Parents End of season onset of ‘Unsureness‘

[RoseSparkle]

DD, 11

Finished level 4 last season and moved to xcel Gold due to fears/ trouble progressing with backward skills

Stellar season in xcel Gold.

She's been working with her coaches on mindset and fears. Making small progress on flyaway/ BHS/ ROBHSBT in preparation of 5/6/platinum level next season.

Preparing for regionals and up training skills- seemed excited about small progressions.

Recent practice, coach #1 calls me concerned with new onset of attitude:

• DD would stop in the middle of a routine and think it was not good.
• DD thinking her skills are bad.
• DD says nothing is "wrong".
• DD got upset when she had a "weird" turn on floor- coach told her it's ok to have a weird turn once in a while.
• DD saying things like "why is my gymnastics so bad?"
• coach felt like her routine normal corrections were hurting DDs feelings.

Next day practice, I ask coach #2 to ask how practice went:

• DD was hard on herself with some of the mistakes she made in the beginning.
• DD seemed unsure.

Talked to DD who says that practice was OK, just a communication issue with coach #1.

Has four days away from gym due to scheduling. Hoping that may help rest her thoughts.

Told both coaches she is upset that teammates/ practice mates/ friends have left and more leaving after regionals.

Wondering if this is a repeat of last year's in her head end of season fears of advancing/ having to practice harder skills....

Growth spurt?
Hormones?

Looking for support. I am not super involved in her sport, but when the coaches call me, I feel like they are asking me to help work through it together.

 

[Flyaway]

Wondering if this is a repeat of last year's in her head end of season fears of advancing/ having to practice harder skills....

Growth spurt?
Hormones?

 

[Flyaway]

Wondering if this is a repeat of last year's in her head end of season fears of advancing/ having to practice harder skills....

Growth spurt?
Hormones?

All of the above?

It could be that she is anxious over learning new skills and that is translating into doubts about her ability. Is she putting pressure on herself to get to a certain level next season? Is she comparing herself to her teammates? All of these types of things are VERY normal for an 11 year old and I would say could very much contribute to a lack of confidence. The key is to get her to see that this behavior (allowing negative thoughts about her gymnastics to overtake her mind) will only work against her and if left unchecked will eventually become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is completely NORMAL to doubt and have a bad day occasionally. But she is in danger of becoming her own worst enemy and I think that's what the coaches are seeing and why they are involving you.

Can you show her some old video her her doing skills that used to be hard that she has mastered now? Is there an older gymnast who would be willing to be a mentor of sorts to her? If it persists then it might not be a bad idea to do some mental strength training with her.
Just a few ideas to help her overcome the negative tape running through her head. Hugs mama, I know it's tough.

 

[RoseSparkle]

Thank you for that well thought out response. Do you think it would be beyond to ask her coaches to do this mental strength training with her?

She has a workbook. We’ve gone over some things together, mostly she does on her own. I just help explain things.....

I just don’t think I can help her through her fearsomeness stage again, I obviously didn’t help the first time! Plus, I’m not sure how much she’ll actually take from me, being “mom”. You know?

 

[RoseSparkle]

It is the worst feeling to watch your child struggle at something she loves.

We’ve gone from state team at regionals 2 weeks ago to freezing and crying in fear on those same skills at practice today.

Got called in tonight to speak with coach and have another meeting with child and coach tomorrow.

It’s so hard not being able to help her through this.

 

[mommyof1]

It sounds as if this is a new thing, and it's great that her coach has alerted you early on. One thing I have learned to watch out for is a negative feedback loop that develops between child and coach. The child gets frustrated about a particular skill or event, so the coach learns to expect the child to get frustrated, and the child in turn learns to live up to those expectations every single day. This can happen even with coaches who are in many ways very supportive. Once the pattern is ingrained, it's difficult to fix short of a coaching change. So whatever you can do to nip the attitude in the bud before it becomes a pattern will be beneficial to your child's long-term relationship with her coach and the sport. (Unfortunately, I can't offer much practical advice as to how to combat the confidence problem.)

 

[Cheryl]

My son just went through a similar anxiety situation. He is moving to Level 9 and he was experiencing a lot of the above." I'm not not ready, I can't do a skill, most of my group isn't moving up, I have to practice with a different coach, I'll never get a skill...etc". Came home said he "hated gymnastics, didn't enjoy practice, didn't want to switch coaches cause the other coach was mean, I want to quit"

Two weeks later, he seems to be doing fine. Enthusiastic about learning new skills - already has 2, anxiety is gone. I think part of it was just fear of the unknown and anxiety and the whole hormone thing. Theres a lot of self doubt about everything at this age. I was going to meet with the coach if the situation hadn't improved, but we seem to be back on track, and he is doing lots more conditioning at home that he was reluctant to do before. Seems moving up at first terrified him, but now its giving him a lot of motivation.

 

[OrchidZ]

It sounds as if this is a new thing, and it's great that her coach has alerted you early on. One thing I have learned to watch out for is a negative feedback loop that develops between child and coach. The child gets frustrated about a particular skill or event, so the coach learns to expect the child to get frustrated, and the child in turn learns to live up to those expectations every single day. This can happen even with coaches who are in many ways very supportive. Once the pattern is ingrained, it's difficult to fix short of a coaching change. So whatever you can do to nip the attitude in the bud before it becomes a pattern will be beneficial to your child's long-term relationship with her coach and the sport. (Unfortunately, I can't offer much practical advice as to how to combat the confidence problem.)

I wish I could give you a medal for that comment, mommyof1.

 

[NutterButter]

What @mommyof1 said is gold. I agree too that even most supportive coaches can fall into this trap with the negative feedback loop. My DD has been in this pattern with 2 of her coaches before. With one, the pattern was broken very quickly when I pointed it out (this coach is very self aware and was open-minded to feedback). With the other it was more difficult to break the pattern even though she too is always receptive to my feedback. I think some people just have a harder time understanding the power of anxiety.

My advice is to advocate for your DD. The coaches are the experts on gymnastics but you are the expert on your DD. It's OK for you to tell them what would be helpful for DD to hear from them. To me it sounds like they are making a mountain out of a molehill. All this will do is magnify the anxiety for your DD. They need a plan on what they will do with your DD when this happens. Do they make her stand there on the beam until she throws whatever skill? Or do they have her go back to wherever she can successfully do the skill (line, floor beam or low beam)? What do her coaches tell her - do they say 'why can't you do x skill...it looked great 2 weeks ago' or do they say 'I'm sure it's very frustrating to you to not have x skill today, why don't you go to the floor beam right now'. The thing is...it doesn't matter if she only works said skill on floor beam. When she's anxious, the most important thing is taming her mind.

When my DD was going through particularly rough periods I would do my best to 'normalize' her feelings. Anxiety is part of who she is and I've found that it's best to acknowledge and work with it. I also tried to act as a mediator between my DD and the coaches. The coaches may not always say the most helpful things to my DD but I know they care and I know they want her to be successful. They truly believe in her even if DD doesn't always see this. I often see things that DD doesn't see because she's stuck in her anxiety mind. On the other side, I try to give the coaches insights on what she is experiencing (for example I have told the coach before that when you say x, DD hears y). I try to help both of them bridge the gap and stay as emotionally detached as possible.

I do think the coaches are making a big deal out of this. Two weeks isn't a long time and they've seen a similar pattern from her before. To me this doesn't necessarily warrant a parent-athlete-coach meeting which puts even more pressure on your DD. Perhaps a parent coach meeting to make sure everyone is on the same page with how to help your DD.