Double Standard in Gym

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formygirlsinc

H - I'm sure this happens all the time, but do you think it's appropriate to treat girls differently with similar issues, some benefitting from coddling, spotting and the like, making first at States, while others, like my daughter, are punished so severely that we're considering leaving the gym?

I am really heartbroken over how she's being mistreated and mishandled - the coaches don't understand or know my daughter after over three years, and she's so talented and sweet and such a good sport. I am hurting for her right now, but she refuses to leave the gym because of her friendships. The coaches scratched her at States on floor, where she has consistently scored first and top three all season. Her recent back tumbling fear resulted from falling on her neck because her knee hurt. My feeling is the coaches are not handling her right - to go from best to scratching an event doesn't look like they're doing right by her. And yet, others on her team, with long-standing and far more severe fears, are compensated, worked around, coddled and spotted. These girls compete, and win because instead of facing their fears, they are given different skills.

Please tell me I am wrong about this so I can feel better about what they did to my very young 10 year old girl (Level 7).

Thanks!
 
Oh my you sure need a hug, that is so very sad. But I am sorry to say that I don't think you are wrong.

I have to say if it was my DD I would run to the nearest gym that you think woulld handle her the best. You see those other gyms at meets, they have supportive, kind coaches and happy gymnasts? I know your DD doesn't want to move but she will make new friends very quickly and doesn't have to lose old ones.

It sounds like there are some real issues in your gym and I do not know how they can be fixed. Sometimes change is needed. Clearly to be a L7 at 10 years of age your gymmie is very talented and needs to have some coaches who can help her.

The fact that there are other gyms for you to look at is a very good thing.
 
I agree with Bog you see gyms at meets what do their gymnasts look like. Even though she does not want to move, the way you DD is being handeled is not appropriate. She should be treated with more respect. She def will make new friends if you go to a different gym, and like Bog said she wont have to loss the old ones. Have your DD try out at different gyms in your area she might find that she clicks with some of the girls right away!:)
 
I think you could look at it as a double standard, or, realize the fact that every child is different and must be treated differently. At level 7, there is no substitution for back tumbling-they must do a RO BHS layout as a requirement. Perhaps they are scratching your daughter for her safety-did you not say she fell on her neck? If she is balking or falling like that the coaches did right by your daughter- did you talk to them?? Perhaps they are looking at the long road ahead- I had a young level 7 this year who was very talented, but had lots of fears. She scratched certain events all season-and slowly worked her way back, with no stres., pressure or DANGER, and now will go to L7 state w/ all her skills back. Now, we can move on, and she is happy and safe. (BTW-she was a L7 last year, made TOPs and was going to do L9 this year, but her fears developed and we had to take major steps back-just got her giants back on bars and RO BHS layout. It may have looked to an outsider that she was not being coached well, but she was, just had a major meltdown and is now working her way back. (Luckly, her parenst trusted us enough!)

It sounds to me like the only thing the coaches did not do is keep you in the communcation loop. Would you rather have had her compete and fall on her neck again? Without knowing all the details, I have to say I'm a little confused?
 
Well, yeah, it's hard to say. If she's balking on back tumbling and that has resulted in a neck fall before, then under no circumstances would it be responsible to put her in a competitive situation (minimal mats, no spotting at that level) where she is doing that skill. Not until it is being practiced reliably again. Safety is the first priority. I always make sure to emphasize to the kids when I am saying something or making a decision that has to do with safety and injury prevention. They need to understand it's not out of anger or annoyance, but out of respect for safety.

Of course there is more than one way to handle these things so the devil is in the detail. Even so I was scratched at a meet before, L7 too (after warming up...not for safety so much as my giants just didn't look good). I was pretty devastated at the time. But I got over it. I stayed with that coach for a long time. We moved on from it. They were good coaches, sometimes you make hasty decisions in the heat of the moment or don't have many options. It's okay for the kids to learn that mistakes happen at meets/in gymnastics and sometimes you need to move on.

However if there is more to the story...it is hard to say...but again so much depends on individual situations I think it is hard to make a blanket statement. There are some things that should apply equally, but not all things. I don't think we should be completely arbitrary but sometimes circumstances demand you make decisions that aren't all the same.
 
YOU DO NEED A HUG!!! But more importantly, so does your daughter!!! OH MY... this is my daughter's story exactly and we DID end up leaving the gym, but it took a while because of the whole "friends" issue.

DD was training for level 7, her skills were coming along nicely, but then she had a bad meet and was afraid to do her tumbling series (L6). She kept trying to do it b/c her coach kept telling her "JUST DO IT!!!! If X can do it, so should you!!!" So fears still rearing their ugly heads, she did it, and balked in mid backtuck and landed on her neck as well... o.k. That was July. She struggled with it all summer long and her coaches would NOT just back her down to where she was comfortable and try to build up from there (which I know now is what should have been done). No... she'd be left in a corner while the other girls would work on their floor skills. She finally cracked and wanted to quit the sport completely. Fortunately, we switched gyms AND programs and she is now back to doing her tumbling!

I would highly encourage you to look around and see if there are other caring, supportive coaches at another gym. If I had known this was going on for as long as it was, I would've definitely switched sooner.

Oh... and she had new gym friends within a few days!
 
gymch34 and gymdog are both spot on. and as i've said before, the backwards problem is vestibular. it comes and goes. the knee hurting is a coincidence and has nothing to do with the fall to the head/neck.
 
Katy's fall to her head/neck was DEFINITELY the final straw that broke the camel's back in her fear/mental block issue, it was not a vestibular issue (you are talking about ear/balance issues, right?) And Gymdog is right, I would NOT have wanted Katy to compete with such fears, that would have been devastating. BUT she did find a place/coach who was willing to back her down and work her through her fears. Leaving her in a corner, telling her that "she SHOULD be able to do it", etc., were not, in my opinion, effective and safe coaching methods.
 
I don't think anyone is saying that leaving a gymnast in the corner to "just do it" is safe. The child should be worked with to get over her fears. However, if it is meet time and she has not gotten over that fear yet, then it is the right choice to scratch the meet for safety.
 
First of all a big hug to both you and your daughter.

My daughter also has struggled with backwards especially tumbling issues. My daughter is now 11 years old. This has been ongoing for her for 3 years. Sometimes she overcomes it but other days do not go so well.

It sure can feel like gymnasts are treated differently, but I believe in at least my experience that coaches do not want to make the issue worse so they instead leave the gymnast alone. Or sometimes they have tried everything they know how to do and nothing seems to be working. Have you met with the coaches? What is their plan to help your daughter? Do you agree with the plan? If not make suggestions, you know your daughter best and the coaches know gymnastics best.

How does your daughter feel about how the coaches are handling this issue with her? Does she find it helpful or frustrating? Is she open to checking out other gyms in your area?

Best of luck as this fear journey is not an easy one. It is heartbreaking to watch your child struggle sometimes daily and not be able to do anything to make it easier. I have often wondered what drives my daughter to go back to the gym everyday. The only thing I can come up with is she is sold out to the sport.
 
Oh, I agree 100% gymcoach26. I don't think someone should compete a skill until they are ready to do it safely. My only animosity toward's DD's old coaches is that they did NOT work w/her at all to help her overcome her fears/mental blocks. They basically ignored her completely. And part of my extreme frustration was that there WAS no plan to try to help her overcome her blocks.

A good coach would have worked with her to try to overcome her fears, which she did eventually. THEN the gymnast can try to safely learn/compete whatever skills they were trying to learn in the first place.

I may have taken Dunno's comments completely out of context too..... I took him to mean that a bad fall doesn't cause the fear that can precipitate the loss of a skill... but as I'm typing this now, I'm realizing that I'm sure I took that all wrong.
 
This sounds like a communication issue to me, and it should be a mutual process between coach and parent. I know every gym/coach/situation is different, but surely the best answer to your questions should come from her coach(es). I am very aware of the many communication problems that can exist between coaches and parents, but if both parties try to be reasonable and see the other person's side of it, you should be able to have your questions answered to your satisfaction. Sometimes you just have to ask. Good luck.
 
Oh, I agree 100% gymcoach26. I don't think someone should compete a skill until they are ready to do it safely. My only animosity toward's DD's old coaches is that they did NOT work w/her at all to help her overcome her fears/mental blocks. They basically ignored her completely. And part of my extreme frustration was that there WAS no plan to try to help her overcome her blocks.

A good coach would have worked with her to try to overcome her fears, which she did eventually. THEN the gymnast can try to safely learn/compete whatever skills they were trying to learn in the first place.

I may have taken Dunno's comments completely out of context too..... I took him to mean that a bad fall doesn't cause the fear that can precipitate the loss of a skill... but as I'm typing this now, I'm realizing that I'm sure I took that all wrong.


yes, you misunderstood. that's okay.:)
 

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