Parents Gymnastics Break

[Deleted member 19866]

This is my first post and probably going to be quite lengthy. My daughter started gymnastics late at the age of 10. She has been in it for 3years now and has hit a wall with it. Maybe it's just age and puberty, I don't know. Everyone or most says it's a stage and phase they go through. Most say they referred ever quitting...I don't want that to happen for her. I've seen her accomplish so much to this point and finally get to optionals and it all seemed to become a struggle. She is so talented and an amazing tumbler. Practice was just not something that she has been wanting to do lately or even competing lately at meets. She has been so torn on knowing whether she still loves it or not. It came down to having to step back and take a break to re-evaluate where she lies with it and what she wants. It breaks my heart to see her come so far to stop now. Gym has always been a struggle for us with not having anywhere close to go, such long days of school and gym, and late nights I believe has caught up with her. We decided to homeschool this year to help out with it all. Now the break is happening. How many of yours have been through it already and did they bounce back to it? I don't want to get my hopes up but on the other end I believe she might be done.

 

[gymbeam]

I read your post and then just sat for a minute really imagining what I'd feel if my daughter was feeling like yours. I imagine my textbook, wanna be perfect-mom side of me would say "it's her sport and her choice so just let her decide and just support whatever she chooses- but, my perspective as a parent who wished I had had a passion for something like my DD has at her age would feel like I did have to at least try every way possible to help her get through whatever the issues were.

It's the delicate balance that I think would be such a challenge. I hope you're able to find that so if it is over you both can look back with no regrets. You'll just have to take each moment as it comes and trust your gut. Good luck mama!

 

[munchkin3]

13 is a tough age and kids are figuring themselves out. This comes with a lot of 'I love this' and ' I hate that'. Their emotions are fleeting and exaggerated......they are tired all the time from their changing bodies and brain. Puberty really sucks.
I can't offer you any instructions- all I can give you is my experience. My son quit at 14/15 ish after some injuries and not being around a positive coach. By the time we moved gyms, it was too late. Now, a year later, I've asked my son what he thinks of the whole thing. He says he does not regret quitting, but he regrets not leaving Gym 1 sooner. He guesses he would have made it through the rough patch, but that he is happy now coaching.
My point is, they all go through this one way or another. The actual 'quitting' took almost a year!! He had committed to a season so he had to finish it.....that's all I would push at this point. Have you committed to the season? If so your DD is old enough to understand that she must finish what she started. Even with the home school etc.....after the season is over, she can decide.
Hopefully but then, she will have a better perspective.
Good luck! It's hard with a Teenager!!!!

 

[GymDad9.9]

13 is a tough age and kids are figuring themselves out. This comes with a lot of 'I love this' and ' I hate that'. Their emotions are fleeting and exaggerated......they are tired all the time from their changing bodies and brain. Puberty really sucks.
I can't offer you any instructions- all I can give you is my experience. My son quit at 14/15 ish after some injuries and not being around a positive coach. By the time we moved gyms, it was too late. Now, a year later, I've asked my son what he thinks of the whole thing. He says he does not regret quitting, but he regrets not leaving Gym 1 sooner. He guesses he would have made it through the rough patch, but that he is happy now coaching.
My point is, they all go through this one way or another. The actual 'quitting' took almost a year!! He had committed to a season so he had to finish it.....that's all I would push at this point. Have you committed to the season? If so your DD is old enough to understand that she must finish what she started. Even with the home school etc.....after the season is over, she can decide.
Hopefully but then, she will have a better perspective.
Good luck! It's hard with a Teenager!!!!

My memory might be spotty and it was some time ago, but I seem to recall embracing puberty. My 20s was a much more difficult period for me.

 

[GYM0M]

My memory might be spotty and it was some time ago, but I seem to recall embracing puberty. My 20s was a much more difficult period for me.

Lol, I bet your parents would disagree. My 20's were more difficult for me as well, but now, as a mother of a teenage DD, puberty is h-E-double hockey sticks! I often call my mom to 'vent' and she reminds me that I was often the same way and that I gave her h-e-double hockey sticks too. But I swear, I didn't!! Hahaha!

 

[GymDad9.9]

Lol, I bet your parents would disagree. My 20's were more difficult for me as well, but now, as a mother of a teenage DD, puberty is h-E-double hockey sticks! I often call my mom to 'vent' and she reminds me that I was often the same way and that I gave her h-e-double hockey sticks too. But I swear, I didn't!! Hahaha!

Perhaps it's a little different for boys. Acne was probably the worst issue for me and even that was fairly minimal. I was one of five sons and a daughter so I'm sure my time during puberty was all a blur to my parents.

 

[Gymdad2]

Imho I believe that you may encourage her to continue but not force her to continue. You job is to recognize the difference. Good luck.

 

[flowerchild]

My daughter struggled for 2 years. She finally quit. It took about a year for the quitting to happen. She doesn't regret quitting, but does regret some of the decisions she made in the year or two before she quit and thinks she may not have quit if some things had been different.

 

[notthatmom]

She's old enough now that she can really sit and think about what quitting would really mean. Have her make a pro and con list, what she likes about gym and what she doesn't like. If I did the math correctly she is about 13/14 and from what I've learned from this awesome site is that's the time when lots of girls quit.

Her happiness and well being should be her and your number one priority. Make sure she and you both know that ultimately it is her decision.

Has she shown any interest in another sport or activity that she is unable to do due to gym?

 

[Deleted member 19866]

Thank you all for your comments!! It's always helpful to get experience and insight from others who have been there. Puberty really does suck when you have it involved with such a demanding sport. Finding the right balance in sports is so hard on a parent on knowing when to push a little, to give tough love and to know when to step back and let go. I've tried my hardest to find that balance with them all. We have been at a new gym this past year and although she has made wonderful friends I didn't ever think it was the gym for her. She finished out her Spring season and luckily didn't start this Fall yet. I've tried to even get her to try another gym in attempt to see what it would do for her. Every gym is atleast 45 min away from us. It really would have been nice to have one close by. I feel like in some ways it stole her joy from it.

 

[twocurlygirlz]

Do you guys have a sports psych at your gym - if you do I'd ask for a session or two with your DD and him/her-or seek one out- I would say its worth it based on the effort and sacrifices/choices made thus far- seems like a talented gymmie- so many emotions at this age- maybe she just needs to be guided by a different (not mom or dad =) ) adult.

 

[Deleted member 19866]

We don't have anything like that here, our gym is small. She is quite shy and quiet when it comes to speaking up and talking to others about problems other than me.

 

[Deleted member 19866]

My daughter struggled for 2 years. She finally quit. It took about a year for the quitting to happen. She doesn't regret quitting, but does regret some of the decisions she made in the year or two before she quit and thinks she may not have quit if some things had been different.

What decisions would you say she regretted that contributed to her quitting?

 

[lhmom]

Mine quit back in June. In our case, I suspected it was coming for a while (she talked about quitting the summer before but changed her mind). I think she just reached that point that she didn't "love" gymnastics and was wanting to do other sports (now a 7th grader). Funny thing was when she quit, she was actually picking up new skills. So when she said she was done, I really felt like it was time. This age is so hard!

 

[raenndrops]

My OG's story is different… she "quit" after a rough season of Old L6 where she lost her back tuck, flyaway, and BWO on beam… AND family pressure (older sister and grandparents).
That "quit" lasted from September to the beginning of November. Then she came back and competed Xcel Gold from January through the end of the season and the following season too.
The family drama started again, but "mom" got in on it too because she wasn't doing "flippy" things, so she "retired" at the end of the season. She attempted a come back last year which lasted 3 weeks. Then she stopped again.
She is now a freshman in high school. She just finished her volleyball season and is back in the gym. She is going to compete again (Level 6 … 7.5 inches taller than she was last time she competed)!
Sometimes, a break is just what they need th=o see if it is really for them.

 

[karenity]

Every kid is different. I can share the ups and downs my kids went through.

My daughter only competed one season. She wanted to quit right before the first competition season started. My husband and I talked with her and her coaches, and decided it would be best for her to compete the season so she wouldn't quit the next sport when it got tough or at the competition level. She had a decent season, she was a hard worker. For us it was a good decision. When season ended she quit and we didn't expect her to ever go back. She happily moved on to a new sport that she has been in for now 7 years! (She rides and competes with horses, trains them, and teaches lessons - even to adults!) We weren't sure it was the right decision at the time, would have saved money if she quit, but we are glad we had her stick out the last few months of competition season. Even if they don't stick with it long, they learn life lessons in just one short season. Like my daughter's second to last meet, she fell on the beam on the warm up, got a very nice beam bruise, but shortly after got up and did her beam routine without falling for the actual competition. Was good for her to learn she could shake it off and perform. So for my daughter, it was just about finding the right time to quit. I just think timing on when to quit is important as well.

My gymnast son (twin to my daughter) will be starting his 8th competitive season in January. For him, when he was little gym was fun. He likes flipping around, learning new skills, he likes conditioning. It came pretty easy to him, and he moved up levels every year, except one year (he had to repeat at least one year anyway because of his young age). And that was the year he hit a rough patch. He was 10/11 at the time, and it wasn't puberty related. But it was at the beginning of middle school, which all my kids had some trouble adjusting, but my gymnast son had the hardest time. Mostly because he was having too much fun at school, as he is very social and at the time wasn't focused on academics. So my super bright child had extremely poor grades at the time, and at gym he was also having problems. Reached a point at one meet where my son and his coach called each other names (not swear names, just something like jerk - I don't remember exactly what they said). So the coach initiated a meeting with my son and the women's team head coach to facilitate the meeting. I must say it was handled extremely well, they asked my son what was going on, and spoke directly with him and said they weren't seeing the boy they knew. Anyway, I'm super grateful the coaches took the initiative to reach out. All I could say, is I'm glad he didn't quit at this time if that were even an option.

My son came through this rough patch, and turned everything around. He is now a freshman in High School and has straight A's, and he just went through his growth spurt over the last year, and is gaining new skills quickly.

Since the sport is so expensive, at times I've wanted him to quit. I'm glad he hasn't, but I don't pressure him to continue. But he is doing very well. We have discussed it, as $$ is tight, but I think him having that option makes it his choice to continue. There have been times when he didn't enjoy the competitions, he said he was putting too much pressure on himself and not the coaches or his parents. But he has worked through that as well.

His last thing he worked through was nationals (went last year). He was nervous, and did poorly on a few events but extremely well on a couple events. So now that he has done it once, the fear of it for this coming season isn't so bad.

Oh, with my son I've encouraged him to take a break at end of season each year. He never wants to then about a month after that he regrets not taking a few weeks or even a month off! This last year, due to a growth related injury (elbow growth issue- little leaguer's elbow) he took an extended break - month off, then 2 months of conditioning/PT no elbow use. In some ways I think he came back stronger, sometimes a mental break is needed not just physical time off.

I think letting my son know he can quit, or even due another sport (he wants to do both this and football!!) makes him feel like it is his choice. And now he is talking about wanting to do gym more hours!

Good luck with your daughter, I don't think my son could explain what was going on with him through all of this. We just had to kind of work our way through it but luckily we have supportive coaches.

 

[Deleted member 19866]

She can't exactly explain what she thinks and feels except she just doesn't know what she wants. I've had to just take full control of it and wonder if I've made the right decision. She has had meet anxiety the last few meets and was in tears and didn't want to go. I made her go and she finished the last season. She got through it and did well. She has done some form of sports/competing since the age of 8 and never had issues like this. I don't know whether it's puberty affecting her or she's just pressuring herself too much and worrying about falls. She does very well when she competes, of course some meets are better than others. At times I have wished she wasn't in it but that's just because it's been hard the last year with it all and the drive gets tiring. I really hope a break gives her some clarity. In the meantime I can't get it off my mind wondering about it all.

 

[Deleted member 19866]

Every kid is different. I can share the ups and downs my kids went through.

My daughter only competed one season. She wanted to quit right before the first competition season started. My husband and I talked with her and her coaches, and decided it would be best for her to compete the season so she wouldn't quit the next sport when it got tough or at the competition level. She had a decent season, she was a hard worker. For us it was a good decision. When season ended she quit and we didn't expect her to ever go back. She happily moved on to a new sport that she has been in for now 7 years! (She rides and competes with horses, trains them, and teaches lessons - even to adults!) We weren't sure it was the right decision at the time, would have saved money if she quit, but we are glad we had her stick out the last few months of competition season. Even if they don't stick with it long, they learn life lessons in just one short season. Like my daughter's second to last meet, she fell on the beam on the warm up, got a very nice beam bruise, but shortly after got up and did her beam routine without falling for the actual competition. Was good for her to learn she could shake it off and perform. So for my daughter, it was just about finding the right time to quit. I just think timing on when to quit is important as well.

My gymnast son (twin to my daughter) will be starting his 8th competitive season in January. For him, when he was little gym was fun. He likes flipping around, learning new skills, he likes conditioning. It came pretty easy to him, and he moved up levels every year, except one year (he had to repeat at least one year anyway because of his young age). And that was the year he hit a rough patch. He was 10/11 at the time, and it wasn't puberty related. But it was at the beginning of middle school, which all my kids had some trouble adjusting, but my gymnast son had the hardest time. Mostly because he was having too much fun at school, as he is very social and at the time wasn't focused on academics. So my super bright child had extremely poor grades at the time, and at gym he was also having problems. Reached a point at one meet where my son and his coach called each other names (not swear names, just something like jerk - I don't remember exactly what they said). So the coach initiated a meeting with my son and the women's team head coach to facilitate the meeting. I must say it was handled extremely well, they asked my son what was going on, and spoke directly with him and said they weren't seeing the boy they knew. Anyway, I'm super grateful the coaches took the initiative to reach out. All I could say, is I'm glad he didn't quit at this time if that were even an option.

My son came through this rough patch, and turned everything around. He is now a freshman in High School and has straight A's, and he just went through his growth spurt over the last year, and is gaining new skills quickly.

Since the sport is so expensive, at times I've wanted him to quit. I'm glad he hasn't, but I don't pressure him to continue. But he is doing very well. We have discussed it, as $$ is tight, but I think him having that option makes it his choice to continue. There have been times when he didn't enjoy the competitions, he said he was putting too much pressure on himself and not the coaches or his parents. But he has worked through that as well.

His last thing he worked through was nationals (went last year). He was nervous, and did poorly on a few events but extremely well on a couple events. So now that he has done it once, the fear of it for this coming season isn't so bad.

Oh, with my son I've encouraged him to take a break at end of season each year. He never wants to then about a month after that he regrets not taking a few weeks or even a month off! This last year, due to a growth related injury (elbow growth issue- little leaguer's elbow) he took an extended break - month off, then 2 months of conditioning/PT no elbow use. In some ways I think he came back stronger, sometimes a mental break is needed not just physical time off.

I think letting my son know he can quit, or even due another sport (he wants to do both this and football!!) makes him feel like it is his choice. And now he is talking about wanting to do gym more hours!

Good luck with your daughter, I don't think my son could explain what was going on with him through all of this. We just had to kind of work our way through it but luckily we have supportive

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

My DD is 14 and she's been doing gymnastics for the last seven years. She was struggling some and making a lot of faces on the way home after gym, so, I asked her one day if she wanted to take a break. She said I don't know, I'm 50/50 about gymnastics, I want to do cheer. So, we tried it, talked with coach, talked with cheer coach at gym, talked with head coach at school. We determined that she would reduce her hours and do stunting. Well, during her second class, she hurt her thumb. Urgent care, Ortho dr,3 Mri's, 50/50 chance of surgery and or long term cast on wrist and hand. Ortho Dr said 3 months no sports! So, now, she's 50/50 and injured, we made her quit for 3-6 months. I want her to feel and know what it's like to sit home. If she wants to join a school sports except cheerleading, I'm for it.