of this scenario has occurred. If my kid did a front tuck after being told not to, she'd be severely reprimanded or worse for not following directions and engaging in unsafe behavior (the entire team was warned that misbehavior in and around the pit is grounds for being kicked off the team). If you are worried, you might surreptitiously observe a practice or two to see what is really going on.
 
If my kid did a front tuck after being told not to, she'd be severely reprimanded or worse for not following directions and engaging in unsafe behavior (the entire team was warned that misbehavior in and around the pit is grounds for being kicked off the team).

Agree 100%. And I would not want my daughter in a gym that permitted kids to ignore coach instructions.

Another perspective that comes to mind on the 'but everyone else is allowed to do it' angle, is that, overwhelmingly, parents WANT (or think they want) their kid to be in a group of more advanced gymnasts. The hope is that the more advanced gymnasts will inspire our kid and our kid will be both motivated to work harder, as well as have better gymnasts to visually observe and emulate in form. As soon as our kid becomes the more advanced in a group, the complaints about 'why is my kid in a group with these less advanced kids who need more help' inevitably start to pour in.

Of course, each kid is different, and what parents (or coaches) may think is ideal doesn't always work out best for their child. If my child was in a group that was outpacing her over time, and I could see that the net effects were demotivating, then that is a discussion I might raise with a coach.
 
I think it sounds like different coaching style. Sounds like the new coach is strong on progressions, and that means the gymnast has to perform the first progressive skill satisfactorily before moving on to the next.

We had a similar coaching transition last year (going from everyone gets to try all skills disregarding progressions to a very specific progressive training environment where dd doesn't get to try kips on bars until she's completed x number of perfect glides.). I promise this is a good thing!! She hated it at first and it felt "unfair" because the other girls on her team got to move on when she didn't, but once we got her to understand how things worked, it lit a fire under her. And guess what? She perfected her glides and got her kip asap.
 
Did you wind up switching gyms?
.

We didn't end up switching because the other gym didn't feel that the timing was right for the switch.
If I heard this story from my daughter, I would be almost 100% certain that what had really happened was that the girls had been required to do a straight jump into the pit that met some requirements for form, amplitude, etc. before working on front tucks, and my daughter had failed to meet those requirements. Pretty much every time she comes home from practice complaining that "it's not fair" or "Coach thinks I am no good," it turns out that some variation of this scenario has occurred. If my kid did a front tuck after being told not to, she'd be severely reprimanded or worse for not following directions and engaging in unsafe behavior (the entire team was warned that misbehavior in and around the pit is grounds for being kicked off the team). If you are worried, you might surreptitiously observe a practice or two to see what is really going on.


Thanks for all of the feedback -this is all helpful. Just to clarify -DD did a front tuck when the group was told that was what they should do and BEFORE she was instructed that she was not included in this. DD is a MAJOR rule follower so I believe her that she didn't know that she was not being instructed to do front tucks like the rest of the group.
 
And yes, I am hoping that this coach is more focused on form than the last coach, as I definitely felt that our girls had the worst form of all the gyms last season. I am hoping this coach can help DD improve on form. Again, thanks for all the responses.
 
As a coach, I definitely hold certain kids back from doing certain skills until their progressions and drills show me that they're ready. Yeah, sometimes that stinks for an individual gymnast but ultimately my job is to keep them safe and to have them learn gymnastics in a progressive, sound way. I wouldn't be a responsible coach if I let them chuck stuff, putting themselves at risk.

As a parent, my own kid has been subjected to this lots of times as she is a "chucker" who loves to throw skills. There has been many, many times that I have seen her excluded from certain progressions because she didn't do the successions right. I'm not going to tell you it doesn't sting at times, because it does (we all want our kids to be special!) but logically I knew it was the right coaching decision. Trust the coach. Clearly he/she is seeing something that needs to be addressed and trust me, you will want it addressed NOW at L3/4 rather than try to push ahead and learn thing incorrectly....
 
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