WAG DD wants to quit, but she doesn't!!!

[Lucy's Mom]

My dd is 14, level 9/10. She is supposed to compete level 10 next season. She seems to be very conflicted. She says she doesn't want to quit but she also doesn't want to go to gym. She says that she wakes up in the morning and says to herself, "I don't feel like going... Why am I going if I don't feel like it?" She also says that some days are just so long and terrible. Today she came home and said in a very excited voice, "I am so close to my routines!! I made 5 perfect beam level 10 routines and my yeagers are getting so much more consistent! I had a wonderful day!" But yesterday she came home almost in tears saying how her coach was mad at her and that she had a horrible day and couldn't hit any skills. She also constatntly complains about being too tired. So I don't know what to tell her or how to help! Some days she LOVES gymnastics and other days she HATES it! She has also had many injuries in the past 3 years (broken growth plate in ankle, broken wrist, strained back... Ect) and says she is sick and tired of getting hurt.

Help!

 

[Mag_7_Fan96]

Maybe she could change gyms? It seems like the coaching style may not be the right fit.

 

[MeetDirector]

change gyms? really? If the gym she is at got her to level 10, I don't think that is the solution. How about this - she is 14! Skills are getting tougher; demands on her time are getting greater; the body is changing; shall I go on? This is one of those times to just roll with it.

Good Luck.

 

[hawaii_gymnast]

Is she going into her first year of high school? This can play a big role, demands of school are higher and she might want more time for social events. I would make sure that she knows that it is fully her choice and you will be happy and still love her know matter what she chooses. I would suggest taking a little break, whether it be a week or two or a couple of months, then if she is missing it she can go back if not then she doesn't have too. I would encourage her to talk to her coaches about what is going on and maybe they can step back and take some pressure off, or at the very least no what she is going through. Even though the coaches got her to L10 doesn't necessarily mean she is in the right place, see if she wants to try out another gym. Do the number of days loving it outnumber the number that she hates it? Most teenagers go through this stage, I did right before starting high school, whatever the choice is let it be hers.

 

[MaryA]

Somebody with older kids than mine might speak to this, bit don't 14-year-olds and mood swings go together like peanut butter and jelly? Has she committed to this meet season? Have you bought a leotard and/or paid meet fees? I suspect if nothing else, her team is already counting on her for the upcoming season. Tell her she's committed for this season and, if she still wants to quit when the season is over, you'll support her. Generally I'm in the "If the kid wants to quit, let her" camp, but a 14-year-old level 10 who is running hot and cold... It just seems like quitting is something she'll regret. Regret in a bigger way than most of us regret something (or multiple somethings) in our past...wish we had kept up with those piano lessons or learned French or whatever. You know? I would also talk to her coach(es) because chances are he/she/they have seen this kind of thing before and might know how to deal with it. If they think everything is fine, they might let her butt up against a skill to the point of frustration figuring she can handle it, but if they know she's going home and talking about quitting, they might be able to redirect her sooner, keep things upbeat, etc.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[Lucy's Mom]

Yes she is going into her first year of High school and meet fees and uniform fees aren't due yet, they start competing in January I believe... The number of bad and good days are normally pretty even but she will have weeks were everyday is slow and terrible and off (words from my dd) and some weeks that are awesome and fantastic (again, words from my dd). Changing gyms would be a challenge as we live walking distance from our gym and the other nearest is a 30 min drive, plus she does love her gym.

The weird part is that if I ask, "Do you want to quit?" she answers with something like this, "Even if I really wanted to I don't think I could make myself leave a sport that I've done for over 10 years, all the hard work and commitment would all go to the trash. Plus I love my friends and hitting a perfect routine or the feeling I get when I catch a Yeager. But I do sorta wanna quit..."

 

[gymnast695]

I went through the same thing a few years ago, and honestly time off was the best solution. If it's possible to go on vacation or take a few weeks off and rest and relax, definitely do it. Of course it's probably not possible with the training demands of level 10, but talk to the coaches and explain she needs a little break. It'll help wonders, and I bet she'll realize how much she loves doing gymnastics, being at the gym with friends, etc. All my aches and pains disappeared and it got me begging to go back and once I was back in the gym I not only enjoyed myself but I definitely improved too. Good luck, I hope she sticks with it!

 

[fliptwisttwirl]

I agree with gymnast695. I didn't get to practice almost all summer because of family trips and now that I'm back in the gym I'm so excited and ready to work! And my body can handle more too after having a month and a half off.. Maybe a small break would help.

 

[gymgal]

The weird part is that if I ask, "Do you want to quit?" she answers with something like this, "Even if I really wanted to I don't think I could make myself leave a sport that I've done for over 10 years, all the hard work and commitment would all go to the trash. Plus I love my friends and hitting a perfect routine or the feeling I get when I catch a Yeager. But I do sorta wanna quit..."

there's your answer. She's just being moody, like a typical teen and probably wants a bit of empathy. She may need a little break. Maybe talk with the coaches about it. Cut out 1 day of practice for a month or so to give her a little more down time. Tough at level 10, I'm sure but if it means she goes to the gym in a better mood, then it would be worth it. But honestly, I think it is like everything else we find hard, we like to complain about it because it makes us feel better. It doesn't mean we are not going to continue to work hard for the reward, we just need to vent....

 

[ALgymMom]

I have a 13 year old about to do her 1st year of 10. I can always tell when she needs a mental/physical vacation! I don't care what the coach says either, momma knows best! Sounds like the case here. I'd take her out a week & go do something fun!

 

[Aussie_coach]

It doesn't really sound like she wants to quit yet, one of the best pieces of advice that I was ever given is "don't make a decision when you are feeling down". Tell her to wait until one of the good days and then ask herself "Will I miss this?"

One day she will find something else in her life to fill the big hole that gymnastics would leave if she stopped now, then when she asked herself that question she could honestly say she is ready.

When she does decide to move on there is no need to throw away all the years of hard work. She could try cheer, dance, diving, trampoline, tumbling, team gym, acro, martial arts and any number of other pursuits where her gymnastics would be invaluable.

 

[BlairBob]

Sometimes, it might just help to give her a week off. Whether, she gets to be around the house or go somewhere. Send her to a relatives or a camp, church weekend getaway, whatever.

And yes, she is probably just being a teenage girl. Having a coach that understands, maybe gives them a hug might be helpful. Or friendly teammate.

 

[wallinbl]

The weird part is that if I ask, "Do you want to quit?" she answers with something like this, "Even if I really wanted to I don't think I could make myself leave a sport that I've done for over 10 years, all the hard work and commitment would all go to the trash. Plus I love my friends and hitting a perfect routine or the feeling I get when I catch a Yeager. But I do sorta wanna quit..."

Sounds like frustration and doubt, which we all get when something is harder than we want it to be. I hope she sticks through it and comes out the other end, both for the reward of it and for the general life lesson about perseverance. I would just tell her that those feelings will come and go in life and that she needs to evaluate decisions on the whole, not just on the current rough patch.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

change gyms? really? If the gym she is at got her to level 10, I don't think that is the solution. How about this - she is 14! Skills are getting tougher; demands on her time are getting greater; the body is changing; shall I go on? This is one of those times to just roll with it.

Good Luck.

you took the words right out of my mouth. and from now until junior year she will "quit" 25 times mentally. it's part of the tradition of gymnastics.

 

[GymBee97]

sounds like a typical Teen mood swings. It sounds like she still wants to do it but with that 1st year in HS she can now see things at school she is missing out on too to do gym. I would guess some of her new HS friends do clulbs and other after school stuff she can't do.

It sounds to me like a little break from gymnastics might be good. I know with my son when he hit 13 and got moody we asked him if he wanted some time off from practice for the summer - he told us yup but he might loose skills. I told him that's ok they would come back quickly. so he asked to go to a few different camps that summer and He loved them but ended up going back to gym and loved it so much that at 20yo he is now one of the team coaches (has been since Jr year in HS) He loves coaching but sitll wishes he could compete. His team is very good and he takes great pride in the boys accomplishments.

Is just a phase, but see if she wants a lilttle break even if it means slowing down. Try to balance some time with HS friends, HS dances etc.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

or take an extra day off in the week for several weeks. easy fix and usually snaps them out of their funk.

 

[gym law mom]

Has she had a physcial recently? You mentioned she felt tired alot so make sure she's not anemic or there isn't an underlying cause for the fatigue. I agree with the others in working off some time away from the gym especially once school starts even if its just going to a football game with her friends. Does them a world of good.

 

[BlairBob]

Anemia is always something to look out for when dealing with female athletes, especially if they are in their teens, sometimes even preteens.

 

[GymBee97]

Anemia is always something to look out for when dealing with female athletes, especially if they are in their teens, sometimes even preteens.

Yes once my now 15 yo DD got her period evey year now she seems to end up anemic around Feb (the hight of comp season here ) and it takes about 5 weeks of taking Iron to get her back to normal. Her DR now has her blood tested every 3 months to make sure her iron levels aren't dropping and she has her take One-A-Day for Teen girls with Iron. That has made a world of difference for her in both her iron levels, her blood chemistry and her moodyness.

 

[Lucy's Mom]

Dd had some blood work done a few weeks ago and we have an appointment with her doctor this week, excuse my ignorance/forgetfulness but my mind sort of forgot to connect those things (being tired and something like low iron or something else.) I always just blame gym!

I do think I'm going to have her take off Fridays to go out with friends, just for a few weeks, I'll have to talk to the HC...