WAG Help me understand

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I’m a reforming CGM but not completely reformed as you’ll soon see. One thing I’m doing much better is watching just my own kid during practice. It has done wonders for my mental state. However, there is a lot going on at the gym so I naturally find myself casually watching other groups/classes while my DD is waiting her turn in line or whatever.

Something has been driving me crazy and I can’t stop wondering about it. Please help me understand. Why is it that in every class, there is 1 girl who is shockingly out of place? If everyone is doing back tucks, That One Girl can’t do it. At all. If everyone else is doing giants, That One Girl can’t do it. In another class, while everyone is conditioning, That One Girl is cheating and watching the coach to make sure she doesnt get caught. I know everyone works at their own pace, but she’s always super out of place, even dangerously so. I happened to meet a mom from a different gym who told me that a girl in her daughter’s class can’t even do a cartwheel and they are level 2s. What on earth??

In DD’s class, That One Girl doesn’t just miss or fall, she collapses spectacularly like a stunt woman. The coach always has a look of shock, surprise, and today, laughter. To me, it’s dangerous. If I were her mother, I’d be extremely worried that my daughter will get hurt because she just can’t do it. It’s not a high level yet, so nothing life threatening, but if this girl is falling regularly onto her head DURING WARM UPS, isn’t it dangerous for her to attempt any skills when she’s constantly collapsing with all 4 limbs going in different directions? She has no strength so she chucks herself into a handstand, but her support leg is shaking the entire time.

Why do they allow this??? Why does it go on???
Not to be rude, but it’s not your business. I don’t watch practice because I have a life and don’t want to sit around this kind of poison. We
 
Forgive my ignorance and I apologize in advance if my post may appear snarky but I truly do not understand why this bothers you and why you’ve seemed to zero in on this gymnast? I almost feel offended by your post and my daughter was not even one of those gymnasts. However, if my daughter happen to be one of those gymnasts, it wouldn’t sit well with me if a mother was judging my daughter as such.

OMG! I 100% agree with you on this one!

6 words: Get out of the view room! Judgey attitudes like this can be toxic to any gym. Please reassure us that you do NOT let your dd know how you feel about her teammate!?

I will say one thing I’ve successfully been able to do is stick to my commitment of being a “Drop and Dash” mom! Drop her off and go do something else. Let your daughter surprise you with her skills at meets, and coaches will tell you about stuff if it needs to be addressed.

Last thing, my dd is training to be a level 6, and there are several perfect practicers on her team, but they struggle with the mental focus during competitions. This will change over time should they choose to stay in it...they’ll either gain the mental fortitude to compete well or they won’t. Sometimes, the ones who appear to be “more lax” are the sneaky ones who kick butt at meets and make all the other perfect practicers look unprepared! Good and reputable coaches from solid programs have a trained eye. They may see something in this child that is not apparent to anyone. So don’t be so concerned about something that isn’t about you or your daughter.

Don’t be a walking cliche and stop the CGM antics! Your daughter will love you for it in the future!!
 
I can assure you all that no one at the gym , not DD, not another parent knows what I think. Reason is I have never said anything about this kid to anyone except DH, on text while I’m at the gym and he’s never at the gym, so only his eyes have seen my thoughts. Not an excuse but several of you voiced concerns about my thoughts getting out.
 
To the OP, I have one of “those girls” too, but you know.. I understand. Sometimes it can seem those girls are a distraction to the coaches or other girls, or a risk to their own safety. I’ve even had people question out loud to me why my kid was there. So I’m not gonna pile on here or anything. Once their a bit older, those girls know that they’re those girls- so if they’re still there everyday, they’re really all-in on trying to improve. Like many others have expressed, my that girl outlasted every single one of her more talented teammates in the sport. She just graduated- her gym’s only senior in years- and is excited to keep doing it for fun in a club college team. Again though, no anger from me. I get it. Like others have said, you should try to stop watching and paying attention- or if you do watch, silently cheer that girl on instead of wonder why she’s there.
 
To the OP, I have one of “those girls” too, but you know.. I understand. Sometimes it can seem those girls are a distraction to the coaches or other girls, or a risk to their own safety. I’ve even had people question out loud to me why my kid was there. So I’m not gonna pile on here or anything. Once their a bit older, those girls know that they’re those girls- so if they’re still there everyday, they’re really all-in on trying to improve. Like many others have expressed, my that girl outlasted every single one of her more talented teammates in the sport. She just graduated- her gym’s only senior in years- and is excited to keep doing it for fun in a club college team. Again though, no anger from me. I get it. Like others have said, you should try to stop watching and paying attention- or if you do watch, silently cheer that girl on instead of wonder why she’s there.
It wouldn’t let me make corrections. Grrr.

To the OP, I have one of “those girls” too, but you know.. I understand. Sometimes it can seem those girls are a distraction to the coaches or other girls, or a risk to their own safety. I’ve even had people question out loud to me why my kid was there, but I understood their confusion. So I’m not gonna pile on here or anything.

Once they’re a bit older, those girls know that they’re “those girls”- so if they’re still there everyday, they’re really all-in on trying to improve or reaching a goal. They feel the weight of the gazes and the often snide remarks from the other girls (and sometimes parents- heck, sometimes the coaches).

Like many others have expressed, though, my “that girl” outlasted every single one of her more talented teammates in the sport.: every single one over three states and around 7 teams. She just graduated high school- her gym’s only senior in years - and is excited to keep doing it for fun on a college club team. Again though, no anger from me. I get it, seriously. Like others have said, though, you should try to stop watching and paying attention to practices- or if you do watch, silently cheer “that girl” on instead of wondering why she’s there.
 
Out of curiosity, how old is your child, what level is she, and what are your reasons for watching practice?
No one needs a reason for watching practice, it’s their kid, they can watch if they want to. I watch because I want to, I’m short on gas money, i don’t feel like making 4 trips that day, I enjoy it, it’s interesting, I can see if she’s progressing or trying hard or goofing off, she wants me to stay, I have some computer work to do and it’s easy to do it there, or just to stay and chat with the other parents. People need to stop making people feel like they can’t watch practice. I’ve been watching practice for over 16 years and I never get tired of it.
 
it’s their kid, they can watch if they want to.

Yes that's true. And the reality is there really should be no need to watch practice on a regular basis.

Even if its not worth the gas to go home. Find a library, do some shopping, take a walk. Work out. Sit in DD/Starbucks and read a book. Get a mani. Sit in the car. Meet up with friends. Have a date with your significant other. A whole lot of self care can happen in those 12-14 hours for me, even more hours for other folks.

That's a lot of hours a week to give up for just watching a kid. It kind of amounts to watching your kid at daycare.

And most gyms will tell you parents are a distraction. And having seen parents in action I wholeheartedly agree.

And its especially difficult with younger kids new to team. It makes it difficult to coach with a bunch of kids looking out to their parents and getting sideline coaching and waiting for parents to approve. And a bunch of parents critiquing and evaluating is the coach doing it "right", is their kid getting enough attention and what are they letting other kids do things and on and on. It actually s*cks. And it undermines the coach and makes the coach less effective for all the kids (and yes that includes mine).

And don't confuse the above with never watching or having access to the kids. Of course parents should be able to have access. I have never left my child any place where being able to have access to her was not allowed. But having access and watching more then you don't are completely different things. I also have never made it my life's work to observe and critique each and every session she has participated in.

Would folks sit in the back of classroom for the whole day, day in and day out?
 
There is a big gulf between “can’t watch practice” and “being there for every minute of every practice”. As is in almost all of life, a happy medium is best. Be their parent, keep them safe, but let the kids sport be theirs.
 
No one needs a reason for watching practice, it’s their kid, they can watch if they want to. I watch because I want to, I’m short on gas money, i don’t feel like making 4 trips that day, I enjoy it, it’s interesting, I can see if she’s progressing or trying hard or goofing off, she wants me to stay, I have some computer work to do and it’s easy to do it there, or just to stay and chat with the other parents. People need to stop making people feel like they can’t watch practice. I’ve been watching practice for over 16 years and I never get tired of it.

I agree, and I don't understand all the posts making parents sound like a loser for watching practices. I make a point of watching once a week, maybe twice, because I enjoy watching my daughter do gymnastics. Watching only a minutes at a few meets per season is simply not enough! We don't get to spend much time together with her school, studies, gym, volunteer work, social life and other activities. This gives us a chance to share and bond. I know she likes me there regularly (not daily however). I also remember one mom told me she regretted not watching thinking she will make the time later, then out of the blue her daughter quit, and she was overwhelmed that she would never get to watch again. This is our last year and you betcha I am going to watch.

Judging "that girl" is a totally different thing and has little to do with watching. I can't keep up with what other kids are doing or know enough about the technical side of gymnastics to know if they are good or not. They all pretty much look good to me.
 
I too agree that there should be no harm in watching practice even everyday. The problem lies in the reason for watching practice and what constant watching can lead to. I love to watch my kids period. I have 4 kids and if it were not for my advanced age and the previous 4 c-sections I would have had more. I love to watch them do anything. We go to long drawn out recitals, programs, sporting events, anything our kid is in so we can see them, be with them. So watching practice goes within the grain of a parent. But more often than not, it is not mere watching our child that causes problems. If a parent watches practice and ends up comparing their child’s progress with other kids; wonders if their child is getting the same treatment as other children; checks on their child to make sure their child is taking full advantage of the opportunity they’ve given her; making sure you are getting your money’s worth and so on, it’s best not to watch. If you know you can’t stay in your own lane and just be happy watching your daughter, it will drive you crazy as everyone has stated and will not give you pleasure and will certainly not help your daughter.
 
I don't watch much any more, but I do mostly enjoy it when I have a little time. It's hard to watch when someone is really struggling (my kid or one of their teammates), but I love seeing anyone make progress or accomplish something they've been working for a long time to do, whether it's a kip or a tkachev.
 
Back in the day my favorite thing was to go to Starbucks then head over to the gym with coffee in hand to watch the last hour of practice. It was my happy place to zone out for awhile watching gymnastics. There's always so much going on from the cute and floppy 5 year olds in rec classes to L10. I found it all mesmerizing and relaxing. Then my DD got older. Skills got scary and fears popped up. I know her teammates well enough to know from body language who is having a rough practice. It started feeling almost intrusive to watch even if I wasn't necessarily watching my DD. It just wasn't my place anymore to chill with a cup of coffee. Now I catch just a snippet of practice here and there if I have to get DD early from practice (which is almost never because she drives herself now to or rides with a friend).
 
Just stop watching and it won't bother you. Every time I arrive early and watch practice I'm annoyed by something. If your daughter is happy, safe and progressing, you should be satisfied.

Can you say this to me daily please? It is so true! Every time I arrive early and watch, I'm annoyed by something... But she is happy so I don't know why I'm bothered by it!
 

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