For Parents Getting Evaluated at another Gym

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I will add to the above.. Put team goals and age/level/timeline aside for the moment - the real question is...

Do you want your daughter to improve on her fears and hesitations, gain confidence, skills, and enjoy gymnastics?

I assume that you do, and you do not want her fears to worsen and have it drive her out of the sport. Based on all the evidence you have shared to date, this is my concern if you stay in a program that self-admits to not wanting to work with girls who are more hesitant or fearful. The way that she is coached will mean EVERYTHING to how her fears develop (worsen or improve) going forward. In your current program, they are essentially telling you that she is on her own ("they are not psychologists"), i.e., that it is up to her to fix herself and magically get over her fears before they will put any effort into working with her.

How is that going to happen? What do you think will happen to her confidence over time as she exhibits fear and hesitation during training, and feels cast aside? Because whether or not coaches overtly verbalize their negativity to her, she will feel their frustration, annoyance, and lack of confidence in her. At best, she will feel ignored. At worst, she will feel she is the cause of their disdain, and it will degrade her self worth. Either way, she will feel it. It will affect her.

Preach mama!!
 
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As a concerned and involved parent, I’ve asked and answered questions on CB about a my dd’s move-up process, summer training, gym parent etiquette, coach feedback and probably a lot more :D to try to understand what is typical in this crazy sport. The more I've asked the more I've struggled to find answers that have reassured me that the way my dd has been treated is okay. Yet, somehow I've been able to justify everything in my head and think up excuses for why everything was okay and why the answers you've given me didn’t exactly apply to my dd's situation. To be honest, you've hit the nail on the head and I can't deny it any longer.

As I’ve provided more details about my dd’s situation the opinions on CB have become stronger and more unified. (To everyone, but especially) Sasha, thanks soooo much for the wakeup call. This is no longer just about my dd's gymnastics career. I can’t continue to pretend that things are peachy and ignore this unhealthy situation. I’ve got some quick figuring out to do. Gulp.
 
As a concerned and involved parent, I’ve asked and answered questions on CB about a my dd’s move-up process, summer training, gym parent etiquette, coach feedback and probably a lot more :D to try to understand what is typical in this crazy sport. The more I've asked the more I've struggled to find answers that have reassured me that the way my dd has been treated is okay. Yet, somehow I've been able to justify everything in my head and think up excuses for why everything was okay and why the answers you've given me didn’t exactly apply to my dd's situation. To be honest, you've hit the nail on the head and I can't deny it any longer.

As I’ve provided more details about my dd’s situation the opinions on CB have become stronger and more unified. (To everyone, but especially) Sasha, thanks soooo much for the wakeup call. This is no longer just about my dd's gymnastics career. I can’t continue to pretend that things are peachy and ignore this unhealthy situation. I’ve got some quick figuring out to do. Gulp.

Wishing you the best of luck with this decision and I hope you find the right place for your daughter. Keep us updated!
 
From one Dad to another, your story is similar to ours, as it was pretty clear that our gym was done with our daughter after we complained about not being notified about an injury that occured in the gym. In our case our daughter was no longer allowed to try new skills and we were told that she "is not physically or mentally ready" for new skills and the number of training hours, as well as all kinds of other issues. In the 3 years we were at her original gym all of the conferences had been great until the first one after our first disagreement with her coach. We moved our daughter for other reasons and now it is so obvious that her coach was done with her, but had no problem keeping her on Lvl 7 along with Lvl 7 tuition. Her new gym has had nothing but positive things to say about her physical and mental readiness.

Perhaps your DD just needs a coach that believes in her as much as you do which is clearly not the case at your current gym! Also maybe a gym with a bit lower coach to gymnast ratio will allow for more individual attention to get through whatever is holding her back (if there really is an issue).

My advice mirrors most above, and I encourage you to have your daughter evaluated by at least one other gym to see if they come to the same conclusions as her current gym.

Moving our daughter was an emotional rollercoaster, but as it stands now it has been a great thing for our DD and hopefully will be for yours also.
 
NY Dad, thank you for putting yourself out there and taking in all the opinions given. Changing gyms is hard but can be sooo worth it. I wish you lots of luck with your up coming decisions. I just moved my DD from a gym that she was becoming to be afraid to try new skills with and developing fears at on old ones , to a new one where the philosophy is she will do xyz when she is ready. They try to understand the reasons behind her fear and make her feel more secure, through spotting, standing close etc. In the month and a half she has been there she has gained back all her old skills and began working new ones. They understand that it may take her time to "get" something but when she does it "sticks" :)
 
from my time in the sport I can say the THE MOST important thing is the coach/gymnast relationship. You can have the fanciest, ultra modern, best equipped gym in the country with international level coaches, but if the coach and gymnast don't trust each other the gymnast will fail.

My DD is now with a coach the "gets her" and that she trusts. She is not easy to coach, comes with a whole bundle of neuroses and fears, but has improved beyond measure this last year due to her new coach.

Young Kids may not have fully developed language skills but are experts in "reading" people, they know when they are dismissed and not valued. It will affect her self belief in the end as she will take her cues from the value others hold her in.
 
All the best NY Dad.
Gotta remember, even though your DD current coaches may be right about her ability, she still deserves a coach that believes she is worth coaching, that will give her a chance, help her meet her own goals even if they may come a little slower than the 'ideal team kid' if such a thing exists
 
You're also in an advantageous position if contemplating a gym switch before you've become financially "married" to the current gym. If you're dd hasn't competed, you've probably not had to pay out for the fees: USAG, Equipment, other various annual team fees, competition (& possibly practice) Leo's, warm-up's, embroidered gym bag.... the list goes on
 
I know I'm a little late on the responses here @NYdad...
But having left a gym that stopped believing in my DD, I couldn't be happier....and neither could she.
I know she was upset to leave her friends, but I assured her she'd make new ones at the new gym (and guess what, she did :))
She also knows she can see her old gym friends any time, all she has to do is ask and I'll set up play dates.
It's amazing how much her skills and confidence has changed now that she's at a gym where the coaches appreciate her and not only see her potential, but let her use it to the fullest.

I hope you and your DD are happy with whatever you decide but ultimately if she wants to continue in a sport that makes her this happy, a gym switch looks like the best possible option here.
 
@NY Dad - Wondering if you had any updates. Has your daughter been able to get evaluated elsewhere? Really sending you hugs and hopes that you find the perfect gym for your daughter!
 
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I’m the OP with an update.

I told my dd that if she didn’t want to have to wait another year to try out for team it would have to be at another gym. Without hesitation she said that she was interested. (Phew, that part was a lot easier than I had anticipated.)

Through my own research and with the help of several CBers that reached out (thanks!), I identified the gym that seemed like it could be the best fit. When I called, the coach said that their newly formed teams were about to begin training so an evaluation would need to be done very soon. A few hours later we were on our way to the gym.

When we got there the coach introduced herself, we chatted briefly and then the 15-20 minute evaluation began. I watched my dd give it her all (straighter, tighter, higher, pointier and bouncier – not sure if those are all the technical terms LOL). Then I followed the coach and my dd into her office.

The coach sat us down and asked my dd how she thought it went. My dd said that her coach had told her that she needs to practice for another year before she’ll be ready for the team. This coach said that she didn’t agree. Then she started explaining the gym’s philosophy, expectations of gymnasts, of parents… the next think I know we were handed a team handbook… and then it hit me… OMG she made the team!

Some dust must have kicked up as we were heading out b/c my eyes watered a little as we drove away. I was thinking how nice it is that there’s someone else who believes in my dd and also, maybe I’m not crazy. There’s no Olympics or college team gymnastics in her future but at least my dd is one step closer to achieving the first goal she set for herself almost a year ago; to compete at a meet.

When we got home I suggested that she should set some specific measurable goals for herself for the week, the month and the season. I was about to explain what I meant when my dd proclaimed that she’s going to make it to worlds next year (goal #2? LOL). So there you have it, you read it here first. (We’re going to have to work on the whole goal setting thing a little more.)

Despite the handbook, the paperwork and all evidence pointing in the same direction I actually called the gym to confirm her placement on the team. This is because when she first made it onto “pre-team” at her (old!) gym last September, I was under the impression that “pre-team” meant the first year of team (unless they are ready sooner) without the competitions. As the year progressed my understanding changed. And then in the last month or so it became clear to me (probably to CBers before it was to me) that without a gym change my dd may have never actually made it onto the team (and that she wouldn’t have wanted to anyway).

She’s started training at her new gym with her new team. She loves it and she hasn’t looked back.

Thanks again to everyone that helped along the way. Without CB/CBers, this never would have happened.
 
I’m the OP with an update.

I told my dd that if she didn’t want to have to wait another year to try out for team it would have to be at another gym. Without hesitation she said that she was interested. (Phew, that part was a lot easier than I had anticipated.)

Through my own research and with the help of several CBers that reached out (thanks!), I identified the gym that seemed like it could be the best fit. When I called, the coach said that their newly formed teams were about to begin training so an evaluation would need to be done very soon. A few hours later we were on our way to the gym.

When we got there the coach introduced herself, we chatted briefly and then the 15-20 minute evaluation began. I watched my dd give it her all (straighter, tighter, higher, pointier and bouncier – not sure if those are all the technical terms LOL). Then I followed the coach and my dd into her office.

The coach sat us down and asked my dd how she thought it went. My dd said that her coach had told her that she needs to practice for another year before she’ll be ready for the team. This coach said that she didn’t agree. Then she started explaining the gym’s philosophy, expectations of gymnasts, of parents… the next think I know we were handed a team handbook… and then it hit me… OMG she made the team!

Some dust must have kicked up as we were heading out b/c my eyes watered a little as we drove away. I was thinking how nice it is that there’s someone else who believes in my dd and also, maybe I’m not crazy. There’s no Olympics or college team gymnastics in her future but at least my dd is one step closer to achieving the first goal she set for herself almost a year ago; to compete at a meet.

When we got home I suggested that she should set some specific measurable goals for herself for the week, the month and the season. I was about to explain what I meant when my dd proclaimed that she’s going to make it to worlds next year (goal #2? LOL). So there you have it, you read it here first. (We’re going to have to work on the whole goal setting thing a little more.)

Despite the handbook, the paperwork and all evidence pointing in the same direction I actually called the gym to confirm her placement on the team. This is because when she first made it onto “pre-team” at her (old!) gym last September, I was under the impression that “pre-team” meant the first year of team (unless they are ready sooner) without the competitions. As the year progressed my understanding changed. And then in the last month or so it became clear to me (probably to CBers before it was to me) that without a gym change my dd may have never actually made it onto the team (and that she wouldn’t have wanted to anyway).

She’s started training at her new gym with her new team. She loves it and she hasn’t looked back.

Thanks again to everyone that helped along the way. Without CB/CBers, this never would have happened.
Bravo! What an amazing outcome!
 
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