Hello all, I am brand new...to gymnastics and this forum. My daughter just turned 6 and is in the developmental (pre-team) group at her gym. She has been in gymnastics for 2 years, pre-team since January. She has obvious athletic abilities; strong, flexible, makes corrections quickly, body awareness, very hard worker, competitive, drive to learn and do good. Her skills have improved quickly and her coaches have moved her up 2 levels/classes in 6 months (the only one in pre-team to be moved up). My concern (and her coaches' concern) is her disposition. She is not a do-as-your-told-without-comment-or-opinion kinda kid. She is chatty, outgoing, strong willed, determined, and a little sassy. She is tough as nails, but will speak up when she is frustrated or needs help. I have noticed that her coaches are much tougher on her than the other girls and sometimes I feel like they are trying to train these personality traits out of her. I do think the sassy-ness and chattiness need to be done away with, but I want her to keep her strong will and ability to speak up for herself. I like that she won't let anyone make her feel uncomfortable. My question is, are these character traits incompatible with gymnastics? Is this sport more for girls who are able to just do as they are told? Is she only going to excel in gymnastics if she is complacent? I would rather know that now and find a sport or activity that is better suited to her disposition.
Parents Gymnast disposition?
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That was the old school thinking. This is changing. Being able to speak up is a good thing. Don't let them change her. Being harder on her MAY be about the gymnastics - being harder on her because they expect more skill and execution-wise.
If they really are trying to turn her into an obedient little robot, RUN, don't walk, get her into another gym that is aware of gymnast empowerment.
Good luck.
Feels like you just described the personality of Simone Biles. She's doing ok.
Please do not squelch her natural personality. I would LOVE my daughter to be a bit more like yours. The world is a tough place to survive no matter who you are; being a girl/woman adds a layer of challenge. She will need her spunk to get along long term. Yes, she needs to listen and be respectful but she is who she is - let her be!!
You are right, and I absolutely don't want her assertive, spunky personality to change! I can't help but notice that the coaches at her gym seem to prefer the quiet, compliant girls. I just wanted to know if that is the norm at all gyms or if I maybe need to find another gym where they are more willing to work with her personality. We've never been to any other gyms. On the whole I like our gym. It is close, clean, produces high level gymnasts, but they just may not be a good fit for my daughter.
If being strong willed and able to speak up for oneself is incompatible with gymnastics, God help us all. These are traits shared by most successful people in any field. There is a difference between disrespectfully mouthing off and being clear and firm. 6 year olds are not known for the refinement of their communication - because they are 6! Good communication skills (hopefully) come as a child matures and is taught not how to be quiet and subservient but how to listen respectfully and communicate with clarity.
Could it be that what you are seeing as preference for the quiet girls may be that the coaches are just trying to help those girls feel more relaxed and comfortable? Could it be that over correction of your daughter are higher expectations because she is doing so well?
I would suggest that you talk again with the coach and listen carefully to what they say. Ask for specifics of what your daughter is saying/doing they do not like, and specifics of what they want. What does it mean when you say their concern is your daughter's "disposition?" Is your daughter being disruptive at practice? Rude? Or is the problem with their attitude or expectations?
Could it be that what you are seeing as preference for the quiet girls may be that the coaches are just trying to help those girls feel more relaxed and comfortable? Could it be that over correction of your daughter are higher expectations because she is doing so well?
I would suggest that you talk again with the coach and listen carefully to what they say. Ask for specifics of what your daughter is saying/doing they do not like, and specifics of what they want. What does it mean when you say their concern is your daughter's "disposition?" Is your daughter being disruptive at practice? Rude? Or is the problem with their attitude or expectations?
The specific situation that prompted this post: the girls have partners when stretching. My daughter's partner didn't stop when my daughter said "stretch". My daughter told the coach and the coach told the girl to go more slowly and stop pushing when my daughter said "stretch". Again, the partner didn't stop when my daughter said to. (I dont know the other girl at all and neither does my daughter as she just moved to the group. So I have no idea if she was doing it intentionally or not). But after the second time, my daughter wouldn't do that particular stretch with her again. She asked for a new partner or to do it on her own. The coach was upset and explained to me and her that my daughter needed to do what she was told. I think my daughter had the right to refuse to be over stretched for a third time.
Although I saw this happening, I could not hear what was said or how my daughter said it. It very well could have been that she was sassy or even disrespectful, but the coach's concern was her refusal to do it not her attitude.
Prior to this the coaches have talked to her and me about her talking to much, asking to many questions (ex: Do 5 pull-ups. "Can I do more in each set?" Just do what you're told. Or asking, "can I try it by myself?")., and being silly. (One girl was upset about doing something wrong during an evaluation and my daughter, trying to make her feel better, said, "at least you didn't fart on the bar!") Some of the coaches really seem to like my daughter, but continue press her to just do what she is told.
Although I saw this happening, I could not hear what was said or how my daughter said it. It very well could have been that she was sassy or even disrespectful, but the coach's concern was her refusal to do it not her attitude.
Prior to this the coaches have talked to her and me about her talking to much, asking to many questions (ex: Do 5 pull-ups. "Can I do more in each set?" Just do what you're told. Or asking, "can I try it by myself?")., and being silly. (One girl was upset about doing something wrong during an evaluation and my daughter, trying to make her feel better, said, "at least you didn't fart on the bar!") Some of the coaches really seem to like my daughter, but continue press her to just do what she is told.
My daughter is a spit fire too... so I know what you mean. She has been that outgoing, spunky, sassy little thing since birth. But remarkably, she is extremely coachable. I remember when she was 6 years old and was being a little turkey, and I said "M, how is it that you can be so good at school and at gymnastics but you are so naughty at home?". She looked me dead in the eye and said, "mom, you expect me to be good in school, daycare and gym --- I need to let my naughty out somewhere!". I mean, what was I even supposed to say to that??!! Hahaha.... she will speak up, ask questions, but she respects her coaches A LOT so she is not sassy regarding feedback that they are giving her (I mean I imagine it happens once in awhile?) . I think that is a big difference... they might be trying to reign your DD in to help her be more 'coachable'. My DD's coaches have never tried to squelch her big personality...It sounds like your DD has some talent that they see, but I am guessing they may perceive her as needing more black and white boundaries of acceptable/not acceptable behavior which can appear to be them being "tougher on her" from a parent's watchful eye. Just a thought...
OK, so the word that means "please stop stretching me" is "stretch?" Isn't that confusing? Maybe the other little girl who is new to the gym was confused?
In this situation, your daughter was voicing her right to be listened to regarding her body and what she was comfortable with. To me that is perfectly legitimate on your daughter's part and I do not get why the coach was "upset." Perhaps the coach should have had them switch partners to see if the issue was this particular paring or something else.
It sounds like you think some of the coaches like your daughter but others do not. I would suggest it is possibly not that personal.
Maybe it would help to look at this situation from the coaching "group management" point of view. I presume this is a practice with several little girls in it, all of whom are young and probably as a group not all that great when it comes to the skills of understanding/communicating/listening, all needing and deserving the same amount of attention and focus from the coach. At the same time the coach needs to keep the gymnasts and the practice tightly organized and moving systematically, quickly and safely from one event to the next. If there is more than one practice group happening at a time, as would be typical, they may only have the beam for X time and the bars for Z time. It's a lot to manage all at once and distractions make it harder. Even if there is no sass, one child asking lots of questions, making special requests, and making jokes would be disruptive and unfairly take up the coach's time and the group's time. I think it is great your daughter wanted to help her teammate feel better, and I am sure that joke was a big hit with the other girls. But maybe coming on top of everything else, that joke was seen by the coach as more disruption rather than appreciated as an act of generosity.
When it comes to asking for more reps, here are my thoughts because I have seen this before. One child doing more reps (and taking longer to complete their turn) than the others means the other kids get less time (unless there is enough equipment that no one has to take turns.) When learning a skill or doing reps as part of a group class, it is not about how many reps one can do or would like to do, it is about how many reps the coach needs everyone to do so that everyone can have a chance to work what needs to be worked to the extent required in the overall time allowed. Perhaps your dd just needs this explained to her in a way that makes sense to her.
Obviously if a kid does not understand what is being asked of them, or needs to use the restroom, etc. they need to ask. But maybe she will get more responsive results to her questions when she learns to cut down on the unnecessary ones. I would suggest helping your daughter understand the difference between unnecessary and necessary comments/questions. Obviously this will be a process.
This is a hard stop. It is fundamentally important that when a person says, "Stop doing that to my body," that the other person stops. Teaching a young girl that when she says "Stop," it's acceptable for another person to push her beyond her limits is unacceptable, and it's unacceptable that the coach said that your daughter isn't allowed to tell her partner to stop. There may be any number of miscommunications here, but if the coach truly said and believes that - teaching your daughter bodily autonomy is much more important than the splits.
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