WAG Doc Ali used for old abuse thoughts?

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

alr83

Proud Parent
Anyone with Doc Ali experience : would I be able to modify the materials to help with old abusive coach that is stuck in her head? Instead of the fear beast it is the beast of a coach. She is only 6, so I would assume we'd have help bring the info to her level (super smart and thinks and talks way beyond her years though). Which materials would you use?

She has been refusing to talk to anyone. We have to wait until she just bursts out with her feelings to get the truth.... Though her actions are way different than what she says when asked.

We were seeing amazing progress in the new gym but have had a big regression. She's going to be taking a break.... I am unsure whether she will actually return.
 
With little to no information provided and based on the age (6) and level (pre team),,,, I'm gonna say that kids are tough,,, But you can always send Ali a message and ask her.
 
Doc Ali is on Chalkbucket. Send her a PM or email her through her site. I think she could help you once you give the specifics. She is amazing. So sorry your dd went through that. Hopefully things will turn around for her.
 
Without any info on type/ severity/ duration of abuse and of course not knowing your child it's impossible to give specific advice.

I would seek help in the form of an assessment by the appropriate professionals to see what/if any ongoing therapy is needed.

So sad when children are abused, Good luck :)
 
I don't want to give to much info on it/her. She will repeat 2 for a few various reasons though she would be capable of 3. She is relapsing bc she is taking the decisions made for her long term future in mind and taking them as negatives and convinced herself that the awful things the old coach said are really true now and now the new coaches don't believe in her.

Coachp, if you are talking tough as in resilient - she was once and now that she is questioning everything she's very broken.

Things were really bad for her and we are continuing to find out new things that happened. Her reactions are the same as a child her age with PTSD.

Professional help is being sought, but she doesn't want to talk.

I wish someone could magically fix this or give some advice that would help her..... But I'm really looking for info on whether the doc ali materials could potentially be used to help her turn off these thoughts in her head as they would be used for fear thoughts. Of course, it would never be a guarantee I would assume so, but others who have seen the material have more insight on how things are approached. There aren't appropriate for ages listed- so I don't know if it would even be something that we could make work for her being so young.

She saw me looking at the fb page and was intested in some of the things that had been done in clinics. I asked her if she had a lot of ugly thoughts in her head and she said yes. I asked if she thought she'd like to learn how to turn them off- "you can do that?"
 
  • Like
Reactions: sce
I
Things were really bad for her and we are continuing to find out new things that happened. Her reactions are the same as a child her age with PTSD.

Professional help is being sought, but she doesn't want to talk.
I'm really sorry your little one went through an awful situation. While there is no magic fix, I am glad you are seeking therapy for her. As for the talking, she is young. She may not even have the words. A good play therapist may be able to help her work through the experiences.
 
Again specifics would be helpful. currently all I hear is she had a tough coach....
 
I don't want to give to much info on it/her. She will repeat 2 for a few various reasons though she would be capable of 3. She is relapsing bc she is taking the decisions made for her long term future in mind and taking them as negatives and convinced herself that the awful things the old coach said are really true now and now the new coaches don't believe in her.

Coachp, if you are talking tough as in resilient - she was once and now that she is questioning everything she's very broken.

Things were really bad for her and we are continuing to find out new things that happened. Her reactions are the same as a child her age with PTSD.

Professional help is being sought, but she doesn't want to talk.

I wish someone could magically fix this or give some advice that would help her..... But I'm really looking for info on whether the doc ali materials could potentially be used to help her turn off these thoughts in her head as they would be used for fear thoughts. Of course, it would never be a guarantee I would assume so, but others who have seen the material have more insight on how things are approached. There aren't appropriate for ages listed- so I don't know if it would even be something that we could make work for her being so young.

She saw me looking at the fb page and was intested in some of the things that had been done in clinics. I asked her if she had a lot of ugly thoughts in her head and she said yes. I asked if she thought she'd like to learn how to turn them off- "you can do that?"

For PTSD, I would look for a therapist trained/certified in TF-CBT.
 
Again specifics would be helpful. currently all I hear is she had a tough coach....

The group being told they were all awful and they must be such a disappointment to their parents that coach bets we wished they were never born is ONE example. That is not tough, it is verbally abusive. Not right for a 6 y/o or an 18 y/o. That was one of the last things I HEARD said and the last time my child was at that gym. It was at the end of practice or she would have been pulled out anyway. It also came a few minutes after another child did something and the coach thought it was funny that she couldn't do it and paraded her around so everyone could laugh at her. My child walked out the door and said she never wanted to go back. Not everything was directed at my daughter, some was, some was at the group, sometimes another child and sometimes it was just the environment but it made her fearful to try anything new or make mistakes (which caused more mistakes) bc she knew what would possibly be coming next.

I don't mind tough. I do mind when things are done to break someone down emotionally or psychologically.

I'm really sorry your little one went through an awful situation. While there is no magic fix, I am glad you are seeking therapy for her. As for the talking, she is young. She may not even have the words. A good play therapist may be able to help her work through the experiences.

She tries to search for the things she thinks people want to hear or the things that she thinks will make people think better of her. She told me one day that she doesn't want to say things bc we will be disappointed in her.

She uses her stuffed animals to talk for her or to "tell XX's secrets" sometimes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sce
PTSD is one childhood trauma which over time does not heal unless the events can be reframed in a way the victim can relate to.

Therapy is relationship dependant and will take time to develop sufficiently for successful interactions.

I would seek out someone who has experience with PTSD in this age group.

So sorry you are going through this!
 
The group being told they were all awful and they must be such a disappointment to their parents that coach bets we wished they were never born is ONE example. That is not tough, it is verbally abusive. Not right for a 6 y/o or an 18 y/o. That was one of the last things I HEARD said and the last time my child was at that gym. It was at the end of practice or she would have been pulled out anyway. It also came a few minutes after another child did something and the coach thought it was funny that she couldn't do it and paraded her around so everyone could laugh at her. My child walked out the door and said she never wanted to go back. Not everything was directed at my daughter, some was, some was at the group, sometimes another child and sometimes it was just the environment but it made her fearful to try anything new or make mistakes (which caused more mistakes) bc she knew what would possibly be coming next.

I don't mind tough. I do mind when things are done to break someone down emotionally or psychologically.



She tries to search for the things she thinks people want to hear or the things that she thinks will make people think better of her. She told me one day that she doesn't want to say things bc we will be disappointed in her.

She uses her stuffed animals to talk for her or to "tell XX's secrets" sometimes.
==
Well that's why I am asking. I had a parent last year think it was abusive to sit a child down when they were crying.... Thus, it's really difficult to answer your question when we don't have any information to go by.
So to reply to your original question. As a parent we teach our kids to ignore mean people, period. So while I love Doc Ali, I am not sure what help she can provide that you cannot already do as a parent. In other words, this will not
have any lasting effects if you just tell her that her old coach was crazy and move on.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sce
= In other words, this will not
have any lasting effects if you just tell her that her old coach was crazy and move on.

The child needs to understand the adult phrasing and relate it to her experience.

Rather then making this statement per se I would illustrate this through play using toys- for example a play setup which evolves into using a broken toy as coach who because of the brokenness does not treat other little toys she coaches correctly. This helps a child to understand the 'crazy' of the coach in a physical way they can relate to, and in a way that puts the responsibility of the abuse squarely on the coach.

However when thought patterns are intruding into everyday life in a negative way this is definitely a warning signal.

And as this is a virtual forum, and without knowing air83's capabilities ( with all due respect- not having a go at you air83- ) I would strongly recommend professional help as a professional will be able to make an accurate assessment.
 
I'm torn, part of me thinks that the bigger deal you make of it, by seeking help, the bigger deal it will become.
I tend to agree with this if it the parent who is bringing it up, but it sounds like her dd is reporting that these thoughts are stuck in her head and effecting her every day. I do not think DocAli stuff is what she needs though, but instead a real life child therapist, esp. if the thoughts are intruding beyond just gymnastics.
 
A GOOD child psychologist does not require that the child be able to articulate to her (or his) parents. My own experience with child psychologists is that the parent speaks with the therapist alone, then the child will spend time with the therapist (with or without the parent present, depending on the situation, and the child's wishes). And there should be toys and games. Lots of toys and games.

The child in my personal experience was not able to articulate what was bothering him/her, but the therapist was able to discern the issue after discussing behaviors with the parent. While playing board games with the child, the therapist was able to discuss certain things with the child and able to "bring the child out of the shell".

I disagree that seeking professional help for this situation will make the child feel that the problem is "bigger than it actually is". If the therapist does not feel that the child needs to be seen, the therapist will let you know.
 
No. Her program was not designed to provide this kind of help. I think you should have your DD take a break from gymnastics and continue to pursue in person treatment programs, group therapy, whatever those professionals recommend. And then in a year or so when she goes back to gymnastics IF there is a problem that the Doc Ali program was designed to address, then use it. But I can't see the point in using the Doc Ali program when a) she is currently on a break and b) the problem stems from a situation the program was not designed to address.

At 6 years it is not really her choice to see someone, it is yours. Maybe try to start with a play therapy program and go from there. This is common and I am sure professionals have ways of dealing with it.
 
Thanks everyone. I do not believe that the Doc Ali program is the answer to all of this and the magic answer to fix it. I was thinking that the idea behind of it of replacing your bad thoughts with good ones could become a good coping mechanism, not only now but in future times - any time there is doubt or insecurities. Something to use as an aid. but it appears the answer is no for this situation.

CoachP, yes we have considered that making a big deal of it in the form of therapy will make things worse. We have waited a bit to see if this is something that she would move past and with the gym change we thought she would. While she became herself again for a short time again we are back to some really awful behavior (I see it as her trying to have control of something bigger in her life and also trying to control someone else - mainly her sibling- and in the way she was treated) along with some constant awful thoughts about herself. And no, I'm not that crazy that I would be upset about my child being told to sit out for some reason or another - unless done in a degrading way of course! ;)

We did leave this alone and only talked to her about it when she brought something up, but things got worse for her and how she was acting and thinking changed. Now we do sit down with her when she is completely withdrawn and in a near tears stage and work with her talking about things- we don't dredge up the old situation until she does, but focus on getting her to open up about her feelings in general. Which normally she won't. To get the truth we have to wait on her and that is fine, she just needs to know that we are here for her and that we do see her struggling and want to help her in any way that we can. We've tried to keep things normal in normal life and make sure that days off are just that and also fun.

So we will see what therapy brings for her this week. She does need to get some of her feelings out. We did a therapeutic exercise with her after a really rough day in the gym and she had said some things on the way home. It seemed freeing for her and she said a lot of things I've had an idea she was feeling but never said and then a few things I didn't know about. I think it was helpful in the fact that an aspect of it she thought would have been fun in general and that we weren't asking her to talk directly to us, but left her to just yell everything she wanted to say to the old coach with the extra fun part attached.

Will she ever return to the gym? I don't know and that is up to her. She has to feel good about going and cannot be in fear of going or unhappy because she is there. She says she loves gym but isn't happy right now nor is it fun. When she is feeling more confident then if she wants to go back, we will make that happen for her. Until then, we will wait until she says something. I just talked with her AGAIN that gym is for her and no one else, that we love her for her and while we love watching her in the gym, it is because she was having fun and loved it herself. If she isn't having fun or loving it anymore/right now then it is okay. Surprisingly, she talked about gymnastics with someone today and in a good way, which was the first time in a month other than when it is about the issues.

Thank you everyone for the opinions and the well wishes that she heals from this.
 
It would be great for this community if you could PM someone like @dunno and let them know what gym your DD was at. A lot of people go to him with questions about new gyms they are considering. I am so sorry about what your DD went through and hope other little girls don't have to go through this too.
 

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Gymnaverse :: Recent Activity

College Gym News

New Posts

Back