Anon Head coach possible red flags?

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Anonymous (8f12)

Context: I (20F) am coaching competitive gymnasts under direction of our clubs head coach who’s been involved in the sport for almost 70 years. I have my own group of level 6s, HC coaches a group of level 7+. Our whole comp team is just those 2 groups, we have less than 10 kids total. I love the sport and coaching, and appreciate all HC has taught me. At the same time, HC is slowly sucking the passion out of it for me.

*He is great with the kids and I have not noticed any red flags in his coaching or interactions with the kids, thankfully.*

-he makes me feel like I can’t do anything right. Like I’m walking on eggshells and I’m constantly looking over my shoulder to see if he’s watching. Some things he has said to me/about me:
-“It’s like talking to a brick wall”
-“If you let her do that skill like that again I’m going to have to get rid of your group”
-“are you not understanding me?” (In response to my kid doing something with poor form that I was trying to fix. The tone he said it in made me feeling so small and stupid but maybe I’m just being dramatic).

-blames me for a kids injury that I don’t think was my fault. She originally hurt her knee doing a different sport. I listened to his instructions and didn’t let her do anything except bars for around a month. When her knee started feeling better I slowly reintroduced skills under HIS direct instruction. She later dropped out of gymnastics due to a knee injury sustained once again playing ANOTHER sport. He’s saying I should’ve taken her injury seriously because I ruined her career (it’s never said directly like this but it’s very heavily implied). I’ve tried to tell him that she sustained her re-injury elsewhere, and that I was super careful and serious about her injury; I did everything he said to do when she was recovering. He won’t listen and just says “well that’s why you have to take injuries seriously.” At this point I’m afraid to stand up to him about it so I just accept the defeat and pretend it really was my fault. It’s to a point that I AM starting to blame myself and wondering what I could have done differently.

-constantly yelling to me from across the gym saying I need to do things differently but not telling me what I actually need to do. I’m brand new to coaching competitive and it’s been really tough doing this by myself. His group has 3 coaches and when I try to borrow one of them to help out for a rotation he has gotten upset at me. This is not only hard on me but tough on my athletes, I need extra eyes and help with spotting sometimes.

-other coaches notice how he is treating me and constantly asking me if I’m okay (which I appreciate very much) and have told me that I should maybe inform our clubs rec managers (who are empathetic) of how I am being treated. Sometimes I want to, but I’m worried it’s only going to get worse if he finds out I “told on” him.
It’s also super weird because one day he’ll be saying those things to me, and then the next he’s laughing and joking with me. I’m always afraid to come to work because I don’t know if it will be a day where he is friendly to me or a day where I go home feeling like an incompetent coach. every time we have a good day I feel like the bad days don’t “count” anymore. Like the good days erase them.

Perhaps I’m crazy and this is just common interaction between young employees and their older bosses? Do these sound like red flags to anyone else?
 
Not sure what country you are in but do you have a welfare officer at your gym? If so, I would either send an email or speak to them about how you are feeling and the things HC has said to you. I wouldn't be comfortable working in a gym where someone speaks to me like this and I totally understand not feeling comfortable to go to HC about the way he says things as this could make things worse.

Personally, I would not stand for this and if you have no one at the gym you can go to about this, I would find another gym or find a new job where you are treated the way you should be and make you feel valuable
 
Context: I (20F) am coaching competitive gymnasts under direction of our clubs head coach who’s been involved in the sport for almost 70 years. I have my own group of level 6s, HC coaches a group of level 7+. Our whole comp team is just those 2 groups, we have less than 10 kids total. I love the sport and coaching, and appreciate all HC has taught me. At the same time, HC is slowly sucking the passion out of it for me.

*He is great with the kids and I have not noticed any red flags in his coaching or interactions with the kids, thankfully.*

-he makes me feel like I can’t do anything right. Like I’m walking on eggshells and I’m constantly looking over my shoulder to see if he’s watching. Some things he has said to me/about me:
-“It’s like talking to a brick wall”
-“If you let her do that skill like that again I’m going to have to get rid of your group”
-“are you not understanding me?” (In response to my kid doing something with poor form that I was trying to fix. The tone he said it in made me feeling so small and stupid but maybe I’m just being dramatic).

-blames me for a kids injury that I don’t think was my fault. She originally hurt her knee doing a different sport. I listened to his instructions and didn’t let her do anything except bars for around a month. When her knee started feeling better I slowly reintroduced skills under HIS direct instruction. She later dropped out of gymnastics due to a knee injury sustained once again playing ANOTHER sport. He’s saying I should’ve taken her injury seriously because I ruined her career (it’s never said directly like this but it’s very heavily implied). I’ve tried to tell him that she sustained her re-injury elsewhere, and that I was super careful and serious about her injury; I did everything he said to do when she was recovering. He won’t listen and just says “well that’s why you have to take injuries seriously.” At this point I’m afraid to stand up to him about it so I just accept the defeat and pretend it really was my fault. It’s to a point that I AM starting to blame myself and wondering what I could have done differently.

-constantly yelling to me from across the gym saying I need to do things differently but not telling me what I actually need to do. I’m brand new to coaching competitive and it’s been really tough doing this by myself. His group has 3 coaches and when I try to borrow one of them to help out for a rotation he has gotten upset at me. This is not only hard on me but tough on my athletes, I need extra eyes and help with spotting sometimes.

-other coaches notice how he is treating me and constantly asking me if I’m okay (which I appreciate very much) and have told me that I should maybe inform our clubs rec managers (who are empathetic) of how I am being treated. Sometimes I want to, but I’m worried it’s only going to get worse if he finds out I “told on” him.
It’s also super weird because one day he’ll be saying those things to me, and then the next he’s laughing and joking with me. I’m always afraid to come to work because I don’t know if it will be a day where he is friendly to me or a day where I go home feeling like an incompetent coach. every time we have a good day I feel like the bad days don’t “count” anymore. Like the good days erase them.

Perhaps I’m crazy and this is just common interaction between young employees and their older bosses? Do these sound like red flags to anyone else?
If you're at a gym that treats you like this, bail and don't look back.

Every gym in the world is eternally short staffed; if you have a pulse, know the difference between a cartwheel and a giant, and aren't on the sex offender registry, you can walk into pretty much any gym and get a job offer. No reason to put up with one that doesn't treat you well.
 
*He is great with the kids and I have not noticed any red flags in his coaching or interactions with the kids, thankfully.*
You don't have to treat all people poorly to establish unhealthy power dynamics and a culture of fear. It doesn't matter if he is an angel to his students. If he is berating you in front of students, he is normalizing bullying. At best, he is being a bad role model; at worst (and he might be doing this subconsciously), he is conditioning his students to be afraid of him. Either way, it's a red flag.

Perhaps I’m crazy and this is just common interaction between young employees and their older bosses?
My personal policy with any job is to only work at places that help me grow. If ever I feel like I'm stagnating—whether the job is too easy or my colleagues are wearing me down—I quit and find a better job. Life is too short to work jobs that make you dead inside. Based on your post, it sounds like you should quit.

BTW, if you are like me, you will think of "quitting" as synonymous with "giving up." Get this out of your head. "Quitting" can also by synonymous with "leveling up" or "moving up." If you truly can't stand this coach, you deserve a more positive working environment. Quitting might be your best chance at finding a better fit.
 

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