Parents Definitely not getting a nod for mother of the year...

[mamaoftwo]

So, DD has her first gym fear. Over the summer, while being spotted on cast to handstand, DD's coach pushed her over the bar. Apparently, she wasn't getting vertical and coach wanted her to understand it was "ok" to go further. Well, it backfired as DD freaked out, let go of the bar, and landed on her back. She got the wind knocked out of her. I wasn't there when it happened, so to add to this, now DD doesn't want me to leave her practices.

To add to this even more, it has also translated to handstands on the beam, as well... A skill she "had" before this happened. I feel awful for DD, she has worked so hard.

Anyhow, her fear has really come into play since the school year started. I think she's a bit more tired, making her more emotional. This past Monday, DD cried before practice and coach had to grab her to get her to go onto the floor.

Thursday, DD panicked again. Claimed to have a headache, tummy ache, etc. She has anxiety, and these are her normal complaints when she wants to avoid something. I was frustrated, I admit, and (again) told her that we made a commitment and that she needed to go. I said everyone has fears, and that being brave is working through them. Told her that she'll be so proud when she gets it. That we'd talk to coach (again, had already talked to her on Monday) and make sure she's extra careful... anyway, I made her go to gym. I stayed, as my younger son also had a tot class. Well, DD cried all the way through bars. Went to floor. Cried again. Coach sent her to get a tissue. DD had a complete breakdown in the bathroom and began to hyperventilate. I called my husband to pick her up. My heart broke, and couldn't help but feel frustrated over it and I was snuggling/comforting DD.

Well, 20 minutes later, my husband called. DD had a temp of 102. Thus, she was sick. I felt like a jerk. She'd felt warm, but she'd worn her full track suit in school all day (temp was 70 degrees), and she was upset, so I thought she was simply warm from that. Uggg - I hate myself.

Anyway, we skipped her "optional" 3rd practice day yesterday, and she stayed home from school. I gave her extra love and attention. I still feel like a jerk.

So, I suppose the future thermometer use will be required in a similar situation. Though I am still not sure how to handle the fear thing beyond continuing to encourage her. Is this something to consider pulling her for? She has some inborn anxiety. I thought perhaps this could help her learn to handle it in a healthy way (psychologist concurred), now I am second-guessing myself. She's a 7 year old preteam kid ("level 3").

Thanks for reading.
-Jerkymamaoftwo

 

[Faith]

Don't be too hard on yourself- we all have parenting moments we wish we could take back when hindsight shows us we were just plain wrong.

In similar situations myself I tend to sit down with DD, apologise for not realising/not asking her for her feelings, and telling her if she feels I am wrong or making her do something she doesn't want to she should just come out and tell me next time. If she's crying in the gym then we (you) have things to talk about to fix it. I tend to talk things through- what's the worst that could happen, and how do we stop it happening. Big soft mat under the bar for example so she can't wind herself.

Children are more forgiving though, it'll be forgotten soon enough..

 

[lilgymmie7]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. It is very heart breaking to see our babies hurting. It is more heart breaking when their hurt is emotional. It will take some time, but don't pull her. Your DD's psychologist agrees that gym is good for her? If he/she does that should be your guidance point.
I made the mistake of pulling my DS at first from wrestling. Every meet I worry about his emotional status. However, his psychiatrist has told me that through wrestling he will learn life skills that will translate to his overall life. I have to agree with her. After all we have trusted her in all since DS was 7. He is now 13. It's hard when you have an anxiety ridden child. Don't beat youself up! I know I have made a lot of mistakes with DS. But what I do know is that he KNOWS that I love him more than anything. He will point out when I am MEAN, but he melts into my arms every day. Keep doing what you are doing. You know your DD better than anyone. You are not a 'jerk'! Smile, breathe in, and keep going!!

 

[MaryA]

One of my twins, (my drama queen dancer, not my even-keeled gymnast), as a baby, used to scream bloody murder when I put her in the stroller. One day I put her in her stroller, buckled her in, and she started to scream. I ignored her and proceeded to buckle her sister into the stroller. The fever-pitch of Tory's screams made me look at her a little closer. I had buckled the sweet baby skin of her sweet baby neck into the shoulder harness! I felt like the worlds worst mother EVER! Bottom line, we've all done it (at least that's what I tell myself). If Tory didn't scream every time I put her in the stroller, I would have realized what I had done right away. If your daughter hadn't been having issues about going to gym, you wouldn't have missed the signals that she was sick. We make decisions based on the information we have on hand, and we have to trust that our kids will forgive us when we get it wrong. Now, the dozen-or-so mothers at the gym whose daughters are out sick next week... THEY may not forgive you...

 

[mamaoftwo]

Thanks for the support! It's nice to know I am not completely alone here. Specifically:

Faith: Thanks! I did have a talk with DD about it, and explained why I made the decision that I did. We discussed how we should approach it differently in the future. I think she's ok with it now - she's forgiven me, but sometimes it's hardest to forgive ourselves.

Lilgymmie: Yes, actually at her very last appointment I mentioned it as the fear was in the beginning stages. She thought that having my DD learn to cope with THAT will help overall in getting her understand that fear/anxiety can be overcome (on some level, anyway).

MaryA: Oh, your poor DD! Yes, we all make those sorts of mistakes. You're completely right. Had DD not been prone to these "symptoms", then I would have handled it differently. And I had to do the gym version of the "walk of shame", as my husband called I still had almost an hour to wait for my DS (while DD's group still practiced), so I after made sure to apoligize in advance to them for the germs. Oh, I feel bad all around. They were quite forgiving, though (at least to my face!).

Thanks again!

 

[mayestra12]

Just wanted to add that I also have an L3 dd age 7 with diagnosed anxiety. She has "meltdowns" just about every practice prior to going in the gym. I've thought about taking her out but the bottom line is that she loves it and wants to be there. I've come to terms with the fact that the coaches have to come and get her to go in for practice. I try to think of it like an accommodation that a teacher would make in a classroom for a child with a specific need.

I'm sure I've made a ton of mistakes while trying to deal with the anxiety. What I know now is that it's ok for the coaches to get her, it's ok if other parents don't understand and give me "the look", and I will never ever ever again threaten to take her off the team if she doesn't go in to practice by herself. In time, it will get better.

So sorry about the fever. I'm sure I would have done the same thing.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

These things happen and you just have to let it go.... Motherhood is fraught w/guilt! I still feel horribly guilty over the way I reacted to a flood in our basement 22 years ago. My son was only 2 years old at that time, he walked downstairs and saw all the water and in typical 2 year old fashion started questioning nonstop about what was happening.... I was already hysterical about all the damage and just yelled at the poor little guy. I still have heart pangs about it! Anyway, back to the topic.....

Yes, if she hadn't been "playing sick" you would have taken her much more seriously when she was sick. Maybe now is a good time for "The Little Boy who Cried Wolf" story? We still use that story in 5th grade!!!

Fears... welcome to gymnastics! I honestly do not believe any coach/owner who proudly says that they've NEVER had a girl/boy who's developed fear issues. As the kids get older and smarter, they naturally realize that "hey, I could really kill myself doing some of these tricks." Welcome to being "mental!" OR, they get hurt doing something new, or even something they've done millions of time, and once again... welcome to being "mental." The issue then becomes, can they get over it? Or will the wall become too much to get over? THAT's where great coaching will either make or break a gymnast. Unfortunately for my DD, her one gym didn't deal with it, whereas another one helped her to get over it and keep progressing.

Hopefully your coaches will back her up and go through all the progressions she needs to feel successful once again. Keep us posted on her progress!!

 

[Bella's Mom]

I think a lot of us have done somthing similar so I hope you don't beat yourself up for it.

My daughter was feeling ill one morning so I kept her home from school. By noon, she was feeling fine, jumping up and down, begging to be let outside, etc. Come gym time, we went. That night she crashed again. Woke up the next morning and went to the doc. Strep. Thankfully, none of her teammates were infected.

It does make you feel like a worm.....

 

[Deanna]

So sorry that you and your DD had to go through that. Like others have said we have ALL had things like that happen. And Im sure we all will have them happen again. Dont beat yourself up about it. I hope your DD gets to feeling better soon. Hopefuly she will learn to express herself to you a little better as she matures and learns to deal with her anxiety.

 

[gymmomof1]

Yup I have been there too sending a kid to school and going to get them because they are sick - hind sight is 20/20 lol. As for the anxiety please check out Doc Ali (headgames is the name of the website). She is really good! She came to our gym to work with the girls on fear issues, being confident and how life relates to gymnastics. She also spoke with the parents on how to support the kids. My Dd just took out the paper from the summer session with dr Ali because she was anxious about a skill on beam and it got her to re-focus and she did it. Hope this helps

 

[Krystan]

As a parent of an anxiety-ridden dd, I feel your pain! We have had crying before gym this whole week, and I've forced her to go every day. She says she "hates it" because she is the only one who doesn't have her kip yet. I tell her we don't give up because it's hard. I feel like a terrible parent, but I do feel like working through this issue would be better for her than saying it's okay to give up because she's not the best one there. If it's not gymnastics, it'll be whatever else she chooses to do. Gymnastics really can build life skills - I'm just not sure how much more I can take - it stinks to have to force them like that! That Headgames site looks really good, gymmomof1.

But about her really being sick - I think we've all been there! I'm sure she'll forgive you - hope she's feeling better soon.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

the kids 'want' you to force them periodically. it's called discipline. without adults, kids would have nothing to do and most would fail in school.

 

[Krystan]

the kids 'want' you to force them periodically. it's called discipline. without adults, kids would have nothing to do and most would fail in school.

A couple of years ago I would have disagreed with you dunno, but I think you're right, to an extent. Last year dd actually said to me, "Why didn't you force me to stick with gymnastics back when I was 6? I could be level 7 or 8 by now." I do feel like if I allowed her to quit right now like she "wants" to, she will regret it big time in a month or two.

 

[sportzmomov3]

We've all been there. How many on here have sent their DD/DS to a meet not knowing she had a fever? (Raising my hand). How many have poo-poo'd some tears and complaints about something hurting, only to find out something was fractured/broken (Raising my hand). Parenting is a job of balance - when to push, when not to... The real lesson is that nothing worth achieving comes easily and the feeling that comes with overcoming a challenge is worth far more than quitting and feeling "better." You're not anything but human and obviously you love your DD very much. It won't be the last time you feel like you made a mistake - it comes with the territory, but it doesn't make you a bad mom! Keep gently pushing and giving hugs when needed, but don't let her give up unless her passions truly don't lie in gymnastics - then find some other activity that will allow her to be challenged and learn life lessons. Hugs for you - now stop beating yourself up over this!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

life is hard...gymnastics life even more.

 

[cathiann]

A couple of years ago I would have disagreed with you dunno, but I think you're right, to an extent. Last year dd actually said to me, "Why didn't you force me to stick with gymnastics back when I was 6? I could be level 7 or 8 by now." I do feel like if I allowed her to quit right now like she "wants" to, she will regret it big time in a month or two.

Count me here! I was in dance as a kid and wanted to quit, so my mom let me. I SO wish she had made me continue--get me out of my comfort zone a little.