Parents How do you know when to not push?

[lilymom]

So here's the situation. My daughter (5) made team (level 3) this summer after a year and half on the little ones's pre team. She has always loved gymnastics, begged to go everyday, to stay longer, etc and always was doing gymnastics everywhere. Since she's been on team, she has tougher coaches, more hours, more strict practices rather than the fun infused ones before (like no more pit time and trampoline)
Lately, she has been fussing about going into the gym. She is scared of handstands on the beam (she fell and hit her back on it and has been scared of it since then) and says she doesn't want to go to practice; gives me a hard time about going in sometimes too. When I tell her it's a gymnastics day, she says "aww" instead of the happiness from before. Once she's in there, she's happy for the most part and still enjoys it (comes out smiling and excited about everything she did well) She talks about quitting sometimes (though I don't know that she really understands what that means) I don't know what to do! I don't want to force her to do something she doesn't want to do but at the same time I don't want to let her quit. For one thing, I want her to understand commitment (we talked about when she made team that she was committing for the season) I also don't want her to quit over a fear that she can overcome...and regret it in the long run...she is talented and loves it. But I don't want to make her do something she doesn't want to when it's supposed to be recreational (I guess when she made team we moved a bit away from strictly recreational?) I'm getting frustrated with my daughter for being fussy, getting upset at myself for getting mad at her; doubting if I'm doing the right thing....what do I do!? thoughts? please help! We are going to try and take her to open gym this weekend to see if having the fun time there will help her remember what she loved. I don't really know anything about being an athlete ( I never was) especially at this age. It's been a tough couple months with starting full day kindergarten along with gymnastics hours and intensity increasing...will it get better as routine gets better? help!

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

I guess I would say that maybe L3 and all it entails might be more than your gymmie wants. After all, she is only 5. And I Would say when you made team you moved completely away from recreational. I would suggest that MORE gym (like open gym) isn't the answer. Perhaps you could consider going back to recreational, or ask her what has changed.

 

[gymdog]

5 is too young to compete level 3, and I would generally say too young to perfect all the details of the routines, even if they have the skills. Maybe it would be better to move back to the group she loved this year. In the long run it's not really worth it to push and risk her refusing to continue, since she'll have to stay in level 3 until she's 7 anyway.

 

[MeetDirector]

or how about stay away from the gym completely for a week? Go do some mom-daughter bonding. Go for ice cream, go to the zoo, go to a science museum. anything to let her know that there is still a life outside gym that is there for her.

 

[lilymom]

Thanks for the input! They are competing level 2 this year because of her age but they said it's a level 3 group and they are training the level 3 and up skills (they already had most of the level 2 skills.) I have asked her many times what's going on, try to get her to open up to me. The only thing she tells me is she's scared of the beam. We did try her back in the class she was in before and she was so bored and not happy at all because she wasn't challenged and they weren't doing the skills she is now doing.
I absolutely don't want to burn her out, but the idea of open gym has her really excited. She said she misses being able to do those fun things like dropping into the pit and jumping on the trampoline. She is asking for privates too though I'm not giving in to that. That's what confuses me...she acts one way and then the other. I can clearly see she still loves it and wants to do it (and misses it like crazy when she has less hours....we didn't have practice on Halloween and at the next practice she said it had been "sooo long" and she was excited) but the lack of excitement to go and casual talk of quitting has me worried I'm not doing the right thing.
I guess I'll try talking with her some more to see if I can figure out what's going on and also try to explain to her what quitting would mean. I really don't know that she understands that.
We've been doing a lot of family things outside of gym in the last few weeks because I think she was maybe feeling left out? Hopefully continuing that will help.

 

[alsmom]

I posted almost this same thing last year around this time when my own dd was a 5 yo level 3. Dd would balk about going into the gym and would not do warm-ups when she got there. I gave her a break. At 5 they really don't have the words to say I just need a break. When she said she didn't want to go we didn't. This lasted about two weeks. I think she missed two practices. At the same time we talked a lot about how she could tell me that she was tired and her body needed to take a day off. Now almost a year later she is begging to stay late at practices and for privates so that she can have
more time in the gym. She has not missed a single practice since June when she moved up to her new level.

 

[juststartingout]

I would take her to the open gyms and see how it goes. My daughters training group is a lot of hard work and the girls are young. When she goes to open gym she jumps on the tramp and dives into the pit non stop, doesn't really do any trained skills unless she is showing me her bar work. It helps keep the fun and gives her a good balance.

 

[lilymom]

I posted almost this same thing last year around this time when my own dd was a 5 yo level 3. Dd would balk about going into the gym and would not do warm-ups when she got there. I gave her a break. At 5 they really don't have the words to say I just need a break. When she said she didn't want to go we didn't. This lasted about two weeks. I think she missed two practices. At the same time we talked a lot about how she could tell me that she was tired and her body needed to take a day off. Now almost a year later she is begging to stay late at practices and for privates so that she can have
more time in the gym. She has not missed a single practice since June when she moved up to her new level.

You know what? that sounds like a good idea. I'll try that and see what happens! I think there was a lot of transitioning going on at one time with school and this. (she had a VERY hard time adjusting to being at school all day...cried everyday, it was tough) Maybe if she feels like she has control...it's up to her whether she goes or not...then she will make the decision based on what she wants.
Thanks!

 

[lilymom]

I would take her to the open gyms and see how it goes. My daughters training group is a lot of hard work and the girls are young. When she goes to open gym she jumps on the tramp and dives into the pit non stop, doesn't really do any trained skills unless she is showing me her bar work. It helps keep the fun and gives her a good balance.

That's what I was thinking...give her some time of fun there, no skills, just playing. Then when she is practicing, she can focus because she got her day of fun too.

 

[gymdog]

Is it possible to talk to the coaches about this and for her to stay in the current group but maybe do less hours? Leave early or go one less day or something? And let them know about the handstand on beam, that sounds like a lot of the stress.

 

[luvmygymdtr]

I posted almost this same thing last year around this time when my own dd was a 5 yo level 3. Dd would balk about going into the gym and would not do warm-ups when she got there. I gave her a break. At 5 they really don't have the words to say I just need a break. When she said she didn't want to go we didn't. This lasted about two weeks. I think she missed two practices. level.

I had the exact same experience with my daughter. At 5 she requested to stop. I pulled her out. This lasted a month. After a month, she begged to go back. She's 10 now and cries when I suggest she miss a practice.

 

[gymboymom]

I think open gym is a good idea. And missing a few practices here and there will not hurt at this level. DS still misses his trampoline time he had before he moved to a more structured program. He would love to go in and just jump. Ds (8) does the same as your dd at times still, happy to miss a practice but them says it has been too long when he does. I would back off a bit, and hope she gets the fun back. If comp season is almost over there I think that will help too.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

We've been through this too. Since she is so young, the best word I can come up with is that she's CONFLICTED. She loves gymnastics, she's good at it, but doesn't really understand at this age why it has all of a sudden become WORK. Yet at the same time, it's still FUN, but in a more serious way. My dd was a little monster at 5, just starting kindergarten, being told what to do all day, then she would come home and let out all her frustration. However for her, at 5 yrs old, gymnastics was still just fun. Still, she was so tired from going to school all day that when I said it was time to go to gym, she would say "aww.." and I was like "huh?" We pushed through it, I lovingly brought her anyway even on those days, and now she is 9 going 4 days a week after going to school all day and she never asks to stay home. Oh she still gets conflicted sometimes, she still wants it to be fun but understands the importance of the "work" part, that her hard work will help her reach her goals. Not an easy concept for a 5 yr old to grasp. Best of luck!

 

[gymmom8772]

How many hours a week is your DD training in level 3? Also being in all day kindergarten along with more serious gym training and not a lot of fun downtime is a lot for a five year old. My daughter was 7 in the old level 4 last year and had no problem but I don't think at 5 it would've been a little more than she could handled maturity wise. There was a 5 1/2 yr old in her group that struggled also with the same problem as your DD. Her mom had her come in one less day a week and even let her take days off here and there when it was too much. Her daughter was not 6 yet so she wasn't old enough to compete, so it was not a big deal. She is a little older now and has seem to have gotten over the hump. I think sometimes the maturity just has to catch up to their level of skill.

 

[LizzieLac]

Tumbling and jumping on the trampoline is often seen as more fun (even for 12 year olds!). Beam can be scary and it is hard to make progress when you are feeling scared. So, that combined with school and being 5, she probably just feels a little overwhelmed and not as much "fun stuff" as rec classes. I think the open gym can give her some freedom to jump and do what she wants without "training" per se. So that sounds like a good idea, but doesn't really address her regular workouts. Maybe she just needs to go one less day a week or for shorter period of time at this age. 5 is still pretty young in the scheme of competitive gymnastics- if you dial it back it won't have an impact on her skill development.

Good luck!

 

[saddlupasb]

I think letting her take a break every now and then is fine. Not on a meet week though. Haha. As a coach of this age/level, I have 5 year olds with the same issues. When is she 6?

Privates are not always a bad thing in these cases. Sometimes the little ones need to bond with the coach and that is easiest during one on one time. I also use tramp and rope as incentives. Like if you do your handstand and stay on x amount of time you get to jump. It works great!

 

[lilymom]

Thank you all so much for your input! It makes me feel better to know that others have been here and pulled through. I do think she is conflicted...she wants to do gymnastics but now with being at school all day, and at the gym 3 days a week (she goes for 9 hours) she doesn't have as much free time. She is also the youngest in the group and I think she misses her friends her age (now that she's gotten used to be around other 5 year olds at school!) I think we're going to go ahead and try the open gym to bring back the fun element and if she really doesn't want to go on some days, I'll let her miss. She hasn't started competing (Dec) so that is also probably a lot of the pressure...she doesn't know what to expect. As far as privates, you might have a point about them bonding. We might have to consider that...though they seem pretty full up since competitions are coming up. Our coaches do 2 kids to a couch (there are 2 coaches) for 2 hours for a private. She doesn't turn 6 for another 4 months.

 

[Natasha]

Nine hours a week and "serious" practices is a lot for a 5 year old. At this point she really should be loving it and having fun. My advice is to go back to whatever was fun. At 5 she is too young to be expected to be held to honoring her "commitment" to team as she had no basis for understanding what team entailed. There will be plenty of time at age 6,7 or 8 to start being serious about it and to conquer that fear on the beam. She will probably love the open gym time, but then you will be faced with the same issues at practices as her practices are not designed to be fun. And as you get into competition season she will be looking at doing routines over and over and over....

 

[saddlupasb]

Thank you all so much for your input! It makes me feel better to know that others have been here and pulled through. I do think she is conflicted...she wants to do gymnastics but now with being at school all day, and at the gym 3 days a week (she goes for 9 hours) she doesn't have as much free time. She is also the youngest in the group and I think she misses her friends her age (now that she's gotten used to be around other 5 year olds at school!) I think we're going to go ahead and try the open gym to bring back the fun element and if she really doesn't want to go on some days, I'll let her miss. She hasn't started competing (Dec) so that is also probably a lot of the pressure...she doesn't know what to expect. As far as privates, you might have a point about them bonding. We might have to consider that...though they seem pretty full up since competitions are coming up. Our coaches do 2 kids to a couch (there are 2 coaches) for 2 hours for a private. She doesn't turn 6 for another 4 months.

Also not sure about Level 2s doing 9 hours. Are they working on Level 3 skills? We had a 5 year old try level 3 with 3 days and she just couldn't handle it! Same issues so I got mom to move her to Level 2 which is 2 days and 7 hours and she is thriving. She will start a baby TOPs program this week. =)

 

[lilymom]

They are doing level 3 skills. She was at 6 hours for the last year, then to 8 over the summer and the coach just added an extra half hour to 2 of the days more recently. Maybe we'll talk to them about at least going back to 8. Once she's in there, she's great. She loves it, has all the energy and even is doing so good on her focus...comes out happy and smiling. It's just the getting her there sometimes and the off comments that make me worry.
What is baby TOPs?