I won’t make a big deal about this in front of my dd, but she is a worrier. Usually it's at last minute (for example I envision it happening as she’s getting ready for the meet or on the way there). I like the idea of asking her if she has any concerns and taking it from there. However, I also want to prepare her for different scenarios so she’s ready if anyone approaches her.
I love this. We call it "nervcited".I didn't even mention the word nervous at all this time! And she only brought it up once, but really casually-- like "I am a little nervous, but also really excited"
No. Her coach will not have any control. And (sorry, I know it will sound harsh, even though I am trying not to be this way) there really is no reason to mention it. Forgive me, but I am going to go a bit deep here (blame the wine at dinner, lol). If she continues with this sport, believe me when I say she is going to have MANY moments where she has to suck it up and deal with stressful situations during competitions. Yes, be there for her when she voices insecurities, and help her learn how to deal with them and get through them, but don't bring them to the plate for her, so to speak. This sport teaches life lessons, and we can't protect them from them or teach them to avoid them. I won't lie. It's a brutal sport. Those who get too mental end up struggling to stay in it. Fear only amplifies as the levels increase and the skills get harder. As a parent, when I think about what my own kid hopes to compete in terms of skills this year, it makes me physically ill, which I would NEVER share with her! The lighter I keep things, the better. I have found this to be the case even back in the days of level 2 yore. My daughter now thanks me; she said she never realized before how lucky she was, and how grateful she is that I am not one of the overbearing parents, because she would have quit. Yes, she has voiced this! As irritated as she gets with me for still muddling leaps and jumps (will someone out there please help me with this!) and having no idea what all the skills are she is working on, she is so relieved I have no desire to obsess over her sport and know everything that is going on, deductions, etc. Don't get me wrong-she loves having me at meets, and always chooses where she would like me to sit, just so she knows where I am. But she doesn't need me to live through her with the sport.One other concern I didn’t mention is the balance beam that she fell from when she broke her elbow. At her old gym, her coaches let her avoid that beam (for months) until the actual team evaluation (the one and only time she was on that particular beam since her accident) She said she was very nervous about being up there again (although she said she thought she did well). Maybe I should mention the beam concern to her current coach? Will her coach have any control over which beam she will use at the meet?
Your post reminded me of something that had happened several months ago that I had forgotten about.In the past I too have tried to prepare her in advance to help her be less worried. However, it pretty much backfired -- and I think I made it worse rather than better.
Don't help her find things to worry about.
Preaching to the choir. I’m on board!help her learn how to deal with them and get through them, but don't bring them to the plate for her, so to speak
I don’t think that I have previously or would have done anything to make her nervous but this seems like an indication that, if nothing else, she wasn’t looking for my “words of wisdom” and that anything I might have said wouldn’t have helped.
In order to quote an entire post, just hit Reply under the post you want to quote.On the drive to my dd’s evaluation at her previous gym I had planned to give her a pep-talk and I was ready to answer any questions/concerns that she might have had. As planned, I met up with my DW to swap kids (I would take YDD to her evaluation and my DW would take ODD somewhere else.) We were in a parking lot for the exchange when my YDD casually mentioned that she wanted my DW to take her instead of me. We were baffled (including my ODD). My YDD usually prefers to be with her mom except when it comes to sports related activities. When she wants someone in the room when she’s conditioning at home, or she wants to talk about a new skill or to vent about something that happened at the gym, (not that any of these things happen often) it’s almost always with me. When she had a private at her old gym, she wanted me to take her and to watch.
When asked why she wanted my DW to take her to the evaluation instead of me she told my DW that she would be nervous if I took her (she didn’t say it in front of me). I gave my DD a hug & kiss and told her to have fun. There was no time for a pep talk.
I still dont know how to quote.
She knows gymnastics stresses you out- she already knows you have unintended expectations..