You can go to college any number of ways and get a large chunk paid for just by sending out so many applications/requests for them you begin to feel like a spammer. I know of a young lad who did just this and ended up with over $30,000 per year. Once gymnastics ceases to be an adventure and source of pride the thought of toughing it out for a scholarship gets really scary. Redford really nailed it.......
The sport is........ even dangerous when not done with all your heart in it, especially at this level..... Redford, 2013l
Please note; I started with a few thoughts that sorta evolved beyond my original scope. Oh well, If you take the time to read this you probably care enough to understand why it went as long as it did.
Iwannacoach + big problem + great kid = post of epic proportion
What matters most is kinda complicated to express in connected sentences so I'll just spit out a list with brief thoughts for each.
**Your satisfaction in what you have done and the plans you make for the near and long term future. Flipo.... I honestly blow chalk out when I sneeze and am a gymnast for life, but that doesn't have to be you. You will live out the rest of your life doing things that have nothing to do with the sport beyond the lessons you've learned through your experiences and time spent with other people in a charged atmosphere.
**The charged atmosphere that was brimming with excitement as you learned new skills and moved more quickly to the next level than the other girls in your group. It's a pretty special feeling that you need to have and feel optimistic that you'll feel the charge again...... but it seems you don't. Some people are content with activities and surroundings that more resemble casual hobbies. These individuals may not experience the *charge* until their adult lives when they have successes that lead them to fulfillment. In that context, a pastime with no *charge* is hardly going to lead to fulfillment of any sort, and I wonder if that's where you're at...... Needing fulfillment and fearing the sport is not going to let you get there.
So is the problem that you're not getting there, or is it that somebody else is telling you what your *there* should be. Likely suspects are the coaches and your parents, but could also be team mates or a team culture that sets the bar ever higher instead of spending a bit of time being amazed at what you are. Really Flipo... you are amazing.... so amazing that you feel it's normal to be you...... trust me it's not. Brilliance casts it's own shadow, and you've become used to that.
I don't know if it means anything to you. but those moments where you've wondered if you're as good as you hope are needless because we all have those moments. I had those same feelings just weeks before I went to that *special* competition and pleasantly surprised myself. I think the mild doubt is a part of us that makes us work to do great things.
Sorry for rambling so much
**What you want that isn't important to other people can be important for you. You have to do what you want to do because he best way of succeeding in life is to find something you love so much that you can do it for the joy of doing it...... even if your friends don't. That is the only way to be the best *you* that you can be, because that's when your best come forward to be shared with your friends. So even though you don't share the same activities you can share the great energy you reap from living right.
**Loyalty? You've been loyal in your training for a very long time and have earned the right to do what you want without feeling guilty that you're letting people down. That alone is one of the most valuable lessons that gymnastics has to offer...... knowing when it's time and considering what's best for you because it's your life, and nobody else should be allowed to live it for you.
**Listening to your tears. You've likely found by now that teardrops create a thunderous noise no matter how silently you cry. A prior post said something about listening to your tears. Having had some experience with this I can tell you it's a great way to figure out what's hurting.
If you imagine quitting and start crying you know something about how you feel. If you imagine staying and that makes you cry harder still you know even more about how you feel. Think about the perfect Flipo-world that allows you to change a few things about how you spend time doing gymnastics.
**Listening to your dreams. What do you daydream about? What are the last thoughts you like to have as you're falling asleep. If you really want to move on to the next adventure then you can't behaving the same daydreams and last waking thoughts you've had for the past several years. If those dreams haven't changed, you got a problem that you may need help with in keeping track of your thoughts. I'd normally suggest looking to your parents, your coaches, or friends but they're going to have a hard time being impartial and even if they were, you would doubt neutrality in the issue. Possibly a school counselor or friend outside the sport. Leave your teachers (Geez, you're probably home schooling!!) out of it because, well they aren't the right people to go to.
I didn't have time to proof read this so don't snicker at my whoopsies. I'm sure they're in there somewhere.