Parents Frustrated

[twinmomma]

My DD is almost 8, competing Xcel Bronze. She's gone from being one of the strongest on her team to struggling in practice and sort of seeming not as motivated. She says she still loves it and wants to do it.

Wednesday at practice she wasn't applying corrections - things she's been doing just fine for months now. Her coach was getting very frustrated (rightfully so). My bigger issue is the lack of discipline in the gym, and I was incredibly frustrated watching girls do things like play on mats and push each other around instead of being focused on practicing and the coaches allowing it to happen. I expect more discipline, especially in this sport.

That said, simultaneously, my DD has been full of attitude, defiant, and overall just incredibly frustrating to deal with at home. Is this an age thing? I sat down and talked to her yesterday asking if something was bothering her, if something happened at school/gym/etc... that was upsetting her, and if she was behaving these ways at school and such. I got very little in response other than a) nothing's wrong; b) she's only this way at home; and c) she knows it's not ok. She's had consequences such as 30 minutes earlier to bed, extra chores, etc...

This morning seemed better but I'm dreading taking her to practice tonight and have NO idea what her meet will be like on Sunday. Her last meet was ok, first fall in a meet and lower scores than she's used to, so I don't know if she's psyching herself out or if I'm overthinking. Is this just a moody girl thing starting early?

 

[Midwestmommy]

Just a couple of possible ideas...

How are things going at school? Relationship aggression/mean girl behaviour can start even this young sometimes (assuming she is 2nd grade). Any changes to what is happening at lunch or on the playground?

Also, is she eating enough at lunch? At my daughter's school the lunch time is really short, ridiculous. It helps to bring a packed lunch so they can use the waiting in line time to actually eat.... Is she getting enough to eat and dring after school and before practice?

 

[twinmomma]

Same group of friends (yes, 2nd grade) and she's been dealing with this on again off again friendship all year, so nothing's really changed there. I pack her lunch, and I've even been packing MORE for her. We make sure she eats before practice and has snacks for during when they take a break.

Wednesday at practice her coach was on her about pointing her toes, straight legs, that sort of thing. She seemed to half heartedly respond and do her floor routine and her coach had it (with her and few others). Sent them off to the vault. At the end of practice she had mine and the other girls stay for a few extra minutes to practice the floor passes they'd been messing up and then had her do it for her again. She did it just fine, exactly as asked. When I asked her later she said, "well I didn't want to do it over and over." So I said well you just told your coach that you know how to do it (which obviously coach knew) but were choosing not to all during practice. She was just quiet and sullen.

I just don't know what to do with her. I don't know if she's freaked out about all the talk about State and Regionals so she's sabotaging herself, or if she is just moody.

 

[bookworm]

When I read the original post, I thought I was reading about a teenager, but 8 years old? I frankly don't think that this is normal 8 yo behavior at all, especially if she has never been like this before. Something's going on, and I can't tell you what but either she wants out of gym; is being bullied at school or gym or something else but I wouldn't chalk this up to her being 8....

 

[twinmomma]

She's pretty hard headed, and really stubborn. I should add my definitions of frustrating and disrespectful are relative to her age. She's not calling names or refusing to do chores or go to school, etc... They are age appropriate limit pushing - but it just seems way more than normal and I can't figure out why.

I flat out asked her if she wanted out of gym. She said no. She's not behaving this way at gym - the lack of discipline in the gym is gym-wide.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yep ^^^to what Bookworm said.

 

[cbifoja]

I have a 9 year old. She is hard headed and a wild child but she does not and has not acted this way. So no, not an "age" thing.

I agree that the gym-wide discipline issues are a big red flag.

If your season is almost over, I'd consider giving her a gym time out to "help" her re-evaluate her priorities.

 

[mommyof1]

I wouldn't assume that nothing is bugging her at school or gym just because she said no when you asked her directly. I would try spending some one-on-one time with her doing something that is somewhat quiet and doesn't require too much concentration, like taking a walk or bike ride, going out to lunch, or working on a simple craft project. In this context my 7-year-old will sometimes just blurt out all kinds of stuff, things I would never have learned by asking direct questions. The one-on-one aspect seems to be important--she does this with each parent alone, but not as much when both parents are in the room at the same time.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

also to add what mommyof1 said, my biggest source of info is earwigging when I have their friends in the car - they talk about school/gym etc much more to each other and i just listen

 

[Deleted member 14190]

My DD is almost 8, competing Xcel Bronze. She's gone from being one of the strongest on her team to struggling in practice and sort of seeming not as motivated. She says she still loves it and wants to do it.

Wednesday at practice she wasn't applying corrections - things she's been doing just fine for months now. Her coach was getting very frustrated (rightfully so). My bigger issue is the lack of discipline in the gym, and I was incredibly frustrated watching girls do things like play on mats and push each other around instead of being focused on practicing and the coaches allowing it to happen. I expect more discipline, especially in this sport.

That said, simultaneously, my DD has been full of attitude, defiant, and overall just incredibly frustrating to deal with at home. Is this an age thing? I sat down and talked to her yesterday asking if something was bothering her, if something happened at school/gym/etc... that was upsetting her, and if she was behaving these ways at school and such. I got very little in response other than a) nothing's wrong; b) she's only this way at home; and c) she knows it's not ok. She's had consequences such as 30 minutes earlier to bed, extra chores, etc...

This morning seemed better but I'm dreading taking her to practice tonight and have NO idea what her meet will be like on Sunday. Her last meet was ok, first fall in a meet and lower scores than she's used to, so I don't know if she's psyching herself out or if I'm overthinking. Is this just a moody girl thing starting early?

==
and,,, the age old question,,,, How much do you watch workout? And maybe she is just going through PMS, (pre meet syndrome)

 

[Midwestmommy]

This series from PBS has some excellent articles about what elementary age girls can go through and some good tips for parents..

http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisinggirls/friends/elem2.html

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

==
and,,, the age old question,,,, How much do you watch workout? And maybe she is just going through PMS, (pre meet syndrome)

CoachP, most of the time I do not agree with what you say, but I feel off the chair laughing!!!!

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

Twinmomma, your dd sounds like mine did back in the summer. My dd turned 11 last summer and also went thru her stuff. It was a tough summer for her. She turned rude on me, wouldn't talk to me about gym stuff at all, didn't seem to want to cooperate on nothing. I kept asking her did she want to quit gym and all she would ever say is never. Finally, last fall, she wrote me a lengthy letter stating that she would be willing to quit, but gym would be forever in her heart. I had a talk with her and fast forward to today...we recently did a gym change and the change about gym is wow. She told me that she had had some fear issues and coach expected them just to "get" a skill. She would never help, encourage, spot, drill, nothing. She would shout at them and would be on the phone a lot and not uptraining at all. Actually, I think part of my dd attitude, was that she was frustrated. She wanted to do more, but coach wasn't teaching or encouraging. At that time, we did not have another gym to turn. When we did finally find a new gym, she didn't want to leave her friends. So, it could be possible the gym atmosphere. Sometimes, for some reasons unknown, children will not tell you or want to talk about a negative situation, especially if they really want to stay and do gym.

 

[twinmomma]

For some reason the site won't let me reply. I had a whole post answering some of your questions... Let's see if this will allow me to post

 

[twinmomma]

and,,, the age old question,,,, How much do you watch workout? And maybe she is just going through PMS, (pre meet syndrome)

I am at every workout. DD is the youngest of 15 girls, the oldest of whom is 17. I want to keep tabs.

 

[twinmomma]

Twinmomma, your dd sounds like mine did back in the summer. My dd turned 11 last summer and also went thru her stuff. It was a tough summer for her. She turned rude on me, wouldn't talk to me about gym stuff at all, didn't seem to want to cooperate on nothing. I kept asking her did she want to quit gym and all she would ever say is never. Finally, last fall, she wrote me a lengthy letter stating that she would be willing to quit, but gym would be forever in her heart. I had a talk with her and fast forward to today...we recently did a gym change and the change about gym is wow. She told me that she had had some fear issues and coach expected them just to "get" a skill. She would never help, encourage, spot, drill, nothing. She would shout at them and would be on the phone a lot and not uptraining at all. Actually, I think part of my dd attitude, was that she was frustrated. She wanted to do more, but coach wasn't teaching or encouraging. At that time, we did not have another gym to turn. When we did finally find a new gym, she didn't want to leave her friends. So, it could be possible the gym atmosphere. Sometimes, for some reasons unknown, children will not tell you or want to talk about a negative situation, especially if they really want to stay and do gym.

I really think that one of the things for us is either going to be making the move to the JO team (which is what our gym is pushing for) or maybe looking at a harder decision to look around our area at g. We have a meet this weekend, then state in three weeks. We'll be making decisions from there. I really want to commit to our gym, but I have to make sure it's the right place for my DD.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I am at every workout. DD is the youngest of 15 girls, the oldest of whom is 17. I want to keep tabs.

..

Try giving her some space.

 

[GYM0M]

OH yes, DD has the buggies sometimes. Her coaches refer to it as a rutt! I have noticed gymmie has ups and downs. After a particular frustrating week, I usually plan something special for her that is completely unrelated to gymnastics. We have dug for diamonds, nature hiked, visited petting zoos & museums, but sometimes its just as simple as a pedicure or movie date. I feel sometimes she just needs to remember her life outside of school and gymnastics. I am not saying that you should reward her unfavorable actions, but remember that these are very young girls that do not know how to express their emotions very well. She may just need a re-group.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Is she bored? Bronze is not a particularly difficult level, and it could be she feels like its a waste of time for her. Maybe try the JO team, it might be just what she wants and needs. How has she been doing at meets? Is she not getting the results she thinks she should? There could be many reasons (one might be that she doesn't like it anymore and doesn't know how to tell you or is afraid to tell you). I hope you two can figure it out soon. Good luck!

 

[iwannacoach]

The described behavior seems to match a child's reaction to having lost something they care about, through no fault of their own. Well what can an 8 year old possibly lose that her mother wouldn't instantly recognize as missing, or that dd may feel unable to innocently share?

How about the fun she used to have when she learned skills with no consequences like competing, working hard, meeting expectations she hasn't embraced, and not having to pay for her experience in currency defined by criticism. Any bells going off yet?

Don't think for a moment that I'm trying to lay a label on you and blaming you for what's going on. This sort of thing is far more common than many would ever suspect, and rarely is it a parents fault. Really, you likely supported her choice to become more involved and she consented every step of the way, but perhaps neither of you could understand what that last step would really lead to...... a transition from happy past time, to a life of increasing responsibility.

You could present the notion to her that a normal reaction to increasing responsibility is to lose the joy she once had, and to feel angry, confused, and helpless to get back to what she wants from gymnastics for the time being.

An eight year should not be asked to give up fun for work, unless they beg for it, and even then you should proceed carefully

That's just an opening step that validates her feelings about any problem in general, and she may open up and spill the beans, whatever they may be, once she knows it's ok to have normal feelings, and not know how to express them to dear old mom.

Consider it a framework rather than a finished product.