Parents Fear on beam

[mamaplum]

So my lvl 3 8yo is terrified of doing a handstand on the beam. She does it perfectly on the low practice beams but come time to do it on the regular beams it goes like this: 1st time fine, second time she works her self up still fine, by the time she gets to 4 or 5 she has worked herself up it turns into a paralyzing issue and she falls and then she hates gymnastics and wants to quit. We have talked to the more caring coaches about it and they give the same old it's OK to be afraid.blah blah blah. The one very stern coach tells her to just deal with it. Well none of this is helping. I know this is her personality because I have seen this paralyzing fear happen in other parts of her life dealing with uncomfortable situations. But it's getting to the point I can't talk to her at all (about anything) after practice. All I get is that tween angst and her grunting at me and then yelling just don't talk to me. That's not allowed in our world and I tell her not to act that way but on the other side I know it's just her internalizeing that fear. So it's a long quiet 30 min home.

So does anyone have any tips... I want my happy bubbly gymnast back.

 

[trampolinemom]

I had a similar thing going on last spring. My trampolining DS had to do baby fliffis and also be able to compete it in a few weeks time. (this due to a unexpected requirement change in compulsory routine) He was really scared and got into the same negative spiral your daughter seems to be in. Just when I was at the point of pulling him out of competition a week before the meet , he pushed himself to overcome his fear and did a great job at the meet. No real advice for you though, just to sit it out. She will overcome her fears and learn from it. But it is not such a nice period to go through.

 

[GymnastMomX2]

Honestly I would just leave it alone, the less pressure from you the better. Just don't even bring it up, and if she does make it sound like its no big deal.

My DD, 12 year old level 7, has gone through multiple fear issues over the years, and all of them have been something she's just had to work out on her own. As much as we want to help, there's not much we can do.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Mine was terrified of doing handstands on beam, too. (Still isn't crazy about them, actually!) She eventually worked through the fear, then fell on a cartwheel and split the beam. She was terrified of cartwheels and wouldn't do another for 4 months. I just knew her gym career was over. LOL. As hard as it is to watch, and as much as you want to help, this particular issue is a great example of the tremendous life skills gymnastics teaches. There is NOTHING you can do. Seriously...NOTHING! Try to avoid the subject altogether. If she brings it up, just shrug and say "I'm sure you will do it eventually, as long as you don't give up." Once she conquers this fear...there will be another waiting, and then another. You'll get better at dealing with it as time goes on. (Just wait until she learns to do a handstand on the high bar!!!)

 

[munchkin3]

Dont talk about gymnastics on the way home. Come up with several topics that have nothing to do with gymnastics, or 'having to do...' anything......

Right now, BHS is a very bad work in my gymmies world.......she cant do it on high beam because of fear.......We dont talk about it unless she want to, and then the response it 'You will get it, just keep trying'.

 

[gymbeam]

i recall seeing here or somewhere that a good thing to teach gymnasts is how to roll out of a handstand. the fear of falling over is pretty much where the fear of that skill comes from so if they know they can roll out instead of going all the way over in an arch, then it helps! here's a video. maybe she can start these on floor, then low beam, then move it up?

 

[mommyof1]

i recall seeing here or somewhere that a good thing to teach gymnasts is how to roll out of a handstand. the fear of falling over is pretty much where the fear of that skill comes from so if they know they can roll out instead of going all the way over in an arch, then it helps! here's a video. maybe she can start these on floor, then low beam, then move it up?

My daughter worked on handstand forward rolls on beam over the summer, and at the same time her fear of beam handstands greatly diminished. Of course correlation does not imply causation, but just maybe there was a link there.

 

[mamaplum]

Oh i don't talk about gym unless she brings it up lol. I learned that early. But i was talking about she gets mad if i even ask her what she wants for dinner. I know eventually she will get over it. Same as back handsprings used to freak her out but that fear wasn't even a close one to handstands lol. I just hate that she says constantly I hate gymnastics and I want to quit. While I know she loves it and would miss it horribly if she quit. I have told her she has made a commitment and has to follow through the end of the season.

I like the just dont give up comment.

 

[tooootsie]

Just don't talk to her about it.. she will get over it.. seriously I think that is the best thing to do! I hope she shakes this off soon!

 

[lovegymnastics22]

I just hate that she says constantly I hate gymnastics and I want to quit.

It KILLS me when I hear this. I can't stand it. In my head I'm thinking --> Then just quit! This is expensive, a pain in the A logistically and its supposed to be a fun afterschool activity! But I've realized that at 8, kids don't have the words or sophistication to express "I love gymnastics but I hate that I have this fear, and it's not fun being afraid, and it creates great anxiety, and it would be easier to just play on the playground than deal with this."

So if you really do think she loves it, my advise is to completely ignore it -- even if you have to dig your nails into your palm -- wait for the fear to pass, which it will. And then see how she feels about gym. As others have said, the experience of working through it the first time will be so great for her going forward, in gymnastics and in all areas of her life.

 

[gymmiemom]

When my DD is struggling with fear, I repeat the same 3 things over and over again, if SHE brings it up. "You can do it girly!" "Just keep trying and trust your body, it has been trained for it." "It will come."

She just recently conquered a sudden fear of the BHS on beam that she has been struggling with since the beginning of summer. I know it was consuming her. She was obsessing over it. Then low and behold, I walked into the gym last week and she was nailing them on high beam over and over again.

On the way home she was telling me all about it and when I asked her what finally made her just do it she said, "Well I thought about Gabby Douglas. You know how many videos I have seen of her falling? She always gets back up and tries again. Good gymnasts fall over and over and over again." She's 9.

Really, the point is they will find a way to work through it eventually, if they really do love it and want it. Just takes time. Some times a long time. And sometimes even us moms start secretly doubting it will ever happen. And usually in my experience that is when they finally have a breakthrough.

 

[lovegymnastics22]

And sometimes even us moms start secretly doubting it will ever happen. And usually in my experience that is when they finally have a breakthrough.

This has been my experience as well

 

[mamaplum]

oh trust me.... all the money i pay for gym i could have myself a car payment and a non-13 year old car lol. she is starting to realize how to express her self more and her frustrations in life in general are getting better. She can be a very emotional child. I notice when things are tough in practice she is moodier and so I just ignore until she is ready. The only thing she enjoys talking about these days is tumbling and bars. I am generally not a coddler so trying to handle this has been a bit of a challenge for me.

I just didnt know if somewhere out there was a book she/we could read or youtube video/channel she could watch lol... i dunno maybe random ha ha

It KILLS me when I hear this. I can't stand it. In my head I'm thinking --> Then just quit! This is expensive, a pain in the A logistically and its supposed to be a fun afterschool activity! But I've realized that at 8, kids don't have the words or sophistication to express "I love gymnastics but I hate that I have this fear, and it's not fun being afraid, and it creates great anxiety, and it would be easier to just play on the playground than deal with this."

So if you really do think she loves it, my advise is to completely ignore it -- even if you have to dig your nails into your palm -- wait for the fear to pass, which it will. And then see how she feels about gym. As others have said, the experience of working through it the first time will be so great for her going forward, in gymnastics and in all areas of her life.

 

[profmom]

Veteran of two years of beam trouble here. My advice is NOT to get drawn into long conversations. If she brings it up, acknowledge that it's scary and frustrating, reassure her that it will come if she persists, and move on. When she wants it more than she fears it, and when her mind is ready to drive her body's motion, she'll get it.