Parents How do we create the change?

[EGPtriumph]

So...as a parent of a young gymnast who is relatively new to competition, it is mind boggling to hear of the horrendous way that many of our gymnasts have been abused. I commend all the survivors for coming forward and pray that the healing can begin as well as significant change in the sport. Which brings me to the question of: What can we do as an advocates to create change and accountability on a widespread level?

 

[raenndrops]

ETA: All of this comes from hindsight and knowing the stories of many gymnasts.
1. Talk to your kids.
2. Observe.
3. Speak up against abusive practices. And emotional abuse is abuse.
4. Support those who do speak up.
5. Vote with your wallet ... if the coaches are abusive and nothing is done - LEAVE! Even if you signed a contract... your contract does NOT say that you are consenting to abuse. Go. Cancel any autopay. If they try to go after you, countersue for the money you paid in for meets and coaches fees for meets you didnt attend and for fees for practice time you didnt use. THEY are the ones that broke the contract and forced you to leave.

There are other gyms out there. It may take time to find the right one. IF there aren't any within an acceptable driving distance, then consider another sport. Explain to your child that the coach's behavior was unacceptable and you will always put your child first.

 

[EGPtriumph]

Raenndrops, I couldn't agree more with your suggestions. Fortunately, I believe we are at a gym that has a positive culture and coaches. I guess I'm just wondering if there are any organizations or parent groups that are advocating for big changes with some of the board members (USAG) and other individuals who appear to have allowed the abusive culture all these years. I saw the petition that had started circulating to close the ranch and apparently USAG finally made the right decision and did just that. Hallelujah! Maybe it's too soon too tell, but hopefully more of these kinds of changes will be taking place, and I pray that those individuals who were causing the abuse as well as those who turned a blind eye, will have to face the consequences.

 

[raenndrops]

Raenndrops, I couldn't agree more with your suggestions. Fortunately, I believe we are at a gym that has a positive culture and coaches. I guess I'm just wondering if there are any organizations or parent groups that are advocating for big changes with some of the board members (USAG) and other individuals who appear to have allowed the abusive culture all these years. I saw the petition that had started circulating to close the ranch and apparently USAG finally made the right decision and did just that. Hallelujah! Maybe it's too soon too tell, but hopefully more of these kinds of changes will be taking place, and I pray that those individuals who were causing the abuse as well as those who turned a blind eye, will have to face the consequences.

We are also in a gym with a positive culture and coaches. We like it that way.
According to the USAG release, closing the Ranch had been in the works since December. I guess they were (naively) hoping they could keep using it until they found someplace else to permanently move it to. I think Simone's statement clinched it happening sooner rather than later.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Never blindly accept the status quo.

When someone says you can not have access to your own child because that is "just how things are".......... its unacceptable

Do not put their sport before their emotional and mental well being.

Make sure your kids know about personal boundaries. That it is OK to question. That there are no such things as secrets. To honor their ick factor and learn to honor yours. If you have a bad feeling about something there is probably a reason.

If someone is making them feel bad, the problem is not with them................... There is high expectations and then there is a abuse. They are not the same. Every one has a bad day or bad moment. No one is perfect, not even coaches. But if its all the time, there is a problem.

I highly recommend the book. Protecting The Gift by Gavin DeBecker

 

[gymbeam]

This is just a small suggestion and one step I plan to take....start the Safe Sport Policy conversation with the gym if your gym hasn’t.

It has not been mentioned at our gym and I have been waiting for it to be. If I recall correctly, there’s a date sometime this month by which it is supposed to be implemented at all gyms, right?

Once it is, I know we won’t really feel any day to say changes, but one thing I expect to see done differently is open communication as suggested by the policy....meaning I expect to start being copied in email correspondence between my daughter and the coach.

I think it is important that the Safe Sport policy be addressed and parents made aware of the process to report violations.

I also feel like gyms tend to think parents are pretty clueless about the gym world. I hope starting the Safe Sport conversation if they don’t take the initiative first will be a good way to make them aware parents are informed and aware and, well, watching.

 

[EGPtriumph]

I love the idea of having a conversation about the Safesport policy in gyms and will definitely check out the book recommendation. Thank you!

 

[gymnastmom05]

What about gyms that don’t allow parents to watch practice? Our gym does not have a policy. Some parents stay and watch but most don’t. I only stay and watch if my DD asks and it works in my schedule (happens maybe once every 6 months or so). I know other gyms do have that policy along with other sports. It’s always made me question the thinking. I know coaches on here have given their reasons but to me, I feel more comfortable knowing I can drop in at any time and view/sometimes hear what’s going on. It provides more of a balance of power and less opportunity for things to be hidden.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

What about gyms that don’t allow parents to watch practice? Our gym does not have a policy. Some parents stay and watch but most don’t. I only stay and watch if my DD asks and it works in my schedule (happens maybe once every 6 months or so). I know other gyms do have that policy along with other sports. It’s always made me question the thinking. I know coaches on here have given their reasons but to me, I feel more comfortable knowing I can drop in at any time and view/sometimes hear what’s going on. It provides more of a balance of power and less opportunity for things to be hidden.

Our gym technically doesn't want parents watching practice. I don't, some do.

That is completely different then not being able to see your children and denied access. While I do not stay for practice. There is nothing physically stopping me from popping in.

It was the same with her daycare/preschool back in the day. Of course you don't want to be disruptive and a distraction on the children. But I could at any time just pop in. It was never this is not a good time. It was sure come on in.

Also while our gym discourages watching group practices. In the case of privates, a gymnast must have a parent/guardian at the gym and watching from the viewing area. A gymnast can not be alone with a coach. This protects the child and the coach.

 

[gymnastmom05]

Our gym technically doesn't want parents watching practice. I don't, some do.

That is completely different then not being able to see your children and denied access. While I do not stay for practice. There is nothing physically stopping me from popping in.

It was the same with her daycare/preschool back in the day. Of course you don't want to be disruptive and a distraction on the children. But I could at any time just pop in. It was never this is not a good time. It was sure come on in.

Also while our gym discourages watching group practices. In the case of privates, a gymnast must have a parent/guardian at the gym and watching from the viewing area. A gymnast can not be alone with a coach. This protects the child and the coach.

I agree. I just know there are some gyms where it isn’t just discouraged, it’s flat out, not an option. As in, you drop your child off and you cannot step foot into the facility.

 

[tpMom]

Here's a thought that's been bothering me for a while - why do we require gymnasts to compete in skimpy leotards with no pants on? And to reinforce this there are gyms that won't allow pants or shorts in practice either. I can't understand why we don't let our gymnasts compete with caprees, is it really necessary to have 7 years old or 16 year olds doing the splits in what is basically a swim suit? This bugs me all the time!

 

[2gymkids]

I agree. I just know there are some gyms where it isn’t just discouraged, it’s flat out, not an option. As in, you drop your child off and you cannot step foot into the facility.

Then my child doesn't go to that gym. End of story. It's gymnastics...an extra-curricular activity and if I need to move them or pull them I will. I totally understand and agree with the sentiment of not sitting and watching every practice. I only walk into my kid's gym once a week for usually the last ten minutes of one practice (she gets dropped at the door and we carpool), but I know that I am allowed to come in whenever I want and that there are plenty of parents in and out all the time. There are giant windows from the viewing areas and cameras as well. Parents saying they are "risking their child's dream" by pulling them from a gym that doesn't allow parents is insane. It is GYMNASTICS. This is a child's well-being and whole life we are talking about. I understand there are some really talented kids out there and athletes and parents who have poured a large part of their lives into this, but at the end of the day, it's gymnastics.

 

[gymnastmom05]

Then my child doesn't go to that gym. End of story. It's gymnastics...an extra-curricular activity and if I need to move them or pull them I will. I totally understand and agree with the sentiment of not sitting and watching every practice. I only walk into my kid's gym once a week for usually the last ten minutes of one practice (she gets dropped at the door and we carpool), but I know that I am allowed to come in whenever I want and that there are plenty of parents in and out all the time. There are giant windows from the viewing areas and cameras as well. Parents saying they are "risking their child's dream" by pulling them from a gym that doesn't allow parents is insane. It is GYMNASTICS. This is a child's well-being and whole life we are talking about. I understand there are some really talented kids out there and athletes and parents who have poured a large part of their lives into this, but at the end of the day, it's gymnastics.

I completely agree. When my friend told me of the rule her daughters gym had, I was baffled. It’s just if now is the time that people are discussing changes that need to happen, this is something I think needs looked at. I’m not saying parents should be watching with the intent of “coaching” their child, it just shouldn’t be an option for a gym (in my opinion) to tell a parent they cannot randomly watch a practice.

 

[gymjunkie]

I don't have an answer for how to change the entire system, but I will say to fellow gym moms & dads... don't let your child's coach (teacher, youth minister, band instructor, etc.) become their surrogate parent. This happens way too often. Before I had children of my own, I experienced gym parents who seemed okay with handing over their respect and authority to me. This was made evident in subtle ways, ie: "please tell my child to eat more vegetables -- if you say it they will do it. They don't listen to me anymore." I found it confusing as a young coach & highly disturbing once I had children of my own. If your child has become closer to their coaches than to you, there is fertile ground for abuse.

 

[John]

I drop in at any time and watch gym. I spend a few minutes watching every coach interact with athletes of all levels. Abuse and grooming does not have to come from the athlete's current coach. If and when I spot something I do not like I will make it known.

 

[PRY9]

Our gym has a large viewing area with huge windows and bleachers. There are generally team and rec practices going on at the same time and a steady stream of people in and out. They do not allow shorts or the unitard type leos - it was explained that it's a safety issue and harder to spot them. That didn't really make sense to me but it doesn't bother me either.

Another daughter is in competitive dance. Parents are not allowed in the facility at all - drop off only. I'm okay only because she is only ever there with a group and unlike gymnastics - their instructors never have a reason to touch the dancers. They do yell at them and say some degrading things. I have thought about pulling my daughter, but she loves it there and doesn't want to change studios.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I agree. I just know there are some gyms where it isn’t just discouraged, it’s flat out, not an option. As in, you drop your child off and you cannot step foot into the facility.

That would never fly with me. Huge red flag.