Parents I don't want to be THAT mom, but .......

[NGL780309]

I'm a little frustrated with DD's dance studio right now. DD never gets to do summer dance because gym has always been at the same time. Finally this summer they have something on her off day from gym. The only problem is that it is for 7-9 year olds, DD is 6.5. I figured it wouldn't be a problem because DD was in a 7-9 year old class to start the year when she was only 5. They approved her for that class and she was in in for 6 months before we changed to a different class due to her gym schedule changing. The new class was a 6-8 year old class and she was still only 5 when she moved into that class, but almost 6.

So I asked and they told me that it would probably be a bit much for her. I was confused because it was fine when she was 5, but not now that she is 6.5? I explained that it was the only day she could come because they had been very flexible with her gym schedule before. The lady told me she would ask, but the reason she felt it would be too much is because it includes some strength training and flexibility and the class is a whole 2 hours long which is a struggle for most 7 year olds. I just had to laugh to myself when she said they would be expected to do push-ups, crunches and they were really working on upper body strength to prepare the girls for acro.

I really wanted to say, "Push-ups, how in the world would she ever manage? Would you like her to show you some press handstands?" "And crunches, how about 50 V-ups?". I didn't say that of course. I just told her to please check and give me a call back.

I haven't heard from her and she's bad about returning phone calls in general. So I'm debating whether I want to call and convince them she could definitely handle the strength training and that 2 hours is nothing to her or just forget about it. I don't want to be THAT mom, but I'm 110% positive that DD could handle it just fine. She really, really wants to go.

 

[bogwoppit]

Just let it go, being thought of as "that mom", is not going to benefit you or dd a bit. THe woman has a right to choose and you have the right to choose where to spend your money. You will have lots of real battles, that are worth fighting for, in life. This is not worth one of them.

I often had that problem with my girls, but at the end of the day they suurvived childhood without always getting in classes that they wanted to be in. Dissapointment is a good learning tool. Simply tell DD that she is too young and there is nothing you can do to change it.

Enjoy the extra time with your dd and plan some fun days together. Make some great family memories and take a step back from the scheduled life.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I agree with Bog in that now is the time to take advantage of the unstructured time of summer! And anyway, you wanted dd to take a "dance" class but this class you want her in does a lot of strength training and conditioning? It seems like she gets enough of that in her gym practices. If dd wants to take a dance class, then find another class with her age group that does dance. Or like Bog says, don't worry about the dance class this summer and use the time to plan some other fun activities.

 

[cathiann]

Unless your DD is really begging to take dance this summer, I'd drop it and enjoy the day off. Sure, she'd be able to handle it, but why be that mom? And the office lady probably doesn't remember that your daughter did the 7-9 yr old class when she was 5. Tons of kids go through there (I would think), so she can't remember them all!

 

[Bajanswife]

If you'd mentioned it in a light-hearted way at the time, I don't think you would have been "THAT" mom - but if you push it now you might be. i.e. you could have said (with a smile) something like "oh yes, I can see why a lot of the 7 year olds might have a problem with the class - luckily DD is used to 2+hour classes and gruelling strength training from gym, and that would be a piece of cake!" If she believed you and she had space, she may have let your DD in. Now if she comes back and says no and you have to argue with her, you will look like THAT mom. Unfortunately I think your opportunity has passed.

I had to ask for my DD to be put in the Level 1 jazz dance class because I knew Beginners was way too easy and she'd be bored (even though she'd never done jazz before). But I also asked if we could watch a class first so I could see where the other girls were, and I told the teacher some of the things DD could do because of gymnastics (certain leaps, turns etc.) and how I was trying to find the right fit for her. She then let DD try out a class and told me afterwards that there was no problem, she'd be happy to have DD come straight to her class. In fact, it was third semester when DD joined and they were working on the dance for the end of year show, and DD caught up and is performing with the class next weekend.

I guess I am in 2 minds here - sometimes you do need to advocate for your DD if you know something outside the norm would work for her and the people denying her just don't understand the situation well enough. But on the other hand, there is such a thing as being too pushy. I guess you'll need to go with your gut feeling on whether this is something worth fighting for.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Did you mention to them that your dd does conditioning like that several times a week at gymnastics? I might would bring that up, but I wouldn't push the issue. Maybe try to find another studio that is more flexible?

 

[gym monkeys mom]

If the point of the class was to do dance and the class is part conditioning and part dance does she really need to do it?? Seems like she may already be doing enough conditioning during gymnastics?? Maybe you can find a dance only type class elsewhere or just skip it for now. Just a thought to ponder.

I agree with the others on some down time. Our kids need time to be just that kids!! They need to stretch and grow their imaginations with creative play does that. They can not do that if they are always in a scheduled event.

We as parents and a society sometimes forget that kids need time to be kids not super______(fill in the blank with activity they love) . family and down time is important too.

Just my humble opinion.

 

[my4buffaloes]

How about call and ask if your dd could just try one class and see how she does. If they don't think it will work then you could not do it. Just a thought.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I tend to agree w/the others. She's already working out enough in the gym for the summer. It's always to pick your battles, and to me, this one isn't worth fighting! She needs some down time from all the working out anyway. If you really think she needs the structure of an additional class, what about something like an art class, or a music/theater class for the summer? Be careful not to overschedule her though, she's just a little kid and needs the time to play w/her friends, use her imagination and just have some unstructured time.

 

[Bobby]

I feel your pain. I've been having a similar issue.

My personal feeling is that we mothers are our girls' rightful advocates. Whether or not you choose to let it go should have more to do with how much you feel it would benefit your DD and less to do with what opinion the supplier might develop about you.

Do you really want your DD to have this chance to expand her horizons before her commitment to gymnastics further minimises such opportunities? If so, personally I'd take her along at the relevant class time and ask the same question in person, then ask for a trial before they make a final decision. You know she'll make a good impression.

TBH the main question in my mind would be how long do you think she'll stick with it? I can see how they might be really annoyed if they make an exception for her but she drops the class in favour of another gym class in only a few months. You don't want to alienate them in case she does gravitate back to dance when she's older ...

 

[ek2]

I really agree you should let it drop. She is just 6 and has a whole life-time ahead of her to try different experiences/classes. Yes she is probably more "conditioned" than 99.9% of every "dance" kid her age given her gymnastics experience but going back and proving your point to the front desk will only stir up resentment towards you. As parents we sometimes (myself included) feel like we need to fight every battle and be an advocate for our child in every situation. Since your dd is already in an intense gym situation why not have her do a lower intensity dance class with kids her own age? It would be easy, yes, but she does not need the hard workout since she gets it at gym. And, I do think that sometimes we as parents use the "my child will be bored" reasoning to justify jumping in the fray... when if left alone our kids would be happy at whatever they are doing because they are still little kids...

 

[MdGymMom01]

I also wanted to add that kids don't always need to be "challenged". Sometimes just doing a class for "fun" or well within their abilities will be more beneficial in the long run. She is only 6 afterall. There will be plenty of time for her to be in class with "the older" kids later on.

 

[emorymom]

I disagree that you should let it go, just approach very nicely. As you said, there is no other dance class that fits in her scheudle. Your daughter wants to take the class, so ... I think you can diplomatically get her registered on a "trial" basis. Unless there is something else going on there?

If you don't understand gym, it's not *unreasonable* to think that a six year old isn't ready for conditioning. A lot of people whose six year olds don't condition, don't think they can do it / should do things that seriously. I've also met a lot of six year olds who seem really young to me.

 

[NGL780309]

Somehow most of you missed the part of the post where I said that this is the only class that isn't at the same time as gym. It's this or nothing. This is not my attempt to get her into a harder class with older kids. She goes to a very small studio and during the summer they are only open Wednesday and Thursday. The class for her age is on Thursday at 4:30pm. She gets out of gym at 4:30pm, 45 minutes away. So it's not a possibility. She wants to take dance so if we can't make it work at her current studio, we will just go to a different one. We live in a big city so there are at least 5 places within a reasonable distance. I'd hate to do that since she's been at this studio since she was 2.

I am trying to let her have fun, thus letting her dance in the summer. She loves dancing. During the year she took ballet, jazz and tap. That was 2 hours worth of classes. During the summer you don't sign up for specific genres of dance. It's a 2 hour class that is a combo of different things. It just says to bring all your shoes. I didn't know they did strenght/flexibilty of any sort because it doesn't say that on the flyer and like I said she's never taken summer dance. That's just what the receptionist told me.

Her teacher has always been very flexible in the past so I think I'm just going to speak to her directly. If she doesn't think it's a good fit for DD, I'm certainly not going to beg. The receptionist told me she would leave a note for her and since I haven't heard back I think it's reasonable to follow-up on that. Her teacher is the owner and she's the one who came and talked to me about having DD on their competition team.

 

[NGL780309]

I disagree that you should let it go, just approach very nicely. As you said, there is no other dance class that fits in her scheudle. Your daughter wants to take the class, so ... I think you can diplomatically get her registered on a "trial" basis. Unless there is something else going on there?

If you don't understand gym, it's not *unreasonable* to think that a six year old isn't ready for conditioning. A lot of people whose six year olds don't condition, don't think they can do it / should do things that seriously. I've also met a lot of six year olds who seem really young to me.

I was only speaking with the receptionist so I think that was my mistake and I am going to follow up nicely with her teacher. I would never make a stink. I have the most nonconfrontational personality on the planet. I'm the person who gets the completely wrong order in the drive thru and just eats it. LOL

 

[NGL780309]

I also wanted to add that kids don't always need to be "challenged". Sometimes just doing a class for "fun" or well within their abilities will be more beneficial in the long run. She is only 6 afterall. There will be plenty of time for her to be in class with "the older" kids later on.

I don't recall saying anything about wanting her to be "challenged." It's just a scheduling issue. You are reading things into posts that aren't there. You are always such an advocate of having balance and letting kids try different things and that's what I'm trying to do. She took a jazz class this past year with younger kids because it's what fit in our schedule. She learned nothing, but she had fun and looked cute in her costume.

As a small, family friendly studio who has always been flexible in the past, I figured it was better to ask, than just take her somewhere else. Either way she wants to take dance somewhere. Dance is about fun for her. She's never taken a class that has been the least bit challenging to her. She enjoys it and that's exactly the reason I keep paying the money and taking her.

 

[NGL780309]

I really agree you should let it drop. She is just 6 and has a whole life-time ahead of her to try different experiences/classes. Yes she is probably more "conditioned" than 99.9% of every "dance" kid her age given her gymnastics experience but going back and proving your point to the front desk will only stir up resentment towards you. As parents we sometimes (myself included) feel like we need to fight every battle and be an advocate for our child in every situation. Since your dd is already in an intense gym situation why not have her do a lower intensity dance class with kids her own age? It would be easy, yes, but she does not need the hard workout since she gets it at gym. And, I do think that sometimes we as parents use the "my child will be bored" reasoning to justify jumping in the fray... when if left alone our kids would be happy at whatever they are doing because they are still little kids...

There isn't another class. I never said she would be bored in the other class. Please read the OP. I'd put her in a dance class with 2 year olds if there was one at a time she could go. Sadly they have discontinued those tot classes due to lack of interest during the summer. I was looking forward to signing my 2 year old up. The studio is only open 2 days a week during the summer. I guess it helps keep their costs low.

 

[NGL780309]

I feel your pain. I've been having a similar issue.

My personal feeling is that we mothers are our girls' rightful advocates. Whether or not you choose to let it go should have more to do with how much you feel it would benefit your DD and less to do with what opinion the supplier might develop about you.

Do you really want your DD to have this chance to expand her horizons before her commitment to gymnastics further minimises such opportunities? If so, personally I'd take her along at the relevant class time and ask the same question in person, then ask for a trial before they make a final decision. You know she'll make a good impression.

TBH the main question in my mind would be how long do you think she'll stick with it? I can see how they might be really annoyed if they make an exception for her but she drops the class in favour of another gym class in only a few months. You don't want to alienate them in case she does gravitate back to dance when she's older ...

It's only an 8 week class during the summer so gym won't be an issue. During the fall finding her a class will be a whole other issue. I'm going to have to sit down with them and explain that gym schedules change in January and either make sure she can switch if it conflicts or have her wait until after January to sign up. January is the cut off to be in the recital. Luckily they have been very, very flexible with us. It's a small place and she's been there since she's 2.

Personally I don't even want her to do dance anymore. If it were my choice she would quit, but she likes it. I'm tired of paying $100 a month for her to learn how to skip and hop on one foot. She really likes it though. So I'll support her as long as she really wants to do it. She's very into "So You Think You Can Dance" right now.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I was only speaking with the receptionist so I think that was my mistake and I am going to follow up nicely with her teacher. I would never make a stink. I have the most nonconfrontational personality on the planet. I'm the person who gets the completely wrong order in the drive thru and just eats it. LOL

Oh, ok, you spoke with the receptionist and not the actual teacher. Well, that may explain why she said it may be too much for your dd--she has no idea about her previous dance experience there. I agree that having kids do as many activities as they are interested in is a good way to stay balanced, and since you have history with that studio and feel comfortable there, I can see why you would want to try and stay there if possible. I must have missed part of your original post or got caught on the part where she was 5 and took the 8-10 YO class. But that was a few years ago and shouldn't even have n effect on any decisions now. I would try and talk to the actual teacher and see what she says. Sometimes receptionists are told to strictly stick by the book and don't really know what the classes actually entail.

 

[NGL780309]

Oh, ok, you spoke with the receptionist and not the actual teacher. Well, that may explain why she said it may be too much for your dd--she has no idea about her previous dance experience there. I agree that having kids do as many activities as they are interested in is a good way to stay balanced, and since you have history with that studio and feel comfortable there, I can see why you would want to try and stay there if possible. I must have missed part of your original post or got caught on the part where she was 5 and took the 8-10 YO class. But that was a few years ago and shouldn't even have n effect on any decisions now. I would try and talk to the actual teacher and see what she says. Sometimes receptionists are told to strictly stick by the book and don't really know what the classes actually entail.

Not being snippy, just pointing out that last year she was in a 7-9 year old class and then switched to a 6-8 year old class when she was 5, almost 6, not a 8-10 year old class. It's what fit her schedule and they were happy to make it work. And she wasn't the only one or even the smallest one in the class. The studio is very good about trying to help parents keep siblings on the same day etc. Especially if the kid has had several years of dance. That's why it seemed odd to me that a few months was a big deal. You are probably right that the receptionist can't make decisions like that. She doesn't know my kid from anyone else. I was just frustrated when she didn't even get back to me.