Parents Give me a talking to please! (Long)

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Hi all, I’m new to posting on this forum but have been lurking on here for a while now whilst my 7 yo DD is on her gymnastics journey.
Just wanted to have a bit of a moan and get some advice on how to handle a new “feeling we’re feeling” I say “we’re” as I can feel my daughters disappointment.
She moved to a new gym a few months ago and has come on massively since she moved, she’s getting better form all the time and coaches have complimented her on a few occasions, saying she has good power and great shapes.
When she moved, she was a new starter with another 2 girls. All 3 have advanced at the same rate pretty much, and today the 2 other girls got moved groups to a higher group, my daughter didn’t. I could tell she was crushed :( she came out of class today and hugged me straight away without saying a word. I asked her if she was ok and she just looked at me with teary eyes and nodded and smiled. I immediately got a lump in my throat and had to really make myself not cry with/for her. It really hurt me that she had to put a brave face on it when I know she was so disappointed. I then started to compare and think In my head, why did they get picked and not my DD and I know that’s not a good road to go down! :oops: I guess I just want some advice on how to deal with these feelings, as it’s inevitable that there will be more disappointments. Thanks.
 
Would you feel comfortable to ask the coaches or the head coach whatnshe needs to work on to gain some insight.

She might be just as good as these gymnasts in some areas or even better in outhers but each club will consider different factors in selecting gymnasts to move up. They might be looking for different milestones to be met in strength, flexibility, technical execution, skills, confidence etc.

But be aware that they also might be looking at factors which you have no control over like height, age, body type, natural muscle twitch speed etc. Each gym will be different.
 
Thankyou for the reply.
With regards to asking a coach, I feel quite awkward about doing this, they don’t seem to be around to talk to parents, and you have to ask to arrange a meeting if you want to chat about your child. The gym just gives off a kind of “secrecy” vibe about things....and I don’t want to come across as the pushy mum incase it ruins DD chances.
The other girls are the same age as my DD albeit a few months younger, a touch shorter, quite slim and bendy looking, whereas DD has got footballers thighs lol she’s pretty muscular and has got fast spurts when she runs to vault etc.
I know there’s probably many, unseen to me, reasons why DD didn’t get picked, it was just the disappointment and hurt in her face that felt like it wacked me in the stomach! that I wasn’t prepared for. I don’t know weather to just leave it a few more months to see what happens, and then maybe inquire? Btw she’s intermediate level which just do F&V, once they get moved up they go to 4 piece which is what she wants to do.
 
I think it’s quite normal for you both to feel the way you do. Poor girl. I’m sure that was hard for her and hard for you to see her disappointment. Is your daughter maybe a bit younger than the other two girls? Their could be so many reasons so try not to take it personally. But I agree with communication with the coach as to what areas can be improved upon. Perhaps she needs to work on her middle spits or her upper body strength or her handstands. Never hurts to ask!
 
The gym just gives off a kind of “secrecy” vibe about things....and I don’t want to come across as the pushy mum incase it ruins DD chances.
Hi, I have boys, not girls, in gym. Well, I do have a 5 year old girl but she is just rec at this point.

But I wanted to suggest- make an appointment or whatever needs to happen in order to talk to the coach, and talk the coach. Ask how your daughter is doing in practice, listen to the answer, and ask any questions that may come up. Maybe there are things you could be working on at home. Maybe there are behavioral concerns. Maybe all is entirely well and your child is developing just fine. But you will not know unless you ask.

Doing this is not pushy. And establishing a more comfortable relationship with your daughter's coach (or coaches) early on is very important, IMO. You do not want to wait until there is a real problem and then try to have a conversation with someone you barely know and who you to some extent fear.

It is normal for a parent to want to know how your child is doing when they are paying enormous sums to a gym for training! If asking reasonable questions at a time and with a frequency that is reasonable causes any harm to your child's "chances" then this may not be a healthy gym.
 
Thanks everyone. Being quite new to this gymnastics life is daunting so really glad this forum exists, somewhere to sound off and get some good advice.
I think I might arrange a meeting with one of her coaches, she has two. One seems more approachable than the other lol.
I do really need to chat to them anyway as I’m not even sure on the pathway she will take (not even sure if the coaches know yet) i just get a bit awkward and embarrassed when I don’t know people and don’t want the coach to think I’m being annoying by asking (I’m the kind of person that thinks, if they want me to know they will tell me) ha. Maybe I’m not cut out for being a gym mum lol I need to man up a bit. :rolleyes:
 
Is your DD an end of year birthday? In UK competitions are year of birth so being born December makes a child a year older than one born a month later. This can be a big factor at some gyms as they want gymnasts ‘in age’ ( the youngest age group) rather than ‘out of age’ ( everyone else).
 
Is your DD an end of year birthday? In UK competitions are year of birth so being born December makes a child a year older than one born a month later. This can be a big factor at some gyms as they want gymnasts ‘in age’ ( the youngest age group) rather than ‘out of age’ ( everyone else).
DD is 8 in June, so no idea what age in gymnastics that means.
 
So it isn’t that then as she would compete age 8 this year and from what you said the others would too.
I think a chat with the coach is needed just so you understand what your DD needs to do to move up (or if she won’t be moved because they have a body type that she doesn’t fit then you are aware and can look for another gym if necessary).
Good luck
 
I think getting more comfortable with the coaches and gym is important, I agree a meeting to ask about your daughter's progress and to get coaches feedback is a great idea. I'm sorry this has been tough for your daughter - and you! I would talk to her about focusing on her own journey. What is going on with those other two girls has nothing to do with your daughter. It's human nature to compare ourselves to others, it often leads to hurt feelings and disappointment though. You said she is making great progress - that is wonderful! Help her focus on her enjoyment of gymnastics and the skills she is working on.
 
Thanks everyone. Being quite new to this gymnastics life is daunting so really glad this forum exists, somewhere to sound off and get some good advice.
I think I might arrange a meeting with one of her coaches, she has two. One seems more approachable than the other lol.
I do really need to chat to them anyway as I’m not even sure on the pathway she will take (not even sure if the coaches know yet) i just get a bit awkward and embarrassed when I don’t know people and don’t want the coach to think I’m being annoying by asking (I’m the kind of person that thinks, if they want me to know they will tell me) ha. Maybe I’m not cut out for being a gym mum lol I need to man up a bit. :rolleyes:

I totally understand what you mean by feeling awkward and embarrassed and not wanting to come off as annoying. I am the exact same way. I promise you that the fact that you're even worrying about being annoying pretty much means you're definitely not. I encourage you to schedule that meeting. You'll never get to know the coaches if you don't have a conversation with them. And since moves obviously happened with these other girls, it's fair to ask what they envision for your own daughter.

As for how to handle these new "feelings" with your daughter, you are right, disappointments are going to happen. Be very careful to not feed off her disappointment or feed into it. You can be sad about it, but you also need to be a place of support and strength for her as she learns to navigate these things. Modeling healthy coping mechanisms is crucial.
 
I totally understand what you mean by feeling awkward and embarrassed and not wanting to come off as annoying. I am the exact same way. I promise you that the fact that you're even worrying about being annoying pretty much means you're definitely not. I encourage you to schedule that meeting. You'll never get to know the coaches if you don't have a conversation with them. And since moves obviously happened with these other girls, it's fair to ask what they envision for your own daughter.

As for how to handle these new "feelings" with your daughter, you are right, disappointments are going to happen. Be very careful to not feed off her disappointment or feed into it. You can be sad about it, but you also need to be a place of support and strength for her as she learns to navigate these things. Modeling healthy coping mechanisms is crucial.
this
 
Here’s a blog post that I found really helpful. I always ask the coach. It is tough to see your kid not moved up. Mine didn’t move up last year, so I took her to another gym and they moved her up. This year the gym moved her from JO to Xcel and that was tough also. I just try to stay positive with my kiddo and let her know the coaches are wanting to put her at a level she will be happiest and most successful (as long as I really do trust the coaches). You can ALWAYS take your kiddo to another gym for a second opinion. I’m so glad I did last year. This year we trust the coaches and she will stay.



How do coaches decide which level is best for my gymnast?
There is a very easy answer to that question, the best level for your child is the level in which they will be most successful. However, the complicated part to that answer is understanding the factors that lead to success. There are many factors to consider.

Factors in deciding which level is best for your gymnast

Physical Readiness is one of the first factors coaches consider is if the gymnast is physically ready for the challenges of the level. Do they have the required strength, flexibility, and skill set to build on? Strength, flexibility and a strong foundation are required to safely teach the gymnast the next set of skills. Gymnastics is best taught through a series of skill progressions and rushing the process because the gymnast is not physically or mentally prepared results in poor gymnastics skills and an unsafe environment.

Mental Readiness is as important as physical readiness. A gymnast's ability to focus for an extended period of time, understand technical corrections, communicate, and overcome obstacles becomes more important with each level. Many times young gymnasts may be physically ready for the next level, but they need time for their mind to catch up. Moving a gymnast when they are physically ready, but not mentally prepared for the challenge can lead to mental blocks or burn out.


Confidence is a huge factor in gymnastics. Gymnasts can by physically and mentally ready for the challenge of a new level but without belief in their abilities we are setting a gymnast up for failure. Confidence is absolutely essential to a gymnast’s competitive meet performance. While confidence can always be improved through positive coaching there are times when a gymnast needs a season for their confidence to catch up to their physical and mental abilities.

Happiness is as important as any other factor. However, sometimes this can be confusing for the parent and gymnast. Often, you will hear that my daughter would be happier moving up and not placing or staying in the same level for a third year rather than transitioning to a different time. This is happiness in the moment. As coaches we are looking for happiness throughout the season. We are looking for opportunities for your child to learn new skills, beam with pride when they nail a routine, and to jump up and down with excitement when their team reaches a goal. We want to see your child happy throughout the season. Keep in mind, the number one reason kids quit a sport is because it is no longer fun.

Group placement also comes into play when deciding which level is best for your gymnast. While, the decision of what level your gymnast competes is never based solely on others, coaches would be lying if they said it doesn't come into play. Sometimes when all the other factors do not point a clear direction coaches decide it would be better to move up or repeat to be with a team or with kids of similar age and ability.


Scores and placement also come into play, but not to the extent that many parents and gymnasts think. There are certain required mobility scores and rules that must be met. However, the majority of the time if the child is physically and mentally ready as well as confident and happy the scores will match the situation.

More food for thought when it comes to deciding the best level for a gymnast!

The Goldilocks Gauge -

Using the factors above coaches use the "Goldilocks Gauge" by Smart Steps. Finding the spot that is just-right. The spot where your gymnast is physically challenged, emotionally engaged, and intellectually stimulated.

Many roads lead to the same destination -
There are numerous quotes about all roads leading to the same destination. There is certainly some truth to this in gymnastics. The goal of coaches is to choose the road with the fewest obstacles and the most opportunity for growth. One great example of this is Pinnacle's current level eight team. Of the eight gymnasts on the team there were many different roads taken. We had several athletes skip level five, a few skipped level six, one athlete repeated level six and then skipped seven, two others repeated level eight, while yet another competed Xcel Silver, Gold, and Platinum as her road to level eight. All eight are happy, successful level eights this season. I like to think this is because they moved through the levels in the way that was most successful for them each season.

Understanding the levels -
Gymnastics levels can be difficult to understand. Levels 3-5 have set, compulsory routines. While Level 6-10 and Xcel Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum, Diamond have set skill requirements. As a parent and gymnast you do not have to know every requirementand detail. Trust that your coach does and will guide you to the best spot.
 
I agree with others that scheduling a meeting is a great idea. If you are worried about being the crazy mom its more about how you approach them than approaching them in general. If you schedule a meeting=Good....trapping them in a corner after gym=bad :) Same with the questions. How dare you not see how amazing and special my little girl is you must move her up right away!=bad.... My daughter really loves gymnastics and want to support her i was curious what path do you see for her, is there anything I can do to better support her? or general questions about how move ups work=good. Don't worry you'll be fine--keep it focused on your daughter and not the other kids and it will all work out.
 
Totally agree! The coaches at my daughter’s gym even offered me a meeting if we wanted one. This was even after answering my questions via email and thoroughly explaining how they made a decision that they felt would set my child up for being happy and successful. I know the anxiety of not knowing, and it was tough. I feel 20 times better after getting answers.
 
Hi everybody, thanks for all your feedback. We went back to gym again today, I’ve still not spoken to any of the coaches yet.
Anyway, at today’s session they were doing the same as usual, but it was very clear to me that one of the younger coaches was spending way more time with my DD than the others and than usual.
Wherever DD went the coach was, and she was just doing random things like, making sure her arms were perfectly straight and even though DD has a good strong handstand, she was staying with her and holding her legs in it? Sometimes not helping her, just staying with her and watching her....
I’m sure she was doing all this for a reason. And it made me feel good, kind of reassured that whatever the reason for my DD not being moved, that somebody is obviously working on it.
I have had time to think, and the first thing I’m going to do is stop watching DD so much, I originally only stayed to make sure she settled in but then got used to watching, now I’m confident she has settled, I will just drop and pick her up, I think this will benefit us both.
One of my other worry’s was her age, apart of me thinks shes still very young and I have no idea where this journey will take her, but I’m also aware that she could of done her first grade this year, so I worry that she won’t be moved to full wag anyway, unless they moved her and she did an out of age grade or something??
Some girls in her group are quite abit older, 10 years old plus, have been there years and just seem stuck there, and I worry that will end up being DD, although she does seem a lot more advanced than said girls already
I do feel confident however, that her coaches will take her the best way they feel for her.
Here’s a blog post that I found really helpful
This is very interesting, especially the mental readiness part, there is obviously a lot more to it, than just moving a gymnast based on skills, which really opened my eyes, so thanks for that.
 
That is a really good attitude. I stopped watching pretty quick as it just wound me up! If you watch once a month you will see massive progress. Maybe use the time for you - go for a walk or run, shop or read a book. Great that you can see they have her in mind and are trying to bring her along where she needs it. Always worth mentioning how much she loves it if you get the chance. And thank the coaches for the job they are doing. Those 2 things go a long way in the minds of coaches. And good luck.
 
have had time to think, and the first thing I’m going to do is stop watching DD so much, I originally only stayed to make sure she settled in but then got used to watching, now I’m confident she has settled, I will just drop and pick her up, I think this will benefit us both.
This helped my daughter and me a lot. Not watching practice has really helped me back off and put gym in perspective, for both of us.
 
I actually never wanted to watch. My daughter wanted me to, and it took forever it seemed (but only a few years) for me to wean her off of my presence. It is so nice not being there!
 

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