For Parents Heartbroken DD

cogymmom2dd

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Feb 9, 2020
160
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USA
My DD1’s gym bestie, who she has been on team with since we first started 7 years ago just announced that she is switching gyms for next season. My DD is crushed.
The reasoning behind the switch is that the girl feels as though she hasn’t made any progress this year (she also had an injury that put her out for most of the competition season) and wants to go to a gym where she thinks she can make progress with the more intense training and coaching that this other gym is known for. We had one of our coaches leave this past year, but she left because she had twins in the middle of a pandemic, making them her 3rd and 4th children and finding care for all of them was hard for her, especially in the evenings. She is a military wife, so she is often by herself with her husband gone. It’s possible that she will come back to coaching once her husband is not gone as much, just not right now. This coach was perfect. She was strict but loving and really fun. All of the kids loved her. I think that the morale of the gym has gone down slightly since she has been gone and this girl is leaving because she feels that she hasn’t made progress since this specific coach left (she is not coaching anywhere else).
I have already told DD1 that she cannot switch gyms, that we have already committed to ours for another season and IF we ever switch gyms, it will not be to the gym that her bestie is at. We will be going to another local gym that is well known, has a strong L9/10 team. I also told her that she has to understand that we can’t just up and move gyms for her. I also have 2 other kids to think about. My DD2 is about to start Level 6 training and DD3 preteam. I will not have different kids at different gyms and DD2 is thriving in our current gym environment.
I think that one of the reasons why she is so heartbroken is that we are getting ready to move, so she will be starting her first year of middle school next year in a brand new school district, so she already feels like she is/will be all alone, and now she is losing her best gym friend on top of it (we don’t have to switch gyms due to our move and being able to have consistency with her gym friends was one perk of us deciding to make the move).
How have you dealt with long-term teammates/friends just up and leaving? We have had a few leave and come back but none that she was terribly close with like this girl.
 

Tmacs

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Feb 19, 2019
134
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USA
I’m sorry! It’s so tough. We haven’t dealt with this specifically but my dd has lost 2 close friends to moves. I see it as a great opportunity for her to learn perseverance and coping in these losses which will help for future relationships and dating. I think it’s great that you are standing firm with not following a friend. Encourage her to be a leader in her group and a friend to other girls. Long term, this will be a great lesson.
 
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cogymmom2dd

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Proud Parent
Feb 9, 2020
160
Country
USA
I’m sorry! It’s so tough. We haven’t dealt with this specifically but my dd has lost 2 close friends to moves. I see it as a great opportunity for her to learn perseverance and coping in these losses which will help for future relationships and dating. I think it’s great that you are standing firm with not following a friend. Encourage her to be a leader in her group and a friend to other girls. Long term, this will be a great lesson.
It’s really hard for her to be the leader of her specific group now because she is the runt of the bunch. She is the youngest (11yo) and smallest on her team so they tend to baby her. She and her bestie were great friends because they were younger and could stay out of all of the drama with the older girls, who are now high school aged and she is barely middle school aged.
To make things worse, the upcoming L6’s that she can possibly be a leader to include her younger sister and a group of girls who are more around her age (9-12 years old) but they are also good friends with DD2 and DD2 is definitely the ring leader of that group.
 

PeanutsMom

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Proud Parent
Jun 14, 2019
125
Country
USA
This is different, but the same. My daughter and her gym bestie (out of the gym too) have been competing together since second grade. My daughter made the decision to switch from Level 7 to XCEL Diamond this past week (Lots of coaching issues at the Optional level and more consistent coaching at Diamond means she will actually get help getting her 8 skills). My DD is terrified that she is moving to a group of girls she doesn't know since she has been with the same team since level 3. My heart is terrified that if she doesn't gel with this group she will just quit gymnastics which I know she doesn't want, but friendship is a huge reason she does gym. She loves her teammates and this decision has been hard. She was supposed to start practice with XCEL today, but that has been pushed off until a couple of days because of an unforeseen circumstance by one of the coaches. I hope your DD is able to make the most of the time with the teammates who are remaining at your gym with her. I know teammates are super important support in this sport.
 
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