Parents Did I overreact?

[IreneKa]

Some background first. Most of you know my DD's struggles with her back. It's been going on for almost 2 years now. Stress fracture first, then stress reaction. Her back pain is still on and off. We switched her to Xcel this season, because she hasn't been completely pain free since March. Her last MRI was mostly clear, so the doctor gave her okay to continue gymnastics on DD's current schedule (only 5 hrs\week), but said to try and limit the repetitions of the back skills, and avoid the skills that make her back hurt. It's been going pretty well, since Xcel allows for skills flexibility, so she was able to avoid the worse skills, like BWO and such.

Last week after one practice DD was particularly glum and said her back hurt. I asked what made it hurt, because I always tell her to pay attention, and if her back starts hurting after a particular skill, to try and avoid it in the future. She said it started hurting after conditioning, particularly after something she called "arch up". That didn't sound good to me. I'm not a gymnast myself, but that sounded like something to do with back arching, which we are trying to avoid as much as possible. I asked, why didn't you tell the coach you can't do that? She said, whenever I tell him something like that, he says "don't tell me your back hurts, just do it".

I was pretty upset by that comment, and by the fact that DD's back was hurting more again. I was planning to talk to that coach after the next practice, but he wasn't there that day. I kept thinking about it, and thought maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe I'm overreacting. So I did a quick google search on "arch up" and "back pain", and of course the first article that comes up is the one from http://www.hybridperspective.com/ which is my go-to site for everything back related, and the author of this site is actually DD's current PT.
Here is the article:
http://www.hybridperspective.com/20...ioning-contributing-to-back-pain-in-gymnasts/

After reading it I got even more upset. Not only this sounded like an awful exercise for someone still recovering from the back injury, but sounds like it's something that should be avoided all together.
So, I decided not to wait until the next practice. I sent e-mail to team manager, and asked her to forward it to all DD's coaches. I explained what happened, and told them that DD should avoid any exercises that make her back hurt, and listen to her if she tells them she can't do something. I also included the link to the article. I thought they should know that this it not the best conditioning exercise for anybody. And I also mentioned that the person who wrote the article is DD's PT, and if they have any questions they could email him, and gave his email address (he did give me his permission to share his email with DD's coaches).

Anyways, last night after practice DD was upset with me. She said, mom, you overreacted with that email, now they won't let me do anything.
So, I wanted to ask other parent, what do you think? Did I overreact? Do they now think I'm a crazy mom, so let's just not let her DD do anything, so the mom won't get upset again?
Or is it my fault, and I should have communicated more with them sooner? I tried to keep them informed on DD's condition as much as I could, but I didn't want to bother them too often. I assumed it was clear that a kid who spent the last two summers in a back brace should not be doing too much back arching.

 

[bogwoppit]

At one point in my gymnasts life I told her coaches she could no longer do any arching skills. One took it with grace, the other sulked and acted like dd was faking it. That attitude continued until DD quit. Well tough, I did not care. Coaches are not MD's, they need to let kids listen to their bodies and not punish them.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing. But thankfully, I know that my coaches would have been much better about it.
You did the right thing. They will get past it.
Ask her specifically what she meant by "they wouldn't let me ANYTHING". I am sure they didn't have her sit out, but maybe they truly are just trying to be "overcautious". If there is one headcoach that you can talk to when you drop off or pick up, someone who will listen, I'd start a conversation, and see what their take on your email truly was. I mean, you don't want to come across as CGM, but, this is your daughter's back you're talking about.

 

[profmom]

I think the only thing you might have done is talk to them rather than emailing, but it was important to address this immediately. Follow up with a conversation and frame it as "you are the experts on coaching but my DD's expert PT has made it clear that some of these activities are not healthy for her." My guess is that someone took umbrage at a perceived criticism of their coaching and, if your DD's report is accurate, the response is quite passive aggressive.

 

[sevenatenine2]

I think you did the right thing.

I think the reaction of her coaches went one of two ways.

1. The coaches got the email, were strictly cautioned to be careful with her and have now realized how serious the issue is.


OR

2. They got the email, decided you were a CGM, and are being turkeys and not letting her do much of anything because "it might hurt your back." Basically, just being difficult about the whole thing.

It's hard to say, but I hope it's number one.

 

[IreneKa]

I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing. But thankfully, I know that my coaches would have been much better about it.
You did the right thing. They will get past it.
Ask her specifically what she meant by "they wouldn't let me ANYTHING". I am sure they didn't have her sit out, but maybe they truly are just trying to be "overcautious". If there is one headcoach that you can talk to when you drop off or pick up, someone who will listen, I'd start a conversation, and see what their take on your email truly was. I mean, you don't want to come across as CGM, but, this is your daughter's back you're talking about.

One example of "anything" she gave me was FHS vault. I didn't prompt her further, not sure if she was sitting out vault, or working on her half-on vault. The latter would be fine with me.
At the end of the practice, when I came to pick up, they were on the floor doing tumbling, and she was working on her ROBT. Which is again fine with me, the sooner she gets it, the sooner she can leave ROBHS out of her floor routine.
I'm not sure what else, she just said they were working on some "fun" things that she wasn't allowed to do. She was already upset with me, so I didn't want to pry too much.

 

[IreneKa]

I think the only thing you might have done is talk to them rather than emailing, but it was important to address this immediately. Follow up with a conversation and frame it as "you are the experts on coaching but my DD's expert PT has made it clear that some of these activities are not healthy for her." My guess is that someone took umbrage at a perceived criticism of their coaching and, if your DD's report is accurate, the response is quite passive aggressive.

The reason I chose email was first, I wanted it to reach all her coaches, not just that one, because some of the ACs are new, and might not be aware of DD's issues. And second reason, I wanted them to read that article. I didn't want to tell them how to do their job, but I thought this was something they should think about.

 

[skschlag]

I think you handled that well. WE had the same conversation with my son's coaches. NO bridges, no walkovers. limited backhandsprings. Everything else is up to him.

Hopefully your coaches will learn to trust her....I think that is the key..

 

[profmom]

The reason I chose email was first, I wanted it to reach all her coaches, not just that one, because some of the ACs are new, and might not be aware of DD's issues. And second reason, I wanted them to read that article. I didn't want to tell them how to do their job, but I thought this was something they should think about.

I understand that, but coaches -- really any professionals -- can be sensitive if they feel like lay people are criticizing the way they do their jobs. Even if one is as tactful as humanly possible, some people will still take offense if they perceive it as "here's some thing I found on the internet that shows you're doing it all wrong."

Good luck. I hope you can develop a good working relationship with them that will enable your daughter to continue safely.

 

[Popcorn]

CGM can stand for Concerned Gym Mom too, especially regarding your child's body. I think you did the right thing. You're her advocate and she will need that spine for a very long time.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I see it the same way as profmom.
No, you didn't overreact as far as protecting your DDs back but I have to say that as a coach, I would not be overly enthusiastic about a parent e-mailing not only me, but ALL the coaches an article informing us that we are doing something the writer and she feels is incorrect. Letting me know what your child's restrictions are is no problem at all, I will work with that.
As far as what exercises are proper for training, there are as many "expert opinions" on that as there are "experts". Just like child rearing.
FWIW, if you send a strongly worded e-mail cautioning your DD cannot do any arching, then yes, FHS vault would be out unless she is EXTREMELY proficient at it and can do it with no arch whatsoever. We have a kid in our Xcel group that isn't allowed to do any arching and she also is not allowed to do FHS, vault or floor. She does stretch jumps and progresses to front tucks on top of mats instead. So don't be upset with the coaches for following your request.
Again, not overreacting with protecting your Dd, not at all, and I have no clue how the email was worded, but I do think it would have been better handled as a conversation (with her HC) without the added article. Just my 2c.

 

[IreneKa]

I see it the same way as profmom.
No, you didn't overreact as far as protecting your DDs back but I have to say that as a coach, I would not be overly enthusiastic about a parent e-mailing not only me, but ALL the coaches an article informing us that we are doing something the writer and she feels is incorrect. Letting me know what your child's restrictions are is no problem at all, I will work with that.
As far as what exercises are proper for training, there are as many "expert opinions" on that as there are "experts". Just like child rearing.
FWIW, if you send a strongly worded e-mail cautioning your DD cannot do any arching, then yes, FHS vault would be out unless she is EXTREMELY proficient at it and can do it with no arch whatsoever. We have a kid in our Xcel group that isn't allowed to do any arching and she also is not allowed to do FHS, vault or floor. She does stretch jumps and progresses to front tucks on top of mats instead. So don't be upset with the coaches for following your request.
Again, not overreacting with protecting your Dd, not at all, and I have no clue how the email was worded, but I do think it would have been better handled as a conversation (with her HC) without the added article. Just my 2c.

Thank you for your honest opinion. Looking at it this way, yes, maybe sending it to all coaches was a bit overboard. It's just, there is no defined "head coach" for Xcel. There is owner\HC for the entire gym, but she mostly works with JO. Xcel is kind of on the side with two main coaches and a few ACs who come and go. So, I wanted to make sure my message reaches all those new coaches, who might not know DD's situation. Will try to think this through next time.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I don't think you overreacted, as a mom I would have felt the same way. Sometimes I do think coaches don't always take a medical issue as seriously as they should. For instance, our gym doesn't allow any braces without a doctor's note, they say it weakens the muscles. Of course there will be conflicts from time to time between parents and coaches b/c as parents our first instinct is to protect them and as coaches I think their first instinct is to push them to be their personal best in the sport. I would say after your email they are probably being overly cautious now, but overly cautious is better than not taking her pain seriously. If you find that it continues to be an issue, maybe a note from her doctor or therapist outlining exactly what she can and cannot do would help? Either way, I hope it works out and your dd is able to enjoy the rest of her season without any more issues!

 

[gymdog]

I don't know that arch ups should never be done, but they should be done sensibly. To me that means limited like any arching skill and personally I don't have my kids go into the extreme arches on it, we focus on lifting from the glutes rather than extending the lower back simply because engaging the glutes is really the more correct thing to do in most gymnastics skills anyway.

If someone complained their back is hurting then obviously I would have them avoid that exercise but my guess would be it stems from the posterior chain not firing correctly (usually compensating for weak glutes and tight hip flexors with the lower back) that causes the problem in the first place, and the problem on the exercise. If she did it correctly with no extreme arch and by firing from the glutes I think there's at least a chance it wouldn't hurt. I'm always aware of this because this is the cause of a lot of back problems in gymnastics. Oftentimes the glutes and pelvic floor muscles don't do their job at the bottom of the core which causes dysfunction and back strain. Genetically limited range of motion in the spine also causes problems.

So all that is to say I would kind of roll my eyes if a parent told me arch ups should never be done for anyone. I don't currently coach anyone who I feel would need to avoid this movement entirely based on their genetic body type and correct performance of the exercise. But I don't know how your coaches assess the kids and how they have them perform the exercise across the board.

Usually I tell a kid that they don't have to tell me something hurts if they have a pre existing injury, they can just not do it and substitute something else they know doesn't hurt. So that makes me wonder if there's a chance your DD misunderstood the coach and he meant that.

Also, if a lot of these things still cause pain, I would be concerned about activities like vaulting over the table that can have this range of motion at a fast pace. I don't really know how she does her vaults or if she arches, but if she was still complaining of back pain I would probably have her do drills or flat backs onto mats to ensure that she doesn't arch or have an uncontrolled vault. So I understand that your daughter thinks that she's missing something fun but I'm not sure the coaches are overreacting if you're telling them that she still has pain in more controlled exercises.

 

[emorymom]

My daughter's coach would like her to be "released" from restrictions on backbends, bwo, etc. I think my DD is a lot like yours and there's plenty to do in Xcel that doesn't arch. DD does not have pain from front or back handsprings etc.

 

[IreneKa]

I don't know that arch ups should never be done, but they should be done sensibly. To me that means limited like any arching skill and personally I don't have my kids go into the extreme arches on it, we focus on lifting from the glutes rather than extending the lower back simply because engaging the glutes is really the more correct thing to do in most gymnastics skills anyway.

If someone complained their back is hurting then obviously I would have them avoid that exercise but my guess would be it stems from the posterior chain not firing correctly (usually compensating for weak glutes and tight hip flexors with the lower back) that causes the problem in the first place, and the problem on the exercise. If she did it correctly with no extreme arch and by firing from the glutes I think there's at least a chance it wouldn't hurt. I'm always aware of this because this is the cause of a lot of back problems in gymnastics. Oftentimes the glutes and pelvic floor muscles don't do their job at the bottom of the core which causes dysfunction and back strain. Genetically limited range of motion in the spine also causes problems.

So all that is to say I would kind of roll my eyes if a parent told me arch ups should never be done for anyone. I don't currently coach anyone who I feel would need to avoid this movement entirely based on their genetic body type and correct performance of the exercise. But I don't know how your coaches assess the kids and how they have them perform the exercise across the board.

Usually I tell a kid that they don't have to tell me something hurts if they have a pre existing injury, they can just not do it and substitute something else they know doesn't hurt. So that makes me wonder if there's a chance your DD misunderstood the coach and he meant that.

Also, if a lot of these things still cause pain, I would be concerned about activities like vaulting over the table that can have this range of motion at a fast pace. I don't really know how she does her vaults or if she arches, but if she was still complaining of back pain I would probably have her do drills or flat backs onto mats to ensure that she doesn't arch or have an uncontrolled vault. So I understand that your daughter thinks that she's missing something fun but I'm not sure the coaches are overreacting if you're telling them that she still has pain in more controlled exercises.

Exactly. DD clearly didn't learn to do those skills correctly, and that's the reason her back got injured in the first place. She has a set of exercises from Dr. Tilley to do at home to correct those underlying issues, and to teach her to do the back skills correctly. But she needs the coaches to pay attentions to those things at practice too, to remind her to use the glutes, shoulders, or whatever. And she clearly didn't do them correctly during that practice, or she wouldn't have been in so much pain afterwards.
I'm not a coach or a doctor, so I didn't know how to explain all that you just explained so nicely, so I thought the article would explain it much better than I ever could. Especially since it's not just a random article from the Internet, but an article written by her PT.

I've been waiting long enough, trusting the coaches, and hoping they knew what they were doing. But after the comment "don't tell me your back hurts", I wasn't so sure anymore.

So, yeah, maybe I got too emotional, especially after reading that those exercises put "4000N (1000lbs) of compression forces on the extended spine". I don't know if it's actually true, but I thought it wouldn't hurt for them to read that.

 

[BachFlyer]

Well, I am in the camp of "tired of walking on eggshells around coaches". Maybe they were a bit offended by your email, but maybe it is up to them to take a step back and think through why you might be concerned, and then make sure that their response is the right one. And then, if in doubt, they could always consider responding to your email (maybe they did, but if they didn't I would feel that they probably should have). IMHO, is not always the parents' job to smooth over any and all conversations with coaches. They are big girls and boys too, and should be able to handle a little criticism.

 

[UnoMas]

I don't think you overreacted but like others have said I can see the article and the suggestion for no one to do that exercise as having potential to bother a coach. I understand about emails and how they are so immediate, which the direction to keep your daughter away from this exercise needed to be, but I'd have a conversation with the coach too just so both sides are clear on exactly what things she should/will/won't be doing. I'm sure after a conversation it will be more clear on both sides. Dealing with injuries is so tough, and it seems like a full time job sometimes. You definitely did the right thing to immediately voice your concern. I know all too well...All it takes is one practice and overdoing one thing to aggravate an injury.

 

[JMACAZ]

I do not think you over reacted. Providing information from an expert I think is very valuable. I hope that they can see past their ruffled feathers and provide alternatives.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

If the coach knows your daughters injury history, then the comment was particularly out of bounds.

And I would of done the same thing.