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LGnyc

Proud Parent
We get a lot of sideways glances and even outright criticism for DD's gymnastics schedule - from friends and even family. We know she's not going elite or college, so they ask all the time, "what's the point?" Or, "Why doesn't she quit or you make her quit?"

And I answer, is it any different from other kids who do a ton of tennis but aren't going pro, or in the case of my nieces and nephews who do school and travel soccer, hockey, baseball, lacrosse, basketball - usually two or three teams PER SEASON?

This is where she wants to be, we can make it work, and I am choosing to support her the way they are all choosing to support their kids.

Thoughts?
 
I don't get it often but when I do, I say something along the lines of "I know it's a lot, for now she loves it and we are making it work for our family, but we are always reassessing to make sure that's the case. She knows that if it becomes too much, she needs to communicate with us so we can work to figure it out."
 
And I answer, is it any different from other kids who do a ton of tennis but aren't going pro, or in the case of my nieces and nephews who do school and travel soccer, hockey, baseball, lacrosse, basketball - usually two or three teams PER SEASON?

I like your answer. Maybe you could invite them to watch her practice. Watching DD work so hard in her element has always silenced any critics I have experienced.

Additional thought, is it really anyone's business but your DD and your family?
 
I like your answer. Maybe you could invite them to watch her practice. Watching DD work so hard in her element has always silenced any critics I have experienced.

Additional thought, is it really anyone's business but your DD and your family?

It isn't. But they think it is! And I have certainly expressed that - also that we are taking it one year at a time. But I get frustrated by the disapproval from friends and family who believe they are chiming in for our own good. And look out if I EVER say anything other than positive about gymnastics - then I get piled on.
 
It isn't. But they think it is! And I have certainly expressed that - also that we are taking it one year at a time. But I get frustrated by the disapproval from friends and family who believe they are chiming in for our own good. And look out if I EVER say anything other than positive about gymnastics - then I get piled on.
"Thank you for your concern, it shows us how much you care about our child. We are so happy she has found something she is passionate about that teaches discipline, structure, and organization in a sport that offers both individualism and a team setting. It will help her in all aspects of life later. "
Rewind. Repeat. Rewind. Repeat.
;);););):(
 
"Thank you for your concern, it shows us how much you care about our child. We are so happy she has found something she is passionate about that teaches discipline, structure, and organization in a sport that offers both individualism and a team setting. It will help her in all aspects of life later. "
Rewind. Repeat. Rewind. Repeat.
;);););):(
I like it. I have said some variation of it for years. but maybe the answer is to just stick to the script with a small smile. And walk away.
Do you get these questions?
 
We get comments like that, mostly from my family. We don't live near my parents so when they come to visit, it's typically an argument about "why don't you just make her skip practice? You should be teaching her family comes first."....but my parents come once a month so it's not exactly like we're only seeing them once a year. (and typically the comments come from my sibling, who lives near me). We do make exceptions and have her skip when we have something special planned. But to go hang out at Home Goods and having to schedule our shopping around picking her up from practice just doesn't seem like a good reason. I know it's a pain - I live it day in and day out. They just don't understand how much hard work they put in, how much they sacrifice (much more than a Saturday shopping trip), all for a handful of competitions. And I get the, why?? I ask myself all the time but then remember she loves it, she wants to do it and when else in your life do get to dedicate so much time to something you enjoy so much??
 
I sometimes get those questions, but I also just say that she loves it and that the best lessons she learns at gymnastics have nothing to do with the skills she learns. She has learned how to win & lose gracefully, how hard work can be rewarding even if it doesn’t result in a medal, how to balance her time and prioritize, how to have a healthy & strong body, how to decide what is really important to her, how to speak up and advocate for herself, how to be a good teammate, how to be a good role model, and so many more things.
 
I also think another reason it has stopped is when your child stays the course, it becomes their norm in other peoples eyes. Also, if the friends have kids, eventually they get involved in something that takes a lot of time also...and then they get it. Gymnastics just gets such an early start compared to other sports in terms of hours, which makes it hard for those not in it to understand.
 
Well first I had to learn never take negative comments or questions about my parenting choices to heart. I learned this when my oldest was a toddler and it is an attitude that has served me well.

I actually do not think such questions are usually coming from a place of legitimate concern. I just do not think people are that altruistic in such a case. I think that these comments come from parents who are looking for affirmation of their own (different) parenting choices- by looking down at yours- by getting you to admit life is awful with gym taking so much time or to admit you force your kid into the gym everyday because of your own thwarted dreams... or something. Or, sometimes, these kind of comments have come to me because a parent is legitimately wondering about getting their kid into some intensive activity and are wondering how I make it work.

So when I get these questions or comments, I usually just say "why do you ask?" and take it from there. If it is a statement and not a question, I might say "why do you say that?" When people say what sounds like something mean, I think it makes sense to ask them to explain themselves 1) so you do not jump to conclusions about their meaning/intent and 2) because if they are being prying, rude, mean etc., they will usually hoist themselves by their own petard when asked to elaborate.
 
I am really surprised that others would make such comments. It indicates societies obsession with specific outcomes. How is an activity any less valuable if it isn't going to lead to elite glory or a College scholarship?

Children function better when they have found their spark. Whatever it is that makes the, feel the most alive.

Through gymnastics kids learn the value of hard work in a much more successful way than they do in school. In school the goal is to get good grades, get into college, so they can get a good job and other goals that adults and society impose on them. Sure they work hard to achieve these goals as they are told they won't make it in life if they don't. But in gymnastics it is their own goals, they want to achieve them for themselves. When the hard work pays off and you achieve something that you truly learn to understand and value hard work, not just see it as a nessesary thing.

But I think the single greatest value in gymnastics is the fact that it is scary. It's scary to get up on the high beam and do your first back tuck. Gymnasts learn to break down fears, building those skills from the back tuck on floor through many stages and levels to achieve the back tuck on high beam. Once theynhave learned to do it, they are still scared, but that doesn't stop them from doing it. As adults if they know how to break down and face fears, like they must do every day in the gym there is no limit to what they can achieve.
 
So when I get these questions or comments, I usually just say "why do you ask?" and take it from there. If it is a statement and not a question, I might say "why do you say that?" When people say what sounds like something mean, I think it makes sense to ask them to explain themselves 1) so you do not jump to conclusions about their meaning/intent and 2) because if they are being prying, rude, mean etc., they will usually hoist themselves by their own petard when asked to elaborate.

Having had to deal with this on many levels for many years. And from complete strangers.

Why do you ask ..... it works. Is a good answer as it puts it back on the asker.

It also allows you to tease out if there a reason they truly could get something out of knowing. So when they answer, well Suzy has been doing a rec class and she wants to go more. Then answering the question directly is quite reasonable. If they start tripping over their tongue because they have know reason to actually know the why. Then we keep it as vague as possible.

Well it works best for our daughter and our family. We are comfortable with what we do.

When it is an absolute stranger with absolutely no reason for us to share information that is persisting, really that makes it just plain rude/nosy. It may come down to. I'm sorry, that is our personal family business and we don't share that with strangers.

If they are close family and have a vested interest in the well being of our family. My father, MIL etc......They get an answer. As it relates to gymnastics for many of the reasons folks have already shared. If they don't agree with it and want to argue or offer negative commentary. It goes to I appreciate your concern but we are good with our decisions and this works for daughter and us. When it no longer works we will make changes.

And if things persist, they rarely do. It then becomes Yes you shared that a number of times, we will just have to agree to disagree. Let's move on.
More often then not they actually get it or at the very least they aren't changing us.

Just because someone asks a question doesn't mean they are entitled to an answer. Many folks like to say its rude to not answer. My counter is no, it was rude was to ask in the first place. It is my right to politely decline to answer.
 
I really need to learn to consistently say "why do you ask?" and "why do you say that?" I always feel the need to answer people's questions :( People just don't understand the commitment to gymnastics - and that's ok, they don't have to! I love it when people tell me my DD isn't athletic. Um, ok... Obviously kids never say that - especially when she can do way more push ups (or any skill) than every single kid in her grade.
 

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