Parents Getting Evaluated at another Gym

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That's exactly what I was thinking Mrs. Puma! Fear is a completely legitimate emotion for gymnasts and such a common issue that coaches need to know how to help gymnasts successfully deal with fear. I can't imagine one of my child's coaches saying "sorry, I'm not a psychologist and writing her off at the age of 7 or 8!" That's nuts.
 
Adding my voice to the chorus: Check out your options now. In our area, moves at the competitive levels are made in the late spring, between states and the beginning of summer training. My daughter's gym only accepts new kids into L3 during this time. We hesitated on a gym move late in L2 and it might well have cost her a year's worth of progress (or might not have, but we will never know for sure).
 
Adding my voice to the chorus: Check out your options now. In our area, moves at the competitive levels are made in the late spring, between states and the beginning of summer training. My daughter's gym only accepts new kids into L3 during this time. We hesitated on a gym move late in L2 and it might well have cost her a year's worth of progress (or might not have, but we will never know for sure).

This! We moved ours at the end of summer instead of the beginning and she ended up needing to repeat level 2 because of our hesitation.
 
I don't think the timing is out if the ordinary. Most gyms decide team by thus time or earlier. They then train over the summer to prepare for meet season. In my area we are signing up for meets already, so the coach has had to asses who she thinks will be ready. Sounds like NyDads dd is currently not what his gym wants in a team kid.

I am in NY, too. Our gym, and lots of others around here, place you in a training group for summer, but there is room for movement by the end of the summer based upon skills, etc. Unless it is very clear where they are staying. In OP's case, level 2- level3 shouldn't really be written in stone at this point, IMO.
 
Though he is correct that they are not psychologists, fear is part of this sport and part of their job as coaches is to help kids deal with fear. Am I wrong, coaches?!

Agree with this. If they can't help her deal with fears at level 3, how are they going to help her at higher levels, when the skills are really scary? I wouldn't stay at this place even if she was moved up to team.
 
I have the quintessential hesitant kid.
When some girls would just jump in and try a skill, DD did not. She took her time, etc. But she would get it. (I don't mean she took years, just a little extra time and hesitations).
If our gym had given up on her because of that, we would have been gone. And not necessarily to another gym, I would have believed that my kid just couldn't do it. (wasn't part of CB back then too know different).
Our coaches CARED. and my child SOARED. She's not elite material by any means, but she's been mostly consistently top-of-podium material. She was an older gymnast (competed L3 at 11 years old), and none of the coaches ever cared about that.
She developed a fear of BWO on beam (a paralyzing fear). For the most part, the coaches worked with her - they didn't tell me they aren't psychologists... They told me they are coaches, and they will coach her..

If your daughter wants to compete, find a new gym. Even if she doesn't make L3 team this coming season with a new gym, she needs to be with coaches who care about her.
 
I have been a long time lurker, but I have been following your story and my heart goes out to you. After reading what you are going through, I felt like I needed to post our story. I know you are hesitant to move your daughter when she doesn't want to, but if this is what she really wants to do you may need to push the move. She will adapt quickly if the new gym is the right fit. My daughter started competing at age 7 in TAAF level 2 (sort of like Excel in Texas but uses the compulsory routines) at a very competitive gym. When she was evaluated, we were told that she didn't have enough skills at her age for the JO team, but if she did well they would consider moving her to JO. Well, on the TAAF team, she received very little coaching and, thus, she performed very poorly. They did not seem to believe in her. She took a few privates with another coach and when that coach would point out her errors to them, they would say things to this coach like "oh... she can't do it correctly, so we just let her do it that way." She had major form issues which they expected her to fix on her own and I was beginning to think that she just wasn't cut out for gymnastics. She was very much treated like she was "less than" and not worth their time. This coupled with the fact that all her teammates were quite a bit older led us to look at other options.
She tried out at 2 less competitive gyms and to my surprise both of them wanted her on their team. She was VERY adamant about not wanting to move, but my husband and I made the decision for her based on the gym we thought would be the best choice for her. After about 2 practices at the new gym, she was so much happier. She repeated level 2 (due to a broken arm and the serious form issues) and it was the best thing that happened to her. It was a whole different story. She was finishing in the top instead of the bottom. But more important than that was the change in her confidence level. She was suddenly gaining new skills rapidly. She still struggles some with form, but their insistence that she "do it right" has vastly improved that. About midway through the season she told us that she was so glad that we made her move gyms. The fact that they believed in her made all the difference. She will compete level 3 this year at age 9 and is on track to move to JO optionals at level 6 (something I never would have thought possible 1 year ago). Their willingness to work with her through a major mental block on bars (that lasted MANY frustrating months) has led to her best event being bars. They helped her work through her fears, instead of dismissing them.
There is a gym out there that will be willing to do everything in their power to help your little one. Once she experiences that coach that believes in her- she will soar and never look back. But, she may need your help making that first step. Lots of luck to you!
 
Though he is correct that they are not psychologists, fear is part of this sport and part of their job as coaches is to help kids deal with fear. Am I wrong, coaches?!

Yes! This would be the final straw for me. They are clearly indicating that they do not want to put in the time or energy to coach your girl. This makes me so mad! There is a gym out there for your girl, one that wants to walk the journey with her, please go find it.
 
Though he is correct that they are not psychologists, fear is part of this sport and part of their job as coaches is to help kids deal with fear. Am I wrong, coaches?!

Amen! If they can't help or are unwilling to help a level 2-3 through some simple fears, how in the world do they deal with optional gymnasts who get fears all the time? Just tell them to "get over it?" I'm sorry...but gymnastics is scary and when a gymnast gets fears they are legitimate and brushing them off or telling them to get over it is a good way to drive them out of the sport all together. The philosophy they have on fear issues alone would be enough to send me running in the opposite direction.
 
Helping an athlete work through their fear is absolutely part of a coaches job. Well a good coach anyway. I would take her to a new gym asap.
My daughter broke her arm on the monkey bars at school, before she was on team. As a result she is alway hesitant on bars. She developed a fear of her squat on, after she'd been doing it for almost a year. Her coach walked her back to drills and she was over it in two weeks. Then she suddenly was afraid of giants. Again her coach helped her push through her fear and now it's her favorite skill. Find a coach that believes in your dd and is willing to work with her through the good and the bad. They are out there!!
 
1. Her coach told me that my dd did not make the team b/c of her fear on bars and beam. I was trying to understand the specifics because in my eyes she held her own.

He said that they aren’t psychologists they’re coaches and she needs to get past her fears so they can coach her. He said it’s holding her back. He said she’s too hesitant, the other gymnasts do what they are asked to do, she’s hesitates even with a spotter.

2. It sounds like they based their decision on what they think of her potential (based on her fear) rather than on the skills that I saw (level 3 routines).
*I figured she might have some time to work through her fear issues.
But when I asked, her coach was pretty clear that she would not get evaluated again until next year.
.

OK NY Dad, there are a few things screaming out to me here:

1. She didn't make the team because of her "fears on bars and beam " coupled with the coach's statement " she needs to get past her fears so they can coach her, because other gymnasts do what they're asked to do" ....sorry, this IS the coach's job to coach her and help her get past her fears AND if they are unable or in this case, unwilling, an executive decision needs to be made by you that you are leaving this gym and their philosophies on coaching because while they may be a good gym, they are no longer a good gym for your daughter and her fears.

I say this because a friend of ours was a multi year level 10 and in her Jr year of HS developed such fears that she wasn't even doing Level 4 skills...and she was already committed to a college for gymnastics. The parents talked to our coach and his position was similar to your coach's in that "she should be able to do it and I can't give her any extra help getting through this"...this went on for 3-4 months, tears in and out of the gym, no progress in doing gym skills until finally I said to the mom that she needed to move her to a coach that would coach her back to where she was. The mom's response initially was 'What will X college coach think if we move now" ...and I said "well if things continue like this , it won't matter because college coaches don't need girls who don't do gymnastics on their teams"...the aha moment...this girl moved to another competitive gym in the area where the coach agreed to work with her on her fears and guess what...this girl was ready for the competition season and qualified to Nationals in May.....and went on to compete all 4 years in college...something she never would have done if she remained with her long time coach

2 The time to "work through her fear issues is now during the summer with a coach who will help her get through those fears.

I've never been a big fan of the coach our friend went to in Point #1 but I can tell you I give him all the kudos in the world for how he was able to work with this gymnast and bring her back to her Level 10 self...he did his job.
 
NY Dad - the coaches comment about not being psychologists infuriates me. Time to move her....now. I have to be honest and say that I'm not at all surprised they did not offer your DD team as the writing was on the wall. Your recaps of conversions with coaches that you've share here have not been positive and you've wondered more than once if they have given up on her. You have your answer. No need to give them any more $$.

I have a cautious/fearful gymmie who despite all this has a shot of competing L9 next season! She would not have survived at many other gyms but her coaches are committed to their athletes and they work with her. Time to find that for your DD.
 
NY Dad, I also concur with those who are advising you to move on and not spend more time with these coaches at this program. And you need to go ASAP to tryout elsewhere or you will miss this season. The coaches have lost faith in your daughter. Plan and simple. I don't care how 'nice' they are as people or how much they 'tried' to work with her after her injury or at any previous point up until now. The bottom line is that they have told you loud and clear that she is not team material in their program, and they are not going to help her get there. They have written her off as a gymnast.

Time to write this gym off in return. They are not equipped and/or willing to build up your daughter and serve her needs. So what are you paying for? And personally, I would not let your daughter make the final decision here at age 8. This gym is not going to serve her, team or not.
 
Time to write this gym off in return. They are not equipped and/or willing to build up your daughter and serve her needs. So what are you paying for? And personally, I would not let your daughter make the final decision here at age 8. This gym is not going to serve her, team or not.

NY Dad -

I can't stress what @Sasha says above strong enough. From one dad to another, YOU have to do this for your daughter; she is 8 and her brain isn't developed to the point of being able to make this decision on her own. You have to be her knight in shining armor and make this decision for her.

I send you strength and luck.
 
My dd was injured as a L2 (torn Achilles). After her injury, she was not hesitant on beam (the apparatus where she got hurt). Her coaches had no patience to help her regain confidence. Looking back, they were done with her at that point.

She didn't want to change gyms, so we stayed for two more years. It was a huge mistake. They basically wrote her off as scared of beam and therefore uncoachable. But they did keep taking our money.

Finally my husband had enough and declared she was either moving gyms or stopping gymnastics. She was terrified of leaving her friends and at that point believed she wasn't good enough to get on another team anywhere else, but we moved her. Best. Decision. Ever.

Find your daughter a gym where the coaches haven't written her off. I really wish I had done that much earlier.
 
I will add to the above.. Put team goals and age/level/timeline aside for the moment - the real question is...

Do you want your daughter to improve on her fears and hesitations, gain confidence, skills, and enjoy gymnastics?

I assume that you do, and you do not want her fears to worsen and have it drive her out of the sport. Based on all the evidence you have shared to date, this is my concern if you stay in a program that self-admits to not wanting to work with girls who are more hesitant or fearful. The way that she is coached will mean EVERYTHING to how her fears develop (worsen or improve) going forward. In your current program, they are essentially telling you that she is on her own ("they are not psychologists"), i.e., that it is up to her to fix herself and magically get over her fears before they will put any effort into working with her.

How is that going to happen? What do you think will happen to her confidence over time as she exhibits fear and hesitation during training, and feels cast aside? Because whether or not coaches overtly verbalize their negativity to her, she will feel their frustration, annoyance, and lack of confidence in her. At best, she will feel ignored. At worst, she will feel she is the cause of their disdain, and it will degrade her self worth. Either way, she will feel it. It will affect her.
 
I will add to the above.. Put team goals and age/level/timeline aside for the moment - the real question is...

Do you want your daughter to improve on her fears and hesitations, gain confidence, skills, and enjoy gymnastics?

I assume that you do, and you do not want her fears to worsen and have it drive her out of the sport. Based on all the evidence you have shared to date, this is my concern if you stay in a program that self-admits to not wanting to work with girls who are more hesitant or fearful. The way that she is coached will mean EVERYTHING to how her fears develop (worsen or improve) going forward. In your current program, they are essentially telling you that she is on her own ("they are not psychologists"), i.e., that it is up to her to fix herself and magically get over her fears before they will put any effort into working with her.

How is that going to happen? What do you think will happen to her confidence over time as she exhibits fear and hesitation during training, and feels cast aside? Because whether or not coaches overtly verbalize their negativity to her, she will feel their frustration, annoyance, and lack of confidence in her. At best, she will feel ignored. At worst, she will feel she is the cause of their disdain, and it will degrade her self worth. Either way, she will feel it. It will affect her.
Dang. This times 100. Awesome post!
 

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